Elie Wiesel

Eliezer "Elie" Wiesel^✡ was a pre-internet era identity theft pioneer, holocaust revisionist, sexual predator and Nobel Peace Prize recipient who did us all a favour and helped make the world a much better place by finally dropping dead on July 2, 2016, at the supposed age of 87. In reality, very little is actually known about the true identity of the man who would become known as "Elie Wiesel" and the earliest known records of him are from after he had already stolen the identity of a deceased prisoner at Auschwitz named Lázár Wiesel.

For the majority of his life, Elie pretended to be a survivor of both the Auschwitz and Buchenwald concentration camps and constantly milked his status as a "holocaust survivor" for all the fame and money he could get out of it. In 1960, Elie published a book entitled Night that he plagiarized from the man whose identity he had stolen years earlier.

Elie Wiesel is also credited with coining the retarded progressive liberal catchphrase and rallying cry, "No Human Being is Illegal", although he probably just fucking stole that from someone else as well.

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When I was nineteen years old, Elie Wiesel grabbed my ass.

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