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Colegio Cervantes shooting

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This page contains an hero.
This person has Assburgers Syndrome,
so you can't say anything bad! :-(


Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.
Colegio Cervantes shooting is yet another mediocre mass shooting article. You can help by not writing articles on every boring edgelord that goes postal and reminding the author they aren't AlGore.

WARNING:

With Spics,
Do not mix!

José Ángel Ramos Betts
Born April 8, 2008
Died January 10, 2020 (aged 11)
Nationality: Mexican  
Highscore A teacher on her knees
Top 50? FUCK NO
Style FPS, Single player
An Hero? Yep
Motive Columbiner

On the beautiful morning of January 10, 2020, just mere weeks before Corona-chan would dominate us all, our youngest challenger yet would go on to perpetrate a mass shooting, and despite fragging only 1, caused massive lulz in Mexico. This challenger was José Ángel Ramos Betts, a shameless ripoff too retarded to do anything but play Fortnite and frag a singular teacher. Distracting from all the brutal cartel murders, it was a nice change of pace, occuring in the town of Torrèon, at a secondary school - Colegio Cervantes.

A boy of many faces (and problems)

In happier times.

On April 8 of 2008, in the shitty town of Torrèon, Mexico, regrettably for everyone, José Ángel Ramos Betts was born. While being born in fuck nowhere Mexico immediately gives you a justification for committing mass homicide via cartel, this boy took a different route. So why did this kid sperg out? Some people say it's le vidya, the scapegoatiest of scapegoats. Some people say it's his narco family, and some people say it’s autism (it’s always autism.) However, some factors of concern:

  1. He played Fortnite extensively all day
  2. His mom epicly an heroine'd for the Lulz
  3. His father was always absent so he had to stay with his uncle
  4. His grandmother was murdered

Not much is known about the perpetrator, but his father, in true and honest Mexican fashion, was arrested for drug trafficking. This was the foundation of the Reyes family fortune. Until their retarded bastard child showed up to his school that is. Then they got arrested, LOL.[1] This kiddie was very fond of Eric Harris, one of the LOLumbine shooters, even scribbling the words “NATURAL SELECTION” on his shirt with what were probably crayola markers.[2].

The shooting

Loadout

Class Setup
Item Accessories/Bonus
  • Primary: .40 Glock 22
  • Decent gun to BTFO the brains of anyone.
    Does 35-40 damage.
  • Secondary: .25 Raven MP-5
  • Shitty looking easy-to-break pistol took from his grandpa
    Does 20-25 damage.
  • Perk: Ghost Pro
  • Trolled his P.E. teacher, another teacher and his classmates
    Invisible to police helicopters.
  • Perk 2: Kid
  • Increases speed and hyperactivity between 45% and 75%. Reduces aiming a 20%. Increases undetectability between 35% and 50%.
  • Spell: Columbine copycat
  • Double damage to women, children and anyone else, including yourself. Triple if they are on a educative center. Intelligence stat cut in half

¡Hoy es el día!

BOOM HEADSHOT!

At exactly 8AM on January 10, 2020, our challenger asked his teacher for permission to pee-pee, and she let him go. Little did she know this manlet would fuck her life up permanently. Since he's slow in everything, not just intelligence, he spent too much time larping as Eric Harris and loading his guns, and the teacher went to look for him. However, he finished reloading JUST IN TIME to start shooting, saying: "Today is the day". Injuring her badly (couldn't even finish her off) he went to a nearby classroom and just started to SHOOT FUCKING EVERYTHING, injuring 5 classmates and his P.E teacher. Afterwards he was walking in the hallway, about to an hero, when his English teacher came up to him on her knees sucking his cock, begging him to stop. But José was already mad that he couldn't kill anyone cause he was a dipshit, so he epicly put the gun in her mouth and killed her. After that, he shot himself in the eye to end his own pathetic life and forget the trauma of being molested by his teacher.

And thus ended the life of José: born retarded, died retarded.

Reactions

Mexican President Andrés Manuel López Obrador loved the event and said this in regards: "LET'S FUCKING GO THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT SHITTY FEDERICO ELIZONDO YAY" His wife didn't agree and mourned the shooting, lamenting the fact that parents don't check kid's backpacks. The Governor of Coahuila Miguel Ángel Riquelme Solís liked it secretly, and in regards to him being a Columbine copycat, said this: "lol natural selection hehehe". And now children in Mexico have to get their backpacks checked, so no more doing crystal meth on the playgrounds.

Graded Score

Graded Score
Kill count: 1/20 1 frag
Accuracy: 0/20 Could only kill someone kneeling in front of him
Style: 4/20 Cockumbine copycat and narco family
Butthurt: 5/20 Lulz in Mexico but that's it
Bonus: 2/20 Killed a cock-sucking teacher
Total Score: 12/100 (F-)
GO PLAY FORTNITE FAGGOT
See full ranking


Wanted Level:

Police Force


See Also


Colegio Cervantes shooting is part of a series on Columbine
[All jocks stand up!NBK]
Columbine:

ColumbineEric Harris and Dylan KleboldSuper Columbine Massacre RPGDo you believe in godColumbine CopycatsColumbine GalleryColumbiners

Admirers

Adam LanzaAlex HribalArtyom KazantsevAsa CoonAlek MinassianAudrey HaleBob8466Brooke Higgins & Sienna JohnsonCho Seung-HuiDillon CosseyIchverbotJaylen FrybergJeff WeiseKimveer GillLindsay Kantha SouvannarathLynn AnnNatalie RupnowNeocitiesNghtmrchld26Pekka-Eric AuvinenRobert Butler Jr.Robert HawkinsRobert SteinhäuserRyan SchallenbergerSebastian BosseSol PaisTheAmazingAtheistTim KretschmerVladislav RoslyakovWilliam AtchisonYou

Locations:

ColoradoUnited StatesSchoolSuburbs

Related:

DoomPolice BrutalityPostalSchool ShootingMass ShootingVideo gamesTrenchcoatMarilyn MansonKMFDMRammsteinFaggothConcerned MotherNewgroundsRyan LambournSchool Shooter: North American Tour 2012The MatrixSouth ParkMichael MooreQuentin Tarantino1990sJack ThompsonGun control

Colegio Cervantes shooting is part of a series on Education

[Drop OutGo To School]


Colegio Cervantes shooting is part of a series on Are You Ready? [GAME OVERInsert Coin] Go!
Single Player Elite Hall of Fame

Adam LanzaAnders Behring BreivikAndrew KehoeAriana Grande MassacreBaruch GoldsteinBrenton TarrantCampo Elías DelgadoCho Seung-HuiDevin Patrick KelleyDong YanglingGabriel WortmanJack Gilbert GrahamJakrapanth ThommaJames HubertyLuby's massacreMartin BryantMutsuo ToiNice Truck Attack 2016Omar MateenPanya KhamrabPatrick CrusiusReina Nightclub MassacreSalvador RamosShinji AobaStephen PaddockTed BundyVladislav RoslyakovWilliam UnekWoo Bum-kon

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Colegio Cervantes shooting is part of a series on Dying Alone

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Colegio Cervantes shooting
is part of a series on
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