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Robert Card
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This person has Assburgers Syndrome, so you can't say anything bad! :-( Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck. |
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This person is a sick fuck!
They should never be trusted by anyone! |
Possible side-effects will include at least one of these: |
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| Robert Russell Card II | |
| Born | April 4, 1983 |
| Died | October 25, 2023 (aged 40) |
| Nationality: | Americunt 
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| Highscore | Killed 18, injured 13 |
| Top 50? | 35th |
| Style | FPS, Single player |
| An Hero? | Yes |
| Motive | Schizophrenia |
2023. Just days after a shitty terrorist attack in Belgium, A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS! On October 25, 2023, Robert Russell Card II, another batshit insane schizo, became the best high scorer of the year by pwning 18 noobs at a bowling alley and a betting bar. He also wounded 13 others before pwning himself near the local river.
Background
Robbie, lived with his fathers in Bowdoin, in Maine. He was a sergeant first class in the MOAR FAKE NEWS, Card was a member of the reserves, enlisted in December 2002 but had no active deployments in United States Army Reserve. Robbie studied at several schools and also studied at the university as engineering career but didn't complete his career. He was a gun instructor at a shooting range before his lulzfest. In July 2023, it was reported that his behavior was strange and that he heard voices telling him to become an hero after shooting up the nearby Saco base for the lulz, and he was interned for not hiding his hero plans. According to NBC News, Robbie's schizophrenia began after he lost his deafness by purchasing hearing aids. He, like 89% of mass shooter Americans, was humiliated for his schizophrenia at work. 2 weeks after his imprisioning in the asylum, he came out and began planning his massacre.
The massacre
Robert lost his only golden iPod that same day and began his search. Equiped with his trusty rifle and some holsters on his legs, he began his gameplay. His first spot was at the "Just-In-Time Recreation" bowling alley, at 7PM where he began to kill the NPCs that were there, and killed 7. His second spot was at the betting bar "Schemengees Bar & Grille" where he also used his banhammer and pwned 8 (4 of the sacrificed NPCs were deaf). At the end of his lulzfest, he headed into the fucking forest and got lost. It is not known where he headed, probably in the nearby town of Lisbon, but what it is most important is when he an heroed on a nearby dock on the river. His body was found days later since the lazy pigs were on other issues. The rest of the kills died in the hospital.
Loadout
| Class Setup | |
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| Item | Accessories/Bonus |
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Does X2 Moving Speed |
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Aftermath
After the Massacre, many fags in Maine pussied out of going to school and work. Classes closed for several days and the children were happy and scared at the same time. Shortly after the massacre, many people went to various gun stores to buy pistols and shotguns to kill Robbie. The shelter-in-place warning was extended to Bowdoin (his hometown) on October 26. Eventually police found him dead and everyone forgot about the whole thing except us EDiots who proceeded to make a shitty article on Robbie and libtards who continued bitching about gun control.
Graded Score
| Kill count: | 18/20 Outscored fellow autist Nikolas Cruz |
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| Accuracy: | 14/20 Still not enough for skilled Army marksman |
| Style: | 15/20 Schizo somehow managed to escape twice |
| Butthurt: | 17/20 Led a manhunt but eventually got pwned |
| Bonus: | 20/20 For being on the highscores and being lost about 3 days |
Schizo Fried is proud of you!
Wanted Level:
Federal Bureau of Investigation
Disinformation
On the kills count, people trying to calculate the kills talked about 20 kills or 22 kills, other people, said there were 60 injured, But the most shittied up part was when social media was filled with false information about Robbie, which made the experts more pissed off about it. Another debunked theory says that Rob was arrested in 2016 for possessing and disseminating sexually explicit materials, which even a 13-year-old child has on his Huawei phone.
Gallery
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Gameplay Footage -
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>:( -
His car, abandoned
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Police sketch -
Fishin' -
Another one -
Now Bald -
His bathroom was just as clean as his mental health -
Young Boob Card -
Pixar's new movie -
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See Also
- David Kozák - 2023 school shootin' champion.
- Nikolas Cruz
- Friedrich Leibacher - Swiss schizo who was thrown out of the Top 50 after Card's rampage.
- Tobias Rathjen - another schizo fucktard who went postal.
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Spree/One-time Killers: |
Aaron Alexis • Adam Lanza • Alex Hribal • Alyssa Bustamante • Anthony Warner • Audrey Hale • Bruce Jeffrey Pardo • Casey Anthony • Cho Seung-Hui • Devin Patrick Kelley • Dylan Klebold • Dylann Storm Roof • Eric Harris • Gerry McCann • James Holmes • Jared Lee Loughner • Jason Rodriguez • Jeff Weise • Jiverly Voong • Joe Stack • Josef Fritzl • Laaiti Ekenstéen • Mark Essex • Martin Bryant • Matthew de Grood • Matthew Murray • Matti Saari • Maurice Clemmons • Pekka-Eric Auvinen • Raoul Moat • Richard Speck • Robert Hawkins • Stephen Paddock • Tim Kretschmer • Timothy Hendron • TJ Lane • Tyler Peterson • Wade Michael Page • Woo Bum-kon |
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| Career/Serial Killers: |
Academy Maniacs • Adolf Hitler • Charles Manson • Chris Benoit • Dnepropetrovsk Maniacs • Dubya • Jack the Ripper • Jeffrey Dahmer • Mao Zedong • Richard "The Iceman" Kuklinski • Ted Bundy | |
| Terrorists: |
Al Qaeda • Anders Behring Breivik • Anderson Lee Aldrich • Anton Lundin Pettersson • Dzhokhar Tsarnaev • Elliot Rodger • George Sodini • Maniacs Murder Cult • Mark Essex • Nidal Malik Hasan • Osama bin Laden • Tamerlan Tsarnaev • Ted Kaczynski | |
| See also: |
Antisocial personality disorder • Jews • Murder • Paranoid personality disorder • Pittsburgh Paint Job • Police Brutality • Sick fuck |