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Sadcucks
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Maddox is an irrelevant lolcow who had long since been milked by the masses. You can help by finding someone else to pick on, you meen-spirited cyberboolie! |
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Maddox lost lololololololololololololololololololololololololol! |
| Maddox | |
|---|---|
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| Powerword: | George Ouzounian |
| Nationality: | American |
| Gender: | Sissy male |
| Occupation: | Blogger, author, podcaster |
| Years active: | 1997-present |
| Website: | Manchildcave JewTube channel |
—The only truthful thing he has ever said. | ||
Maddox (Powerword: George Ouzounian) is a pioneer of trolling, flaming, and unwarranted self importance on the Internet. At least he was this person four eight 20 years ago, and when his stupid evil asshole personality was still believed to have been an 'in-character gag'. Although like most web "comedians", it turned out Maddox's act wasn't an act at all, and he genuinely was being retarded for attention. Despite his shtick being so yesterday, his influence on early lulz is nothing short of notable. Noobs should read his earlier articles to learn how to properly flame, but nothing post-2005. That’s when he started to get serious and his writing really went to shit.
Most non-retards will notice that much of Maddox's content today is incredibly unfunny, pointing out obvious things that internets users already comprehend. He's also a pirate, something he makes very clear... to the point that he'll try to deceive you into thinking he's a straight pirate by shoving his dick in your face, fooling no one. His crap pirate persona, coupled with a trend of antagonizing his own fans and barely updating his website with anything worthy of note have worn pretty thin. His inability to come across as a badass is best demonstrated by simply looking at him - he's nothing more than a neckbearded, basement dwelling, rage-filled, sexually repressed NEET. So, why hasn't this dumbass made a fucking fursona yet? And that's when you realise something: there's virtually nothing separating him from 2 The Ranting Gryphon in terms of comedy writing.
Maddox is also an author, with one disavowed New York Times Best Seller and two more novels that nobody cares about. He has also enjoyed a second wind of success with a comedy podcast, The Biggest Problem In The Universe, with former business partner Dick Masterson. This fell apart after 107 episodes, when Maddox became an SJW and threw an autistic tantrum over Dick fucking his ex-girlfriend from over three years ago (all while he was dating someone else already). The actions taken by Maddox after May 31st, 2016 made him go from innovator, to unfunny, to bonafide lol-cow right up there with Hall of Famers like DarksydePhil and Tom Preston.
just like Maddox's life, it will never get any better!
TL;DR
Maddox's long list of failure and faggotry will take forever to read through, since it's been growing exponentially for years. Luckily, some EDiot made a video highlighting the most important stuff. Now you don't have to dig through years of Maddox's shitty life. You're welcome.
How George became Maddox
Early life
Maddox grew up in poverty, raised in mud huts of Armenia. It was during these years Maddox became the manly man he is today. It didn't matter his father was a ballsy jackass he never knew. It didn't matter that his mother hates him (and still does to this day). George transformed, but not in the way you'd expect. He found his love for manliness, beef jerky, vinegar, and lumberjacks. Moreover, he realized his hatred for everything else. Emos, McDonald's, iPhones, Cameron Diaz, the works. He had a big stick up his ass, and he wants you to know it. Of course, hating things alone doesn't make you that manly. That's not important. His penis raged with unwarranted self-importance. At some point he dropped out of college like he dropped out of his mother's snatch, on the head. Please give him sympathy, he only failed his undergrad maths exam three times (lol).
"Adult" life and creation of The Best Page in the Universe
Maddox had only one real job as of April 2018: telemarketing, the easiest job to both get and manage. He spent his early to mid-twenties keysmashing and attempting to code whatever it is those guys code. Though his experience as a 1337 h@xz0rz is one of Maddox's many bragging points, he's not as technologically sophisticated as he'd like you to believe. These days all he can do in terms of programming is enable no-clip on Team Fortress 2. His coding abilities stretch back to the late 90s when the Internet was new to everyone, yet he still boasts about how awesome of a coder he is today by programming an HTML document from scratch in Notepad when most people were using Dreamweaver. How fucking manly.
By 2004, Maddox quit his job, dropped out of college (even though he was one test away from getting a math degree), and stopped going to the gay bar in his homestate of Utah. Why? He wanted to be a comedy writer. Despite the fact that he wasn't funny, this must have seemed like a good idea at the time. And as a result, he devoted his full focus to a website he created in high school, entitled 'The Best Page in the Universe.' The rest, as they say, was history.
Because Maddox's exceptionality made him prioritise petty shit, The Best Page in the Universe has no ads. If you ever bring it up, he'll talk all day bragging about how much money he wasted by implementing AdBlock on his own fucking website, because the user experience really matters that much to him. But he can't be much of a moralfag these days, Maddox is forced to shill for anybody and anything that will offer him a few bucks. He rarely receives payment from sponsors (for reasons discussed below), but he still refuses to place ads on his gay website. Imagine feeling prideful for being poor. Good fucking grief.
The Best Formula For Funny Article Writing in the Universe™
- When thinking of topics, there's one rule of thumb: the more petty, the more funny. Write an article about how much you hate pizza toppings, or how you hate Idaho, or how you hate fast food ad campaigns. The more pointless your topics are, the more funny your writing will be.
- Type a billion paragraphs about this topic. No normal person would write this much about Garfield, right? That's the funny part! It's so petty that it’s funny! But in the 1% chance what you're writing isn't funny, add a shit ton of insults and swear words (shitheads, dipshits, fucking idiots, etc.), and target them at the topic. Fuck shitty ass dip dip idiot fucker! You need to sound like you're better than what you’re writing about, so add terms for male and female genitalia. Saying “penis” once per sentence makes you sound mature.
- Draw some pictures with MS Paint (no, seriously) that further illustrate the points in your hilarious rant people are totally still reading.
- Put in some sentences reaffirming how right you are and how badass you are for being right. Everything you’re writing is God’s gift to the herd of sheep that's humanity. That's right! You're basically Moses for ranting about cell phones!
- If you really want to put some extra effort in, definitely make a .gif animation! Things that move on a page composed mostly of text makes it funny and interesting! (twenty years ago)
- Add a view counter at the bottom of each page. People still care about how many views a website gets, trust me.
- ???
- PROFIT!
- To continue the overflow of traffic nickels, make sure to set up your apartment like a pigsty. It'll boost up productivity, especially for an awesome genius like you! Look below for an example, provided by (no joke) the real Maddox!
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BONUS ROUND: Dealing With Criticism
The same rules for funny article writing apply, but this time you're not focusing on some big-shot like Bill O Reilly, you're likely responding to a normal person with a normal job, or even a poor youth with learning difficulties. Most people would simply not bother, discard it and move on with their day, but why throw away hate mail? It's effectively free material to roast in that special way that makes your readership come back for more. Therefore, you'll want to keep the following in mind when writing your published response to someone criticising you for (just as an example) your callous attitude towards a kidnapping victim:
- Make any snicky remark you can about the message to undermine its context. Misspellings, false assertions, SHOUTING IN CAPS LOCK, obviously retarded statements that would be very easy to roast, stuff like that. This is the backbone upon which you'll formulate your reply.
- Strawman your opponents arguments to make it easier to attack. what works for politicians can work for you too!
- If the person brings up a good point, such as you have no life, you're incredibly childish, and you're clearly not the badass you purport to be, you're better off glossing over that and lauding your status as in internet famous blogger.
- Add a disclaimer to the bottom of your webpage which cannot be taken seriously at all by anyone ever.
- If you're responding on a forum, or a social media platform, then all bets are off so go fucking nuts with it! Kick and ban with reckless abandon on any of these platforms that allow you to do this.
One of Maddox's most enduring characteristics is his intense hostility against everyone, including and especially his own fans, because being an insufferable cunt to people actually interested in your work is the best way to further your career. You might be forgiven for thinking this is him acting in character a la AVGN, but no. He flames, belittles and begrudges his own fanbase at every opportunity he gets, and that's ever more apparent since his exposure to social networking. This has understandably resulted in his appearances at cons or public events being met with overwhelming apathy, and that's if they still remember who this balding pasty basement-dweller even is. He will spend hours deleting comments on any site that will allow him to do this, and waste even more time blocking the people who leave them.
So to summarize the story so far: you have the very incarnation of an internet tough guy riding on his fifteen minutes of fame, and he's bragging about how amazing he is while simultaneously antagonizing anybody who interacts with him, whether positively or negatively.
Hopefully, he lives up to the lofty expectations of the kind of badass he portrays himself to be, because if he doesn't, he might look fucking ridiculous. OH WAIT...
Maddox gets trolled by Penn Jillette
—Penn Jillette, Penn & Teller: Bullshit! S8E8 | ||
July 29th, 2010: Maddox made it. Oh boy, did he make it.
Much like another infamous lol-cow, Maddox was on the tubes for one whole minute. He was on a show called Penn & Teller: Bullshit! by Penn Jillette and some other faggot. He went on the show to whine about old people and how stinky they are. Watch the clip below or go torrent it.
The show's research team was busy smearing their assholes on the printer when some retard had a brilliant idea. Why not round up bloggers who have no idea what they're talking about and having Penn and Teller troll them for an episode to make them appear e-savvy to normies. It just so happened Maddox fit this criteria, and so he made it on the show. Behold! The first ever appearance of the world-renowned badass heavyweight intellectual when he isn't hiding behind a keyboard!
Maddox's eagerness to get infinite blowjobs from Penn and Teller's fanboys ended up being a footbullet. Penn, realizing both the obvious (Maddox is as old as the people he calls gross) and the incredibly obvious (Maddox is too up his own ass to see the irony of him insulting old people), blew him the fuck out and told him to GTFO. Five years later, Maddox would make a belated video response to their arguments. On his blog post he said the reason he waited so long was to prevent Penn's show getting further publicity. Because if there's one thing a well-known Las Vegas magician duo that's been performing since the 1970s needs, it's the 'publicity' you get from your shitty internet-famous blog. Right, dumbass?
This could've caused Maddox to realize he can only properly play his persona through text and that he should never be in front of a camera.
This did not happen.
Shows
The Best Show in the Universe
December 9th, 2008: Maddox announced all the time he spent not updating his site wasn't just spent on jacking off to hentai. He had been working on a show, uncreatively called The Best Show in the Universe. If you've been paying attention, you'd know that this wasn't a television show, but a YouTube show! News of this came via an update on his website, where he simultaneously criticizes YouTube for being shit while advertising his YouTube show. He's not just three years late on making a YouTube series, but he's also a hypocrite. Great job, Maddox.
Two years after he posted this update, Maddox did what retards, faggots, and Chris-chan did in a matter of mere hours: post a poorly-made video on YouTube.
Unsuprisingly, Maddox plagiarises himself in this video. He took the concept of making fun of children's artwork (a dead horse concept in Maddox lore) and rehashed it almost beat by beat. But it's different though. This time, he's making of children singing videos, not drawings. It's not the same idea, but it resembles the concept enough that the results stay the same.
You'll notice something when you watch this video: Maddox's tough guy act is significantly less impactful and funny when you can see what he looks like, and even less funny when combined with his nasally, whiny-bitch voice. Maddox never understood the difference between video and text, or how much a change in media may influence an audience's perception. You'd almost feel bad if Maddox's lack of self-awareness if he was capable of making somewhat half-decent content, but he doesn't.
He'd go on to make more of these, sometimes accompanying each new uploaded video with an article on his blog, which may or may not have addendums or bonus content. It doesn't improve the viewing experience, just trust us.
The Biggest Problem in the Universe
May 20th, 2014: Maddox gets a second chance through The Biggest Problem in the Universe podcast with Dick Masterson, an infamous IRL troll he met through their mutual book publisher, Simon and Shill-ster. The premise of this podcast was so simple, even someone with Down syndrome could understand it: Maddox and Dick would bring in problems, dispute whether or not they were actual problems, and then leave it up to fans to vote on which was the bigger problem on some website. Voting would result in a list of the universe's "biggest problems." The problems are detailed below.
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The show was awwright in the beginning. Dick played to his strengths and would often use Maddox's moralfaggotry and hubris as punchlines at his expense until time ran out. As the show progressed to over 100+ episodes, the vote moved more towards Dick's problems, causing Maddox to get salty over Dick's surge in popularity over him. Combine that with Maddox and Dick's obviously strained relationship (Dick even claimed that the only reason he continued to do the podcast was for the fans and money), and you have a lot of insecurity building up. The tension reached its peak when Maddox discovered Dick had fucked his ex-girlfriend three years ago. This was the moment that defined the rest of Maddox's career
After that, he cancelled the show. On the last episode, Dick wasn’t there. His absence said more than Maddox will ever admit.
Three months later, Dick and Maddox made separate podcasts. Dick had The Dick Show, a really good show where Dick, his audio engineer Sean, goons, and guests shoot the shit for two hours. Maddox has The Best Debate In The Universe, an embarrassingly shit debate show that is a shadow of what came before it. The Dick Show makes over $20,000 per month through Patreon donations, while The Best Debate in the Universe, along with Maddox's "other projects and priorities", makes roughly $200 per month. The fact that Dick's popularity overshadowed and undermined Maddox made him very, very jealous. So, over the next several years he would engage in a laundry list of tomfuckery:
- Maddox redirected the RSS feed of the old show to his new, awful show.
- All the bonus episodes (that you had to pay to listen to) were uploaded and released for free without Dick's permission.
- Maddox made a video hit piece against Dick, accusing him of some supremely retarded shit.
- Maddox a video on his private Facebook account with all of Dick and Maddox's mutual SJW comedian friends, causing Dick's reputation to be ruined in this circle.
- He had his girlfriend, Metal Jess (Jessica Blum), call and complain to his ex-girlfriend's school to make her lose her teaching job.
- He filed a lawsuit against Dick Masterson, Joshua Kaufman, Asterios, Patreon, Foundation Digital LLC among others for $20,000,000.
ALL BECAUSE DICK FUCKED HIS EX
On The Dick Show, Maddox's schemes and Dick's reactions to them would often become the main narrative of The Dick Show, with every guest mentioning Maddox at least in passing. The clips in the videos below are some of the best that came out of the drama.
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The Best Show Debate in the Universe
Did you not like the old show? Do you like unfunny, unwitty banter? Do you like listening to debates about topics everyone and their mother has already talked about? Do you need something to drown out the sound of your significant other having sex with another person? Look no further than The Best Debate in the Universe!
Listen to Maddox, edgelord and parody musician Rucka Rucka Ali, e-celeb guests, and people no one gives a shit about as they debate on stuff only 9gag users would find funny and controversial! Spend an entire hour listening to Maddox do what he's best at: being annoying!
This podcast is awful. Don't listen to it, you'd be wasting your time.
Books
The Alphabet of Manliness
—Maddox on how capitalism works. | ||
June 6, 2006: Maddox released his first book, The Alphabet of Manliness, in an effort to pay for the huge amount of Nair needed to remove his disgusting back hair. The book skyrocketed on The New York Times Best Sellers List, reaching #2 on the “Advice, How-To, and Miscellaneous” category. If there’s anyone libtards consider an authority on manliness, it’s a balding, haggard, middle aged basement dwelling blogger. Imagine our shock.
The Alphabet of Manliness serves as an encyclopedia for men, which we naturally consider to be a grotesque affront to our very existence. The book covers many hyper-masculine topics from how shitty women are to how great men are. There’s even a chapter in which Maddox teaches you how to cook meth, like he’s the Heisenberg of cucks. It is the quintessence of everything you thought was funny a couple years ago, like doge images or Chuck Norris memes, the latter of which having a chapter dedicated to. Maddox’s comedic prowess matches him with that of a Hot Topic shirt.
Despite this book being to satire what Zoe Quinn or Literally Who is to game development, it sold very well. This was an unexpected victory for someone like Maddox. This is something he can be proud of look back on in pride. He went beyond trivial blogging and made a career for himself on his own terms. Anyone can think anything about Maddox, but this can be at least respected. Maddox can have everything else in his life taken away from him, but no one can touch the memory of his taste of genuine success.
HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS!! MADDOX DISAVOWED HIS ONLY SUCCESSFUL BOOK!!!!
In a facebook post at least 100 years ago last thursday, Maddox made the following post on his facebook account:
—Maddox, Facebook Post | ||
Maybe Maddox was right to disavow Alphabet of Manliness, since no one who cries about online bullying should have the word “man” associated with their name.
During the drama with Dick Masterson, he accused him of being a rape apologist in his shitty expose video by playing a cut, out of context clip of the podcast. In this clip. Dick said that if a whore falls asleep at a club, she should expect to get assaulted because it is an expected outcome given the circumstance. Apparently, he cut that out because it didn’t align with his “values”. This video was eviscerated by all his fans who specifically cited this book to point out Maddox’s hypocrisy, showing a chapter called “C Is For Copping A Feel” in which he gives tips on how to sexually assault women without getting caught. After that, Maddox posted a Facebook status officially disavowing his only notable claim to fame. It goes to show how much libtards like Maddox will give up just for the moral high ground.
Since Maddox is a pirate, he has no problem with you pirating his book. Get your copy here.
ARCHIVED LINK BECAUSE THE STINKY ARMENIAN FAGGOT SET IT TO PRIVATE LOL
I Am Better Than Your Kids Crappy Children's Art
No one gives a shit about this book. All he does is repeat the "I Am Better Than Your Kids" concept he put out free ten years ago. RiceGum does everything in this book better and for no monetary loss of your own.
The Best Book in the Universe F*ck Whales
After his second book failed, Maddox's internet-fame was dependent on this next book doing well. For a while, it seemed like he had somewhat of a shot. He was riding the wave of his semi-profitable podcast (more on that below), so he banked on said podcast to build him a customer base. It took him 4 years, 10 months, and 28 days to write this book. All that time was spent on doing more important things, like playing video games, building up hype for the book on other podcasts (including one by fellow baldfag Anthony Fantano), and eating shit.
The chance Maddox had for this book being successful, however, looked a bit faded once all his self-inflicted drama with Dick Masterson (discussed below) came back to bite his flat ass. The book still did well, right?
The book peaked at #8,998 on Amazon. F*ck Whales was a financial nightmare for everyone involved, including Simon & Schuster, the publishers dumb enough to invest in a burnt out shill like Maddox. Compared to his DISAVOWED #2 ranking on The New York Times Best Sellers list, this was a major setback. Hell, the book may’ve not even sold 100 copies on it’s release date! One thing is for certain: with the way F*ck Whales is selling, it’ll take longer for Maddox to write his taxes than it took to write this book.
There would be a summary of the book here, but no one read it. Based on the 25 page-long preview from Google Books, it’s rehashed material from his site. The one funny thing about this book is that Maddox is so creatively bankrupt that he himself subconsciously admits it.
The book was going to be called The Best Book In The Universe, but some dickhead bought the domain name. So, it was renamed to the equally as creative F*ck Whales. Nice asterisk, retard.
Other notable literary works
Like any other writer, Maddox has over 9000 other projects that are unpublished, incomplete, or were released in a limited capacity only a few lucky fans could get their hands on. Such works, that have since circulated, include (but are not limited to):
A Message To 80’s Girl
One day, Maddox's ex-girlfriend and Dick's current girlfriend 80's Girl was going through her bullshit. Packed with all the big, black dildos, perfume, and whatever else girls like, she found an envelope. In this envelope was a very lovely letter written by Maddox. Read it for yourself:
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#WAUT3RGATE
After The Biggest Problem in the Universe ended, some guy that made music for the show went on a venture to get Maddox and Dick to bury the hatchet. He made a website advocating for them to apologize for all the bullshit they both did. Part of this effort went into him messaging Maddox and trying to get his side of the story. Little did he know, he'd have to go through a ton of Maddox's delusional rants about shit no one cares about. After a while, the guy leaked them on IRC for everyone to laugh at. But, after Dick confronted him and told him they're never coming back together, he DELETED FUCKING EVERYTHING out of respect. That didn't stop Maddox from threatening the poor guy to dox him, though. What a class fucking act.
Things revealed in these chats include, but aren't limited to:
- Maddox feels nothing but contempt towards his fans, like we mentioned before. He feels this way because, in his bald, dumb head, he thinks his fans owe him their gratitude for bringing them shitty content that's not funny.
- Dick has a girlfriend, a house, and a successful podcast because of Maddox. You can see this is bullshit if you were even half as retarded as Maddox is.
- Maddox says Asterios doxxed his girlfriend, while also saying that he accused his girlfriend of doxing him.
- Maddox is very sad and angry over a forum of people harassing him and slandering him and calling him a cuck and faggot every fucking day.
- Maddox is very hypocritical about how wrong harassment and meddling in the lives of others exactly is.
- Maddox claims that his ex is both obsessed with him and was abusive to him while they were in a relationship together. Yes, he is saying that he was abused by a woman. What a tough guy.
- Maddox, above all else, says he wouldn't escalate the tension between him and Dick any further. Irony.
You can read all the chats here, here, here, here, and here, all either archived or somehow not deleted.
Maddox's list of words that trigger him
Maddox may not have a lot going for him, but he leeches off of "friends of friends" with over 9000 e-celebrities. If you watch any "meme" YouTuber from /r/videos or anyone from "le YouTube skeptic community", it's more than likely they're friends with Maddox. One of them, TJ Kirk (a.k.a: The Amazing Fruit Fucker), let Maddox guest on his podcast, Drunken Peasants. But Maddox couldn't just guest on a live-streamed show where anyone can comment anything. Maddox forced TJ to filter the pay chat, in which audience members, for a bit of money, can write a comment TJ and his co-hosts will read on air. This led to NO ONE'S COMMENT GETTING READ. Only two were read that episode, both being subtle shots at Maddox that flew over everyone else's head. This caused such a shitstorm, TJ was forced to refund everyone who didn't get their comment featured because all his fans were threatened to pull their support from his Patreon.
Dick not only offered to reimburse any losses, but got one of TJ's co-hosts to guest to a live show. On that live show, he read the original memo Maddox sent TJ. This was met with plenty of lulz.
| Banned word | Why it was banned |
|---|---|
| The Dick Show | Maddox is a cuck. |
| thedickshow.com | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Dick Masterson | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Team Dick | Maddox is a cuck. |
| #TeamDick | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Masterson | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Madcucks | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Madcuck | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Madcux | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Rape list | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Rape apologist | Maddox is a cuck |
| 8chan | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Dick Masterson | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Cuck | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Sycamore | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Nigger | Maddox is a cuck. |
| 8chan.net | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Manpurse | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Asterios | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Dick Team | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Where's Dick? | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Where's Kokkinos? | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Dick Show | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Cuckmas | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Disavowed | Maddox is a cuck. |
| The Best Book In The Universe | Maddox is a cuck. |
| #DickLies | Maddox is a cuck. |
| #DikLies | Maddox is a cuck. |
| 30k | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Kendal | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Adam Nash | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Nashville | Maddox is a cuck. |
| D1ck Masterson | Maddox is a cuck. |
| D1ckm4st3rs0n [Many number/letter combos] | Maddox is a cuck. |
| 80's girl | Maddox is a cuck. |
| 80s girl | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Atease girl | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Dick is the winner | Maddox is a cuck |
| Mental Jess [Many versions of "Mental Jess"] | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Ouzounian | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Peach | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Peach Saliva | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Restraining order | Maddox is a cuck. |
| Job lynch mob | Maddox is a cuck. |
| 819 | Maddox is a cuck. |
The Biggest Lolsuit in the Universe (AKA: George Ouzounian et al - v. - Dax Herrera et al)
On November 6th, 2017: Maddox's bloodthirst peaks and with the help of a dog bite lawyer and "recovering" alcoholic Kevin Landau, he filed a $20 million USD civil suit against Dax Herrera, Foundation Digital, Llc, Greg Boser, Loren Baker, Cmgrp, Inc. (D/B/A Weber Shandwick), Joshua Kaufman, Asterios Kokkinos, Madcucks aka Trevor Birt, Patreon, Inc., and Jordan Cope.
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For those thinking a lolsuit is the same as a frivolous lawsuit, you're objectively wrong. 99% of any threatened legal action in a frivolous suit either never makes it to court, or gets dismissed with prejudice, which is judge-speak for 'I don't need to think about this dumb shit any more, here's the verdict'. This is that 1% of those frivolous cases, in which the case and the litigant are so neurotic and batshit insane that they defy the bounds of any logic or reason. In this suit, Maddox primary claim is that Dick pumped, dumped, and annihilated his reputation with his trolling and importing/exporting of lulz. Apparently, a balding, middle-aged man who feels nothing but contempt for his fans is totally deserving of 20,000,000 dollars. While it's true Dick (rightfully) spanked his flat ass, he's far from responsible for any of Maddox's monetary shortcomings and failures. Any motherfucker with common sense realizes this.
Things Maddox has legally admitted to in this lawsuit include:
- Maddox has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from being called a cuck.
- Maddox has wanted to and has attempted to get people fired from their jobs.
- Maddox has coordinated, tried to get Dick's Patreon banned for no reason.
- Maddox says The Biggest Problem In The Universe was a joint venture between him and Dick.
- Maddox admits F*ck Whales was a financial bomb.
- Maddox's girlfriend also has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder because of Dick.
- Maddox admits everyone involved (including himself) don't live in New York, despite the lawsuit being filed in New York.
- Maddox admits his career and his "business", is completely destroyed.
More recent lolsuit updates include:
- Landau, through possible shitty wording, claims Maddox's girlfriend may actually have herpes. Srsly.
- Maddox, legally, by his own definition of the word, is a cuck.
- That, through Landau's shitty wording, Dick and Asterios may/may not be the fathers of Madcucks, making Madcucks the first butt baby.
- Maddox and his girlfriend
want a restraining order against DickDISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS. - Dick apparently hacked Maddox's web server. It consisted of unlisted, unlinked URLs, which as it turned out Maddox had the login information of some of Dick's clients that he wasn't supposed to have. Chances are, he did some autistic, illegal shit. Some stuff that was also found include a creepy photo of a random hot chick that looked as if it was taken without her knowing, pictures of Maddox with hair, and other shit no one cares about.
- Maddox, either purposely or through Landau being unable to write coherently, admits to impersonating a liberal media journalist named Heather. Above all else, this marks the moment Maddox comes out as an Armeni-tran.
So how did such an amazing lawsuit end?
YOU CAN READ THE ENTIRE LOLSUIT, AS WELL AS FOLLOW UP LEGAL ACTIONS ON:
And what did Maddox do after losing? Perhaps some self reflection as the thick skulled retard realize he's thousands upon thousands of dollars in the hole and the ass end of countless jokes on the internet? Why, double down and file another lawsuit, twice as assmad as before!
Ballsack Media Network
Immediately after The Biggest Problem In The Universe ended, Maddox had to think of how to capitalize on a cancelled show. His solution? Start a shitty podcast network. With zero planning whatsoever.
On this network he paid $30,000.00 to get a website for, you can listen to numerous high-quality podcasts, such as:
- The Best Debate in the Universe- Outlined above. TL;DR: you’d be better off listening to BPITU. It’s not only funnier, but you’re not supporting a shill factory of man purses and meme clickbait bullshit.
- Pod Awful- Question: what would happen if the combined power of Rucka Rucka Ali and Maddox was even less funny? You'd get Pod Awful, the worst possible way to kill two hours. This show is only funny if your sense of humor is overblown edgy shit with zero self-awareness. The wittiest thing to come out of host Jesse's mouth is Maddox's micropenis. Pod Awful is the most notable show on the network outside of Biggest Temper Tantrum in the Universe. Why? Not because it's funny, that's for sure. Jesse fucked over Maddox and threw all their sponsorship deals away because he called a mutual friend of Maddox and Dick a nigger for starting his own podcast, not doing it with Madcast Media, and giving Maddox a cut of his revenue (it's fine though because Maddox's girlfriend said she likes when people call her a nigger). Jesse is his personal slave and cumslut doing all the dirty work for Maddox, moderating his bullshit and white knighting him under several sockpuppet accounts. And to make things
worsebetter, he makes zero money from neither his show nor his chivalrous deeds of saving Princess Maddox when he gets in a jam. Oh yeah, Jesse also spends his time editing this page, because Maddox won't give him his juicy, Armenian, vein-covered dick if he doesn't white knight for every single one of his fuck-ups.
- CRINGE VS. CRINGE!!1!111!!!- After months and months of e-mails, YouTube comments, Reddit posts, and Men.com comments (only the manliest of websites can stream content from Maddox), they finally did it. You spoke, they listened. Maddox gave Jesse P-S, the guy who's responsible for their podcasts not making money, ANOTHER FUCKING SHOW!! In all seriousness, CRINGE VS. CRINGE may as well be called Pod Aw-dos: Electric Boogaloo. The only noteworthy thing about this show is that Asterios Kokkinos, established Dick goon, was a guest for one episode. You would think there'd be some questioning by Dick's fans, but CVC is so trivial in the grand scheme of things that no one noticed in the first place. Just goes to show how little people care about anything Jesse makes.
- Game Fart-
A podcast hosted by some unfunny Britbong gamer fags nobody gives a shit about. It's not just us thinking that, though. It appears Jesse from Pod Awful actually agrees with us.HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS. Game Fart died because no one cared it existed. There are some semi-interesting reasons why this show was greenlit in the first place, however: Lord Matthew, the head honcho of a team with no other members, was the guy that created the shitty Madcast Media website (the one that Maddox blew 30k on).
MADDOX GETS CUCKED OUT OF HIS OWN SHOW ON ITUNES AND GIRLFRIEND
After losing his lolsuit, his beautiful Afican American girlfriend left him. While her official reason for leaving Maddox was because he tried (not succedeed, tried) to cheat on her with an annoying cat girl that got thrown out of all Dick Show communities because she was a hideous annoying slag of a hambeast, who he's now let be a moderator for his twitch. Some speculate that it was really due to Maddox's crying while watching other men fuck her was so loud and annoying it was starting to scare away the bulls she's bring over.
What more can Maddox lose? He's lost his pet moneky, his ex gf he is still in love with, 99% of his SadCast media employees, all his money, his sister, his book sales, any future book deals, and all respect any one had for him. Well Dick decided to take another thing from Maddox... HIS OWN ITUNES FEED FOR HIS PODCAST.
Dick wasn't ready for the fun of laughing at Maddox to end and all Maddox wanted to do now was cry in his cuck shed alone and pretend he never was such a retard. So to spice things up after Maddox released his nuclear option that blew up in his own face, Dick decided on Episode 113 of Biggest Problem in the 2niverse: The search for more money and less Dick Best Debate in Universe to give Maddox, just the Tip of what is looking to be lulzy future series of dickings Maddox's anus was never prepared for:
To further help Maddox, Dick decided to send his listeners to Maddox's $30,000 website and use his voting system to vote on what new podcast would be allowed on the C.U.N.T network. This caused Maddox to go into a full on autistic rage as he takes voting on his websites super seriously. First attempting to cry to apple to get his iTunes feed that actually has subscribers back. Then getting butthurt and tampering with his own voting to fuck with Dick. To going into such a delusional world of denial he is refusing to address the sickest burn that could possibly happen to Maddox, he is trying to pass off the increase bump in web traffic as legit traffic to his shit shows website.
However, internet Lawsplainer Nick Rekieta explained what the funniest part of all this is (beyond just the lulz of Dick fucking with the feed and using it to shit on Maddox), because Dick was the owner and allowed Maddox to pull his bullshit for over 2 year, Dick can legally and rightfully bill Maddox for all the time he allowed Maddox to use his iTunes feed to upload a shitty podcast.
Dick still owns the iTunes feed because Apple is not going to disregard property law to appease a crying bald faggot who talked shit about them for years, and has said when it comes to his ways to fuck with Maddox, this isn't even his final form.
Slimegate
As mentioned before, Maddox lives in a pigsty of an apartment, and it's quite a stretch to imagine he'd ever get laid. It turns out that a certain more recent image of his actual bedroom made its way onto the internet, either through Maddox himself or from a foreclosure property website (for some reason). Naturally, the first thing you notice is the slime from the Monster Hunter series as a bedspread. Then you realise (to your horror) that Maddox fucked 80's girl in this room.
Try to unpack that for a moment reader: George Cuckman HAD SEX with at least one other human being ON THIS BED!
But yeah, for whatever reason his apartment was listed on [some foreclosure website http://www.themls.com]. There were other pictures that made it onto the listing in particular that confirmed that this was indeed the cuck lair.
This caused quite a lot of lulz among Maddox's hatebase, and we have a small collection memes to share with you.
The Best Slime In The Universe™ ٭ ٭ ٭ About missing Pics
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You and Maddox’s future
A couple days ago, Maddox cried in Twitch debater and incest lover Destiny’s shoulder like the victim he is. Of course, he fails “forgets” to mention how much of a crybully he is. Maddox’s bar for what passes as harassment is so low, even Anita Sarkeesian would tell him to grow some balls.
So, with that and everything else in this article in mind, what does all of it mean? Maddox is an hero waiting to happen. But he can’t build up the courage to kill himself alone, even though he should have taken his own advice from a long time ago. He needs your help. How can you, an e-urchin, help our dear friend Maddox become an hero? Here are some essential tips and tricks:
- Visit Maddox's Twitch stream with a troll name. This’ll remind him how much of a failure he is.
- Ask him if he has trouble getting it up.
- Ask him if his girlfriend’s pussy is looking a bit spotty.
- Ask him if his girlfriend even has a pussy.
- Ask him if he would go gay if a man got his micropenis hard.
- Ask him why his girlfriend has a restraining order against some bitch named “80’s Girl”.
- Ask him how many copies F*ck Whales has sold.
- Ask him why the only thing he sponsors is his book.
- Ask him why that cool leather store’s website redirects to the merch store of some guy named “Dick”.
- Ask him why his audio is so shitty and where Sean went.
- Ask him if it was his fault his sister killed herself.
- Ask him why he’s always losing followers.
- Call him a cuck.
- Call him an SJW.
- Disagree with him.
- Ask him about how much Patreon money he’s making.
- Ask him why his new, awesome show has the same iTunes feed as the old show.
- Tell him that you work a minimum wage job and still make more money than him.
- Quote anything from the #WAUT3RGATE leaks.
Maddox doesn’t like this article
Maddox, even though his first one was cucked by Asterios, decided to make a second bonus album. The concept of this album is a spicy one: Maddox reacts to this article by having Rucka and Jesse read it to him verbatim. This could’ve been funny, but then again, this is Maddox we’re talking about. We at Encyclopedia Dramatica refuse to support Maddox in any way, so all we can do is go off from people okay with giving the cuck money. Here’s the scoop:
- Maddox responds to everything in this article by yelling profanities.
- As this episode goes on, Rucka sounds increasingly more frustrated with Maddox and his autism.
- Eventually, Rucka tells Maddox what Dick’s tried to tell him this whole time: that he used to be one of the top online badasses, but now he’s a total cuck.
- Maddox pretends to be in on all the jokes saying he should work for NPR.
Unlike Maddox’s first album, he wasn't able to pull off his “chop up my podcast into tracks and pretend they’re bits and that this is a comedy album and not leftover garbage” bullshit. As it turns out, no one buys comedy albums.
This article is also named in the lolsuit as one of the many reasons he’s entitled to $20 million $380 million every United States treasury note in existence. While the prospect of a satirical writer suing someone for contributing to a satirical article seems like a work of satire, this is a legally documented fact.
Madcucks parodied this album, reading the current version of this article that covers his cuckoldry, the lolsuit, Maddox’s failure of a podcast network, and more. This hit #1 on both iTunes and Jewgle Oy Play’s comedy album charts. Then, Madcucks released a third bonus album to make fun of how Maddox never made the third bonus album he promised he would make to all five people who bought his cuckold content currency made a third bonus album (which Sç̱͈͓͔̬̠̞z̴̙̖̥͕̪ḩ̖̣̣̙̱̬̘ṳ͈̈a͎̣̙̟̳̱̞n͇̹, Dick’s audio engineer, has confirmed does exists), but never released it.
The Museum of Maddox (MOM) (alternatively titled The Best Museum in the Universe)
One day, Maddox reached out to all the arrogant nerds on Reddit because his fanbase forgot about him. Redditors came all over the post, asking him questions he's answered numerous times before. You know, the expected behaviour from Reddit users. Why is this post important? Maddox harps on "quality" as an excuse for not updating his site or shitting out another book (not that this has ever stopped him before). He also points out that he cares about what his name's tied to, which is why he took a picture right next to the fucking Kekistan flag not 10 feet away from Carl Fucking Benjamin of all things.
Yes, he cares so much about his name, THAT HE DOES EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO MAKE SURE HIS NAME IS NOT RUN THROUGH THE MUD, THAT PEOPLE REVERE HIM WITH GENUINE PRIDE, AND THAT HE DOESN'T SELL OUT BY PUTTING HIS BRAND ON DOGSHIT PRODUCTS.
SPOILER: HE CARES AS MUCH ABOUT HIS IMAGE AS KRUSTY THE CLOWN FROM THE SIMPSONS!
To show how much he cares about the legendary Maddox and tHe bEsT WhAtEvEr tHe fUcK In tHe uNiVeRsE™ brand, here's a gallery of high quality Maddox content that has been made over the years! This is content made by fans, by himself, and the content he has his brand and face attached to. Oh, and Georgie-poo? Never forget We're fans too. :)
OVERFLOWING AMOUNTS OF QUALITY About missing Pics
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Fun facts
- Maddox thinks Something Awful is a shitty site. No argument there.
- Maddox is a cuck. He argues that he’s polyamorous, that he can rail other snatch while his “girlfriends” fuck other men. Who has such low self-esteem to let Maddox fuck them?
- Maddox's sister became an hero because she couldn't live being related to Maddox.
- Maddox has erectile dysfunction. "Allegedly".
- Maddox, attempting to come out as gay, admitted he likes FF7. Here’s the proof.
- Maddox admits to being a fan of teh cawk. That means he's gay. Here’s the proof.
- Maddox likes buttsecks with young boys. That means he's gay. Here’s the proof.
- Maddox was interviewed by B3ta, proving their faggotry.
- Maddox is Armenian, making him a terrorist.
- Maddox not only loves Pantera, but he loves their early history as a glam band.
- Maddox's frontpage links to Ebaumsworld, CollegeHumor, and Ctrl+Alt+Del. No further comment needed.
- Maddox is not only gay, but he’s also a homosexual, making him a FAG².
- Maddox is probably Jewish. It would explain a lot.
In a Nutshell...
See Also
- Dick Masterson
- Anita Sarkeesian
- Digibrony
- King Critic - Pedophile fanboy.
- Aleksandr Pistoletov
- David Thorne
- Rizbow
- MexXxicutioner
External Links
- Kiwi Farms’ thread on Maddox.
- Maddox's website.
- The hidden parts of Maddox’s website.
- Maddox loves him some dickgirls!
- Fashion inspired by Maddox.
 Maddox is part of The Best Series in the Universe ★ ★ ★ |
[THERE'S NOTHING REALLY INHERENTLY WRONG WITH BEING A CUCKOLD BECAU] Essential Characters •
Madcast Media Network ★ ★ ★ •
See You Next Tuesday Network •
Maddox Followers •
Key Concepts
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Maddox is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
 Maddox is part of a series on Web 1.0 |
[ANCIENT HISTORY] Old Memes •
Celebs, h4x0rz, and Phreaks •
Technologies •
Fun and Games •
Events •
Death of Web1.0
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| Maddox is part of a series on serious business |
Serious Concepts
Free Speech • Identity theft • Irony • Internet asshole • Internet Celebrities • Internet disease • Internet drama • Internet humanitarians • Internet Law • Internet lawsuit • Internet lawyer • Internet stalking • Internet tough guy • Internet Vigilante Group • Operation Falcon Punch • Swatting • Vandalism • World Wide Web Consortium People & Organizations
2cash • Alan Turing • Casey Serin • David Hockey • Dear Cis People • Doxbin • Fast Eddie • Grace Saunders • Hallcats Squadron • Jessi Slaughter • Mary Bell • Meek Mill • Kittens • Maja Schmidt • Missy • Niggest Crook Force • Psychopath • Vloggerheads • WEB SHERIFF |
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Maddox is part of a series on Reddit. | [UpVote] |
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Maddox is part of a series on 8chan |
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Alex Leal ♠ Ben Kuchera ♠ Brenton Tarrant ♠ Brianna Wu ♠ Byuu ♠ Ciara ♠ Dick Masterson ♠ Ellen Pao ♠ Ethan Ralph ♠ Frank Hassle ♠ Jenny McDermott ♠ Jim Watkins ♠ John Earnest ♠ Jon Sudano ♠ Kimmy ♠ Kraut and Tea ♠ Lord Foxworth ♠ Maddox ♠ Margaret Pless ♠ Moot ♠ Nate Spidgewood ♠ Niggest Crook Force ♠ Nolongersilenced ♠ Null ♠ ParkourDude91 ♠ Patrick Crusius ♠ Payton Gendron ♠ Peter Coffin ♠ Sam Hyde ♠ Sarah Andersen ♠ Sarah Butts ♠ Sol Pais ♠ Takedownman ♠ Timbox • Tyler Malka ♠ Vordrak ♠ Wyatt Mann ♠ Zoe Quinn ♠ Brianna Wu for Congress ♠ GamerGate ♠ He Will Not Divide Us ♠ Hitler Top Tens ♠ m00t's GamerGate Sellout ♠ Operation Timebomb v2 ♠ QAnon ♠ Skype Con Leak ♠ Steam friend thread ♠ The Great Habbo Raid of July 2015 ♠ Valentine's Day Massacre ♠ YoutubeWakeUp ♠ /baphomet/ ♠ Brit/pol/ ♠ /cow/ ♠ Encyclopedia Dramatica ♠ /leftypol/ ♠ NeoGAF ♠ /pol/ ♠ Salon ♠ ShrekChan ♠ Brownpill ♠ DUN DUN ♠ Ebola-chan ♠ Hitler Top Tens ♠ Just Fuck My Shit Up ♠ Kekistan ♠ Meme Magic ♠ Moon Man ♠ Zozzle ♠ |
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| Featured article November 16 & November 17, 2017 | ||
| Preceded by It's Okay To Be White |
Maddox | Succeeded by Usenet |
