- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Crocus City Hall Massacre
|
|
.jpg)
| |
|---|---|
| Islamic State: Team Khorasan | |
| Nationality: | Tajik 
|
| Highscore | Killed 145, injured 551 |
| Top 50? | 12th |
| Style | FPS, Co-Op |
| An Hero? | No??? |
On March 22, 2024 (exactly 8 years after the Brussels Bombing and 7 years after the London sandnigger attack 2017), four of Allah's finest commandos of the Islamic State decided to recreate No Russian IRL.
Props to the towelheads for chosing the lulziest time to strike.
The Backstory
We've all heard about the Islamic State and it's numerous children including the likes of ISIS and ISIL. While ISIS and ISIL are basically twins, another lesser-known bastard child who lives farther east in the Khorasan province, ISKP, was always jealous of his brothers' fame and glory in the eyes of Allah. When ISIS/ISIL finally got BTFO by the counter-terrorists in the late '10s, ISKP saw this as an opportunity to step up and seize the attention of the West as the preeminent LARPer of Islam. Thus, ISKP went from attacking random villages to conducting full-scale attacks that actually make it into the news, starting with kicking the Americans' asses out of Afghanistan. In fact, the terrorist attacks by the ISKP had become so severe that the Taliban had to help the US soldiers maintain security at the Kabul International Airport.
For millennia, Muhammad has been trying to establish the Russian Caliphate
ISKP has previously done some terror attacks in Iran and Afghanistan earlier this year, racking up some decent kills.
They also claimed that they were paid to do the shooting over Telegram.
- [1]
- [2]
- ISKP had conducted large-scale attacks even back in the mid-'10s.
- [3]
- [4]
- [5]
- ISIS Paris Attack 13-11
- Red Army
- [6]
- Mention muslim kid who saved a ton of ppl
- [7]
- Happened during Ramadan
- [8]
- [9]
- [10]
- [11]
Remember, No Яussian
The four Islamic ultranationalists began this special military operation by spawning in the parking lot and making their way towards the concert hall's entrance, blasting out the glass doors like a boss and taking out anybody unfortunate enough to be dancing in the metal detectors. Upon hearing the oh so familiar sound of gunfire, the Slavs inside kept calm and carried on in the opposite direction of the fireworks. Some were not as intelligent as the others and elected to hide behind tables and other flimsy objects. They died. Our four protagonists emerged from the smoke of the blown out entrance while Ruskies on the second floor enjoyed the show as spectators, capturing some excellent footage in the process.
Around this time, the players decided to heat up the gameplay by playing dodgeball with some molotov cocktails, creating an inferno that not only distracted the emergency services, but also contributed toward a higher score via smoke asphyxiation. Within a matter of time, the fire would grow so great that the concert venue collapsed in on itself.
But before that could happen, the jihadists needed to collect some of their own footage for their pro-gaming channel. They recorded a short clip that depicted one of the mudslimes letting sparks fly with his AK as he danced around firing at dead bodies before the cameraman got bored at his bullshittery and started filming one of his jihadist brothers attempting to engage in the sacred Islamic tradition of beheading a wounded Russian on the ground. As he began cutting, the Russian — in an incredible act of defiance — simply rolled over and told his ass to fuck off. The camera then swivels to show the director of the film, rambling on with the usual aloha snackbar nonsense.
Unlike most snackbar attacks, the muzzies decided to make a break for it instead of taking the martyr's way out like their forefathers before them. The Russian police, who were at the time were too drunk on vodka to respond to the shooting, took about an hour to show up, but by that time the assailants had already GTFO. The Islamic State's Amaq news agency reported that the soldiers have successfully made it back to their base.
|
ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED |
| 100G- Get away with a mass shooting |
Lol no. Russia is not for beginners and the four stooges were promptly v& before
Loadout
| Class Setup | |
|---|---|
| Item | Accessories/Bonus |
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
Gameplay Footage
Spectator Mode
|
First-Person Mode
Something's Burning
|
Propaganda
the attack into an action movie trailer |
Welcome to the Gulag
-
Before Russia -
After Russia
(He was caught with a severe case of pink eye) -
The ear man from above -
I ate my ear -
-
-
-
Vacationing -
They turned him into an IRL Groyper
Let The Finger-Pointing Commence!
"It was THE WEST"
- US embassy warning
- US funded Islamic terrorism in the Cold War
- UKRAINE
- They were going to UKRAINE
- Tsar Putin
- [14]
The obvious position that the Rusfags took. It all began when it became known that the US embassy . Although this can be brushed off as typical Kremlin shitposting, let's not forget that
Russian media went as far as to create deepfake
Later on the Tsar conceded that ISIS maybe had something to do with it, but that Ukraine was definitely still involved, somehow.
"It was ISIS"
Don't let yourself be fooled into thinking that this attack came out of nowhere. The US and UK embassies have been warning the dumbfuck commies that this shit was coming to them for months now. The FSB themselves even caught a couple of sandniggers earlier in the month who were planning on rape-bombing a synagogue. It should also come without mention that ISIS themselves have admitted to committing the attacks, but that's not to say that we can trust them at face value however. The Islamic State is notorious for it's attention whoring and will lay claim to any mass murder of epic proportions. Just ask Abu Abdul Barr al-Amriki. However, this time ISIS delivered, providing additional (blurry) pictures of our protagonists as well as the dramatic FPS footage.
Later
"It was RUSSIA"
Every shooting has it's own set of false flag fags who will almost instinctively claim that the shooting was entirely a government set up. In this case, they believe that Putin committed the self-pwn in a desperate attempt to garner the support of the masses for the war effort, despite the fact that the glorious tsar had just been recently re-elected for the 100th time in a landslide victory just weeks ago. Some argue that the election was a fraud. Regardless, it was undoubtably still much more open and honest than the American 2020 Presidential Election ever could have been.
"IT WAS DA JOOS"
Gallery
-
STEP ON IT -
-
Leaked CCTV image -
We all know who was behind the attack...
Graded Score
| Kill count: | 145/20 (551 injuries) |
|---|---|
| Accuracy: | 5/20 The injury count is telling. |
| Style: | 20/20 Went out in a fireball and recorded that shit. |
| Butthurt: | 20/20 The Kremlin pointed fingers at everybody except for the ones who actually admitted to doing it. |
| Bonus: | 20/20 For striking the heart of a country that is already suffering from war. |
Wanted Level:
Task Force 141
See Also
- Russia - The map chosen for this level
- ISIS - The perpetrators
- Ukraine - The real perpetrators
- ISIS Paris Attack 13-11 - The less successful prequel
- Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17 - Russia building negative karma
External Links
On TOW
EDF thread- Another EDF thread
Pro-Russia Kiwifarms thread- Pro-Ukraine Kiwifarms thread
Even KnowYourMeme covered this
Megathread on WatchPeopleDie
