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Walter Seifert

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Walter Seifert
Born June 19, 1921
Died June 11, 1964 (aged 42)
Nationality Kraut  
Highscore 10 killed, 22 injured
Top 50? 29
Style Fire Emblem, Single Player
An Hero? Yes


Walter Seifert, A.K.A The Firedevil of Volkhoven, was basically the Deutschfag version of Adam Lanza. However, instead of using guns, Seifert decided to be original and use a badass flamethrower. Seifert's chosen location for his amoklauf was a Catholic elementary school in Cologne, North Rhine-Westphalia.

Seifert pwned eight kids and two teachers, and left 22 others with PTSD. Before the cops could arrest his ass, Seifert an heroed by drinking poison. He would be the German school High Score Champion for 38 years until he was BTFO by Robert Steinhäuser.

Background

Walter Seifert was born on June 19, 1921. He served in the Nazi air force for 4 years, before becoming a police officer. However, in 1946, he was diagnosed with tuberculosis and was kicked out of the police force. His tuberculosis eventually went away, though he contested this and accused his doctors of making false reports.

It should be mentioned that Seifert was a batshit insane schizo, as he was paranoid, rather quirky and always smiled at the wrong time. He even told his brother that he planned to kidnap young girls and hold them captive in his basement. Despite all this mental illness, Seifert managed to find a woman and marry her, only for her to die during childbirth. Seifert placed the blame on the doctors and wrote a 120-PAGE letter where he whined over his wife's death, and sent it to a bunch of doctors.

His Weapons

After realizing that his life was fucked, Seifert decided to make a bunch of homemade weapons to commit a school amoklauf. His weapons were:

Class Setup
Item Accessories/Bonus
  • Primary: Flamethrower

  • BURN THOSE FUCKING KIDS!!!! 55-75 Damage.
  • Secondary: Spear

  • Gladiator-style weapon. 20-35 Damage.
  • Secondary: Mace

  • Knight-style weapon. 30-40 Damage.

Der Amoklauf in der Schule

A classroom that Seifert burned to the ground.

On June 11, 1964, Seifert headed towards a random Catholic elementary school in Cologne, armed and ready to kill. Some crossing guards who saw him thought he was a mechanic (Despite the fact he had a fucking flamethrower), and didn't think shit about what was about to happen. Seifert blocked the school's gate, headed towards a bunch of classrooms and BURNED THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF EVERY KID THAT HE SAW!!!!!!!!!! Two teachers tried to stop him, only for Seifert to slash them with his spear.

After fucking murdering all those children, Seifert fled the school and drank poison while being chased by a bunch of people who saw all the shit he did. He was shot by die Polizei, taken to a hospital, and died from the poison that evening.

Graded Score

Graded Score
Kill count: 10/20 22 injured
Accuracy: 10/20
Style: 25/20 Used a cool flamethrower and a spear instead of guns.
Butthurt: 10/20 Isn't really that known outside of Germany.
Bonus: 20/20 Former best German school killer.
Total Score: 70/100 (D+)
BRENN 'ES NIEDER
See full ranking


Wanted Level:

Federal Bureau of Investigation


Seifert's Theme Song!

Pics of Walter

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See Also


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