Registration has been disabled and the moderation extension has been turned off.
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.

Pennsylvania School Stabbing

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search

"KNIFE TO MEET YOU." School shooter knifer Alex Hribal. Remind you of anyone else?
Alex Hribal
Born October 1, 1997 (27 years old)
Nationality: Americunt  
Highscore Killed 0, injured 23
Top 50? HAHAHA, OH WOW
Style Hack'N'Slash
An Hero? Unfortunately, no


On April 9th, 2014, Franklin Regional Senior High School became the latest map available to the school shooter gaming community. The objective, of course, being to shoot as many teachers and students as possible before the authorities are notified. Unfortunately for expectant lulz seekers around the world, the underage fucktard playing this map decided it should be played in the special game mode of knives only and didn't even place on the high scores list as a result.

Game mode set to close range combat only.

Knives > Guns

This tragedy brought to you by Proactiv™.
A level 2 mini-boss.

Alexander Brandon Hribal is the faggot in question, and no one is sure why he showed up equipped with such an interesting choice of arsenal. The 16-year-old was apparently uninspired by the recent Fort Hood sequel to V-Tech, where the shooter only managed to kill 3 victims before killing himself. At least that fucktard knew to use a fucking gun. This kid wasn't even Muslim, he was just a pizza-faced nobody who got punked at school all the time.

After making one final entry in his tear-stained diary, the acne-ridden sophomore equipped himself with a blade and hit the battlefield, stabbing most of his enemies in the abdominal area like an abortion specialist.

A hall monitor spotted the knife-wielding teen and pulled the nearest fire alarm, then immediately proceeded to make a run for the exit doors, trampling several expendable weaklings in the process, and leaving them shitting their pants and vulnerable to a good old fashioned knife raping.

Unfortunately for Alex, he was a casual gamer and wasn't paying attention when he showed up in the radar of Assistant Principal Sam King, who was the mini-boss of that particular area of the battlefield.

Before the scrawny teen was tackled by King and subsequently handcuffed by a doughnut-grubbing cop, he had managed to slash 21 people, with 7 teens and one adult being listed in serious condition. Another two happened to get injured while fleeing from our wannabe Samurai anti-hero. Alex's kill count ended up being a fat, jolly zero. The exact reason for this failure is still open to debate, although experts say Alex simply forgot that Call of Duty cheat codes don't actually work IRL, and that you don't automatically slide directly into someone's vitals when you swing a blade in their general direction.

The Contestants

The Aftermath

"I got a boo-boo."

Reporters flocked to the scene in search of shocked parents and traumatized/bloody students to film, but immediately lost interest when they heard there were no guns involved, as there wasn't any liberal agenda to push. The only "news" that continues to report this story is Fox.

Band-aids and hugs were given to Alex's victims, all of whom denied needing any sort of therapy as a result of the "tragedy." The fact that this dweeb used a knife instead of a gun is laughable, and comparable to cutting down a tree with an ice pick instead of a chainsaw. His victims actually secretly thanked Alex for what he did, as it made them temporarily famous on the news, and one faggot even posted a knife-wound selfie of himself in the hospital on his Instagram.

As is always the case in following any school or theater-related attack, it was time to play the blame game. Alex used a classic defense of "I have multiple handicaps" and of course blamed the school for allowing him to be bullied on campus. With this defense, he hopes to be released as soon as possible so he can retry his mission and beat his current score.

   
 
One of the kids he stabbed was a good friend of his.

He didn't have a lot of friends, but he was not bullied.

 

 
 

—Santino, with a friend like Alex...

Theories

Der lib'ral meedya derd it!

Some argue that this game was created by the liberal media to push their agenda of disarming the populace by making it clear that if a kid does not have access to guns, he will be incapable of killing a single person.

This same idea was presented last year in Ryan Lambourn's hit game The Slaying of Sandy Hook Elementary School, which used score manipulation to convince the player that if Adam Lanza had used a sword, he could not have possibly killed anyone. In the cases of Alex Hribal and Adam Lanza this may be true, as their complete lack of hand-eye coordination can be attributed to their diagnosed autism.

Other theories include that this entire ordeal was planned by Obama to mock the Chinese, whom for the last 4 years have been struggling with strings of knife attacks at their schools. Obama's plan unfortunately backfired, as the Chinese are affluent in Kung-Fu and can actually inflict more than a graze wound with a blade. Most of these theories were of course brought forth by the king of tin-hatters himself, Alex Jones.

Autism Aftermath

Alex's fate in Prison.

Sometime in mid 2015, our autist Alex confessed to psychologists that he thought he was being controlled by the deceased Columbine shooters; Reb & VoDKa. A defense psychiatrist said Hribal thought he was being "egged on or controlled by Dylan and Eric all the way from hell." The defense psychologists claim that he was psycho and severely depressed at the time of the autistic rampage assault, and that he planned to be killed by the pigs. Unfortunately for Alex the autist's plans, he's white so of course the police immediately detained him peacefully without injury. Like every faggy school shooter, Hribal was obsessed with lolumbine.

It is quite possible Alex will be locked up for a very long time.

Graded Score

Graded Score
Kill count: 0/20 (24 Injured)
Accuracy: 9/20
Style: 12/20
Butthurt: 5/20
Bonus: 20/20 bonus points for close range combat
Total Score: 46/100 (F)
TRY AGAIN, FAGGOT
See full ranking


Wanted Level:

Mall Cop


Quotes

   
 
He's a nice kid from a nice family," said Owen, an 11th grader. "We're not really sure what came up -- why he did this.
 

 
 

—Owen, because he was a nice kid from a nice family

   
 
He talked to me and a couple other people, but he was really quiet around other people. He's really smart.
 

 
 

—Jake, Hribal's lab partner in biology

YouTube

Alex Hribal had 'minor' social media presence

Student: "I saw blood gushing from his stomach."

Witness: 'In 30 seconds I saw 3 people get stabbed...

Gallery

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See Also

External Links

Pennsylvania School Stabbing is part of a series on

Trolls

Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.


Pennsylvania School Stabbing is part of a series on Are You Ready? [GAME OVERInsert Coin] Go!
Single Player Elite Hall of Fame

Adam LanzaAnders Behring BreivikAndrew KehoeAriana Grande MassacreBaruch GoldsteinBrenton TarrantCampo Elías DelgadoCho Seung-HuiDevin Patrick KelleyDong YanglingGabriel WortmanJack Gilbert GrahamJakrapanth ThommaJames HubertyLuby's massacreMartin BryantMutsuo ToiNice Truck Attack 2016Omar MateenPanya KhamrabPatrick CrusiusReina Nightclub MassacreSalvador RamosShinji AobaStephen PaddockTed BundyVladislav RoslyakovWilliam UnekWoo Bum-kon

Single Player Amateur Division

Aaron AlexisAlexandre BissonnetteAkbarzhon JalivovAli David SonbolyAnderson Lee AldrichAndrea PignaniAnton Lundin PetterssonArtyom KazantsevAudrey HaleBrandon Scott HoleBreda Highschool MassacreBreitscheidplatzBrenda Ann SpencerBruce Jeffrey PardoCapital Gazette ShootingCharles Whitman's TumorChris Harper-MercerConnor BettsDallas Police ShootingsDarrell BrooksDavid KatzDavid KozákDavid Malcolm GrayDeath to Traitors, Freedom for BritainDerrick BirdDeWayne CraddockDimitrios PagourtzisDimitrious GargasoulasDmitry VinogradovDylann Storm RoofElliot RodgerÉric BorelEuler Fernando GrandolphoFlemming NielsenFort HoodGabe ParkerGeorge SodiniGian Luigi FerriIan David LongIlnaz GalyavievJake DavisonJames Alex FieldsJames HolmesJared Lee LoughnerJason DaltonJason RodriguezJaylen FrybergJeffrey DahmerJeff WeiseJesse OsborneJiverly VoongJoe StackJohn Russell HouserJohn Wilkes BoothJonathan SapirmanJosef FritzlKhalid MasoodKimveer GillKip KinkelKongsberg Bow and Arrow RampageLam Kor WanMamoru TakumaMarc LépineMark BartonMark EssexMartin PeyerlMatthew de GroodMichael CarnealMichael Kenneth McLendonMichael RyanMikese MorseMr. SaariNathan GaleNghtmrchld26Nikolas CruzNoah EsbensenOrlando HarrisOtoya YamaguchiPatrick PurdyPayton GendronPekka-Eric AuvinenPetri GerdtRamadan Van ManRandy Robert StairRichard SpeckRobert BalesRobert BowersRobert CardRobert CrimoRobert HawkinsRobert LongRobert SteinhäuserRuslan AkhtyamovRyan PalmeterSantino William LeganSatoshi UematsuSayfullo SaipovStephen KazmierczakThe Twinkie ManThomas Matthew CrooksThomas Watt HamiltonTim KretschmerTimothy HendronTimur BekmansurovTJ LaneTobias RathjenTrystan Andrew TerrellTyler PetersonUnabomberWade Michael PageWalter SeifertWellington Menezes de OliveiraZhao ZeweiZug Massacre

Multiplayer Co-Op Mode

1-14 Jakarta AttacksAcademy ManiacsBoston Marathon BombingCharlie HebdoColumbineCrocus City Hall MassacreHiroshima and NagasakiISIS Paris Attack 13-11Jews did WTCLondon Bridge Attack 2017Medianeira School ShootingPearl HarborSan Bernardino ShootingSri Lanka 2019 Terrorist AttacksSuzano School ShootingTimothy McVeighZhaodong Massacre

Civilization and Great Prophets

Adolf HitlerAugusto PinochetAum ShinrikyoCharles MansonHeaven's GateHolocaustJonestownJoseph StalinKim Il-sungMao ZedongOsama bin LadenPol PotSaddam HusseinWacoWorld War II

Banned From Scoring

Alex HribalAnthony WarnerAnton BichivinAsa CoonBen MoynihanBilly MitchellBrandon CleggBrian Isaack ClydeCharles BishopClay DukeDillon CosseyFaisal ShahzadFrank JamesHayden JagstHugo JacksonIlya IvanistovJohn EarnestKyle RittenhouseLaaiti EkenstéenLindsay Kantha SouvannarathLogan ClarkMAGABomberMikhail PivnevNasim AghdamNicky ReillyPhilip ManshausRichard ReidRyan RouthSam HydeSebastian BosseSol PaisStephan BallietTodd RogersWillem Van SpronsenWilliam AtchisonYou

 
Pennsylvania School Stabbing is part of a series on Psychopaths
[It rubs the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose againOpen the box]
Spree/One-time Killers:

Aaron AlexisAdam LanzaAlex HribalAlyssa BustamanteAnthony WarnerAudrey HaleBruce Jeffrey PardoCasey AnthonyCho Seung-HuiDevin Patrick KelleyDylan KleboldDylann Storm RoofEric HarrisGerry McCannJames HolmesJared Lee LoughnerJason RodriguezJeff WeiseJiverly Voong Joe StackJosef FritzlLaaiti EkenstéenMark EssexMartin BryantMatthew de GroodMatthew MurrayMatti SaariMaurice ClemmonsPekka-Eric AuvinenRaoul MoatRichard SpeckRobert HawkinsStephen PaddockTim KretschmerTimothy HendronTJ LaneTyler PetersonWade Michael PageWoo Bum-kon

Career/Serial Killers:

Academy ManiacsAdolf HitlerCharles MansonChris BenoitDnepropetrovsk ManiacsDubyaJack the RipperJeffrey DahmerMao ZedongRichard "The Iceman" KuklinskiTed Bundy

Terrorists:

Al QaedaAnders Behring BreivikAnderson Lee AldrichAnton Lundin PetterssonDzhokhar TsarnaevElliot RodgerGeorge SodiniManiacs Murder CultMark EssexNidal Malik HasanOsama bin LadenTamerlan TsarnaevTed Kaczynski

See also:

Antisocial personality disorderJewsMurderParanoid personality disorderPittsburgh Paint JobPolice BrutalitySick fuck

Pennsylvania School Stabbing is part of a series on Education

[Drop OutGo To School]
Pennsylvania School Stabbing is part of a series on Columbine
[All jocks stand up!NBK]
Columbine:

ColumbineEric Harris and Dylan KleboldSuper Columbine Massacre RPGDo you believe in godColumbine CopycatsColumbine GalleryColumbiners

Admirers

Adam LanzaAlex HribalArtyom KazantsevAsa CoonBob8466Brooke Higgins & Sienna JohnsonCho Seung-HuiDillon CosseyIchverbotJaylen FrybergJeff WeiseKimveer GillLindsay Kantha SouvannarathLynn AnnNeocitiesNghtmrchld26Pekka-Eric AuvinenRobert Butler Jr.Robert HawkinsRobert SteinhäuserRyan SchallenbergerSebastian BosseSol PaisTheAmazingAtheistTim KretschmerVladislav RoslyakovWilliam AtchisonYou

Locations:

ColoradoUnited StatesSchoolSuburbs

Related:

DoomPolice BrutalityPostalSchool ShootingMass ShootingVideo gamesTrenchcoatMarilyn MansonKMFDMRammsteinGothConcerned MotherNewgroundsRyan LambournSchool Shooter: North American Tour 2012The MatrixSouth ParkMichael MooreQuentin Tarantino1990sJack ThompsonGun control

Featured article April 11th & 12th, 2014
Preceded by
Meepsheep
Pennsylvania School Stabbing Succeeded by
weev