- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Thomas Matthew Crooks: Difference between revisions
No edit summary |
No edit summary |
||
| Line 15: | Line 15: | ||
[[File:Thomas Matthew Crooks Big Forhead.jpeg|thumb|right|250px|<center>Admit it girls, you would ride his tater tot.</center>]] | [[File:Thomas Matthew Crooks Big Forhead.jpeg|thumb|right|250px|<center>Admit it girls, you would ride his tater tot.</center>]] | ||
Inept and a complete [[Retard|Fuck up as an assassin]], the [[Pennsylvania|Appalachian Love Child]], '''Thomas Matthew Crooks''' (a.k.a. ''[[ | Inept and a complete [[Retard|Fuck up as an assassin]], the [[Pennsylvania|Appalachian Love Child]], '''Thomas Matthew Crooks''' (a.k.a. '''[[JFK|Ree Tardy Oswald]]'''), obviously played one too many games of [https://www.ubisoft.com/en-us/game/ghost-recon/breakpoint Ghost Recon Breakpoint] rather then going to shoot at the range and learn to factor in conditions such as weather, wind or just [[fuck]]ing learn to shoot because he completely missed his target that was a little more than 120 meters from him. (For the [[Asperger|Aspie retards]] reading this, that haven't had any experiences further than their own front lawn because they're not allowed to cross the street -) that's a little more than a [[Football]] field and is a equal to hitting a paper plate that is at the opposite end of a football field. | ||
Now before you go running to the [[FBI]] to try and get us [[Party Van]]ned . <b>WE DO NOT CONDONE THIS!</b> [[Lulz|What's tickling our Funny Bone]] is that Thomas Matthew Crooks is what happens when that quiet, [[Nerd]]y and needy kid, that walks through [[School|High School]] invisible and can't even get the attention of a [[Bully]], grows up to live in his Parent's [[Basement]] and is constantly reminded by his [[Your Mom|Mom]] and [[Your Dad|Dad]] that he is a [[You|complete failure]] of a man. While his parents compare his life to what they had achieved by his age, he just wakes up one day and says [[Fuck|"Fuck it!"]] and gives up on life. Having accomplished nothing of importance, he wants to go down having done one monumental event that gets him noticed. | Now before you go running to the [[FBI]] to try and get us [[Party Van]]ned . <b>WE DO NOT CONDONE THIS!</b> [[Lulz|What's tickling our Funny Bone]] is that Thomas Matthew Crooks is what happens when that quiet, [[Nerd]]y and needy kid, that walks through [[School|High School]] invisible and can't even get the attention of a [[Bully]], grows up to live in his Parent's [[Basement]] and is constantly reminded by his [[Your Mom|Mom]] and [[Your Dad|Dad]] that he is a [[You|complete failure]] of a man. While his parents compare his life to what they had achieved by his age, he just wakes up one day and says [[Fuck|"Fuck it!"]] and gives up on life. Having accomplished nothing of importance, he wants to go down having done one monumental event that gets him noticed. | ||
Revision as of 05:41, 18 July 2024
|
THE TIN FOIL HATS ARE SAYING THAT CROOKS IS PART OF A REPUBLICAN CONSPIRACY TO GET TRUMP RE-ELECTED |
—Tommy, getting canned after one episode | ||
| |
|---|---|
| Thomas Matthew Crooks | |
| Born | September 20, 2003 |
| Died | July 13, 2024 (aged 20) |
| Nationality: | Americunt 
|
| Highscore | Killed 1, injured 3 |
| Top 50? | No |
| Style | FPS, Single player |
| An Hero? | No, killed by cops |
Inept and a complete Fuck up as an assassin, the Appalachian Love Child, Thomas Matthew Crooks (a.k.a. Ree Tardy Oswald), obviously played one too many games of Ghost Recon Breakpoint rather then going to shoot at the range and learn to factor in conditions such as weather, wind or just fucking learn to shoot because he completely missed his target that was a little more than 120 meters from him. (For the Aspie retards reading this, that haven't had any experiences further than their own front lawn because they're not allowed to cross the street -) that's a little more than a Football field and is a equal to hitting a paper plate that is at the opposite end of a football field.
Now before you go running to the FBI to try and get us Party Vanned . WE DO NOT CONDONE THIS! What's tickling our Funny Bone is that Thomas Matthew Crooks is what happens when that quiet, Nerdy and needy kid, that walks through High School invisible and can't even get the attention of a Bully, grows up to live in his Parent's Basement and is constantly reminded by his Mom and Dad that he is a complete failure of a man. While his parents compare his life to what they had achieved by his age, he just wakes up one day and says "Fuck it!" and gives up on life. Having accomplished nothing of importance, he wants to go down having done one monumental event that gets him noticed.
The Shooting
For some reason, Thomas Matthew Crooks' father, despite him being a licensed councilor in the incestuous state of Pennsylvania, saw no reason what-so-ever to question buying his Chronically Masterbating, hands rubbing and talking to himself son a wonderful and American made AR15 Hunting Rifle with the excuse that it'd be used at the Clairton Sportsmen’s Club in greater Pittsburgh two months before the Attempted Assassination of our Future god-emperor Donald Trump.
While in the zone and showing his supporters a chart, serving as an example of the number of border crossings by illegals, a shot was fired as Former god-emperor Trump was turning his head and the bullet struck him in his ear. As expected, after hearing the shot, the Secret Service, ready to take a bullet for our former President, surrounded Trump and quickly led him from the stage to safety.
What has some officials' Panties in a bunch, is that this Assassination attempt was even allowed to happen. Both Republicans and Democrats agree that there was some fault in security that allowed a crazy-ass shooter to get within 130 meters of the former President with a weapon and fire 8 shots.
Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro N. Mayorkas called the attempted assassination a “failure” and in reality every officer there will have their Smart Phones quietly confiscated to see who was playing Angry Birds when they should have been protecting a Presidential Candidate.
Trying to make the Assassination Attempt on Trump all about him, President Joe Biden was quoted as saying, "Jill and I are grateful to the Secret Service for getting him to safety, There's no place for this kind of violence in America. We must unite as one nation to condemn it."
Gallery
The Man - The Failure: Thomas Matthew Crooks
Entering in our pages with a High Score lower than that of the most utterly complete failures in Life and was known by his peers as a White Supremacist living a lonely, Horny, Autistic and Angry, Fucktard lifestyle that chose to namehimself AlGore and would have aborted his pathetic attempt at a killing spree if a specific type of girl (Blonde, white and blue eyed) would say that she wanted to play bump-bump with him.
Dying alone, Thomas Matthew Crooks, could pretty much be said that he lived the same life as William Atchison, because they both Died lying face down with a bullet hole in their heads.
People that were aware of him described him as being a recluse that only came out to walk around their neighborhood wearing his head phones and interacted with no one. Others have also said that usually the only time you really saw someone outside his house, for an extended period of time, was when the Lawn needed mowed.
Proudly graduating from Bethel Park High School in 2022, his peers described him as quiet, friendly and wasn't one of those silent, Trenchcoat wearing, school shooters and completely incapable of even thinking about such a thing as killing the former President. He was described as being incapable of harming a fly.
Kylie Katilius, who lived up the street from Thomas said that he was a danger and a threat on the shooting range when he tried out for the Bethel Park High School Shooting Team. She was quoted as saying, "If he was on lane seven, he was shooting all the way over on lane one, Mistakes happen, but full on shooting a different wall, he had to be doing something big wrong."
Kylie Katilus said that the Shooting Coach was infuriated by Thomas' lack of Gun safety, and he would never be allowed on the team until he could show a minimal amount understanding of gun safety.
Julianna Grooms contradicts the story Kylie gave by telling a different story saying that Crooks was the target of Bullies who nicknamed him " The School Shooter" and found it easy to make fun of him for his Poor Hygiene because like most SpongeBob SquarePants shirt wearing, Brony Aspie, he thought that showering in Ass Body Spray would hide his stench and get him the girls.
After graduating High School, and unlike so many of the people populating our High Score list Thomas actually tried to better himself. He spent two years getting an Associates Degree in Engineering Science from Alleghany County Community College unaware that if you don't have a diploma with a name at the top such as OSU, Penn State or Texas A & M, you might as well be holding A Piece of Freshly Used Toilet Paper in your hand.
Much like so many with a useless Comunity College or Online degree, Thomas was able to pass a background check and find himself a minimum wage job that had him working at low pay for Bethel Park Skilled Nursing and Rehabilitation Center. His duties included handing out meals, cleaning up Shit that the loose bowels of old people leave on the floor for him to clean up or having to change the sheets, and clothes, of someone with a weak bladder that refuses a catheter because it means that they can't move around.
|
The Famous Photograph
 |
This picture was so famous, it even has a 
Wikipedia page.
The Conspiracy
Probably the most amusing and believed story that still has people building scripts about the U.S. Government and Israel wanting Trump dead was created on 4Chan by an Anonymous poster who claimed that his superiors refused to give him the green light to Take The Shot despite him having the potential assassin in his sights for over 3 minutes.
The Tinfoil hats have another theory that includes brain washing and CIA funded MK ULTRA behavioral cues that existed on the Internets.
They claim that the CIA programed people as early as 2016 to assassinate President Trump. Their job was to take him out during his second term and the trained behavior was reinforced with posts from Celebrities like Tara Strong and Whoopi Goldburg who posted everyday that someone should save America by assassinating President Trump.
Because President Trump chose to not serve a second term in 2020, the far left's plans had to be scrapped.
Seeing that Sleepy Joe wasn't doing well in the polls and was quickly losing trust with the voters because of his overtly senile actions, the far left triggered their "Manchurian Candidate" plan to kill Trump while he was on the Campaign Trail so he couldn't be elected in 2024.
This Conspiracy Theory is much like JFK's with people claiming that the eight shots fired could be heard from different directions and more than one shooter being seen.
The Tinfoil hats claim that shooting Trump's ear was to serve as a warning for him. The Tinfoil hats claim that it was to show Trump that they can kill him no matter where he is.
Graded Score
| Kill count: | 1/20 Only killed 1 Trump supporter and injured 2 others alongside Trump himself |
|---|---|
| Accuracy: | 10/20 Shot Trump in the ear of all places |
| Style: | 20/20 "Fuck mass shootings, I'm gonna kill the president." |
| Butthurt: | 20/20 INTERNATIONAL NOTORIETY WITHIN MINUTES |
| Bonus: | 20/20 Outsmarted the fucking Secret Service |
Wanted Level:
SECRET SERVICE
See Also
- Assault Rifle
- Conspiracy Theory
- Guns
- Headshot
- John F. Kennedy - Both had a single gunman but the tin foil hats claim that both have a great conspiracy attached to them.
External Links
 |
Thomas Matthew Crooks is a Good New Article. See the template page for more info. |
|
|
Thomas Matthew Crooks is part of a series on Visit the Truth Portal for complete coverage. |
| Thomas Matthew Crooks is part of a series on serious business |
Serious Concepts
Free Speech • Identity theft • Irony • Internet asshole • Internet Celebrities • Internet disease • Internet drama • Internet humanitarians • Internet Law • Internet lawsuit • Internet lawyer • Internet stalking • Internet tough guy • Internet Vigilante Group • Operation Falcon Punch • Swatting • Vandalism • World Wide Web Consortium People & Organizations
2cash • Alan Turing • Casey Serin • David Hockey • Dear Cis People • Doxbin • Fast Eddie • Grace Saunders • Hallcats Squadron • Jessi Slaughter • Mary Bell • Meek Mill • Kittens • Maja Schmidt • Missy • Niggest Crook Force • Psychopath • Vloggerheads • WEB SHERIFF |
|---|
 |
Thomas Matthew Crooks is part of a series on Donald Trump. You're gonna love this article, believe me. |
 |
| Featured article July 20 & July 21, 2024 | ||
| Preceded by Destiny |
Thomas Matthew Crooks | Succeeded by TBA |