- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Ahmad Al Aliwi Al-Issa: Difference between revisions
m Reverted edit by Edgar181's sock puppet 8 (talk) to last revision by HellenicTrapstar Tag: Rollback |
No edit summary |
||
| (5 intermediate revisions by 5 users not shown) | |||
| Line 9: | Line 9: | ||
{{Ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|No}} | {{Ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|No}} | ||
{{Ibrow|'''Style'''|FPS, Single Player}} | {{Ibrow|'''Style'''|FPS, Single Player}} | ||
{{Ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|No}} | {{Ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|No, v& for 1,334 years}} | ||
{{Ibrow|'''Motive'''|[[Idklol]]}} | {{Ibrow|'''Motive'''|[[Idklol]]}} | ||
{{Ibend}} | {{Ibend}} | ||
| Line 90: | Line 90: | ||
*Filmed dead bodies in the parking lot, while demanding ''other'' bystanders to call 911 (Despite him having a fucking phone right there). | *Filmed dead bodies in the parking lot, while demanding ''other'' bystanders to call 911 (Despite him having a fucking phone right there). | ||
*Walked ''into'' the store as the shooting was going on and asked an obviously traumatized employee [[obviously|if there was a shooter in the store]], to which the employee replied "yes". Gunshots can be heard towards the end of this bit. | *Walked ''into'' the store as the shooting was going on and asked an obviously traumatized employee [[obviously|if there was a shooter in the store]], to which the employee replied "yes". Gunshots can be heard towards the end of this bit. | ||
*Attempted to fight with the [[cops]] who were attempting to secure the scene (Dean is actually a [https://gazette.com/news/boulder-shooting-shooting-scene-live-streamer-well-known-to-cops/article_b9c664b6-8b69-11eb-83ed-bb9296b050de.html | *Attempted to fight with the [[cops]] who were attempting to secure the scene (Dean is actually a [https://gazette.com/news/boulder-shooting-shooting-scene-live-streamer-well-known-to-cops/article_b9c664b6-8b69-11eb-83ed-bb9296b050de.html known cop watcher] in the Boulder area, so this was expected of him, still a dick move though). | ||
*Ignored a call from his friend Denny who was in the store, because livestreaming and chasing clout is obviously more important than making sure your friend is okay, and yes, [https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/224796214/denny-vaugn-stong Denny was one of the people killed in the shooting]. | *Ignored a call from his friend Denny who was in the store, because livestreaming and chasing clout is obviously more important than making sure your friend is okay, and yes, [https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/224796214/denny-vaugn-stong Denny was one of the people killed in the shooting]. | ||
Dean would later unlist the VOD of the livestream. Whether this was because Dean suffered a bout of [[Troll's Remorse]] or if he just didn't like all the negative attention it got has yet to be seen, and [[YouTube]] [https://finance.yahoo.com/news/youtube-boulder-shooting-video-180740696.html said that they won't remove the livestream either]. | Dean would later unlist the VOD of the livestream. Whether this was because Dean suffered a bout of [[Troll's Remorse]] or if he just didn't like all the negative attention it got has yet to be seen, and [[YouTube]] [https://finance.yahoo.com/news/youtube-boulder-shooting-video-180740696.html said that they won't remove the livestream either]. | ||
Revision as of 19:31, 25 September 2024
|
This person has Assburgers Syndrome, so you can't say anything bad! :-( Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck. |
| |
|---|---|
| Ahmed al-Issa | |
| Born | April 17, 1999 (25 years old) |
| Nationality | Sandnigger Amerimutt  
|
| Highscore | Killed 10 |
| Top 50? | No |
| Style | FPS, Single Player |
| An Hero? | No, v& for 1,334 years |
| Motive | Idklol |
Ahmad Al Aliwi al-Issa☪ (a.k.a. Assmed, Achmed, and Osama bin Bullied) is a prime example of a rare breed of neckbeard; the rag-headed neckbeard (sometimes referred to as the brown-crested cell phone bomber). He decided to prove how cool he was to all of his bullies by shooting up a fucking King Soopers grocery store in Boulder, Colorado, as if murdering bored strangers at random while they wonder which flavor of Hot Pockets they want to take home will somehow ease your crybaby hurty feels. Why he didn't simply become a serial killer and slowly murder his high school bullies one by one over the course of several years so as to not get caught, like a proper edgelord, we will never know. Instead we got a whiny spaz shooting a bunch of old ladies while they were buying a fresh batch of Depends and denture cream at their local supermarket. That'll show 'em, Achmed!
But wait, there's more! It gets much weirder and funnier, we promise! Read on, fellow fags!
History of Yet Another Shooter Faggot
We here at ED can already hear your guff. "He's not a real rag-head! I bet he's one of those suburban white gunts that just changed his name and joined a sleeper cell, right?" WRONG! While he did grow up in the U.S. (Arvada, Colorado) and live in his mom's basement like most of your run-of-the-mill fedora-wearing faggots, he was born in Syria and lived there for a few years before immigrating to the U.S. along with his smelly family; thus he barely passed the requirements needed to be considered a rag-headed neckbeard (his car-bombing name being the one he was actually born with really helps a lot). This led to him being bullied for being the bloated, body odor-reeking, carpet-bowing sand nigger that he was. Maybe if he had simply taken a shower and applied some deodorant while hitting the gym he could've at least went out not smelling like old socks and looking like a discarded, hairy beanbag chair with a severe case of premature balding that made him such a prime target for ridicule.
Even Achmed's own family knew what a fuck-up he was. His brother tried to warn people about his antisocial behavior and refusal to bathe being obvious signs that he should never be allowed to own firearms, but no one listened. Instead they watched as he spiraled downward into delusions about being interesting. He would frequently claim that people were following him, even though it was quite clear that literally no one ever gave two shits about him in his entire life, and he was simply living out a fantasy of being Jason Bourne's fat, gay, retarded cousin with zero life skills.
Speaking of being super fucking gay, it should be noted that Assmed was also a wrestler on his high school wrestling team. If that's not proof that he frequently took it in the ass, we don't know what is. It is assumed that most of his ex-boyfriends bullies were other losers from his wrestling team that would make jokes like "Is it safe to start my car? Achmed was just in it." or "Hey Achmed, why does your cell phone keep beeping? Are you going to blow up the school, you fat, gay, sand nigger bitch?" The list goes on. I guess after hearing those jokes since the day he arrived in the U.S. he finally snapped and decided to get revenge... on his local supermarket. Must have been too stupid to figure out how to get a gun into his school.
Shooting
The scene was like the worst fan-made map on Counter-Strike; the grocery store. Ahmad used a Ruger SR-556 AR-15-style pistol and a 9mm semi-automatic handgun as his weapons of choice. He also wore a bulletproof vest that his fat ass barely managed to squeeze into. As he waddled his way through the parking lot his blubbery body began to give out, so he decided to start shooting at random in the parking lot before he had a heart attack from walking in the sun for the first time in years and dying of heat stroke. As people looked up from their coupon apps after hearing gunfire, they began to realize that they might want to use the 10 items or less line so they could escape in time before his lard ass finally made it into the store where the actual crowd was. Most of them simply walked out the back exits knowing that it would take too long for Captain Chubby to reach the rear of the building.
By the time he got inside most people had already moved on with their lives, but he managed to cap a few suckaz wearing headphones in the frozen food aisle who had no idea what had been going on. There were also a few more old ladies that simply couldn't move their walkers towards the exits fast enough, making them Ahmad's favorite targets (seriously, he killed 5 in total, that's half of his fucking victims).
Once the police arrived he managed to kill one of them; Eric Talley, age 51... another old person (at least this time it was a man). This caused police to wuss out and risk the lives of all of the people still hiding inside instead of charging in against one fucking guy. Instead they used overkill to smash through a window with an armored vehicle before entering the building. This is where the story gets really weird...
After Ahmad shot at the police a few more times, he got shot in the leg. He then decided to finally surrender by taking off his clothes. He said to police, and we quote, "I surrender. I'm naked." It's like he was telling his future inmates "please rape me within an inch of my life before selling me for cigarettes." I bet Bubba just can't wait to get his hands on that creamy slab of blubber! Bite the pillow, Achmed, he's going in very dry.
Loadout
| Class Setup | |
|---|---|
| Item | Accessories/Bonus |
 |
Same gun used by Devin Kelley, Brenton Tarrant and Brandon Hole, but, Assmed's one was the pistol variant.
|
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
JewTube livestream
During the shooting, a self-described "citizen journalist" by the name of Dean Schiller (otherwise known as 
ZFG Videography) decided to livestream the immediate aftermath of the shooting on YouTube. However, unlike most other videos filmed during active shooter situations, Dean decided instead to make the entire thing about himself as opposed to making it about what was going on around him. Here's a short list of things he did wrong in his livestream (Protip: don't be like this guy):
- Filmed dead bodies in the parking lot, while demanding other bystanders to call 911 (Despite him having a fucking phone right there).
- Walked into the store as the shooting was going on and asked an obviously traumatized employee if there was a shooter in the store, to which the employee replied "yes". Gunshots can be heard towards the end of this bit.
- Attempted to fight with the cops who were attempting to secure the scene (Dean is actually a known cop watcher in the Boulder area, so this was expected of him, still a dick move though).
- Ignored a call from his friend Denny who was in the store, because livestreaming and chasing clout is obviously more important than making sure your friend is okay, and yes, Denny was one of the people killed in the shooting.
Dean would later unlist the VOD of the livestream. Whether this was because Dean suffered a bout of Troll's Remorse or if he just didn't like all the negative attention it got has yet to be seen, and YouTube said that they won't remove the livestream either.
He's a Fucking White Male
After Ahmad's arrest, a bunch of blue checks collectively REEEEEE'd all over social media over the fact that he was "white" and was arrested. It doesn't matter that he was in fact an Arab, he looks white so that means he must be white. Him being arrested also proves that he's white, because black people get killed by cops all the time (even though there are several cases that prove otherwise). After it came out that Ahmad was in fact not white, blue checks scrambled to either nuke the offending tweets, or give a half-assed apology saying how they aren't actually anti-white racists, they just assumed he was white. Take a look at some of the greatest hits below.
Previous Quote | Next Quote
Fun Ways to Troll Ahmad
Since Osama bin Undressin' is still alive in prison, we can only hope that he gets access to the internet so he can read the many insults about him online. Here are some tips to make prison life more fun for him. Hopefully it'll drive him to break out of prison and kill more elderly women.
- Press the racist stuff really hard, like his former bullies did before; he's a camel-fucking, TNT-wearing, flight class-taking halal muncher like the rest of his stinky kind.
- Make fun of him for being gay, and he's not a top. He's what's known as a "cry bottom" which is just a sad little boy getting rammed by a long line of inmates (formerly wrestlers) running a train on his pathetic fat ass.
Graded Score
| Kill count: | 10/20 1 injured (indirectly) |
|---|---|
| Accuracy: | 20/20 All shots hit on target. |
| Style: | 5/20 Yet another unoriginal grocery store shooting. |
| Butthurt: | 20/20 Renewed butthurt over "muh assault weapons", despite the fact he used two pistols. |
| Bonus: | 10/20 Cop killer bonus. |
Wanted Level:
Police Force
Gallery
-
Went from needing a girlfriend to being someone's girlfriend. -
Well there goes that narrative too. -
-
-
Oh the iron knee.
See also
- 2021
- Anderson Lee Aldrich - Fellow fat and retarded mass shooter, both shootings were in Colorado.
- Aurora Theatre Shooting - Another shooting that happened in Colorado.
- Brandon Hole - Fellow 2021 mass shooter. Even worse, also a brony.
- Colorado
- Columbine - Worst mass shooting in Colorado history. Happened 3 days after Assmed was born.
- Crimes
- Fat
- High Score
- Islam
- Jared Lee Loughner - Fellow supermarket shooter and schizo.
- Jihad
- Jewnited States of Americunts
- Mass Murder
- Mass Shooting
- Murder
- Nghtmrchld26 - Fellow Colorado mass shooter.
- Noah Jacob Harpham - Fellow Colorado mass shooter.
- Patrick Crusius - Fellow supermarket shooter.
- Payton Gendron - Fellow supermarket shooter and unshaved mutt. Got the same amount of kills too.
- Randy Stair - Fellow supermarket shooter. Even worse, also a tranny.
- Robert Long - Former 2021 high score champion, was BTFO by Assmed.
- Samuel Cassidy - Fellow 2021 mass shooter.
- Sand niggers
External links
|
Ahmad Al Aliwi Al-Issa is part of a series on Aspies. | [Sperg out] |
| Ahmad Al Aliwi Al-Issa is part of a series on Dying Alone
[]
| |||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Locus in quo: |
Abilene Alleyway Shooting 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting 🔫 Chris Dorner 🔫 Christchurch mosque attacks 🔫 Colorado Theatre Shooting 🔫 David Long 🔫 Dayton shooting 🔫 El Paso Walmart Shooting 🔫 Elliot Rodger 🔫 Gilroy Garlic Festival Shooting 🔫 Jacksonville Shooting 🔫 Kyle Rittenhouse 🔫 Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting 🔫 Pulse Nightclub Massacre 🔫 Randy Stair 🔫 San Bernardino shooting 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre 🔫 Santa Fe High School Shooting 🔫 Shoahdown at the Synagogue of Doom 🔫 Las Vegas shooting 🔫 Texas church shooting 🔫 Umpqua Community College Shooting 🔫 Virginia Beach Shooting 🔫 Washington Navy Yard shooting 🔫 Youtube shooting 🔫 |
|---|---|
| Supporters |
Barack Obama 🔫 Christians 🔫 Concerned Mothers 🔫 Democrats 🔫 Dianne Feinstein 🔫 Government 🔫 The Kennedys 🔫 Kurt Eichenwald 🔫 Faggots 🔫 Liberals 🔫 Michael Bloomberg 🔫 Jews 🔫 SJWs 🔫 Sensitive people 🔫 Tara Strong 🔫 Trayvon Martin 🔫 Quinton Reviews |
| Main ideas: |
Assault Rifle 🔫 Gun 🔫 Gun Control 🔫 Murder 🔫 Arson 🔫 Bombs 🔫 Mass Shooting 🔫 School Shooting 🔫 |
| Haters gonna hate: | |
| Acts of revenge: |
Boston Marathon Bombing 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Ariana Grande Massacre 🔫 London Bridge Attack 2017 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting |
| Objectors: |
Charlton Heston 🔫 James Holmes 🔫 NRA 🔫 Osama Bin Laden 🔫 Republicans 🔫 People planning a massacre 🔫 |
| Pre-2012 Gun Massacres |
Columbine 🔫 École Polytechnique 🔫 Dawson College 🔫 Virginia Tech Massacre 🔫 Austin, Texas 🔫 NIU Valentine's Day Massacre 🔫 Hungerford Massacre 🔫 Anders Breivik |
|
Tro0 Muslims [+]
Abdulkadir Masharipov • Abu Hajaar • Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi • Abdul Razak Ali Artan • Adnan Oktar • Allah • Ali David Sonboly • Anjem Choudary • Azad Rouhani • Benazir Bhutto • Carlos Latuff • Dave Chappelle • Elias Abuelazam • Espen Andersen Bråthen • Izzi • Jake Bilardi • Isa • Kaliph Jamal • Linda Sarsour • Mahir Çagri • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Mahoud Samed Almahadin • Malcolm X • Miss USA 2010 • Musa • Muammar Gaddafi • Muhammad • Mullah Omar • Muntather al-Zaidi • Mustafa Al-Habib • Nafiza Ziyad • Nayzak • Nicky Reilly • Osama Bin Laden • Omar Mateen • Richard Reid • Saddam Hussein • Salih • Salman Abedi • Sheikh Yarbouti • Syed Rizwan Farook • "Syrian War Refugees" • TigerCommander • Wellington Menezes de Oliveira • Yassir Arafat • Yuri Kochiyama | |
|
Countries & Peoples [+]
Afghanistan • Albania • Arabs • Azerbaijan • Bahrain • Bangladesh • Bosnia and Herzegovina • East Turkestan • Egypt • Indonesia • Iran • Iraq • The Islamic State Of Iraq and Sham • Jordan • Kazakhstan • Kosovo • Kuwait • Kyrgyzstan • Lebanon • Libya • Malaysia • Mali • Michigan • Morocco • Niger • Nigeria • Pakistan • Palestine • Qatar • Saudi Arabia • Sierra Leone • Somalia • Spain • Sudan • Syria • Tajikistan • Tunisia • Turkey • United Arab Emirates • Uzbekistan • Yemen | |
|
Beliefs, Events, Traditions & Other Drama [+]
1-14 Jakarta Attacks • 2017 Saint Petersburg Metro bombing • 9/11 • Allahu Akbar • American Airlines Flight 63 • Animal abuse • Anti-Americanism • Anti-Semitism • Arab Spring • Ariana Grande Massacre • Beheading video • Breitscheidplatz • Boston Marathon Bombing • Censorship • Circumcision • Crocus City Hall Massacre • The Crusades • Defense Industries Organization • E-Jihad • London sandnigger attack 2017 • Freedom Flotilla • Gaza War • Gazarooster • Genocide • Ground Zero Mosque • Holocaust denial • Homophobia • Islam Is The Light • Jihad • Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 • Misogyny • Muslim Dating Sites • 2016 Munich Massacre • Nice Truck Attack 2016 • Paris Mass Shooting • Pedophilia • Pulse Nightclub Massacre • Rape • Reina Nightclub Massacre • San Bernardino Shooting • Self-Immolation of Aaron Bushnell • Shi'ites • Slavery • Terrorism • Terror Soup • WTC | |
|
Infidels & Islamic No-Nos [+]
Alcohol • Alexandre Bissonnette • Ali Sina • Anders Behring Breivik • Atheists • Ayaan Hirsi Ali • Bacon • Rifqa Bary • Nick Berg • Tony Blair • Borat • Brenton Tarrant • Charlie Hebdo • Christopher Hitchens • Christians • Communism • Darren Osborne • Denmark • Donald Trump • Everybody Draw Mohammed Day • Fun • Fitna • Fuck Arabs • The Great Satan • Homosexuality • Islamophobia • Israel • Japan • Jews • Jihadunspun.com • John J. Pershing • Laura Loomer • Lee Rigby • Muhammad cartoons • Muhammad Sex Simulator 2015 • Muslim Massacre • Pagans • Pamela Geller • Daniel Pearl • Philip Manshaus • Pork • Richard Dawkins • Salman Rushdie • Satan • th3j35t3r • UK • Geert Wilders • W • Women's rights |
|
Spree/One-time Killers: |
Aaron Alexis • Adam Lanza • Alex Hribal • Alyssa Bustamante • Anthony Warner • Audrey Hale • Bruce Jeffrey Pardo • Casey Anthony • Cho Seung-Hui • Devin Patrick Kelley • Dylan Klebold • Dylann Storm Roof • Eric Harris • Gerry McCann • James Holmes • Jared Lee Loughner • Jason Rodriguez • Jeff Weise • Jiverly Voong • Joe Stack • Josef Fritzl • Laaiti Ekenstéen • Mark Essex • Martin Bryant • Matthew de Grood • Matthew Murray • Matti Saari • Maurice Clemmons • Pekka-Eric Auvinen • Raoul Moat • Richard Speck • Robert Hawkins • Stephen Paddock • Tim Kretschmer • Timothy Hendron • TJ Lane • Tyler Peterson • Wade Michael Page • Woo Bum-kon |
|---|---|---|
| Career/Serial Killers: |
Academy Maniacs • Adolf Hitler • Charles Manson • Chris Benoit • Dnepropetrovsk Maniacs • Dubya • Jack the Ripper • Jeffrey Dahmer • Mao Zedong • Richard "The Iceman" Kuklinski • Ted Bundy | |
| Terrorists: |
Al Qaeda • Anders Behring Breivik • Anderson Lee Aldrich • Anton Lundin Pettersson • Dzhokhar Tsarnaev • Elliot Rodger • George Sodini • Maniacs Murder Cult • Mark Essex • Nidal Malik Hasan • Osama bin Laden • Tamerlan Tsarnaev • Ted Kaczynski | |
| See also: |
Antisocial personality disorder • Jews • Murder • Paranoid personality disorder • Pittsburgh Paint Job • Police Brutality • Sick fuck |
| Article of the Now February 1 and 2, 2024 | ||
| Preceded by Kelvin Hayes Robins Jr |
Ahmad Al Aliwi Al-Issa | Succeeded by Attention Whore |