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Andrew Kehoe
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NO COLOREDS The events described in this article took place prior to the invention of colors in the 1960s. Expect all images to be presented in 50 shades of grey. |
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| Andrew Philip Kehoe | |
| Born | February 1, 1872 |
| Died | May 18, 1927 (aged 55) |
| Nationality: | Americunt 
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| Occupation | Tax collector, farmer |
| Highscore | Killed 44, injured 58 |
| Top 50? | No |
| Style | Bomberman |
| An Hero? | Blew himself up |
| Motive | Lost to some dipshit in a rigged election |
Andrew Philip Kehoe was the OG Columbiner and a true American hero who, on May 18th, 1927, bravely fought and died for the future of his country by blowing up 38 elementary school students with a fuckton of dynamite and Pyrotol that he had been systematically planting underneath the Bath Consolidated School in Bath Township, Michigan, over the course of several months. Kehoe is now known as the first to ever do it, setting an example for his disciples and others that followed in his footsteps.
After eliminating 38 kids, 2 teachers and his own wife, Kehoe made his last stand by blowing up his shrapnel-filled Ford Model A along with the school's superintendent, himself and two other dumb cunts who really should have been admiring Kehoe's limited edition Michael Bay Model A from a safer distance.
Lulz is made, not born.
And boom goes the dynamite!
Gallery
Graded Score
| Kill count: | 44/20 44 kills, including 38 elementary school children |
|---|---|
| Accuracy: | 10/20 Half of his explosives failed to detonate, but that would have just been added lulz |
| Style: | 20/20 Successfully planted over 500 pounds of dynamite beneath a fucking elementary school |
| Butthurt: | 20/20 Still the deadliest attack on a school in Murican history |
| Bonus: | 20/20 He could have sold his farm equipment to pay off his mortgage, but chose to blow up a school instead |
Wanted Level:
National Guard
See Also
- Suicide Bomber - Kehoe was the first.
- Charles Whitman's Tumor
- Adam Lanza
- Sandy Hook
- Elliot Rodger
- Nikolas Cruz
- Columbine
- Boston Marathon Bombing
- Paris Mass Shooting
- Timothy McVeigh
- Pekka-Eric Auvinen
- Stephen Paddock
- Anders Behring Breivik
- Osama Bin Laden
- 9/11
- Adolf Hitler
- Holocaust
- School shooting
- Epic Win
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Andrew Kehoe |
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[Xbox]
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[Sing Me The Song Of My People] |
