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Michael Bloomberg



Michael Bloomberg✡ is was the mayor of Jew York City and the mortal enemy of big, sugary sodas, gun violence, obesity, styrofoam, inefficient cars, cigarettes, racism, terrorists and global warming. Conservatives and Republicans constantly whine and bitch about Bloomy's new laws, calling them "infringements on liberty" and "abuses of power", which provides lots of lulz to the rest of the country. Bloomy talks about "courage" in his gun-control speeches, while at the same time he is afraid to walk outside his palace without armed guards.
He is a co-chairman of "Mayors against Illegal Guns", a pro-gun control group run by liberals and communists who want to take away all the guns from Americans after the Sandy Hook Elementary Lulzfest, and works as hard as he can to keep your children safe from criminals and terrorists. He is one of Obama's many buttsecks partners and the seventh-richest person in the Jewnited States of Americunts.
Early Life
Bloomberg was born February 14th, 1942 in Boston, Massachusetts. He attended school at Harvard before being crowned Emperor of New York City on January 1st, 2002 (which was shortly after 9/11).
Before being elected Mayor
Bloomy spent his time plotting the 9/11 terrorist attacks, and after they occurred, they were wrongly blamed on sand niggers. However, it would be no surprise if the muzzie ragheads had pulled it off. It's what they do.
Political career
Bloomy enjoys spending tax-payer money on such noble causes as gun control and fighting against obesity and global warming. Bloomberg has been re-elected three times, which is very strange, considering he is trying to take away large sodas from the fat Americans. Bloomberg uses his vast amounts of jewgold (27 billion pieces and counting) to buy power in NYC and win elections, as well as run political ads calling for gun control.
List of good deeds he has done for NYC
- Combating obesity
- Tackling gun crime
- Fighting against high-calorie, unhealthy foods
- Fighting against the evils of styrofoam
- Combating global warming
- Keeping your children safe from gun crime
- Battling terrorism
- Protecting a spiritual rite sacred to the Jewish people.[1]
How to piss off Mayor Bloomberg
- Drink a soda larger than 16 ounces
- Eat high calorie foods
- Drive a car
- Be a conservative
- Vote for Republicans
- Vote against expanded background checks in the Senate
- Use styrofoam
- Burn fossil fuels
- Deny the Holocaust
- Get fat
- Enforce term limits
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See also
Michael Bloomberg is part of a series on Politics. |
See also: 2012 Elections • 2016 Presidential Elections • 2020 Presidential Elections • 2024 USA Presidential Elections • Internet Politics • PizzaGate • Political communities • Roe v. Wade |
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