Anger
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Anger is a double-edged sword. It can swing hard, but if it is swung too far, you could cut your ass clean off. But srsly, anger is an emotional state that can range from mildly irritated to flat out fuck your nuts I'm fucking gonna rape you and make you eat your babies you spit out of your loose vag, you cunt (and then doing it). Symptoms of anger include bulging eyes, gnashing teeth, clenched fists, and dong shrinkage (which is why roid users are usually angry, amirite?). Chemically, adrenaline pumps throughout your body while your heart pumps harder and your blood pressure drops. All of this tells your brain to explode.
Of course, considering the times, one must make sure to moderate their anger. In ancient times, it was perfectly okay to chop someone's cock off if they pissed you off enough. However, in the medieval times, anger was looked down upon, leading to frequent bouts of anger among the peasants and many witch trials. Now, in a more civilized world, you can get thrown in jail for "verbally abusing" a co-worker or spanking your kid. Therefore, it is best to take out your anger on a Helen Keller type of person, or some unfunny butthurt emo, furry, TARTlet, LJwhore, etc. And remember, you must always win every single argument you have, lest you incur the wrath of everyone killing and destroying all that you know and love.
Anger should always be used to show you are the alpha male (or female). Your mission is to control those around you in the quickest way possible so you may beat your chest and grow silvery hair on your back, signifying your status as extremely pissoffable. Be sure to bear your teeth often and beat the tar out of the lesser males around you, especially the elderly. Head butt frequently. And, finally, learn to scream - it doesn't even have to make any sense.
—Mad Wolfaboo | ||
PROTIP: To release your anger, give in to your hatred.
Causes of Anger
Many causes of anger exist in our fun world today. Below are just a handful of examples.
- You, you newfag, meme-shitty sack of ass
- Trolls, responsible for at least 99% of online rage.
- Fags, especially those who make out in front of you with their mate because they want to show the world their "wuv" for each other.
- Jailbait prostitots who wear slutty clothing to attract "just the right type" of 30 year old.
- Pissing on your leg because you thought you got it all out when you shook your dong but you didn't.
- $cientologists and L RON.
- Cheap vodka, like Popov or Kamchatka.
- Milfail.
- TARTlets who steal people's art and claim it as their own, and then try to hide your convictions once you've found them out.
- The Hulk. Just watching him makes you want to be angry too.
- Whiny newfags who think they know what they're doing and have the audacity to explain to everyone they're doing it wrong.
- Furries who get butthurt over someone arguing with them that their way of life is far from perfect.
- The Irish, who think they invented alcohol and are the niggers of Europe.
- When a kid barfs in a Chinese restaurant. That's a double-whammy right there. Not only did the stupid parents bring him obviously already sick, but to a Chinese restaurant of all places, which is kid talk for "gross food I will hurl on later."
- When your boss forces you to work when you don't want to because "you're too valuable of an asset."
- Niggers with white girlfriends.
- Juggalos.
- White people who want to act like a nigger. OH LAWD where'd dey go wrong??
- That really annoying high-pitched screams babies make.
- Atheists who think they're smarter than everyone for being "above" a religion.
- Christians who condemn you for doing something wrong but in reality are doing the exact same thing.
- Jews. Girl Jews, boy Jews, your Jews, my Jews.
- Doctor Seuss when he tries to rhyme "ting tinklers" with "bam-boofers."
- Any Chewbacca impressions.
- When Goose died in Top Gun.
- When someone says "Oh snap."
- Weird fetishes, like inflation, lotion, balloons, or water sports.
- Drunk roommates.
- Enya or any forms of her music.
- American made cars.
- Feminazis, especially those that wear the high-heels and articulate each step - CLICK-fwap, CLICK-fwap...
- Computers when they suddenly, for no apparent reason, run its processor like mad and you have to CTRL ALT DEL to fix it. Obviously, this could be a virus, another source of anger.
- When A-Rod hits a home run and you realize that home run is worth more than what you'll make this year.
- Naruto porn with the majority of it being about that blond whiskered faggot chasing an emo for the entire story, porking every chick in the series including his mom and You. And the many crack ships he's amassed from every hentai artist ever, prove the soul crushing reality that this world is beyond saving due to epic fail of fans wanking off to him as self inserts of the idiot they worship.
Stages of Anger
- Your senses spot something of immense (or even minute) faggotry.
- Your brain get's the "I'm pissed" signal.
- Your fists or mouth gets the "Do something about this piss" signal
- Say "I'm a mushroom cloud laying mother fucker, mother fucker."
- Your hair begins to glow gold and your eyes green.
- ????
- MURDER!
Anger Footage
Because sometimes you need to see it to be it.
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Doing It Wrong
Along with the funny, comes the unfunny as you will see in these videos:
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Gallery Of Angry
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Another way to deal with anger is to laugh. -
John McCain is just angry he lost to "that one". -
Even non-living things can get angry -
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The solution to angry problems. -
Exploitable anger. -
An anger pro. -
Some anger is justified. -
Pissed off or constipated? -
Angry guy -
Another way to deal with anger is to laugh.
A List of Famous RL Angry People and Internet Drama Llamas
- Hitler
- Batman
- Chris Benoit
- PissedOffVideoGamer
- Gary yourofsky
- Tourette's Guy
- Angry Nintendo Nerd
- Angry German Kid
- Angry Homo Kid
- Tom Cruise
- Burger the Angry Cat
- Absolutely every-fucking-body on /v/.
Anger Management Techniques
Technique A
A Jew speaks [1];
Technique B
Write articles for ED and feel all that anger being validated as you pound, pound, pound at that keyboard and hate, hate, hate. Rock on, psycho!
How to troll angry people
- Say "chillax"
- Say "I think you are being defensive"
- Say "Please untie me and put away the surgical instruments"
- Say Uncyclopedia is funny
See Also
External Links
- Anger.org - An obvious web address
- RAGE Against the Machine
