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Sagamihara Stabbings

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Satoshi Uematsu
Born January 20, 1990 (34 years old)
Nationality: Nihonjin  
Occupation Philanthropist
Highscore Killed 19, injured 26
Top 50? 10th (Japan: 2nd!!!)
Style Hack'N'Slash
An Hero? No (turned himself in)

Just 3 days after the Munich Massacre that killed 10 turkroaches, Japan one-upped Deutschland by scoring twice as many frags in their own attempt at the high score—all while using just a knife. This impressive score for a knife-only round was pulled off by Satoshi Uematsu (Japanese: 国民的英雄), a 34-year-old professional eugenicist and former nurse at the Tsukui Yamayuri En care home (the location of the attack). Satoshi admitted that he wished to purify the genepool by removing Retards and the Disabled, as well as to prevent World War III lol.

The massacre shocked Japan but was forgotten by the rest of the world after 1 week as rampage killings are a daily occurrence now.

Graded Score

Graded Score
Kill count: 19/20 Almost there!
Accuracy: 8/20 Killed 19, injured 26. Not bad considering the weapon.
Style: 18/20 Murdered retards in their sleep.
Butthurt: 20/20 Feels no remorse, many lulz.
Bonus: 20/20 Doing God's work.
Total Score: 85/100 (B+)
Master Eugenicist; Japan's Angel of Death. Darwin would be proud.
See full ranking


Wanted Level:

Police Force


Round 2

A few months after this attack, a Chinese man named Yang Qingpei proceeded to carry out a stabbing rampage. He scored 19 frags like Satoshi did, but left no survivors in the process. He killed Mom and Dad over some bullshit argument, yet had the great idea that he needed to kill 17 other people in order to cover up his crime. He was playing Hitman IRL and was too much of a clutz to use proper stealth, giving him the ranking of Mass Murderer. He will not be unlocking a silenced M4A41-s for this.


See Also


External Links



Sagamihara Stabbings is part of a series on Are You Ready? [GAME OVERInsert Coin] Go!
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Sagamihara Stabbings is part of a series on 日本国


Typical Japanese People. 日本人
Filthy FrankHard GayMutsuo ToiOtoya YamaguchiSatoshi UematsuShoko Asahara

Typical Japanese Culture. 日本の人文

2chanAnimeAnimu ArchetypesBig DaikonDating simGaidenHerbivore MenJapanese Bug FightsMangaShimajiro


Typical Japanese Porn. 日本の猥本
BukkakeGuroHarem ComedyHentaiLoliconPantyshotShotaconYaoiYuri

Sagamihara Stabbings is part of a series on Psychopaths
[It rubs the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose againOpen the box]
Spree/One-time Killers:

Aaron AlexisAdam LanzaAlex HribalAlyssa BustamanteAnthony WarnerAudrey HaleBruce Jeffrey PardoCasey AnthonyCho Seung-HuiDevin Patrick KelleyDylan KleboldDylann Storm RoofEric HarrisGerry McCannJames HolmesJared Lee LoughnerJason RodriguezJeff WeiseJiverly Voong Joe StackJosef FritzlLaaiti EkenstéenMark EssexMartin BryantMatthew de GroodMatthew MurrayMatti SaariMaurice ClemmonsPekka-Eric AuvinenRaoul MoatRichard SpeckRobert HawkinsStephen PaddockTim KretschmerTimothy HendronTJ LaneTyler PetersonWade Michael PageWoo Bum-kon

Career/Serial Killers:

Academy ManiacsAdolf HitlerCharles MansonChris BenoitDnepropetrovsk ManiacsDubyaJack the RipperJeffrey DahmerMao ZedongRichard "The Iceman" KuklinskiTed Bundy

Terrorists:

Al QaedaAnders Behring BreivikAnderson Lee AldrichAnton Lundin PetterssonDzhokhar TsarnaevElliot RodgerGeorge SodiniManiacs Murder CultMark EssexNidal Malik HasanOsama bin LadenTamerlan TsarnaevTed Kaczynski

See also:

Antisocial personality disorderJewsMurderParanoid personality disorderPittsburgh Paint JobPolice BrutalitySick fuck