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Hufflepuff
| |
| Founder | Helga Hufflepuff |
| House Colors | Black & Yellow |
| House Animal | Badger |
| House Element | Earth |
| Head of House | Pomona Sprout |
| House Motto | "HERP DERP." |
| Traits |
Dedication • Hard work |
In the fictional world of Harry Potter, magically gifted youngsters upon visiting Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for the first time put on an enchanted hat with a lisping faggy voice that sounds like he's been mongling like seventy dicks daily for the past seventy-five years, that then neatly categorizes them into one of four houses depending on ability and racial purity.
Courageous and heroic wizards likely to become main characters in overrated fantasy books find their way into Gryffindor. Sly, darkly inclined wizards are put in Slytherin. Scholarly, creative and eccentric types are lunajacked into Ravenclaw.
The fourth house, Hufflepuff, exists primarily as a dumping ground for the remedial, unattractive and those with special needs and is where all the losers, aspies and fatties end up. Being sorted into Hufflepuff is the magical equivalent of having the word 'Fail' stamped on your head in permanent ink and is a convenient way of telling all the teachers at Hogwarts not to really bother trying with you, because you'll never amount to anything.
Nobody wants to get sorted into Hufflepuff and if you do, the best thing you could do would be to immediately an hero. Seriously, the first spell you cast should be the Joker's magic pencil trick on your own wand or something.
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Badger Pride
Sorted This Way by The Hufflesluts
Hufflepuff Facts
- Hufflepuff's house animal is a badger. This is a lot less cool than it sounds.
- Hufflepuff was founded by some fat kraut bitch.
- 98% of all Hufflepuffs are either in a huff or puffs.
- Hufflepuffs are good at finding things. Sadly, this does not include their lunch money after they have been rolled for it by Slytherins or their teeth, after they've been knocked out by Gryffindors.
- Unlike other houses, Hufflepuffs do not have any active or vocal rivalry with any other house. This is because they rightly cringe and cower in the presence of their betters.
- Wearing Hufflepuff colors makes you look like a bee's ass.
- Hufflepuff has produced the fewest dark wizards of any house. This is because they are racist.
- Hufflepuff has produced the highest number of ragequitters of any house.
- According to legend, the first wizard that mastered the art of counting to potato was a Hufflepuff.
- The Hufflepuff's favored form of magic is pastamancy, the art of dropping one's spaghetti.
- Hufflepuff's common room is in Hogwarts' basement, making them literal basement dwellers.
- Popular Hufflepuff activities include quidditch, feasting and wishing they were in another house.
Gallery
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The four proud houses of Hogwarts. -
In the wizarding world, this is an awful implied insult. -
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Translation: You are a massive fucking pussy. -
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Being a Hufflepuff is a first world problem. -
Despite the rather Aryan look of these Hufflepuff prefects, Hufflepuffs are far from the wizarding master race. -
Contrary to what this image would have you believe, Hufflepuffs do not have swag. -
Honey badger ought to. -
Moar liek J.K. Trolling, amirite? -
Helga Hufflepuff. Hotter than your mom. -
Hufflepuffs are fat fucks... -
...Probably because their dorm is near the kitchen. -
Your first day at wizard school. -
Hufflepuffs even fail at making Keep Calm and Carry On posters. -
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Hufflepuffs are good at making sandwiches. For this reason, they should GB2Kitchen. -
An artist's impression of the Hogwarts houses, battling for the House Cup. -
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Bad Luck Brian is, of course, a Hufflepuff. -
Good Guy Greg is in Hufflepuff voluntarily. -
When shitty fantasy novels for children and shitty fantasy novels for adults collide. -
Wearing this at Hogwarts is a surefire way to ensure that your virginity remains intact until you graduate. -
Even in their power fantasies, Hufflepuffs are still faggots. -
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Emphasis on the 'puff'
Famous Hufflepuffs
- Helga Hufflepuff
- The Fat Friar
- Pomona Sprout
- Cedric Diggory
- Nymphadora Tonks
- Stephen Fry
- NewPhoenixFilms
- Good Guy Greg
- Antoine Dodson
- Heidi Crowter
- You
See Also
- Harry Potter
- Pottermore
- Derp
- Fail
- Tumblr - Where hordes of Hufflepuffs roam unchecked.
- You Win The Prize
| Hufflepuff is part of a series on Dying Alone
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| Featured article February 16 and 17, 2013 | ||
| Preceded by Love |
Hufflepuff | Succeeded by Lee Westwick |