Kotaku

Kotaku is a notorious "video game" "news" website and the embodiment of everything that is wrong with gaming journalism. Interlaced between editorial posts about their daily lives, their kids, their personal cosplay galleries, and irrelevant jokes that have nothing to do with gaming, they occasionally publish a news story. Nine times out of ten, this news story is a thinly veiled attempt at pushing their pro-feminist, white guilt agenda onto a class of people whose only real concern in life is how much Mountain Dew they have left in the fridge.

The general consensus is that Kotaku is the bastard lovechild of video games and Tumblr, and that the child has Down syndrome and a megaphone glued to its mouth.

Userbase

Posters on Kotaku can be classified into two subgroups: Omega males, and gamer girls who think playing Flappybird during their college classes puts them a step above casual. It is very easy to get removed from commenting on the site, as any contrarian opinion is swiftly deleted and nullified with an IP ban.

The users and editors on Kotaku are very adamant in asserting that video games are now considered to be a cornerstone of popular culture, despite the fact that the entire industry has been on a steady decline for well over a decade. Also prevalent is that the users dismiss any criticism the site receives from the outside as being meritless since Kotaku identifies itself as a blog, willfully ignoring that they do report the news and are invited to press conferences and other news media related events.

If you suck enough dick, you are awarded with a gold star by your name, which hopefully will have the same final result as the stars passed out during World War II.

Writers

The beautiful staff...actually, they look like bridge trolls.

Stephan Totilo

stephentotilo

“	I told people who asked that I came to Kotaku because I respect the strong journalistic core of Kotaku. That's the part some people don't see because they're distracted by some of Kotaku's other colorful qualities.	„

Editor in chief with an actual degree in journalism who quit a job at MTV News to run an obscure gaming website and write about hot-button gender issues in video games. His primary job duties include damage control, denying fault, and more damage control. When he isn't defending his columnist's rights to falsely accuse people of rape, he is being tricked by people into publishing prank articles on the sites by people pretending to be black.

Kirk Hamilton

Another in a long line of talentless hacks. Notable for being one of the people who gave Gone Home a good review without disclosing that he knows one of the developers and is one of her "friends" that "watched movies" with her. Did she let him stick it in? Probably.

Patricia Hernandez

patriciaxh

Astoundingly ugly feminazi (but aren't they all?) who writes low-quality clickbait articles and fails to disclose obvious conflicts of interest. Notably, she wrote about twenty separate articles pimping shitty games produced by her former girlfriend/roommate Anna Anthropy, another twenty articles about a second tenant she was suspected of sleeping with, and even more articles about Zoe Quinn, who probably lived with her as well and almost definitely slept with her. Her MO seems to be seducing game developers into living with her and asking them to let her fuck them on exchange for good reviews because nobody would sleep with someone that fat and ugly otherwise.

When Max Temkin of Cards Against Humanity was falsely accused of rape, Patricia Hernandez wrote an article attacking him for defending himself. This was presumably an attempt to distract people from her own obsession with rape.

	“	I raped you... I raped everyone... I raped you. I fuckin' raped you.	„
	—Patricia Hernandez while playing Gears of War

Nathan Grayson

Vahn16

“	We're in San Francisco club called Stud, and there are people in fur suits everywhere. Colored lights and crashing beats flash like fireworks in a thunderstorm. Everyone is sweaty and drunk, but most of all they're happy. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you GaymerX, my favorite game convention	„
—Nathan Grayson, sauce

Zoe Quinn fucked him in order to get promotions for her non-game Depression Quest as well as using his connections to dismantle Game Jam and get the event's promoter Matti Leshem fired, so that Zoe could start a fraudulent charity for her own variation of the event. This glaring conflict of interest showcases the blatant corruption of mainstream video game journalism. While there is no doubt that some sites will spin positive reviews for their advertisers, Nathan did it for the pussy of someone who has likely spent half her adult life being rejected by Suicide Girls. Later, when his editor asked him about it, he lied claiming that he was not in a relationship with her prior to the review despite all evidence pointing otherwise.

“	The allegations have been extreme. Nathan has been accused of in some way trading positive coverage of a developer for the opportunity to sleep with her, of failing to disclose that he was in a romantic relationship with a developer he had written about, and that he'd given said developer's game a favorable review. All of those are troubling claims that we take seriously. All would be violations of the standards we maintain. Having spoken to Nathan several times, having looked closely at the numerous messages sent our way by concerned readers and, having compared published timelines, our leadership team finds no compelling evidence that any of that is true.	„
— Sauce

However, videos of Nathan and Zoe together being flirtatious prior to the article in question being posted, as well as both of them having a reputation of shamelessly lying to protect their "career", makes this claim highly unlikely.

Patrick Klepek

Klepek recently left Giant Bomb, two days after he was exposed as violating anti-trust laws by blacklisting people he doesn't like with his journo friends. He claims he "quit" and that it had nothing to do with that but no one believes him. Of course Kotaku immediately hired him.

Jason Schreier^✡

jasonschreier
Another Kotaku mangina that writes a shit JRPG column so he can do things like compare an unreleased game (FFXV) to Suikoden. He also has a serious problem with sexy video game characters but at the same time believes that video games should not be censored. Some argue that Jason has the attention span of a goldfish. He is also known for using his column to push his zionist agenda. While fellow editor Patricia Hernandez believes that the gaming industry is dominated by sexist males, Jason believes that it is dominated by goyim.

A game "journalist" not even knowing that you are retardedly playing as a fucking Kike

Richard Eisenbeis

BiggestinJapan Some white dude living in Japan we don't give a f--k about, who used to be Kotaku's main animu writer and while there notoriously pissed off elitist fags by praising all the shit they hate like Sword Art Online and Irregular at Magic High School. Currently writes for Anime News Network, including (as of 2021, when he replaced Theron Martin on this front) their shitty preview guide where you can see his shit takes on every new anime alongside those of closet foot fetishist Nicholas Dupree, James Beckett, (((Rebecca Silverman))) who is ANN's only good writer, and radfem lolcow Caitlin Moore.

Journalism practices

Due to Kotaku's complete lack of journalist integrity, virtually all reputable sources dismiss Kotaku as a worthless tabloid.

Conflict of interests and journalistic integrity

Kotaku has a strict code of conduct only, much like in Pirates of the Caribbean, the code isn't really a code, more like a guideline. A guideline that might as well have been written on a piece of toilet paper when all the reporters working there were asked to sign it when they were employed judging by how closely they follow it. That is why writers on Kotaku have no problem writing (positive) articles about:

People they are friends with
People they are roommates with
People they are dating
People they are financially supporting or are financially supporting them
And people they are SLEEPING WITH!

They also have no problem writing articles on demand for these people to help them harm other people's career, as was the case when Zoe Quinn used them to drag Matti Leshem's name through the mud to help her set up a scam, or advance their own.

When these double dealings come to light you can be sure that editor in chief Totilo will be there to take swift action by... doing nothing. Not even a slap on the wrist. He simply continues to instruct people to move along like officer Barbrady assuring people that there is nothing to see here.

SJW pandering

Kotaku is on the forefront of pushing the feminist agenda onto the video game industry, making claims such as gender-bias in the workforce as well as blatant sexism in the games themselves. These ideas have spread far and helped paved the road for scam artists like Anita Sarkeesian to further involve feminists in a subject they have no care for other than to share their outdated message of gender equality on every facet of human civilization.

Not that is stops them from covering their front page with as much tits and ass as they can for clickbait, be it real or 3D rendered. In between articles like "How to fight the gender pay-gap for NPCs" and "why men using a female avatar is literally rape", you are sure to find the latest pictures of chicks cosplaying as Cammy with their unitard way up their ass-crack being passed off as news.

Gender bias

Kotaku's bias during the Five Guys saga is well noted, downplaying Zoe's involvement and completely ignoring the fact that she has labeled herself as a rapist. This is a very different approach to how they handle the subject of rape when it concerns a male developer. When Max Temkin, creator of "Cards Against Humanity", was accused of rape, Kotaku was quick to point out that he should not be denying the allegations and instead use the fact that someone is accusing him of rape as an opportunity to talk about rape. Eventually, Max wrote an apology... Wait no! He had the apology written for him by ZOE QUINN! Because he was donating money to her site and she didn't want bad press. Who else? Brad Wardell, who was falsely accused of sexual harassment by some chick solely for the reason she wanted to fuck up his company and Kotaku posted attack articles about him to help people beat up his children at school. This ethical double standard was also pulled on God of War creator David Jaffe, who goes on to call out Kotaku and their bullshit journalism after Totilo let one of his "journalists" run a story about how an off-hand comment he made in an interview makes him a borderline rapist. Totilo proudly features this clips on his SoundCloud as if it makes Jaffe look bad.

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David Jaffe Telling Kotaku Off for Labeling Him a Misogynist

Quality reporting

When they aren't busy reviewing anime, passing off stories about their personal lives as articles as if their erectile dysfunction is news, and being on the cutting edge of things that have nothing to do with games, they are trailing slowly behind the wagon on everything that does. Kotaku has a reputation of being the last to report on anything and everything. Their method of article writing can be best summarized by:

Step 1 - Copy article from bigger news site three days late
Step 2 - Make it about women
Step 3 - ??????
Step 4 - PROFIT!!!

Part of the reason they are always late in reporting anything is because Kotaku "journalists" are often tasked with commentating gaming events that they didn't actually attend, be it due to laziness or because they are never invited. Their tendency to be last to the party, believing that all journalism requires is owning a computer with an internet connection, has turned Slowpoke into their unofficial mascot and earning them the nickname "Slowtaku".

Gallery of Kotaku Slowpoke

Hideki Kamiya's real talk

At one point Kotaku decided to write an article about how Hideki Kamiya, creator/director of such games as Resident Evil, Resident Evil 2, Resident Evil Zero, Bayonetta, Bayonetta 2, Okami, Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: Trials and Tribulations, Viewtiful Joe and Devil May Cry, and how he's a dumbass who doesn't know shit. It turns out he knows at least one thing: Telling apart real journalists from a bunch of hipsters who steal content from other sites. With no regard for diplomacy or his own shitty English, Hideki dropped some motherfucking truth on them explaining that he is THE LEADER OF ALL JAPAN and that Kotaku is a bunch of crap. Kotaku responds by writing an article about his shoes as well as having editor-in-chief Stephen Totilo drop on his knees for some sloppy head.

I AM KING OF ALL JAPAN AND KOTAKU IS SHIT

After the Zoe Quinn story broke, emperor Hideki came back to strike the final blow:

FUCKING DISHONORED!!!

#WriteAKotakuArticle

In the wake of the controversy, a new hashtag emerged.

Gallery

Funny pics About missing Pics

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Timelined image highlighting Nathan Grayson's involvement with Zoe Quinn, which everyone at Kotaku wished did not exist.
The only sane columnist on Kotaku.
Remember their old logo? Feminism.
Even congress knows Kotaku is shit.
On Kotaku everything is "amazing".