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Ron Jeremy

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The other Mario Brother
Ron Jermy busy 'plumbing'
Ron Jeremy did WTC!
Every little girl's dream come-true!
File:Ron Jeramy the Hedgehog.jpg
Segas new mascot
Segas Greatist mascot ever

Ron Jeremy (born Jeremy Ron Ronald Hyatt) is arguably the world's most recognizable Porn Star, male or female. Also known in the pr0n biz as "The Hedgehog" Ron has been knocking around the pussy for at least 100 years. Having starred in over 9000 pornos, a handful of 'real' movies and several TV shows (almost always billed as "Himself") he has transcended his chosen field and now finds himself as an icon of Pop Culture and shining example of The American Dream.

Ask anyone you know if they know who Ron Jeremy is and they'll say they do. Go on...try it now! They might not know why or how they know the name 'Ron Jeremy', but they do. So omnipresent is Ron Jeremy in the 'Collective Consciousness' that his name is now hard-wired into the brain at birth (see: abortion).

However, it is in the general area of being the only known Porn Star without a website that Mr. Jeremy has really excelled, never mind that he can suck his own dick, or at least he could before he got too fat to bend over that far.

History

Originally a Special Ed teacher with an eye on Hollywood stardom, Ron found little work in TV or the movies with a face only Nintendo fanboys could love but, OMFG who knew what was in his pants! A pen0r hueger than an XBox was what, is what. And, ironically, it was that pen0r and the way he slung it, that was to make him famous in Hollywood.

Ron's career in porn started a bit differently than most uber-endowed males. Unlike John Holmes, Ron could actually bend over enough to suck his own dick. His first films were of him blowing himself, and 30 years later those films are still available. The ads for which are still carried in the ad section of most cheap men's tittie magazines. Yep, that little thumbnail-sized ad with the guy sucking his own dick with the dick blocked out was Ron, age 20. LOL!

What little girl ever grew-up dreaming she'd end up buried under the hulking behemoth that is Ron Jeremy, awash in sweaty, malodorous blubber and coarse man fur? Probably one or two, because every Porn Star actually has a list of who she will and who she won't work with and thus it can be deduced that over 9000 little girls aspired to get buttsecksed and a facial from Ron Jeremy. Who knows...maybe it's his famous charm and humor and the fact that he doesn't drink or do drugs, but it's moar likely that they're whores with no-self esteem.

Super Hornio Brothers

Super Hornio Brothers is Ron Jeremy's most esteemed and notable work of art. He stars as the role of Mario (aka "Squeegie Hornio") who joins his brother on an epic quest to eat Peach's cobbler. The film was so awesome that it even got a sequel.

<yotube>__gooioj4sd8</youtue>

Controversy

Despite being Jewish Ron Jeremy was also the terrorist mastermind behind Al Qaeda's 9/11 plot. In March 2003, he was captured by the Pakistani Intelligence Service in the city of Rawalpindi, Pakistan where he was doing Islamic pornos (somewhat realted to Bukkake but where burqa clad hussies are beaten to death by an angry mob slinging rock-hard cocks instead of rocks) under the alias Khalid Sheikh Mohammed.

Raep Controversy

In 2020, Ron Jeremy was arraigned in court for alleged sexual assault charges filed on him by ladies who likely regretted being pelvically pwned by this wooly mammoth of a man many years after they spread their legs for him.

   
 
Jeremy, 69, was later indicted on more than 30 counts of sexual assault stemming from allegations made by 20 women, with some of his alleged crimes dating to the 1990s. But weeks before Jeremy’s trial was set to begin last year, his defense attorney, Stuart Goldfarb, walked into a Los Angeles courtroom and said his client did not recognize him.
 

 
 

   
 
Jeremy has been accused of sexual assault more than a dozen times over the years. In June 2020, Jeremy was charged with four counts of rape and sexual assault involving four women, and in August 2020, he was charged with another 20 counts of either rape or sexual assault over a span of 16 years from 2004 to 2020 that involved 12 women and a 15-year-old girl.
 

 
 

His terminal dementia and Jewish lawyer were his get out of jail free card as he was found to be incompetent and unfit to stand trial.

Danger!

Seeing Ron Jeremy in his 'work clothes' for the first time is something akin to stumbling upon /b/. You will not soon forget, nor will you ever be the same (/me shudders).

See Also

External Links


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