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League of Legends
"'League of Losers"' (LoL) is a time-wasting simulator of the "Aeon of Strife Styled Fortress Assault Game Going On Two Sides" (A.S.S.F.A.G.G.O.T.S.) genre, though casualfags also call it MOBA.
Imagine a bizarre one-night stand between a drunken World of Warcraft and a sopping wet DotA. The result of such anal play is League of Legends, a festering anal wart that will haunt "Guinsoo" and "Pendragon" to their graves. It is essentially a "polished", but also casualized version of DotA, without the gold loss on death and the "denying" (killing your own minions like a spastic retard to deny the enemy gold).
LoL was created by Riot Games, a group of DotA fans from around the world eager to achieve goals such as pioneering the game genre Multiplayer Online Battle Arena and enforcing nonsensical SJW-standards upon millions of hyper-aggressive players. The company itself is owned in part by Tencent, an evil Chinese organization hell-bent on conquering the Western market.
Fortunately, some new deep gameplay mechanics have been introduced to enhance the overall experience. If you have "Flash" in your spell slot, for example, you'll rape your enemies in the ass every time you use it, making the game truly fun and entertaining to play.
Getting Started
• Download it, play it and uninstall it FOR FREE!
• Wait for the installer to patch the game for up to ONE HOUR, just because you didn't get the newest blonde weeaboo-lazer champion skinpack.
• Participate in games ranging from 25 minutes to MORE THAN AN HOUR! Enemy team got ya down? Getting fisted right to the shoulder? The client ties your account's ID to every game you join so if you try to quit and play another, YOU GO RIGHT BACK TO IT! Want to surrender? Too bad, the 2/19/4 Ashe and her 1/15/2 Malphite pub buddy won't hear of it!
• Use points you earn in games to purchase new champions! Don't even think about saving up for skins 'cause you have to buy RRRRRRIOT POINTS for that! Cunts!
• Level up through the ranks! Invest points in talents! Purchase an empty rune page for twice the cost of most champions! Agonize over your poorly organized rune tree! Buy the extra super-flashy emote that annoys both teams, because that's the ONLY REASON you aren't winning at your skill level!
• Purchase champions from the store and pick from ten free ones EVERY WEEK! But seriously, you and I both know you will suck at any one you pick. This is the game Koreans play with one hand and punish the slightest error with total e-rape; forcing you to focus your energy on a single champion to become good. Then a day comes where, by the wind of luck, you will TOTALLY FUCKING PWN. Waves of monsters will fall at your feet. Enemy heroes will quiver in fright and your allies will tongue your testicles. However, this surge of e-peen will melt to a string of losses and butthurt as you try to explain zero assists and constant feeding. Yeah, I'm sure that build got you a legendary streak last game. Maybe you should stick to playing against AI bots and phone us when you're ready for some teamwork.
• Play the new champion! Every few weeks Riot introduces a grotesquely overpowered new champion which their demographic will purchase with daddy's credit card so they can EPICALLY PWN SUM NOOBS!!!! As soon as the next gamebreakingly OP champion is released, the prior champion will be nerfed into unplayability.
• GET ADDICTED! League of Legends has all the enticing elements of WoW! Collect enough gold to buy the black phallus you've been eying! Shit the same ball of magic on the same goddamn monster for the fucking thousandth time! Masturbate over one character and die inside when the Infinity Edge you farmed for vanishes at game's end! Now you can have the life sucked out of you in thirty minutes or less, GUARANTEED!
• Kill yourself when everyone flashes everywhere evading all your well-placed skillshots.
PROTIP: Just choose the stupid default runes that fit the champ, because why bother wasting time setting up a retarded skill tree to get a free cookie?! In the end all you want as a caster, for example, is the stupid homing ball that kills a guy shortly after he thinks he's safe.
In-Game Currencies
Paying for stuff is split into two main currencies: Riot Points ($$$) and Blue Essence (free aka grinding forever). While the game is not technically pay-to-win, the vast majority of the roster is locked from the start. Thus, new players get to choose between either shelling out real cash or grinding dozens of games just to try out a champion. The skins are another interesting point, as some of them make it harder to see the hitboxes for spells. Some skins are even banned in tournament play, but of course they're all allowed in ranked. Skins can technically be obtained by grinding, but unlike champions it's pretty much random which skins you get, so this can be considered a pay-to-win aspect.
• Riot Points are bought with real money. They'll get you anything that can be earned by grinding, as well as worthless XP and Blue Essence boosts which only smurfs leveling up new accounts will ever care about. If you're a fucking retard, you pay for the Riot Points. The other way of getting them is to just wait for a Christmas to pass by or a huge server crash. You'll then get a small amount of RP and you can at least afford one or two skins sooner or later (if you're stupid enough to play for that long).
• Blue Essence, formerly known as Influence Points, can be earned by grinding account levels or selling champion shards you don't want. You'll mainly use it for getting new broken hero--I mean "CHAMPIONS" (which are completely overpriced). You can also spend it on blank rune pages, or the overpriced mastery badges (have fun grinding enough S ranks for that).
• Orange Essence is a "bonus" currency, which can be obtained via the obligatory lootbox hunt. It can be combined with other lootbox crap to unlock worthless skin shards for champions you probably don't even own. You're better off converting shards into random permanent skins, rather than collecting the thousands of Orange Essence required to get one decent skin.
• Mythical Essence is ANOTHER "bonus" currency, which can be obtained by opening lootboxes and grinding levels. It serves as a replacement for random purple gems. You can purchase skin shards or (ridiculously overpriced) super rare skins with gold armor & other vanity junk with it. Nothing really changed compared to gems, it's just more in your face now and only serves to confuse new players.
PROTIP: Since this game is such a disgusting grindfest, your best bet for obtaining a decent amount of champions is to only unlock them via the loot shards, as those have a reduced cost compared to the shop. The downside of this is that you have to rely on luck to get the shards you want.
Lore
The genius writers at Riot thought it's a good idea to put some background story into the game. They're a bunch of WarCraft / Warhammer 40K wannabes. Nobody gives a fuck though, since most players are only interested in banning other players or blaming their teammates for being total fuckwits. They even had a newspaper coming out monthly until Riot figured out that nobody reads their trashy stories and stopped it.
| Nobody who has an ounce of sanity left actually gives a shit about the lore | |||||
| > Click here < | |||||
Generic high fantasy world. You know, Earth, the typical fantasy world, but most likely Azeroth since this game shares the same bland ideas with World of Warcraft.
• Demacia
Generic fantasy good guy faction. Demacians do everything that lawful good people consider light and justice. Their official language is nothing but shouting the word "DEMACIA"!!!
• Noxus
Generic totalitarian bad guy faction. The land of badass sadists and the always chaotic evil empire.
• Ionia
The typical land of weeaboo fanfaggotry. Your typical Asian weeaboo culture with daily Mortal Kombat tournaments. Currently getting pwned by Noxus, HARD.
• Yordles
A bunch of furfags and smurfs. 100% of the population falls into one of these categories. Some are even weebs. Most of them live in Bandle City, which is essentially furfag heaven.
• The Void
The WarCraft Outlands 2.0. A place where Zerg- and Tyranid-wannabe creatures come from. You'll most likely be raped by tentacles if you enter.
• Zaun
A technologically advanced grimdark city inhabited by steampunk technophiles. Your typical air polluted city, just like the common human cites in WH40K which Riot obviously stole from. They are evil because they side with Noxus, hurrdurrhurr.
• Piltover
Technologically advanced brightlight city inhabited by apple tech hippies and furfags from Yordle. The complete opposite version of Zaun. They are good guys because they are allies with Demacia. They're also a bunch of furfags because they are allies with Yordles.
• Freljord
Generic icy wasteland filled with barbarians and hot bitches that will freeze your cock off. Tryndamere is currently the pimp master of this shit hole.
• Mount Targon
A phallic mountain that "pierces into the stars". Also home to Percy Jackson wannabes.
PROTIP: As you can see this game is highly original. DO NOT STEAL >:(
Game Modes
Perennial Modes
• Classic - The only mode anyone plays with the ONLY map anyone plays: "SUMMONER'S RIFT". A fucking three lane map that you see in every other DotA clone. Five players on each side try to flame shit out of each other until one side either surrenders at 20 minutes or keeps on crying how one their junglers fed the other team. This can normally go on for approximately 30 or (if you're unlucky) 45+ minutes. If you are up to it, you can play a mode called "Ranked". It's the same as classic, except it's full of 12 year olds that will munch your dick off if you do anything wrong.
• ARAM - Stands for "All Random All Mid". All players fight with random champions on a single lane on an icy bridge. You can't buy shit as soon as you leave the base. This mode serves for those people who are too stupid to play regular League of Legends. "Fun" for about 10 minutes, then you just want to shut it off and rethink the purpose of your life.
• Teamfight Tactics - A clone of "Auto Chess" from DotA. You collect a bunch of champs, upgrade them, give them items and then you watch them fight. About as exciting as watching paint dry. A lot of players only start it up so they can farm free emotes for the main game, then go AFK. In 2021 it received a "fast mode", which is even more dumbed down - to the point that you don't even have to manage your gold and level anymore.
• Co-op vs. AI - You and your one-man-clan friends play against bots to test out new item builds, hurrdurrhurrr. You can't even play this mode offline. The only noteworthy point of this mode is that "intro" level AI games are the best place to run account leveling tools. Since most of your games will be with other botters and against the AI, there won't be anyone to report you. The other levels are more likely to contain real humans who will report you, and they don't even give extra XP compared to intro level - totally pointless.
• Custom - Before ARAMs became an official game mode, they would be held here in the middle of the tutorial map. It also used to be useful for quickly testing stuff, but the new practice tool obsoletes that, too. Nowadays, the custom mode is only used for tournaments.
• Tutorials - If League really is your first overhead view game and you REALLY need to use these to figure out how to move your character, you have a sad empty future ahead of you. Just end it here, right now. It's for the greater good.
Featured Modes
When the game reaches new lows of boredom and terrible balance, and even LoL's base of addicts and children are losing interest, you'll notice one of these modes show up in the client for a while.
• Ultra rapid fire - A mode that gives you infinite mana and energy, 80% cooldown reduction and increased movespeed, attack speed, etc. The only fun way to play League post-2011, as anyone can fulfill their fantasies of spamming any champion's abilities until their fingers rot and fall off.
• All Random Ultra Rapid Fire - ARURF, which sounds like a furry mating call, is the worst thing that happened to League of Losers since the automatic ban system. Riot took the one mode that had any entertainment value and decided to force random champs into it. Constant quitting, both in the lobby and in-game, is the norm. Nobody actually enjoys this mode; most people just play it to farm event points, so they can acquire a lootbox faster.
• Hexakill - 6v6 so you can try to get that fabled "Hexakill!!!" announcer line. In reality, there's just another player to steal your farm / kills / virginity and scream at you for being toxic.
• One For All - 5 Jarvans vs. 5 Malphites. 5 Caitlyns vs. 5 Ziggs. You will laugh once when everyone ults at the same time, then never return to this boring-as-shit game mode.
• Nexus Blitz - Riot's attempt at ripping off Blizzard's Heroes of the Storm, an even more dumbed down version of DotA with small side objectives, shared gold and events. Even if it's completely unoriginal, they did an okay job for what it is. Like the other modes, it becomes boring really fast, though.
Abandoned Modes
• Twisted Treeline - Riot decided that having more than two maps was too confusing for their retard playerbase, and canned this mode in 2019. It was a remastered map that Riot initially tried to make better, again and again. While updating the graphics, they also made it completely unbalanced - first by making it revolve around pole-hugging points, then by adding items that made Singed and Diana even stronger, and allowed early game champions to butt-rape everything. No, your team didn't help you kill stuff, and no, they wouldn't cap points either.
• Dominion - Removed in 2016, this mode tried to be Battlefield by having players quickly capture points in a circle until the points of one side ran out. While Dominion was actually something original for fucking once in the realm of MOBA games, Riot gave no incentive to actually play it and basically ignored the entire game mode and map. Therefore, it was only played by a niche community, and YouTubers who would play it to make videos that boiled down to "LOL XD Dominion is so shit guys XD Summoner's Rift is so much better". By the end, it was largely used by IP farming bots from (insert Asian country here), then Riot simply deleted it because they were too busy milking the AZN market together with Tencent.
The most accurate LoL animation in existence
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Spells
Ah yes, the spells; the number one game-breaking feature.
• Barrier - "I'm a pussy who needs shielding" written all over it. Used only by the squishiest of squishy mages.
• Clarity - Building cheap mana items is too much stress! I'd rather waste a whole spell slot on this!
• Cleanse - Even if anybody ever used this, it wouldn't help when getting gangraped by three or more champs.
• Exhaust - Slows enemies down and reduces their damage. That's about it. Underrated, but harder to use effectively compared to some of the other spells, since it has to be used right before the enemy deals their major damage.
• Flash - By far the most broken spell in the game. Jump to any position in a circle around you, instantly. This fucks up all the enemy's skillshots and makes even the most useless asshole a deadly killer. The entire game is balanced around this spell -- abuse it to the max.
• Ghost - The "I'm too dumb to avoid running into my own dudes" spell. Usually only seen on tanks like Darius that use it to get a cheap kill.
• Heal - This skill heals you and an ally, and grants movement speed to both of you. Use this to save your own life or that of others. They will never thank you; they will only call you out to everyone in the game as a noob who didn't take ignite.
• Ignite - Hurts enemy champions over time and reduces healing effects. A no-brainer, yet most people die to this because they felt they were too pro to take the "noobish" heal. Can be ran in pretty much any lane; although not always optimal, it's a solid choice.
• Smite - HAHA OH WOW! A spell that ONLY kills minions and jungle monsters. This spell's entire existence is based around the jungler on your team, so he can suicide-jump into an enemy dragon / baron battle and steal the monster buff at the very last second. When you use it any other way, you'll barely scratch a dragon with it and maybe tickle the Baron. Anyone who's not a jungler and chooses this spell gets automatically branded as a troll / griefer. After buying and leveling the corresponding item, you can upgrade it to either slow an enemy down a little, or reduce his damage for a few seconds. Both options are beyond pathetic. Did we mention that playing Jungler is the equivalent to ass cancer?
• Teleport - Too lazy to walk? Want to be seen appearing by the enemy with a big glowy light so that they can beat the shit out of you? It's yours my friend, as long as you have enough rupees!
Deleted spells
• Clairvoyance - It's like the game devs never learned from the WarCraft 3 Orc Farseer. WHY BOTHER USING A SCOUTING ABILITY ON A GAME WITH A HANDFUL OF UNITS?! Gone, along with Dominion.
• Garrison - Dota's Glyph of fortification. Also DELETED a long time ago, together with Dominion.
• Promote - Make a siege minion more powerful ... yeah, that sure helps when everybody is capable of killing a minion almost instantly after 15 minutes. Removed. Its effect continues to exist in the item Hullbreaker.
• Revive - Good luck getting any ranked game started with this ability. It's actually pretty fucking useful for emergencies in late game, where respawn times can take up to a minute. Unfortunately the raging fatass neckbeard children community of LoL does not understand foresight or logical thinking and WILL report you for this spell, ALWAYS. Canceled, although it sort of lives on in the item Guardian Angel.
• Surge - Buffing yourself only; gee, that's like the Paladins in World of WarCraft all over again. BALEETED, it now partially has its own item in Guinsoo's Rageblade.
Champions
Ryze, the American justice enforcer
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The champions are soooooo original. They look like stolen artwork from DeviantArt - maybe because Riot's artists ARE from DeviantArt. The few that are remotely likeable are merely mashups of other things. Riot's inspiration sources are most likely ponies, castles, furfaggotry, sodomy, sluts, emos, Twilight, bestiality and Sailor Moon.
• Aatrox - A generic "I live to fight" - grunt of some fucking race that faced natural selection and failed hard. He looks like Devilman, and like him, is so overpowered that he probably also tears out titties and eats them.
• Ahri - Naruto fanservice; slutty yiffy fox bitch. Glass cannon assassin who misses her Charm then has to ult to avoid dying.
• Akshan - *Exotic* Arab-looking poofter who can swing around the map and revive entire teams by just killing the dude who did a quadra kill.
• Akali - Totally not Jade from Mortal Kombat. A feminazi with dual dick choppers, so she can castrate and kill at the same time. Capable of inflicting stupid amounts of damage in a short time, with a fluency second only to LeBlanc.
• Alistar - An annoying fucking cow that can slam the enemy and heal. Also hard to kill and was used by over 9000 people.
• Amumu - Some aspie who died and won't stop bawwwing about it. This green midget mummy fucks up your fun by grabbing you with his bandages then throwing a massive temper-tantrum. (see also: aspie)
• Anivia - Stupid hipster chicken that thinks fire is too mainstream. While utterly useless against the enemy team, this frozen phoenix can troll your teammates hard.
• Annie - A small girl, originally designed by a pedophile, who is lightly clothed. Also she can summon Pedobear to do her bidding. Getting caught playing her may get you sent to jail for possession of child pornography.
• Ashe - A piss weak overglorified glass cannon that doesn't do ANYTHING special except firing a giant ice arrow that stuns ONE champion across the map. Always the first to die in a teamfight. She is completely item-dependant; if she falls behind in gold income, she won't be able to hurt a fly. Somehow an even worse hero than Traxex, the DotA hero she was lazily plagiarised from. As a pathetic, squishy ADC with no survivability, she ironically performs much better if played as support, who builds cooldown reduction items, which allows her to spam volleys, ice arrows and vision, making her actually useful for the team. But since this is not considered "meta" ("OMG NO REAL SUPPORT!!1"), you'll be treated like a dogshit griefer for the rest of the game.
• Aurelion Sol - A blue dragon who's got balls (pun intended) orbiting around him that got deleted from the game, just like Aatrox, and replaced with a completely new champ that is all about flying around & shooting beams now. Gets totally destroyed by any melee character.
• Aphelios - A mute Korean "prettyboy" / edgelord that randomly changes between several weapon types. Used to be so overpowered that he killed people across the map. Since there are almost no buttons to press with this champion, you can play him with the mouse only. He was straight up made for retards.
• Azir - Riot was so desperate to add another Egyptian god into the game that they decided to make another champion from Shurima, since Nasus got bored of stacking Q by himself. Azir is capable of creating a shitload of sand soldiers and dashing to one of them, which makes him a perfect feeder. Notorious for being too hard for most people to play well. Has an intimate relationship with his granddaughter, Sivir.
• Bard - Some shitty singer from the cosmos that is capable of creating portals that can be used by your allies to escape from being gangraped, ( but can also be used by your enemies, so they can still pursue them). He can bind enemy champions and minions to each other and to walls, and create fields that freeze EVERYBODY (including your allies and turrets) in time. Bard is always pursued by golden Pikmins.
• Bel'Veth - A ripoff of Lovecraft's Shub-Niggurath, that looks like a stingray with a fake female body (the world can't exist without Rule 34 porn after all). This jungler is so hideously broken that it can effortlessly tank FOUR players, kill them all and get away with just half of her health lost.
• Blitzcrank - If Pudge from DotA was redesigned as a mecha, though with the noob-friendly gimmick of his huge fist passing through friendly units. Gets banned in Ranked matches 9001% of the time, and when he doesn't his team always loses, because nobody knows how to play him correctly.
• Brand - Literally a flaming, shirtless faggot. Most players are completely unable to land his skillshot stun.
• Braum - Riot's attempt at milking any meme involving manly men and mustaches with a support champion. Riot tried to make him the Draven of supports, shoving him down everybody's throat, but that failed when people banned him like Blitzcrank, bitching about how strong Braum was while every other support sucked ass. Still gets banned in games even after Riot made him weaker. His accent is somehow goofier than Caitlyn's accent.
• Caitlyn - Steampunk slut archetype with poorly impersonated English accent. Her ultimate is useless against competent enemies. Engages in hot lesbian action with Vi, when not getting anally raped by everyone. She is a one-trick pony that relies on setting up traps directly under champs during the laning phase and hoping they won't move, so she can get a powerful bonus shot. Good players will chain the traps with allies' CC to oneshot you from across the map.
• Camille - Another slut from Piltover with an augmented body who dives into enemy team with her hooks, traps the enemy carry with her ult and proceeds to oneshot him before getting bursted and killed. Definitely not Lin Beifong.
• Cassiopeia - Riot's highly comical attempt at an AP carry; requires staggering amounts of farm just to avoid feeding and will do nothing all game until the enemies walk into a bush and she gets a penta. A favorite of scripters and smurfs. Also, she can't buy boots (which makes sense) and gains bonus movement speed from her passive.
• Cho'Gath - Another original champion. Remember to eat several minions and grow as big as possible. Totally not the Violator.
• Corki - A dwarf in a chopper. Nope, totally not stolen from Warhammer or WarCraft. Every Corki player is a complete asshole. He's also a furfag because he was born in Yordle. Formerly one of the only good ranged carries, but since he was nerfed this is no longer the case.
• Darius - One of the more balanced champions. Fucks up your day by swinging a few times, then cleaving prey in half. Extra rage points if one yells "DUNK'D" in all-chat. Don't worry about losing your lane or getting no farm, since Darius requires nothing except to be level 6 to win.
• Diana - A "heretic" (I c what u did there Riot) bitch who escaped the Kitchen Of The Sun and uses her Moon Goddess powers that she read about in feminist literature. On release, was overpowered even for a new Riot champion.
• Dr. Mundo - Roided purple dickhead who throws butcher cleavers covered in STDs at people. Impossible to kill, yet lacks hard CC, so enemies just run him in circles as they steamroll his teammates. Is known for going where he pleases.
• Draven - Darius' retarded brother. A self loving prick who is famous for being a tough guy who pwns unarmed prisoners with axes. Will either go 20/0 or 0/20. WELCOME TO THE LEEG OF DRAVEN.
• Ekko - Over-tuned fuckboi of a Champion. Ekko is the epitome of Riot's disgusting game-design philosophy. Massive damage, an enormous shield, CC, a dash, and an ultimate to reset all the mistakes you just made. Absolutely not a champion built for dumbshit 10-year-olds who can't strategize to save their lives. ...NIGGA SO BLACK, HE STEALS TIME!!!
• Elise - Spider-furry with enormous tits, because Riot thinks their demographic will masturbate to bugs. Sadly, they're correct.
• Evelynn - Dumb blue slut who gets shut down by wards that cost 75 gold. Can and will shove a spike near enemy rectums, though squishy and enjoys getting penetrated. Possibly the worst visual design of any champion. After her rework, she can charm enemies from afar and GTFO with her ult if things go wrong, not forgetting to shove aforementioned spikes into enemies' asses.
• Ezreal - The official blonde in-game weeaboo fag and most over-played champion since some azn said he jerks off to him every chance he gets. Everybody wants to play this guy because of a CYBERNETIC ARMOR SKIN, but guess what -- they all suck ass with him. Basically Lux, but as a carry and with a penis (CITATION NEEDED).
• Fiddlesticks - Also known as Fiddledicks. Has a broken combo of fear and lifesteal, and he can summon a bevy of his raven waifus to ruin your day. Mostly played poorly, causing butthurt Fiddle players to accuse their team of not backing them up when they ult 2v5 and get immediately destroyed since they didn't buy Zhonya's.
• Fiora - A Mary Sue French fencer who pops your cherry with her foil. Useless in team fights, so Fiora's strategy is to catch you alone. Then, your anus is hers.
• Fizz - Supposedly a Yordle that lives under the sea. Okay then. Can summon his shark or walrus or whatever to eat you, but will miss. Your team will chase him forever while he invincibly hops all over the map.
• Galio - Stupid stone gargoyle that nobody plays. Farts at enemy champions and has a mass taunt, causing him to die a billion times unless he builds tanky. Now looks even more stupid, yet he has one of the best CC combos. Don't forget to stay inside his ult.
• Gangplank - A Jew dressed as a pirate that earns more money by shooting things with his pistol. Gets hit by every move the enemy team has, but eats oranges so it's k. Can speed himself up to run away, and STILL have time to fire cannons across the map to double-kill-steal from bottom lane. Has four viable carry builds. Extremely balanced, although everyone messes up his barrel combos.
• Garen - A Demacian who claims to be fighting For Great Justice but in fact only uses it as an excuse to get into the League of Legends and fuck his arch-nemesis/"worthy opponent" Katarina. He shows up whenever she does too, and therefore, more Spin Attack bullshit. The longest running joke in LoL, Garen is a cutout copy&paste douchebag white knight warrior with oversized armor plates that doesn't need any mana. He is also the EASIEST (srsly) champion to play, and doesn't do anything special other than shouting DEMMAACIAAA! and spinning with his blade. The proper way to play Garen is to type "SPIN TO WIN" in all-chat after every kill or assist you earn. He received a redesign, which he didn't need at all, that makes him look like a motherfucking SPESS MEHREN!
• Gnar - A furfag Yordle whose passive changes him into a giant furfag called MEGA GNAR (what an original name!). Not only is his passive uncontrollable, but it also gives him abilities that are even shittier than his normal form's abilities, although he gets a fairly broken ult to compensate. Will feed more teams than Twitch and Urgot. He is probably one of Riot's biggest failures because his win rate was somehow worse than Urgot's win rate on release. Buffed now, but stills feed the enemy team.
• Gragas - Has the biggest tits in the entire game. Drinks heavily and enjoys distillery explosions; a true hero to us all.
• Graves - Pedophile cowboy who was pwned by Twisted Fate and seeks revenge. Got buttraped in prison so hard he walks like a retard now. He then got out and acquired a shitty gun and decided to find his card-throwing nemesis and get his revenge. Also gets nerfed in every patch. Graves players are known for taking all the farm on the map and chain-feeding the enemy, while crying about how much their teams suck.
• Gwen - A godawful top champ that tries to tickle people to death with her pathetic scissor snaps. Fanboys were hyped for the champ reveal and hoped for an actual doll to play; instead they got another princess Barbie with wacky eyes that can't do anything. Is Viego's daughter-fu, but unlike Viego, which every closet-homo in this game plays regularly, Gwen is being largely ignored.
• Hecarim - SUFFERING IS MAGIC!! A faggot centaur ghost or something. Played by pony fags who think he's OMG TEH COOL. Outclassed by basically every other jungler in the game. Now actually has a fucking MLP skin.
• Heimerdinger - Think the Engineer from Team Fortress 2. Used to be completely underpowered until Riot buffed the hell out of him. Has two sentry guns that do insane damage on their own and have stupidly long range. He also has a stun which is somehow a very tricky skillshot. Referred to as cannonfodder until the buff, now can get a triple kill without being fed at all.
• Illaoi - A well-built bitch that literally (I mean it, she carries tentacles along with her) tentacle rapes the whole enemy team if fed. All she has to do is ult near several enemies and then a literal hentai porn takes place inside Summoner's Rift.
• Irelia - Another overpowered bitch that people cry about all the time for being too much of a pain with mobility and lane sustain. All matches end with the chorus of NURF IRELIA!!1! Reworked and now she can bypass shields, disarm champions and her Frostblade skin still has the infamous booty.
• Ivern - A tree-hugging oldfag who used to pwn everyone, rape everyone, burn everything down, or all three at the same time. Suffered from troll's remorse and is now a hippy instead. His gimmick is that he has hot anal secks with all the Jungle monsters to "free" them instead of pwning them to become rich and beautiful like every other jungler. Like Maokai, he is literally a tree, proving that Riot is so fucking dry on ideas that they're literally ripping off themselves.
• Janna - Boring elf bitch who once upon a time served as Riot's official pin-up girl. Generally just throws pathetically small tornadoes at people, but if cornered will queef with such force that her enemies will be blown away. Pretty much a forgotten champion at this point.
• Jarvan IV - I'M JARVAN! I'M HELPING! The king of Dumbasscia who used to pwn dragons. He still wants that dragon pussy. His ultimate generally results in a pentakill for the enemy Anivia.
• Jax - Some anonymous hobo who lost fingers to gangrene and frostbite. After pwning over 9000 people in the League, was forced to be nerfed by fighting with a lamppost volunteered to fight with a lamppost, because he was bored of winning all the time. Still manages to be OP.
• Jayce - Mormon Crusader with a Superman baby face. Armed with a fucking hammer and cannon, so can be either melee or ranged. Can be countered by stepping slightly to the side and is usually played by absolutely no one.
• Jhin - Crazy motherfucker who gets off on death and likes to murder everyone for lulz. Wears a mask that he never removes, because he is secretly fugly and/or actually a transexual. Surgically grafted his gun to his dick for art; his ultimate involves whipping his cock out and blowing massive cumwads down his lane to paint his enemies white, because white is an artistic color or some shit. Is obsessed with the number four, and trolled Zed into becoming evil for great justice. Wants to kill have buttsex with kill and have buttsex with both Zed and Shen as a result, probably in that order.
• Jinx - A notorious criminal and proud of it, and also equipped with a crack whore laugh that puts Lux to shame. The only flat non-loli bitch in the game, although Riot's new business model requires you to pay for tits due to her alternate skin containing the previously mentioned sacks of fat. She also comes equipped with one of the longest and the strongest pokes in the game, a broken passive for a hit and run play style, a stun that can hit 3 people, a broken mix of attack speed and aoe damage, and a global execute. Riot has out done themselves by making the fairest and most balanced champion to date. TLDR: NO TITS. W, W, W, R
• Kai'sa - Void bitch with daddy issues because Kassadin, her daddy, is apparently not giving her enough attention. Played by some of the dumbest fucks in the entire game. If you see a Kai'sa ADC you might as well give up, that's how rarely they perform well. Always suicide jumps into the enemy, then blames it on the support, from whom she just jumped away 3 miles to score an "easy" kill. Kai'sa players are basically the ADC version of Yasuo players, absolutely disgusting.
• Kalista - A group of ghosts all piled up inside a woman turned into a butthurt feminazi, with a vendetta against all types of backstabbers. Her ult is to eat allies and spit them on enemies. If there weren't more mobile champs in the game already, her passive could be the most broken feature in the entire game. Every time she shoots, she can do a small dash - some melee champs without special items are unable to catch up to her and ragequit. Truly the perfect champion for gookclickers.
• Karma - Exceptionally terrible support hero whose ace in the hole is making her ally move slightly faster. Her only use is as a top solo laner, where she pokes the living hell out of the melee champs until one gank by the jungler destroys her instantly. Can fire a large, powered-up ball of energy that hurts like a bitch.
• Karthus - Some generic lich guy who is known to be the most skill-intensive character in the game. He would be more funny nowadays if his ult hadn't been nerfed so hard. You now actually have to be competent at A.S.S.F.A.G.G.O.T.S. to troll anyone.
• Kassadin - One of the victims that got raped by the void tentacle. Having the most cowardly play style, he basically casts void teleport + silence + aoe slow and then runs away. Gets banned 90% of the time on any ranked match because Kassadin only kills noobs at bot to get fed. Reworked: he will now spend his entire early game getting zoned and raped by ad champions while he can't do damage for shit thanks to the new and useless Q passive magic shield that no one asked for. Has now joined the unpopular champion club with Sejuani, Trundle and Urgot.
• Katarina - QWERtarina. Known for getting raped by everyone when all her abilities are on cooldown. Also Garen's dominatrix.
• Kayle - Generic androgynous angel warrior copypasta that can stun enemies and rape them with fire. Has hot lesbian sex with her sister Morgana.
• Kayn - Riot is pretty much doing our job for us at this point. Nothing we can say about this escapee from an emo teen's anal prison would make him out to be any more of a total fucking trash-tier DeviantArt OC than the game itself already does. Playing this champion may result in spontaneous Linkin Park concerts being conducted in your bedroom, your walls being painted black, and your neighborhood being trashed by a couple of guys from West Philadelphia.
• Kennen - A weeaboo and a furfag. Can fuck people up with his stun-stacking passive.
• Kha'Zix - Scyther. He's a fragile bug that jumpscares people by instakilling them. Compareable to Rengar, but less tanky. Gets squashed in every teamfight if he isn't able to isolate targets.
• Kindred - Another furry. Noticing a pattern yet? Their concept was born after a hard night of Riot's champion designers hitting the banana spritzers and reading one too many Discworld books. They are supposed to be edgy, but fail instead, because Wolf sounds like the Cookie Monster after twenty years of hard drinking, and nobody is afraid of a personification of death when death has about as much meaning as taking a shit on Runeterra. Hobbies include writing poetry about wolves and roses and dead mockingjays, and getting triggered by bones. Both are active on DeviantArt, but never post any drawings because neither one has any talent.
• Kled - Literally a furry Yosemite Sam. Lives out in the middle of bumfuck nowhere with his lizard. Like Yosemite Sam, he is known for his rampant bestiality, complete sociopathy, and Napoleon syndrome. Also like Yosemite Sam, he is a raging faggot, and playing him the way the devs intend you to will probably get you b& by butthurt teammates who don't realize you're playing the one champion in the game who should be rushing in headfirst like a retard.
• Kog'Maw - Something that came from the same shitty void neighbourhood that Cho'Gath came from. Will go urka durka allah jihad on your ass if you kill him. Also of note is his ability to vomit at long range.
• K'Sante - A large negro with dreads that hits people with planks (?) who officially fucks man ass. The originality here is astounding. This lousy champ was released right during the peak of the animated series "Primal", where a black giant (aka Giganigger) smashes people with his bare hands. In response, Riot released an emote called "Giga K'Sante", basically admitting that he is in fact, a nigger. Now, with that out of the way, what's this faggot with two surf boards good for? Nobody knows, because every single time anyone plays him, it's an instant loss. He sucks at being a tank and he's godawful at damage dealing and gets bullied by classic champs like Darius. Maybe he'd have a better chance if stealing bikes was a core feature ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
• LeBlanc - French bitch. Called the deceiver. Once her spells are on cooldown she's dead, but not as dead as the target of her spells. Typically spends all game mid, getting 12 kills, then blaming her team she never ganked for when she inevitably loses, because she falls off hard after 25 minutes.
• Lee Sin - A blind Bruce Lee knock off. One of the best champs, because he can karate-kick from a long distance. Nicknamed "Free Win the Blind Monk" for a predictable reason.
• Leona - A female game character who is completely clothed. Riot decided to show their respect for women with an hourglass-figure young woman who has pathetic damage output and whose primary purpose is to be beaten up, which has been proven to be a fact in the A New Dawn trailer. She calls upon the powers of the kitchen of the sun, but never delivers a single sandwich... just outrageous.
• Lillia - Dumb deer jungler that gets its ass kicked repeatedly by pretty much everyone.
• Lissandra - An ice mage with constant CC and high burst, just like Leblanc - Riot's now resorted to plagiarizing themselves. If you see this champion, call up your local wildlife protection and report the sighting of a near-extinct species. That's how rare it is to encounter one.
• Lulu - Dumpy little slut with highly irritating spells. Has an ability that turns you into a small harmless animal.
• Lucian - The 2nd nigger to be in League (first being Nidalee). He lost his wife to a necrophile and decided to steal everyone's bikes by shooting them with Ebony & Ivory his two super ancient pistols of light.
• Lux - Magical blonde mage bitch. She throws light balls around that immobilize with tons of damage, fires a giant laser that obliterates everything, and has a laughing sound that shatters eardrums all over the world. Probably the only (normal-sized) female champion that is not dressed like a whore, though she has changing boob-sizes for every skin. Used to take it in the ass from Ezrael until Tahm Kench ate his dick for lulz.
• Malphite - A generic golem. Made of rock, attacks based around rocks and is a tank. Highly innovative. Does no damage and always gets banned in Ranked.
• Malzahar - Some sandnigger that went to the Void and bought overpowered pushing capability back with him.
• Maokai - A pissed off tree that realized how fucking stupid the League of Legends was and came to life to chuck explosive tree midgets at everyone. His goal is to never play the game again, because being a thoughtless tree was more worthwhile. He can "root rape" his enemies with his ult.
• Master Yi - The sanic of the game and a weeaboo. He goes really fast, and then he goes even faster. Absolutely destroys low elos, yet becomes totally useless in Platinum and above because a single CC is more than enough to fuck him up. Even people who play him decent enough are fucking retards and that's a fact.
• Miss Fortune - Slutty big-titty pirate whore. Can push E to make an AOE circle of slow, then walk away unless played by a retard with no map awareness. Farts heart shaped toxic gas when out of combat that inexplicably makes her run faster.
• Mordekaiser - HUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUE 2/23/8. Mordekaiser Es Numero Uno! QWERignite! Got a rework that changed him from a lulzy metalhead into a big black & dirty colossus that can snatch champs into a different dimension and rape them.
• Morgana - Used to leave menstrual blood all over the place, but Riot changed it to a crystal-like glow in her visual redesign. Wears "sexy" outfits despite heavily resembling a corpse. Her new default outfit also heavily represents a Wild West prostitute for some odd reason and she always does some autistic spin-move every time she walks somewhere. Has hot necro-sex with her sister, Kayle.
• Nami - Not to be confused with that jew from One Piece. A support champion who is most likely fish food for other champions. This bitch has a 5 minute skillshot stun and a 10 minute ult stun. She can also heal while damaging the enemy.
• Nasus - Another champion that was "inspired" by mythology. Wins games by letting his team die for 30 minutes while he sits in one lane and hits Q. If his team lasts this long, Nasus will show up and oneshot the entire enemy team.
• Neeko - Underage-looking lesbian lizard with animu eyes that steals other people's appearances / skills. If she hits you with her early game combo you're pretty much dead. OP as fuck obviously.
• Nidalee - A furry jungle nigger who likes to throw spears and is able to turn into a cat for no given reason. Has one overpowered skillshot that is the slowest projectile in game, however always ends up instakilling people because LoL players cannot dodge for shit.
• Nilah - Another super original character design by Riot in 2022: Human, female, average size tits (to not offend any trannies) of impossible to tell heritage (Indian/black bastard child) with a ... *drumroll* MAGIC WHIP! To make this even more innovative, she has a million dashes, earns more XP passively, has an AOE ult just like everyone's favourite power-fantasy supercunt, Samira, aaaaaaand she can dodge attacks. Her "Star Guardian" skin was specifically designed for armpit fetishists. Combine her with a healer like Soraka and she becomes completely unkillable.
• Nocturne - Angry nigger who, typical of a negro, sits around most of the time and goes out to kill people when it's dark.
• Nautilus - Big daddy from Bioshock; armed with an anchor.
• Nunu & Willump - A big fat Yeti with a little bitch on its head who is harder to kill than John McClane. A recent rework made them both look cutesy, to make more shekels from soyboys.
• Olaf - Riot displays their Earth-shattering creativity with this champion; he is a viking. Drops shit tons of damage, yells a lot and can run away really fast. That's it.
• Orianna - Homicidal robotic sex doll. Stole a nut from a bigger robot and throws it around.
• Ornn - A Hephaestus lookalike that doesn't need to go to base because he can forge anything he wants in lane.
• Pantheon - Leonidas from 300 rip-off with a helmet on top; throws spears and jumps on people like a rapist. His ultimate can be dodged by anyone with common sense, which fortunately for Pantheon players is rarely encountered in LoL. His visual redesign made him all shiny and his attacks too easily readable, causing him to get his ass kicked by any competent team... so again he's totally fine.
• Poppy - Anti-fun bulldyke smurfette. Cunt-slams people into walls and proceeds to hammer rape them. Is both a tank and an assassin, which is about as balanced as it sounds. She's been reworked from one of the ugliest Yordle bitches in the entire game into the cutest champion in LoL who, like all other Demacian bitches, secretly desires to suck Garen's cock.
• Pyke - Riot's response to all crybabies that spam "OMG KS REPORT" in chat. Even though his ultimate executes enemy champions below a certain health, gives kill gold and kill count to nearest ally, he still gets flamed by literal 13-year-old boys because they think all Pykes are trolling, kill stealing, AD building morons.
• Quinn - Since Riot decided one guy with a bird isn't enough (Swain or even Fiddlesticks) they decided it would be super awesome to add a chick who also has a bird! She also can ride one. Yay.
• Qiyana - Orange bimbo empress with a dumb weapon, dumb skills and the nicest ass since Tracer. Her ult makes no sense and despite her being fap-bait for ass fetishists, she has almost no players.
• Rammus - Rolls around like Sonic and taunts people. Thrilling.
• Rell - A retarded negress on a metal horse with terrible abilities and a useless support champion that nobody asked for or wants to play. Rightfully so.
• Renata Glasc - A tall hag in a suit with a gas mask & a robot drone. Garbage support that is barely useful and has no identity. Only known for two things: A painfully slow ult that makes enemies berserk at each other for like 2 seconds and the ability to keep players in control for a short time after they die.
• Renekton - A Raptor Jesus bodyguard with a crocodile head that got fucking sick of working in a library his whole life. He's Nasus's brother despite Nasus being a dog.
• Rengar - A furry version of the Predator. Known for creating many jumpscare moments after savagely jumping out of the bush, as well as being one of the most unbalanced champions in the game because he either gets nerfed into utter uselessness or is broken as fuck. Gets countered by wards like every other assassin, but ONLI DA SUPPORT BUY WARDZ LOL. Press E for [E] bola strike.
• Riven - Another shitty champion that can die really fast. Also is a lesbian and has a broken sword. Melee carry who isn't tanky and has no utility. Utterly useless unless she catches the squishy carries out in the open, in which case she will tower dive for a quadra kill. Also totally obnoxious to lane against due to being manaless and having a spammable shield.
• Rumble - A furfag who operates mechs. Played by no one. Now comes with a Gurren Lagann skin as an attempt by Riot trying to be cool.
• Ryze - Ripped, rune tattooed nigga OG. Puts people in prison. Throws magic watermelons, and despite being cheap is among the most powerful mages. He's also capable of opening a portal and literally GTFO. Despite all his potential he's about as fun to play as swimming in a sea of razors.
• Samira - A typical independent black woman who don't need no man. Comes with an overpowered version of Katarina's ult that can also move, Xin Zhao's defense against projectiles and she's both melee and ranged and can heal herself. Pretty much a Mary Sue power-fantasy character that steamrolls entire games if she's not shut down early. Pure fucking cancer.
• Sejuani - Dumb cunt on a giant pig with a shittier version of Amumu's ult. Widely regarded as crap. Does nothing late game unless she has a perfect beginning and middle which is impossible for any LoL player.
• Senna - Lucians waifu that somehow escaped from Thresh's lantern - who actually gives a shit? She's a nignog with a skintight suit and an oversized beam weapon that shoots stupidly slow. Can farm souls off the ground to boost her stats and shoot a large energy wave across the map, getting even cheaper kills than Lux. Created for braindead supports that want to damage, heal, stun, run away, and shoot across the map without any of the other champs' downsides.
• Seraphine - Sona + K-Pop & AIDS. Whoever designed this abomination deserves to die in a car crash.
• Sett - A generic Kenshiro-style humanoid-furfag bouncer who is so unbelieveably broken that he is able to single-handedly destroy an entire team. All he needs to do is to soak up enough damage, build up a gigantic shield, release it upon a cluster of champs, grab one player, smash him to the ground and then beat the shit out of anyone that's still standing. If he gets fed, the game is pretty much over. The only thing that can actually really fuck him up is damage over time, because it lingers after his shield is gone.
• Shaco - A douchebag ICP fan who goes invisible and stabs people from behind. He's also fond of traps.
• Shen - Totally not Sub-Zero from Mortal Kombat. Overpowered like all champs that don't use mana. Takes enormous amounts of damage before going down. Used to be banned every game. Why is he a tank instead of playing like... you know, a ninja?
• Shyvana - A dragonborn whose only wish is to suck Jarvan's cock. Upon accumulating enough PMS Power she dons a huge dragon fursuit.
• Singed - Anorexic junkie with a meth lab on his back; is able to run fast to fuck people up despite extremely cumbersome weight. He is the most hideously annoying thing in League of Legends if you let him get fed, but luckily any champion can easily counter him by chasing him hard, as he is too slow to get away.
• Sion - Copy of any undead warrior from WarCraft 3. Has one good ability. Sion players are still wondering when he'll get a rework and visual update while other champions who don't need updates get them. Got a complete rework. Now he can yell really loud to thrust an enemy minion in the direction of his skillshot and permanently increase his health when he kills anything. His Q has been changed to slow or knockup and stun anything in a cone in front him based on how long the Q button has been held down. Easily dodgeable if LoL players could dodge for shit. Ult now makes him start running really fast and then damage and knockup anything he headbutts while doing this. LoL players however can't aim for shit so they end up headbutting the wall and getting stunned at least 100% of the time. Passive makes him go into a tard rage when he dies giving him a few seconds of life and replacing all his abilities with a speed buff, just enough to rape anything in the immediate vicinity.
• Sivir - Steve Irwin's daughter; her entire skillset revolves around throwing a giant boomerang and running fast. Highly original. Notable as a terrible ranged carry even within a game full of terrible ranged carries.
• Skarner - Some crystal scorpion thing that can drag people to the bushes and rape them. Nobody actually plays this thing anymore.
• Sona - Weaboo DDR band geek whore who consists of nothing but button-mashing. Has psychic powers for no adequately-explored reason. Used to be the best support in the game. Now is nerfed beyond being at all usable. Reworked for no reason at all other than pissing off half of the retards who wanted to play this shitty game with an easy support character. Now she requires effort to be a failure.
• Soraka - Unicorn furfag that gets all the focus in teamfights. Used to 1v5 the enemy team, but Riot hates her to the point that she immediately gets reworked or nerfed into utter uselessness if she ever gets played in competitive matches. She's still a strong support, because an average LoL player's mindset is like "oh she's easy to kill anyway, let's kill tanks first". Her stupid gimmick is that she has to damage enemies to heal herself, then use her own health to heal others.
• Sylas - A self-proclaimed communist that steals other champions' ultimates. Totally not Rubick.
• Syndra - Dominatrix that kills with her giant black balls. Is a mage with bad AP scaling. Nice one Riot. Known for having a cheap ult that one shots anyone at level 6.
• Swain - A bird fetishist who hates Jarvan. Will totally pwn other people with his ultimate because it has a low cooldown. Totally not a servant of Tzeentch from Warhammer 40K. Reworked into Lucius Malfoy. He's still a drain tank but Grievous Wounds or Ignite can still easily fuck him up.
• Tahm Kench - An obese motherfucker born out of a determined effort by Riot to simultaneously rip off both The Princess And The Frog and Eka's Portal, he is definitive proof - as if you needed any after Kha'Zix and Cho'Gath - that somebody on Riot's development team is a voreaphile. His primary gimmick is, as you might expect, to eat enemies and teammates whole. Since you don't need your teammate's permissions to eat them, he has trolling potential almost as vast as his fat ass.
• Taliyah - Toph Beifong, nuff said. Nobody plays her because she's no fun, her skills suck and she looks like a very ugly female copy of Disney's Aladdin.
• Taric - Gay crystal *stars* knight who comes in FAAABULOUS colors like lavender and turquoise. Was once designed for noobs to get into support / top and for autists who love juggling spell cooldowns. He was reworked / replaced like everything fun in the game. He's now a lame combination of Omniknight & Io, both from DotA 2, using Io's linking mechanic and a inoffensively gay space theme. Playing him is now a test of your patience and sanity as the shitters you call teammates miss every stun-setup and run away from your ult. Truly outrageous.
• Talon - Weak as hell and useless in teamfights. Has to use all his abilities just to get one kill. Don't underestimate him though, he can jump over walls like a freerunner and shove his blades up your squishy ass.
• Teemo - Also known as Satan in the League of Legends community, due to how overpowered he is. He's a tiny woodland critter furfag asshole that turns invisible, while simultaneously planting explosive mushrooms everywhere. Shrooms scout the map, act as free wards that last twice as long, and detonate whenever some unlucky noob steps on them, contaminating the victim with a severely noxious poison that kills him over time. Can also play as a ward by just sitting still for a few seconds, run faster than most champs, and ADDITIONALLY has the ability to shoot a dart that blinds enemies, causing them to miss their attacks. The amount of suffering his shrooms have caused over the runtime of the game is unbelieveable. He is without a doubt the last bastion of lulz in this Chink-infested SJW shithole. Fair and balanced.
• Thresh - Pale faggot that keeps people in dungeons and beats them with a length of chain. Stole the soul of Lucian's wife, and keeps it around his neck for the lulz.
• Tristana - A blue shortstack yordle who is Teemo's girlfriend. This smurf midget jackoff likes to blow shit up with her cannon and jump on enemies. Known for giving champions an instant heart attack with her massive blowjob combo post level 6.
• Trundle - A cursed Troll that smells like garbage, and ruins everything he comes near with his defiling presence alone. Reworked: now he is just a generic ice troll in a fantasy world. Nobody plays him, because his playstyle is very situational and boring. Has some trolling potential with his pillar.
• Tryndamere - Faggot barbarian with a tard rage ability that makes him invincible for a few seconds. Played by 13 year old boys who drink too much Mountain Dew and Red Bull. Easily shut down by exhaust or any hard CC. Currently getting blown by Ashe for political reasons.
• Twisted Fate - A Gambit copypasta (from X-men) without the bullshit excuse of having an explosive touch to justify him killing people by throwing playing cards. Can teleport anywhere on the map, which generally just makes him a more effective feeder.
• Twitch - Jewish rat armed with a weird ass crossbow, which can poison people and activate a fart bomb after some stacks. Invariably feeds, but can raep a whole team if fed. After his visual upgrade, he will now never shut the fuck up with every mouse click. He has legs now too.
• Udyr - A true weeaboo furfag who can use the power of 5 furfags to rape enemies.
• Urgot - A fatass undead-spider-robot-thingy... actually nobody knows what the fuck this thing is. "It" is so easy to play: All you need to do is have a lock on and spam Q. Does everything from throwing poison bananas to switching places; the product of LSD night at the Riot mantrain party. Riot finally gave Urgot half-assed upgrades to make people think they care about "it" (even Riot hates Urgot). Riot reworked him and made him so fucking OP that he now grabs people under a certain percent of health and literally tears them a new asshole.
• Varus - A weeaboo, who after becoming an hero by burning himself up with this totally not evil flame, got a demonic bow and a new pair of pants. NEW LORE - CONFIRMED GAY. A homicidal demon twink with the souls of two dead gay men inside of him. His ult fires two "chains of corruption" that bend you over and poz you. Routinely has a sub-50% win rate, but still gets nerfed because of homophobia. Still not as gay as Taric.
• Vayne - Just some squishy Van Helsing Batman tryhard bitch that is impossible to kill if fed, due to all her abilities also being utility spells. She rolls around like Sonic with a nicer ass, and if she pins you to a wall your anus is hers; hope you like strap-ons!
• Veigar - What happened when Dick Dastardly and Lord Voldemort double stuffed a Final Fantasy black mage and gave birth to a disgusting furfag midget. He instantly kills anyone that builds squishy with his fucking huge stun ring and nuking them with everything he's got, but will be bent over and raped himself otherwise. As the only black yordle he is naturally the only one to have gone to prison.
• Vel'Koz - Another void alien thing, this time a Lovecraftian tentacle rape monster with a tentacle for each hole. Now we know what turned Kassadin and Malzahar void-gay. Once everybody under the age of 21 got over all of the shitty hentai/tentacle rape jokes they made about Vel'Koz (some involving Annie because the LoL community is full of pedophiles and faggots), they stopped using him, realizing he isn't fun to use due to his skill shots being annoying to land.
• Vex - Perma-depressed, edgy Yordle goth chick that punishes the use of any kind of dash abilities in her vicinity. The amount of porn that was produced for this champ before it was even officially released is staggering.
• Vi - Caitlyn's lesbian lover. Punches things with giant robot hands. Giving a generic barbie doll pink hair and two giant fists does not make a clever champion design, Riot...
• Viego - Flashy, shirtless faggot king that announces his approach every single time with a green wave on the floor, which allows just about anyone with at least some skill to tear him apart as soon as he becomes visible. The only way he gets any kills is when he catches someone off-guard, and even then he's pretty awful at that. Designed purely for chinks and closet-homos.
• Viktor - Riot's attempt at ripping off Adeptus Mechanicus from Warhammer 40K. He stole Jayce's shit and got owned. Can fire his lazor and summon a butt vortex thing that is totally useless against everyone. If he gets jumped by anyone he's dead.
• Vladimir - A generic gay vampire. His spells steal life (who could have guessed?) while his ult spreads AIDS to the enemy team, and he can piss off everyone by melting into an invincible pool of menstrual blood.
• Volibear - The bear from "Golden Compass" - copypasta. Shoots lightning and runs fast. Spends all of his late game getting kited and pedocharging the enemy carry.
• Warwick - King of the Furfags. Capable of yiffing enemies so hard they become immobilized.
• Wukong - Riot showing their originality by copying the same chink garbage that Dragon Ball did. Is a totally useless champion; all he is able to do is escape death. Has the same gay spin move Garen has, only it somehow sucks even more.
• Xayah and Rakan - Not just one, but TWO more furfags. As members of the Furluminati, they seek to establish furry dominance over mankind, thus ensuing endless yiffing for the rest of Runeterra's history. Their dialogue sounds like it was written by an edgy DeviantArt-going angsty teenager, making them slightly above average for Riot. They are designed to go together, thus exasperating the already-massive problem of finding an ADC or Support who isn't a gibbering fuckwit. The only positive thing they bring to the table is the satisfaction of killing them over and over.
• Xerath - Overpriced crystal ultra mage thing. Aside from having stupidly long range, he is useless. Now reworked with an even more overpowered ult that can shoot its blue balls across the map, 3 TIMES. Kill secured.
• Xin Zhao - The only weeaboo living in Demacia, also the wet dream of every dynasty warrior Zhao Yun fanboy. Usually jumps into fights too early, realizes he can't get out, panics and hits R, then tries to run away before getting gutted by the enemy tank.
• Yorick - Emo grave digger, attacks with aborted zombie fetuses. Good at trolling every champion by spamming the same spell over and over. Known for having no counter when walking into a bar. Reworked to be a shitty knockoff of Nasus with Annie's ultimate. Fuck you ghostcrawler.
• Yasuo - A homeless, alcoholic Ching Chong champion. He was accused of unjustified murder and has been trying to find the truth ever since, by killing more people. Able to create a wind shield that somehow blocks all projectiles despite being made out of fucking wind. Had the highest ban rate at several points in time, because of his passive giving him a lot of critical hit damage, even though only one competent guy in Korea knows how to use him. Yasuo players are the worst of the worst, worse than even the typical arrogant ADC player. They are the perfect representation of every tryhard retard that ever existed. Watch them die once, cry, and then run down into the enemy tower repeatedly until the game is over. They are purely driven by ego, nothing they do or say has anything to do with teamwork.
• Yone - Essentially Yasuo 2.0 - created specifically for tryhards that couldn't handle Yasuo's positioning. He got fucked in the ass by his brother and now has a demon stuck in his head or something. Can overextend his own attack range by projecting himself forward to hurt champs. Any competent team can easily shut him down every time he does this, though. Other than that, as with Yasuo, Yone players are pure egomaniacs and shitheads.
• Yuumi - A cat is fine too. Hey, do you hate playing League of Losers? Do you want to jerk off, without getting flagged as AFK, while occasionally pressing a button or two? Then this champ is for you! The kittycat attaches to another champion like a parasite and becomes nearly invincible, while passively giving bonus stats to her host. The only way she can die like this, is if she directly damages someone in turret range, or if whoever she's attached to runs into the enemies and feeds both their lives away. A champion built purely for e-girls to get boosted by their friend group. You just have to press a spell every now and then, and most people probably won't even notice you left for the bathroom five minutes ago.
• Zac - Disney themed Flubber rip-off by Riot. A jelly man that has an attack that can melt down bitches' clothes... well at least we wish he could do that. Beating up naked sluts would make this game slightly more tolerable. Anyway, this champion is a complete pain in the ass, as he breaks up into pieces that you can't kill alone before he comes back to life.
• Ziggs - Batshit furfag who likes to blow shit up. That's it. Only way he can get off is by watching 9/11. Has a skillshot which everybody fucks up.
• Zilean - Autistic lemonparty veteran. He walks around carrying a giant clock for no adequately explained reason. Can revive teammates with his ult but players always use it too early or too late and mess it up.
• Zed - A highly original ninja character. Three generic ninjas at the time were not enough, apparently. Rapes everyone by pressing R on the enemy. To win a game, spam all abiliies, then laugh at the enemy as they explode helplessly, while you're already on the opposite side of the battlefield. Totally not Shredder from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
• Zeri - Imagine being so unoriginal that you have to remove an item that everyone loved (Statikk Shiv) and transform it into a danger hair Pikachu version of Jinx. Jumps around like Kennen and causes ranged damage to groups of enemies by slamming the Q button repeatedly until its worn out.
• Zoe: A child that is actually thousands of years old. Zoe has been used as fap material for pedophiles and hentai fans since her release. She has an ability that can put pedos to sleep, allowing her to oneshot them. Picks up Summoner Spells and item actives from other champions. Can also open a portal to teleport a short distance, then immediately return. Anybody with common sense can easily dodge her sleep ability, even though 99% of LoL players can't dodge shit.
• Zyra - Totally not Poison Ivy / Witchblade. Totally not broken as shit. Absolutely doesn't look like Kerrigan from StarCraft and in no way is her ability, shitting out plants that look like Zerg Spine crawlers, stolen from another game.
Tactics & Behaviour
Here's a real challenge: "Name a community worse than LoL"
There's a simple rule for everything you do: DON'T LISTEN TO YOUR TEAMMATES, EVER! They will ALWAYS treat you like shit, no matter how good or bad you are. Play freestyle; make your own metagame rules or just fuck the rules. Doesn't matter, just avoid doing any of that "Support" or "Jungle" shit. Try to be as flexible as possible. And remember to ALWAYS blame the support player for all your shit, questioning their sexual preferences and the legitimacy of their birth each time you get pwned by the enemy jungler.
• If you're losing, every team member will blame it on another team member until a flame war starts. Then the all chat is spammed with ridiculous insults.
• If you're winning, the chances of a flame war decrease, unless someone is not doing so well, gets called a noob and then leaves the game to show everyone who's boss.
Remember, when you play well, you are a try-hard. If you die too much, you are a feeder. Just be completely mute and pick whatever you want, regardless of the team make-up. You'll get banned sooner or later anyway, no matter what you do. Chances of getting blamed for losing depend solely on your role.
No matter what role you play, who wins or who's playing, there will be flaming and raging involved, and this game will turn you into a raging asshole who can not take the slightest responsibility for his own failure.
Roles
• AD Carry aka Farming - You stay in your lane and kill as many minions as possible to get enough jewgold. Pretty simple, right?
~ ... Unfortunately being the role with the highest DPS and lowest health makes you a high priority target, but your teammates won't care. It's your fault for getting killed by the entire enemy team while your teammates chase the tank/support. Expect lots of blame, because it's your fault for not "carrying the game".
Killing more minions than usual makes teammates rage too, as they complain that you're pushing the lane too much. Usually the Carry bears a deep hatred for his Support. His entire existence is based on waiting for the Support to fuck things up so he can attain hugboxing from the enemy team. The ADC in its current form is considered the least useful part of the team and if you, as a Support, get harassed by one, just abandon the dipshit. You can still easily win the game by helping another lane, if there's enough time left.
• Support aka Jewgold thief - These are the poor guys that have to buy and place wards on different spots of the map and keep the farmer alive so that he can get his precious gold.
~ Expect your lane partner to blame it on you when things aren't going so well. The enemy has an aggressive support that keeps snagging your carry who is too far out? It's your fault. Your carry doesn't get back when a jungler appears in your wards? It's your fault. Auto attacked once in the first five minutes? That's why your carry has no farm.
It doesn't even matter if you keep him alive. You failed to stun the enemy champ that just killed your suicidal partner? Expect a report. You were unable to actually fire anything because everything is on cooldown? REPORT! You got a kill with the help of your Carry? REPOOORTTTTTTTTTT!!!!111 ... Basically, you're FUCKED.
• Middle - The teams' scapegoat. Not only do you have to keep track of the roaming idiot you're laning against, your jungler will also expect your cooperation for every play he makes, regardless of whether you can actually get there or not. After about 15 minutes, your team will usually get bored of feeding, and decide to play ARAM in your lane instead.
~ Expect every failed jungle gank to be your fault. If you die once in your lane the game is automatically lost and it's all your fault. If you forget to call out a missing lane opponent ("MIA" for North America and "SS" for Europe), shit's gonna hit the fan for you.
The middle player is known to be a smug asshole who thinks he's a pro for flashing into safety and killing a bunch of minions. This guy is probably the most likely to ragequit when things aren't going so well.
• Top - Basically an island. This role requires you to be completely alone and manage to survive long enough until the enemy turret on your lane is destroyed. Your only help will be a unreliable jungler who yiffs with the local wolves.
~ Watch on, helplessly, as your 0/4 lane opponent teleports to bot lane. See how your teammates fail to retreat, despite having ample time to do so. Bask in the flame of your so-called "allies", as they ping your teleport (it was on cooldown), your ultimate (you didn't have it), and anything else they can desperately grasp at to hide how terrible they are.
The top player always sees himself as the superior being, close to godhood. Never question his playstyle or he will go apeshit and run into the next turret.
• Jungler - In this role you're the guy who kills the monsters in the surrounding woods to get their buff effects. Then you have to run on a random lane to (hopefully) gangrape an enemy hero.
~ You are to blame whenever a lane isn't doing well. It doesn't matter if it was a 1vs1 first blood on the opposite side of the map, you weren't magically there so it's your fault. Expect all the blame, even when you're winning.
Junglers are known to be the most selfish pricks of the entire game. They will never, ever help you when you actually need them. If your turret is being attacked by a horde of minions during which you are probably dead, this guy is killing creeps next to it. He will not run around the corner to help.
Types of Players
• The Chatterbox - Before the game even starts, this player will make his presence known in the pre-game lobby. It usually starts out friendly enough - some banter back and forth, discussion of the local weather, and maybe a "good luck, team". Once you get in-game, though, all bets are off. Sit in amazement as he spends the entire match in all-chat, using the game as his personal social media platform. If he dies, he will unleash 15 years' worth of impotent rage on any player unlucky enough to be nearby.
• The Griefer / Troll - Depending on his actual intellectual prowess, the griefer can be both manipulative and excruciating and turn entire teams against each other. However, 90% of the idiots you meet in this game that say they are "trolling" are just pissed off teenagers from third world countries, that think intentionally feeding the enemy will increase the size of their dicks and bring their point across.
• The Hardstuck Pro - This mouthbreathing retard thinks he knows exactly what all his teammates should be doing at any given time. Known for making terrible calls over and over, like running into the enemy jungle alone with no vision, because he saw someone do it in a pro game. When he inevitably fails due to his lack of knowledge about WHY things should work, he will immediately deflect onto the nearest teammate, pinging their ability cooldowns and giving the full breakdown of why it's their fault that he has a 20% winrate.
• The Metafag - Somewhat related to the Hardstuck Pro, the Metafag is the kind of player that believes that law is everything and rules should never be broken. What this means is that you're dealing with a retard who follows streamers/Youtubers/guides and shifts his entire playstyle after them. He refuses to accept any other alternatives and only follows the current meta, like a braindead sheep. Ingame this dumbass will harass you non-stop till the end of the game for daring to play "off-meta"; like for example, choosing a champion like Teemo to play support, because according to him it's against the norm and you'd have no chance of winning, EVER. NO FUN ALLOWED. Players like this believe they're in an actual tourney game and will scold others who do not follow their beliefs. When you combine metafaggotry with a Hardstuck Pro type of player, you get a mongoloid fuckface who actively feeds your enemy or chooses a terrible champ for his own lane out of pure spite, then cries for the rest of the game about the off-meta player and tries to get him banned.
• The Pacifist - Seemingly all this player wants to do is sit under his tower and watch the minions kill each other. Known for incessantly spamming the "get back" ping when a teammate moves anywhere near an enemy champion. It can be 5v1 in his favor, and this faggot will still be cowering in fear on the opposite end of the lane.
• The Pusher - "Wards? What are those?" This player knows only one way to play this game - push every minion wave as hard as possible. Will inevitably get butt-raped by the enemy jungler over and over, then type "jg diff" in all-chat.
• The Sexual Deviant - ERP, anyone? :3 ... these horny faggots, usually duo queued, typically botlane, have made it their mission to masturbate as loudly and publicly as possible. They've memorized the perfect combination of taunts to simulate sexual acts on any given champion. Be sure to mute them immediately, or your chat will be filled with oWo and uWu for the remainder of the match. Oftentimes you will still win despite them having no idea that they're playing a video game, because the enemies will close the game in disgust after 30 minutes of this bullshit.
• The Surrender Monkey - The guy that always tries to force the team to surrender when someone dies or an objective is lost. Moaning, bitching and crying is his passion for the rest of the game and if his team somehow manages to win anyway, he'll always be the first one to say "GG EZ" at the end.
• The Tower-diving Faggot - This suicidal motherfucker, typically a Top or Mid player on your team, always tower-dives to get a kill. If he fails at doing so, he will report his team for their lack of assisted suicide. It's fucking true. If this guy is your Carry, it's better to just steal his farm as soon as possible.
Trolling
Can't rank up anymore? All the champions feel the same? Game's just not fun like it used to be? Here's an opportunity for you to take out some petty rage on your hapless teammates. Like any competitive game with an addicted, emotionally unstable playerbase, LoL is fertile grounds for trolling. Surprisingly little is required in the way of game knowledge or skill, although you'll be at an advantage if you've got some experience. You'll usually find the most success if you pick ranked mode - your teammates will be invested in trying to win, with emotions (and death scores) running high - but you'll also have to be more careful to avoid getting banned than you would in a normal match. Note that what's listed below is only a brief outline of what you can do, and that it's a good idea to combine lots of different methods rather than just sticking to one thing for the whole game. Happy hunting!
• Before the Match - The best traps are laid far in advance. If you've got some time before the game, why not look up your teammates? Take note of anyone who's in a promotion series, as they'll be the most invested in the outcome of the game. If you find someone on a big losing streak, congratulations - you might be able to induce a ragequit before the match is over. There is also a little game you can play, in which you see how many lobbies you can ruin before you get in a match. The important thing to know about this is that there is a stacking penalty for leaving the champion select lobby, so it's pretty annoying for most people to do. Some players will leave the lobby if you simply pick an off-meta combination of role, champion, and summoner spells. To take it a step further, you might want to ban someone's selected champion, or start throwing out random accusations in the pregame chat. There's nothing like a little warm-up before the big game.
• Ban Evasion - With the Tribunal gone, most bans now seem to be handed out by some kind of AI - so if you know what to watch out for, you should be able to keep your account afloat for quite a while. Mostly, you want to avoid the super obvious "running it down". At maximum, you can do this a few times per match, and it's better if you spread them out as well. Chatting is another difficult area, as it becomes very tempting to bait your teammates into a flame war. The problem is that if you send too many messages, especially if they're openly inflammatory, you risk crossing a threshold which will lead to you getting chat restricted. There's no exact number to track, as it also depends on what you're saying, but getting a chat restriction can make the next few games less entertaining. Certain words will also trigger a chat restriction immediately.
• Chatting - It's best to keep your messages related to the game, both to avoid getting banned, and because most players will be unable to resist taking the bait. Try to go for quality over quantity with your messages - spamming will work for a game or two, then you'll get hit with a chat restriction. Be subtle if you can (but not too subtle, remember your audience can barely read), and just keep the ban AI in mind as you type. Openly lying can be very effective, especially after you've just lost a big team fight, as it frequently leads to rage and confusion about what actually happened. The AI, having no way of knowing the context of the game, will not be able to punish you for this sort of thing. Try to pick good targets for chat trolling, such as anyone sending angry messages or using lots of pings. Also try to lead your target out of his autopilot mode where he's simply delivering canned responses, as all LoL players have had some experience with (very unskilled) chat trolls. Ideally, you want to get everyone else talking a lot more than you. Don't forget that you can also add players after the game is over, if you want to keep going with a significantly reduced ban risk.
• Feeding - Simple and effective, although it can lose its edge if you're too transparent. Like with chatting, it's a good idea to pick your target, both in terms of which enemy to feed, and which ally to piss off. If you're playing a jungler, try to grab double buffs before feeding, to make it extra painful. As stated earlier, it's important to not simply run into towers over and over, as you'll just be detected by the automated system and handed a 14 day vacation. Occasional, high-impact deaths are the way to go. If you're going to die repeatedly, it should be in fights, or getting picked off in a vaguely believable way. If you're a jungler, it should look like a gank gone badly wrong - throwing skillshots the wrong way, then overchasing is usually good enough. If you want to die 1v1, you can be a little more relaxed, but remember the AI is still watching. Overstaying when you're low on HP will often be effective, as you'll attract attention from your teammates, who will be pinging you to get back. When you inevitably die to the enemy's flash+skillshot, you can farm some extra rage.
• Ability Interactions - While a team-based game might seem ripe for trolling your allies with your own abilities, LoL doesn't actually have too many interactions that can directly affect allies in a negative way. Champions that create terrain stand ahead of the pack, most notably Anivia. Anivia has loads of potential for trolling enemies with her passive, and both allies and enemies with her wall. Her passive is great because everyone forgets about it, so you can easily stand around at low HP and wait for your enemy to do something stupid. Your wall will actually get wider as you level up the ability, so make sure you max it first. The wall is truly your bread and butter on Anivia. You'll frequently be able to save low HP enemies by walling in front of them. If you notice that one of your allies doesn't have flash or a dashing ability available, you can simply wall behind them when they step near the enemies for a guaranteed kill. Jarvan is another champion that can troll with terrain, but it's harder, as he can't simply place his wall anywhere the way Anivia can. He does, however, have the advantage of creating a circular wall that can't be walked out of. Excluding terrain-creating champions, your options are fairly limited. Tahm Kench's ultimate allows him to eat an ally, but it's only for a second, and it has a really long cooldown. Kalista can use her ultimate to bring an ally to her, but they can dash a long distance out of it, so it usually won't end too badly for them. One final note is for Shen. His ultimate is almost always helpful to an ally since it grants a huge shield, but if you can find an ally who's certain to be dead even with the shield, you can cast your ultimate on them to give the enemies some extra gold.
• Roles - Support is a very powerful role for trolling, since you're always near at least one ally. You can do simple things such as repeatedly miss your skillshots, or die in a stupid way. It's super effective if you fail to heal/shield your ally at the appropriate time. The support role also allows you to make your carry useless for the rest of the game, essentially crippling their will to play. Jungle is another powerful choice. Perhaps not surprisingly, one of the most effective ways you can troll as a jungler is simply by doing nothing. If you just run around the map and take camps over and over, the enemies will have free reign over the map, your team will slowly realize that it's a 4v5, and pings and butthurt messages will begin to pile up as the game falls apart. Bonus points if you feed the enemies double buffs every now and again. Incidentally, this is one of the possible ways to be essentially AFK without actually getting flagged as such by the system. Another thing you can do, as either jungler or support, is take your teammates' minion waves whenever you get the chance. Not only do you send all that gold and experience into a black hole for your team, you can also induce a lot of butthurt if you do it when your laner is actually in the lane. If you're playing mid/top, don't feel left out, because you can always take teleport and make a big mess in someone else's lane every few minutes. Mid laners also have a lot of potential to roam either top or bot, or even into the enemy jungle if you're feeling bold. One of the best times to do a troll roam is just after your lane opponent got a successful roam off (which you failed to warn your allies of). You can have some fun with AD Carry too, such as by intentionally missing every minion. Nothing will make your support rage like seeing that his carry has a perfect 0 farm at 20 minutes into the game.
• Two Player Mode - If you can find a "partner in crime" who will troll with you, your success will go through the roof. Ideally, this is someone you queued up with beforehand, but you can sometimes convert people in-game too. Being able to back each other up in the chat is invaluable, and you can get a lot more done around the map with two people compared to just one. One thing in particular that you can do with two people is to target your team's jungler for extermination. For this strat, both of you take smite, go to opposite sides of the map, and take as many of his camps as you can. He might get desperate and try to force a gank or an invade into the enemy jungle, but since you've already set him behind, it shouldn't end very well for him. In the time that he wastes running around the map, you can take the rest of his camps.
• Behavior - There are also some general playstyles that you can adopt in your quest to farm lulz. Picking a player and following him around everywhere is a good one, especially if you're not playing support. If you're in a duo lane and want to get your lane partner riled up, try standing still and letting skillshots hit you. Using summoner spells like ghost or heal when they're unnecessary can work if you're going for the "noob" image. Teleporting to lane at the start of the game is another one in the same vein. Whatever you do, always remember: if someone criticizes you in the chat, make sure to vigorously defend your actions as though they're the most natural thing in the world.
Getting Banned
Ever since the old days, when the "Tribunal" was put in place, banning players has become a daily activity. Of course Riot denied the fact that this system was heavily biased, abuseable and didn't provide the "judges" with any screenshot evidence. Getting reported and banned was therefor easier than winning a game.
Many years later they replaced the "Tribunal" with an automated detection system that punishes instantly and is actually even worse than the Tribunal ever was. It does not actually punish so-called "trolls", griefers and retards, but instead punishes the ones that are actually trying to put those people into their places. Back in the old days of the Internets, flaming was used to not just harass someone, but to also joke around, aka banter. All of this is now forbidden thanks to the SJW robot overlord that watches over every single League of Losers player. No fun allowed, no more banter, no more playing angry, 3 strikes and you're out.
If you think "trolls" are the problem here, you are a fucking idiot.
It should be noted that whatever you do in LoL accumulates. You can be the nicest guy ever for dozens of games, but if you said a few bad words in the last 100 games or rage-quit, it will fuck you over at the very moment you say something bad again and an entire team reports you. Banning players is way too profitable (reselling the same shop items to retard-addicts) for Riot Games, after all.
This handy little list will explain to you what kind of things get you banned in League of Legends:
• Will get you banned instantly:
→ Saying a single fucking bad word in chat, especially /all chat, which begs the question as to why /all chat even exists in the first place besides to provoke the emotionally brittle retards that make LoL their permanent home. Don't even try to write something like "Player X ruined the game", because even that shit gets you banned.
→ Saying any of the typical NO-NO words like nigger, faggot etc. Yes, we put this in a seperate category, because you can even get banned when you're not using these "harsh" words. That's how bad the situation has become.
→ Using any of the following terms: gg, ez, kys or any other retarded buzzword that is considered offensive nowadays.
→ Making sandwiches.
→ Being AFK for 5 minutes. It's actually worse to be afk for a few minutes than to outright leave the entire game, because for some reason the AFK penalty doesn't apply, so if someone reports you right there, you'll get the full punishment, especially when you said a single bad word.
→ Taking the (now defunct) "Revive" spell or pressing the random champion button. (This used to be a thing, no joke)
• Will get you banned sooner or later:
→ "Feeding" (which is 80% of the time a shitty excuse to ban someone who died a few times) or just being a player with lots of deaths (eventhough you tried everything you could to hold the enemy). HEROIC SACRIFICES ARE NOT TOLERATED!
→ Being a "troll" (seriously, LoLplayers don't even fucking know what a troll is. For them everything that they don't like or understand in their peabrain is trolling)
→ Getting other spells than the ones your "teammates" want you to choose.
→ Helping out middle lane. (Especially any Yasuo)
→ "Stealing" a kill (eventhough gold is shared with assists).
→ Last-hitting ANY minions.
→ Killing ANY minions on another lane.
→ Getting killed by a turret.
→ Getting killed at all.
→ Trying to reason with Frenchies.
→ Trying to reason with Brazilians.
→ Trying to reason with Beaners.
→ Trying to reason with Russians.
→ Trying to communicate with the anti-social playerbase in LoL at all.
→ Being a kind and forgiving player.
→ Using common sense.
Previous Quote | Next Quote
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Easy -
Watch out for his daddy! -
GG -
Randoming champions in ranked is only reserved for the cool kids in town.
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Butthurt -
A rule to live by! -
You work too hard. -
Twitch is such a faggot. -
God-tier feeding -
What a legend -
These colors don't run, never forget
ELO system
A ranking system that was meant to separate the horrible and even worse players in terms of skill and winrates (and fails pathetically at it, since everybody can just use a smurf account). Let's be real; we all know that it's mostly used to separate players in terms of how lucky or "smart" (using Duo and inviting a reliable partner) they are.
• Iron - The realm of trolls, retards, and actual children. It is practically impossible to end up here legitimately, unless you are completely new or have some kind of learning disability. The games are fun to stomp for a while, then you realize most of the players are trying to lose anyway. It is a place of legends. Anyone who re-enters it intentionally, may never leave. This league was created in 2018 to seal off the worst of the worst from the rest of the spastic community (a very useless gesture, to be honest). It is a mystery how all the retards that unintentionally ended up in this place haven't been permabanned for ruining so many ranked games before.
To get out of Iron, you just have to know the very basics of the game. Get gold and experience, don't feed and you will steadily climb.
• Bronze - Players on this level are talented enough to get TRASHED by AFKs and their CS is SO awful, they might as well farm in the jungle (eventhough the jungle monsters will PWN them as well). Sometimes they don't even think about buying, placing wards or even setting masteries. In case they do, the choices are a clusterfuck. They fail at everything and their very IQ is dropping with every game.
Merely having common sense and basic understanding about anything mentioned above is more than enough to make short work of them. However, getting OUT of Bronze is a completely different matter. Bronze 1 is the most cursed ELO one can imagine. It is without a doubt the true ELO hell. If you do not have a friend with you, or you aren't able to tryhard entire teams by yourself, you will never get out during your promotion games. The game intentionally fills your team with backstabbers, ragers, griefers, retards and children to keep you from ranking up, more so than on any other rank.
As the video shows, there is always someone as bad as you
• Silver - An over-glorified Bronze rank. They believe they are 1337 because they are not Bronze. Their only redeeming quality is that they can at least carry themselves in early game. Doesn't last very long though. This is basically also a prolonged ELO hell for those that managed to rank up from Bronze 1.
These players are very weak after the early game, so if you know what you're doing in the later stages, you should have no trouble attaining a decent winrate here.
• Gold - They are not that much better than Silver players. They think they know much more than they actually do. Mediocrity is the hallmark of the Gold player.
Winning in Gold is just a matter of refining your skills to an above-average level. Everything that they do can be done better, with a little effort. Tryharding is rampant.
• Platinum - The biggest egos live here, and hence the most butthurt faggots. These players will give up at the first minor mistake a teammate makes, because they all think they are playing in LCS. The mantra of the Platinum player is "I could be Diamond whenever I want".
To beat Platinum players you have to actually outplay them, but they are not as clean and consistent as they think and winning one fight will send the whole enemy team into an autistic spiral of rage.
• Diamond - The holy grail for most of the playerbase. Many people will stop playing ranked altogether once they reach this elo, because climbing higher is simply not worth it.
• Master/Grandmaster/Challenger - Abandon all hope, ye who enter here. Turbo-autists only. Your rank will automatically degrade if you don't play for a certain time, making the whole experience even more painful.
Clans & eSports
Team Siren
Well known as "that girls only team" with a totally not sexist anti-male name.
They were a shitty team hired by Riot to promote more girls to play a game that's not Tetris or the Sims. Despite having escaped the kitchen, they still spent most of their time feeding the enemy team, so it's k.
They disbanded last Thursday, like nobody saw that one coming.
Previous Video | Next Video
Vaevictis Esports
This was a Russian organization that couldn't fund their pro team anymore, so they replaced them all with girls as a publicity stunt. Results were immediately lulzy, with the team receiving such accolades as "fastest defeat in professional LoL" and "0-34 overall in LCL". They were so awful that Riot eventually kicked them out of competing in the LCL.
The original VODs of their matches seem to have been removed (I wonder why), so these shit quality videos are all that's left.
Setting records from the beginning (skip to around 7:30 for the game)
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Riot Games wankery
As a "world-leading" games developer, one must cause as much drama as possible. Here's a small list of Riot's exploits.
► Riot recast Jhin's voice actor, because Quinton Flynn got #cancelled, despite going to court over it and winning entirely.
► Riot also recast Taliya and possibly Ekko, because their voice actors weren't ethnic enough and this is somehow considered racist.
► Riot changed Ekko's design from a iconic mohawk to dreads going forward in the series Arcane and "Project L", because Ekko wasn't enough of a stereotype.
► Michael "Diversity Hire" Luo wrote Zeri and inserted a reference to a real life hate crime into a completely unrelated character for woke brownie points.
► Despite being known for some of the stronger character writings in the business, Riot FIRED all their good writers in one fell swoop (to hire diversity-obsessed freaks like Michael Luo), then let those new writers create the "Sentinels of Light" event, which was so bad that it's been soft-retconned THREE FUCKING TIMES since release.
► Legends of Runeterra's team is so tumultous, that they released a major announcement with focus on LoR's PVE one week, then released another major announcement the following week that they'd rather work on PVP instead.
► Luo, responsible for buttfucking all of LoL's events into minimum-viable-product grindfests left the LoL team to work on an unannounced project. He's basically going to ruin the planned MMO, too.
► Riot keeps retconning characters as gay, because no one gives a fuck about champions they wrote from the ground-up to be gay, like Rell and Neeko.
► Riot blatantly created Seraphine for skin money and retconned her lore within a week of the reveal, because people "misinterpreted" it in a way that gave her more depth, but made her less of a skin machine.
► Riot is removing the Emporium (free currency cosmetic shop) going forward, because they claimed a shop addition for two weeks a year was so taxing on their ressources, that it was making events shittier.
Gallery
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... and yet they gain a speed boost from them. -
Your worst nightmare -
Duuuuuude ... -
Gragas players suffer the most
-
Lux is a very UNIQUE champion -
Garens playstyle before they fixed the sunfire cape. -
His cruelty knows no bounds -
Morde is stacking -
Killstealing hurts more than you know ... which is a good thing. -
Your worst nightmare, AGAIN. Avoid at all costs! -
A mirror match encounter -
They stack! -
Staring contest -
OH SHIT -
Chucking trees like a boss -
MUNDO SMASH -
Using Ignite on Mundo -
RUN, FUCKING RUN -
No matter how much you ping, someone will step into it -
Flash, can't live without it -
Sona is the most skill-intense champ -
Gibe monei -
CAPTAIN TEEMO REPORTING FOR DUTY -
Teemo spreads misery, one shroom at a time -
High as a kite -
Yeah ... -
But you shouldn't try it yourself -
God, he's such a pro -
Pre-rework Urgot had a lot of issues -
Ok -
Trying to help teammates usually ends this way -
Leaving them alone for 5 seconds also ends like this -
When the ADC walks into the brush -
New players must lose to learn, just like in any other game -
Morello, the "Lead Champion Designer" -
Ass, titties, ass n' titties -
This was an actual advertisement around 2009 -
Expectation and reality -
A Heroes of Newerth fag visit League of Legends -
You should always rely on your teammates -
Alternative title of the game, Riot thought it wasn't catchy enough -
Even Mundo can't smash that -
Blitz has had enough of your shit -
Getting banned before it was cool -
Hiding in the brush, always useful -
LeBlanc about to fuck herself -
DEMACIAAAAAAAAA! -
Hero design differences -
DotA 2 vs LoL -
A League players tries Dota 2 -
GO CATCH THE AXE! -
Getting ganked by Twisted Fate -
LoL is fun! -
A very useful ability. -
A few moments later she died of malnutrition. -
Thankfully Gragas helped him with that problem. -
Riot pls nerf -
The audience this game was made for. -
He always does. -
That's my boy! -
When Blitzcrank is free to try -
Playing Twisted Fate is true suffering -
NOT PAY 2 WIN, NUH-UH! -
Riot's policies -
TL,DR RIOT IS SHIT AT GAME DESIGN -
Azns are obsessed with Sona -
DotA, HoN and LoL in comparison -
Sometimes he just can't go where he pleases -
Applicable to every multiplayer game ever made -
Horrible armor designs and massive tits = League of Legends -
Sadly not possible yet -
Teemo - our lord, our saviour. -
A masterpiece on wings -
Skarner is quite the brains behind this operation. -
Crossdressing Renekton -
Hoo Hoo! -
Riots titty-flashing design has some problems apparently. -
Grinding like hell. -
People's reaction to Cho'Gath -
How to counter Yorick -
DotA vs League players -
Fiddle vs Blitzcrank -
Playing Fiddle requires situational awareness -
Fiddle and the bird -
Tits matter -
Garen & sun capes -
Pirate man vs hipster Phoenix -
He's a MUSICIAN -
MUNDO SOLO MID, LOL -
League is very original, as always -
Every single Pantheon player does this -
HEAD TO HEAD -
Who uploaded this crap? -
Repetition -
More on Riot's design philosophy -
Don't fix what's broken! -
Riot on Shaco -
Shen to the rescue! -
Riot's bullshit as usual -
Snowballing -
Stream sabotage -
Surprise motherfucker! -
"Ooh Mister Taric" - A fan fiction -
Teemo and skill -
Trundle was a mistake -
NO, YOU'RE NOT GOING JUNGLE -
Left side fixed - right side original -
It's all just a GOD DAMN CONSPIRACY!
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fap fap fap fap fap -
Safe for work orgy, lul -
It was inevitable -
How to deal with Yordles
Related Articles
- DotA - The reason why RTS is dead. This article also lists other games.
- Tencent - The actual company behind League of Losers that pulls all the strings
- WarCraft 3 - The unfortunate victim of DotA and its offspring.
- Shit - This game, obviously.
- Basement Dwellers - Every single person that plays A.S.S.F.A.G.G.O.T.S..
- Gamer Countries - All the international feeders, whiners, backstabbers & cunts you will meet in this game.
- Copyright - What this game will soon be destroyed by.
- Warhammer 40k - Gameworkshop just called, they take back what they said about StarCraft, because this game is beyond the shits of unoriginal.
- Asian - 90% of the population in this game.
External Links
| Featured article August 31 & September 1, 2013 | ||
| Preceded by PRISM |
League of Legends | Succeeded by SIDS |
| Featured article October 10 through October 13, 2021 | ||
| Preceded by Hiroshima and Nagasaki |
League of Legends | Succeeded by Halloween (franchise) |
|
League of Legends is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
