Colossal Biosciences

STEP THE FUCK OFF! Colossal Biosciences looks like shit but it is NOT a {{crapstub}}. It is a work in progress! If you require assistance beefing up this article, then hit up the experts on our IRC.

WARNING: With Jews, you lose!

Colossal Biosciences^✡ is a hilarious scam done by allegedly smart college midwits to fool the uneducated masses. Jesus gave them admin powers in 2021 so Covid would get B&. Being Jews, the founders of the company, Ben Lamm^✡ and Beth Shapiro^✡, completely betrayed their holy, pure lord (which is a Jewish tradition) and started unbanning a bunch of Extinct animals and sending invites to random shit like Wooly mice, and unbanning the Dire Wolf.

Backstory

Colossal began in Dallas, Texas in September 13, 2021, when a bunch of kikes poured in $15 million. They made several advancements in Biotechnology software and used that as profit (as well as getting funding from a bunch of other billionaires^✡). In January 2025, they became worth $10.2 billion without selling a single product or service.

Projects

Wooly mice

In early 2025, these fucking Jews edited 7 genes in mice to give them more tolerance to colder climates and longer hair. When they were revealed to the public, lots of people thought it was cute, and even wanted to have them as pets, but of course everyone forgot these tranny mice would become invasive in colder, urban regions (think Oslo, Moscow, Anchorage).

Dire Wolf (Aenocyon Dirus)

WARNING: With Spics, Do not mix!

The company "revived" their first animal, the Dire Wolf, by taking a 72,000 year skull and a 13,000 year old tooth from real dire wolves, spliced the DNA, and fused the new genes with an embryo of the Dire Wolf's closest living relative, the Beaner (scientific name: Aenocyon Cleaninglady) . They inserted the new Dire Wolf genes into the embryo, adding certain traits unique to the Dire wolf, such as fluffier, more pleasant fur, larger size, and the Dire Wolf's tar fetish, since like the closely related spic, Dire Wolves were so hypersexual, they would walk into tar pits, fuck them and get stuck, causing slow, painful pwnage. They also removed genetic traits unique to the Spic, such as acne, adultery, desires to act like niggers, and intense lust for crack and fentanyl. 2 female Beaner specimens were used, lured into the facility with tacos and welfare checks, before the scientists raped the beaners with the complete embryos. However, all but 3 of the specimens became an hero after they realized they were inside the most toxic, biohazardous place in the known universe: the inside of a spic. However, after 62 days, the pups escaped the ugly, retarded Latinas and were successfully born on October 1, 2024 (males) and January 30, 2025 (female). Despite Old Media hype, these Dire Wolves are not actually true Dire wolves, but are actually hybrids between Spics and the extinct wolf, and still count as Aenocyon Cleaninglady. Despite being more spic than Dire Wolf, there have been notable differences between them and a regular spic. For example, even though these wolves still exhibit many traits of the spic (like being covered in grease, having no talents outside of being cleaning lady, worshipping Quetzalcōātl, and living off government welfare), Still, notable changes have been seen, such as receiving sexual pleasure from tar pits rather than raping innocent white people like Laken Riley, not being crackheads, and having just some sense of shame. The wolves are named Romulus, Remus and Khaleesi. They are kept in a 2000 acre gestation facility where they're free to run around, be retarded, suck on the mystical cock of the aforementioned Quetzalcōātl, practice making white people a minority in their own countries, and collect free gibs from the government

crying because they were inside of a female wetback for over 60 days

.

future projects

Plans include bringing back the following species

• the wooly mammoth, using elephants as a surrogate
• the Sabertooth, via modifying the Cougar with genes borrowed from the Gook to recreate the uncannily large front teeth the Sabertooth had
• that one retarded sloth from the Ice age movie. notice a pattern?

Practical use

See also

• Jurassic Park
• Kike Dog
• Wolf
• Beaner
• Scam

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