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Michael John Anderson

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Not to be confused with Philip Markoff
This is why we can't have nice things.
Anderson before his high school graduation.

The original Craigslist Killer, aka Michael John Anderson is an alleged adult baby who posted an ad to Minneapolis Craigslist sometime last Thursday to attract some manner of sick fuck to cater to his fetish. Except instead of engaging in infantilism, he killed her.

Loser #1

Anderson is a 19-year-old baby. His only friends were Tom, the owner of MySpace and some guy named Steve (who supposedly helped him in his murder). He posted a Craiglist ad as "Amy", seeking the services of a nanny. He is described as fat, and appears to be a 13-year-old boy. Despite not being a black person, he evidently worked at Minneapolis-St.Paul International Airport.

Loser #2

Katherine Olson was a dumb bitch who, like everyone else, got screwed by Craiglist. According to the fuzz, she exchanged several phone calls and emails with "Amy" before taking the job. Not surprisingly, it was easy to dupe a 24-year-old babysitter into believing some adolescent fag from the internets would have such a name.

The Pwnership

How do I shot babysitter?

After accepting the job, Olson mentioned to her roommate that her new employer seemed "kind of strange". No shit. She arrived at the Anderson residence in Savage (lulz), which police described as being "a piece of shit". Despite living with his parents, Anderson was able to coerce her into going into his room, where he shot her. He then threw her dead ass in the trunk of her own car, and dumped her body in nearby Kraemer Nature Preserve. Not a day later, the cops busted his dumb ass due to his epic failure.

Reasons for Failure

  • He didn't clean up the damn blood.
  • He wrapped her cell phone in a towel with HIS OWN FUCKING NAME on it.
  • He dumped the body a mere 5 blocks from the murder scene.
  • He is made of AIDS and fail. Basically, he's a lazy cunt who wanted to get caught.
Dramatization of the Murdah
Katherine Olson: Uh, hi, are you Amy?
Mrs. Anderson: Oh, you must be here for Mikey! Are you his new girlfriend?
Olson: Uhh...
Mrs. Anderson: Mikey, your GIRLFRIEND is here!
Michael Anderson: Hold on, mom, I'm in the middle of a raid!
Mrs. Anderson: You don't want to keep her waiting!
Mikey: She's not my GIRLFRIEND, mom, geez! She's here to, uh, help me study.
Mrs. Anderson: I thought you dropped out?
(Minutes pass)
Mikey: Uh, "Amy" is up here, she's who you'll be...taking care of.
Olson: Oh, Jesus, it smells like shit and Doritos in here...where's Amy?
(Mikey shoots the bitch with a .357 Magnum)
Olson: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh....!
Mrs. Anderson: Mikey, what the hell was that?!
Mikey: Uh, it's just a video game!
Mrs. Anderson: I told you not to bring that game into my house! Turn it off this INSTANT, young man, or you're grounded!
Mikey: (Dragging the body down the stairs) Shut up, mom!

According to Anderson, he was present during the murder, but didn't do the shooting himself. He says a friend did it, saying that he "did it for the lulz". (srsly!).

On April 1, 2009, Anderson was sentenced to a lifetime of surprise buttsecks. May the esteemed gentlemen of color incarcerated with him take mercy on his ample, pillowy, pasty-pink ass.

The victim

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