Kosovo
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This race needs a serious clean up Somebody should do something about it. |
Kosovo (also known as Europe's Afghanistan), is a country (with Serbian northern part) which is previously either a disputed southern province of Serbia or a northern ass-province of Albania, has finally decided to declare their independence on February 18 2008. Of course, Serbia still think of them as their bitches, and Russia is with their fellow Slavs, so there will probably be a war. Already, Serbs have begun smashing American embassies all over because of their butthurt, but it is very unlikely that anyone will care enough to even pwn them. The rest of Europe will probably accept the new nation, if only because it is hilarious to watch them struggle - there is no way they will make it on their own economically. However, a good way to troll people who support stupid Western governments is to cry "Kosovo is Serbia!" at the top your lungs at a G8 conference, where only Putin would approve. Kosovo is actually a Pseudo-Democracy, which is dominated by the Organized Crime and a traditionalist Oligarchy of Clans and ruled by former Terrorists President Hashim Thaçi and Premier Minister Ramush Haradinaj.
Everything insulting you can say about Serbs goes double for Kosovars. They are basically Albanian rejects, which is really damn rejected considering how pathetic Albanians are. Kosovars are like the ignorant Muslim hillbillies who were tossed into an isolated valley to keep them away from the fat and ugly-as-shit Serb wimmens. So they won't "pollute the gene pool". It's funny and you're supposed to laugh, the Serbs are already the human turds of Europe.
— Bonk Vigurosly, Kosovian Chief Of Tourism aka Terrorism. |
Geography
Most of Kosovo is filled with shitty mountains, making it easier for the European Arab (or Albanians in their native language) to hide during bomb raids. The winters are cold as fuck, and the summers burning hot, making it the ultimate place to move, build your shack, raep your sister and train your war dogs. Having a family is unwise, since they will get shot or bombed sooner or later. Sooner, more likely. So far, 2,2 million people have managed to squeeze their way into this small province - sorry, I meant Republic - despite the barbed wire and minefields that lines the borders.
History
Kosovo has been pwned by the Serbs since ancient history, and constantly ridden by war, the Albanian majority have been forced to degenerate into violent apes in order to survive. Since the 70's, they've enjoyed some independence, and most of the Kosovo Albanians in exile formed packs and crossed the border during this time. Needless to say, Kosovo was the least developed area of the former Yugoslavia. In the 80's, some nice persecution made most of the Kosovo Serbs and other ethnic minorities in Kosovo realize the need to GTFO. Since then, the Balkan wars have thankfully killed off a whole lot of the inhabitants left, but enough were obviously left to claim independence. So now they cling fast to their Albanian cousins by telling them that they will be really good friends if they give them many many Jew golds, but this is mostly in vane because the Albanians don't have any Jew golds either.
- Kosovo; now and then
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Kosovo under Serbian rule, ca. 1980. -
The new, independent Kosovo, not ruled by anyone - not even by the Kosovars themselves. -
another picture showing Serbia liberating Kosovo
Economy
If we want to say it the nice way, Kosovo's economy is weak. Actually, it is one of the poorest provinces in Europe. With over 50% of the population unemployed, Kosovo is Europe's lil' Africa. They are begging the rest of Europe the give them money now, as the Serbs quickly GTFO'd from the shithole. It has gone so far that Kosovo is fighting with Moldova for the title Poorest Country In Europe. However, the people are very proud of their failed ass province, but this is probably just due to that they never went to a real country under their whole lives.
The only successful export from Kosovo are refugees, who travel along the EU and steal anything in sight, to bring it back later to the home country so their relatives can survive down there until they have collected enough money to kiss the sorry ass that is known as Kosovo goodbye forever.
- The main import of Kosovo are stolen goods, Albanians, and Foreign troops.
- It's main export are stolen goods, refugees and foreign mujahideen.
- The export of genocide, landmines, and poverty are also critical components of the Kosovar economy.
- Kosovo's main industry is made of wars, pissed off mooselimbs, shitty guns, and genocide of the Serbs.
- Kosovo relies on international food aid to exist and has accrued a gigantic debt with the IMF Serbia will never be able to pay for them. Keikakku Dori.
- Infrastructure like electricity, roads and clean running water are provided by Serbs. Seriously, what the fuck Serbs? They aren't paying for the electricity or anything, cut them off.
Kosovo War
It all began when the Serbian king, ex-Yugoslavian pimp Slobodan Milošević held a hate speech against Albanians at the 600th anniversary of some Serb ownage around 1000 years ago where they stole Kosovo from the Albanians. But as it is common knowledge in Kosovo that all of that is pure bullshit, they went batshit insane about the partying Serbs so they started a war to liberate themselves. So in 1996, a massive ass rape started, with everyone raping their (ex)best friends and anyone who had the bad luck to come near the place. -But- the Serbs are even more hated in the world than the Albanians, and seeing them to succeed in a fight was not an option for anybody. So the NATO went in that hell-hole of a country and began to play daddy there. The fighting ceased and the Serbs started themselves to feel the butthurt which the Kosovo-Albanians felt for so many years. The war was sorta over for now.
And after Serbias internal ass rape which became the cause of good ol' Slobodan to GTFO, Kosovo had it's first-time-ever democratic elections. And the kewl Albanians voted for Kosovo to become an autonomous province country, with 87% saying "Yes". The Serbs couldn't believe it, and became more butthurt than ever before. So they voted again, and this time there where 99% who said "Yes". So the Serbs GTFO'd forevar, and the NATO took over. Now was Serbia having a big party to celebrate the fact that they didn't have to play daddy for it's AIDS-infested war-torn Africa-poor shithole of a province.
So now the NATO had to take care of the little bastard. And it went pretty good; the death toll sank just under 9000 and the people were happy enough to pwn a few retarded Serb pedophiles in their bus at Podujevo, then smash up the church they were visiting. But still, nobody liked the Kosovars, so even the NATO GTFO'd after some 5 years. Now after all these years, the Kosovo finally became free. The people celebrated in the way they knew best; setting their stuff on fire and getting drunk. But the Serbs -as usually- did not approve of that, so they started rioting the living shit out of themselves in Belgrade. Chillin out maxin' relaxin' all cool, setting some American embassies on fire, the regular stuff. And what is going to happen now? No-one knows.
Kosovo and Metohija Cyber War
Since Kosovo's main export is Albanians, many of them traveled to Europe where they stole Macintosh computers and sent them back to Kosmet. Their relatives in the province proceeded to deface a few obscure websites which literally no one visits, such as the Serbian government website. Ironically, they used internet and electricity provided to them by Serbs to run the ancient Macintosh rigs.
After a few years some Serbian government official was browsing for porn and accidentally clicked a bookmark to the Serb government website. He reset the page and notified the authorities, who arrested raped the culprits.
However, Serbian hackers were at a loss as how to respond, seeing that Albanians don't have web pages anyone cares about enough to deface. The Serb hackers did nothing and continued selling CP through dummy companies in Liechtenstein.
tl;dr Nothing of interest happened. Serbs are still faggots and Kosovars are still fucking their sisters.
The National Anthem
The new national anthem of Kosovo, sung by enthusiastic tourists.
In the Neighbourhood
External Links
- No Serbs in our country plzkthx.
- The latest updates on TOW as to which countries recognise Kosovo. Plus, don't forget the very important Women in Kosovo article. Kosovar assholes have been fucking with Wikipedia for a few years, and now there's a giant category and Wiki-Project full of shit.
