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File:FaustFaceClose.pngThis beard style is known as the Amber Alert.Faust and Pory are the first ever recipients of the Jilted DS Award!
The ED Forums have their fair share of lolcows (a necessary part of healthy forum ecology), but among the retards and aspies, two stand out as deserving their own article; those persons are Prof. Faust and Kikyo Maaka.
Professor Heinrich Faust is an unlovable entity that foolishly came looking for love on ED IRC.
One day, a girlwho writes fanfiction from her grandparents' basement annex (her parents live in her grandparents' basement) using the handlePory (AKA KikyoMaaka AKA KikyoTenshi AKA Hello Link) wandered into ED IRC. Being a gentle and sensitive soul, she complimented Faust on his magnificent figure. He instantly fell in love with Pory. Heartbreak later ensued and their e-relationship is still to this day mocked in small corners of the Internet and generally serves as an example of what not to be in life. It's the ED version of Romeo and Juliet with even more lulz, and no suicide... yet.
<&Dr_Sheneequa> edf had a couple right
<&Dr_Sheneequa> one guy from texas
<&Dr_Sheneequa> and a girl from new brunswick
<&Dr_Sheneequa> she's 17 he's like 21
<&Dr_Sheneequa> he reserved 3 weeks in a hotel
<&Dr_Sheneequa> she dumped him
<&Dr_Sheneequa> hotel sed no refunds
<&Dr_Sheneequa> so he's living in a hotel
<&Dr_Sheneequa> in new brunswick
<&Dr_Sheneequa> for 3 weeks
<&Dr_Sheneequa> he is borderline autistic
<&Dr_Sheneequa> and apparently was clingy and weird
<&Dr_Sheneequa> someone convinced him to buy her a 300 dollar personalized ds
<&Dr_Sheneequa> with the engraving
<&Dr_Sheneequa> I LOVED YOU
<&Dr_Sheneequa> lol.
The two had met during a Skype chat, along with two other EDiots. In the beginning not much was said between them due to how fucking boring they are as people, but one night he mustered up enough courage to strike up a conversation. Afterwards, the two commonly spoke every day to level up their socializing points.
Eventually, one night, Pory had conceded to her lonely fate and put Faust as her boyfriend on Facebook, mainly because she felt a need for a significant other in her life. Faust accepted the relationship status and the two were thrilled to finally take their love a little further.
The love, according to Pory, was induced by the psychoactives her doctor had given her. In reality, their love was as potent and pure as the jizz stains on Faust's dungarees; the catalyst to their percolating love was formed with their mutually desperate weeaboo outcries for something more to hump than just a pillow. It doesn't take a genius to realize the e-relationship had been based on hours of lonely IRC PMing and late-night Skype sessions.
Despite the phony excuse she made about drugs affecting her decision-making ability, she actively engaged in "sexting", which led them to cyber and discuss their horniness levels with great aplomb. He also stated that he wanted to go visit her for a "real romance," which she agreed to and they would both soon regret.
Finally -- after countless people mocked their glorious union as an IRC couple -- Pory gave in to peer pressure and broke Faust's achy-breaky heart, leaving the two with bottomless voids in their souls.
The breakup had occurred while Pory and Faust were planning their hookup in Canadia. Despite Pory being pressured into breaking up with Faust, he thought he still had a chance to become a man. The Hilton he chose to stay at was unwilling to give him a refund for his reservation, so he went to the country anyway, hoping things would turn out good for him. At this time, it's believed Pory and Faust planned to break off the e-relationship in public to lose the attention of ED IRCers and EDFers. One theory is that Pory had only pretended she had broken things off and the two had never changed their plan to give eachother mutual pity sex. They are said to still communicate on Skype.
On Friday, June 25th, the two met in person. Neither of them knew what to expect from this, as they both lack experience in communicating with other humans IRL. Afraid to interact with another individual, she attempted to flee Faust's tender grip. However, Pory gave into temptation and surrendered her dignity and gave him a pity fuck.
The two are documented to have met once more after the initial encounter -- probably due to the fact that they both desired to be together despite what other people thought of their healthy relationship. Faust sent her a letter -- which she wept at while reading for feeling ashamed that she had broken up with her one true heartsweet in front of an Internet audience. Notice how this letter is handwritten; something only romantic individuals do.
This being a copy of the letter (note the faint tear stains):
Here I am, once again I have fallen for a woman it seems has not fallen for me. It is the rule of my life. Every time I am rebuked, and every time I sink lower into despair.
When I met you, you were friendly, beautiful, and clever. How could I not love you when you are the first person to tell me that I am not boring, that I am not ugly, and that I am not cruel? And when you replied that you liked me too, I thought it miraculous - that I might be loved by someone for who I am - it was incredible! it was wondrous! I knew that I must pursue the impossibility with all the will I could bear, for I had nothing else to live for but a bleak expanse, without meaning, without purpose, to mull through my short life, and I no longer had the motivation to look.
You were a beacon against my sorrows, and the world turned as you returned my feelings. I was not weighed down by the sun in the day and the shadows at night. I floated on top of a cloud, I felt that I could do anything, that I would do anything, so long as I could be by your side. Even if the feeling would not last, I had been given something to hope for, something that had never been there before, something I thought never could be there.
I did not fall in love with the Meagan who was addled.
I fell in love with the Meagan who listens and considers my thoughts,
whose voice is lyrical and soft, whose eyes hold mystery and cunning,
who is just a little shy, like me, and whose caustic wit cuts to the bone.
It is the greatest regret in my life that I could not know you well enough
to see that you changed, and that I chased after only a shadow of the real you.
I must repay you for the favor you have granted me, and that
is why I have come. I want to give you some small measure of
the joys I have experienced over the past two months and perhaps
to give you a renewed perspective, as you gave me. It is my
greatest hope that you may love, as I have, and that we can build what was illusion in reality.
Transcript of Faust's letter.
IRC Downfall
Sad Drunk
Jul 01 21:14:21 <Faust> I fell in love, came all the way to canada
Jul 01 21:14:35 <Faust> And she decided I was too clingy
Jul 01 21:14:40 <Faust> and went for another guy
Jul 01 21:14:49 <Faust> who was an asshole
Jul 01 21:14:59 <Faust> while I grinned and beared it
Jul 01 21:15:17 <Faust> So now that it's over
Jul 01 21:15:25 <Faust> a little comeuppance is in store
On July 1st, Faust had decided to spend CA$170 on alcohol. Keep in mind, this purchase was made through hotel room service, so this ended up totaling in a cheap bottle of champagne and two Mike's Hard Lemonades. Using his supposed drunkenness level as an excuse, he was seen bawwing on IRC all night. At least one user was telling him to kill himself for being attracted to someone so visibly hideous while another was helping him through the rough emotional situation.
[22:07] * Faust getting drunk cause someone stole porygon
„
—Pokemon love, sometimes what a hindrance?
“
[17:57] <@Faust> Jeez, you fly 2000 miles to tell a girl you love her and she runs off with the prick
[17:58] <%rouge> BAWWWWWWWWWW
[17:58] <%Dr_Rice> Who did Pory run away with?
[17:58] <%rouge> <-
[17:59] <%loli> Not Faust
[17:59] <%Dr_Rice> lulz
[17:59] <%loli> That's who.
„
—JEEZ!
“
[18:35] <@Faust> Ah alcohol
[18:36] <@Faust> Almost as good as love
[18:36] <%Dr_Rice> Faust you don't know what love is even like
[18:36] <@Faust> I do now, fucktard
[23:30] <bottombear> u there bro?
[23:30] <Faust> I am talking to her
[23:30] <bottombear> nah talk in channel, fag
[23:30] <bottombear> or cp log
[23:31] <bottombear> stop being a fucking wet blanket and share
[23:31] <bottombear> you already made the situation public, might as well let it play out in a public forum
[23:31] <bottombear> bottom line people ahve you best interest in mind
[23:31] <bottombear> but you should at least involve us in drama so we can enjoy ourself
[23:31] <bottombear> *ourselves
[23:34] <Faust> I let what I felt would be known be public
[23:50] <bottombear> do you still love her
[23:58] <bottombear> do u still love her?
Session Time: Fri Jul 02 00:00:00 2010
[00:05] <Faust> Of course I do
[00:06] <bottombear> have you told her
[00:06] <bottombear> man a lot of people only feel that shit once
[00:06] <bottombear> if ever
[00:06] <bottombear> you cant let that shit go
[00:06] <bottombear> im being real with u, bro
[00:07] <Faust> I have
[00:07] <Faust> told ger
[00:07] <Faust> she broke up with me
[00:07] <bottombear> you gotta find a different way to do it bro
[00:07] <bottombear> it might not be with words
[00:07] <bottombear> actions speak louder
[00:07] <bottombear> and a picture is worth a thousand
[00:07] <bottombear> u might need a picture or a series of pictures (youtube) and actions
[00:08] <Faust> well, maybe when I am sober in the morning
[00:08] <Faust> I can come up with somethijg
[00:08] <bottombear> do it now while you arent afraid of your feelings
[00:09] <Faust> I can't think of anything
[00:09] <bottombear> use ur heart
[00:09] <bottombear> can you draw
[00:09] <bottombear> mb you should start playing pokemon
[00:09] <bottombear> she likes pokemon a lot
[00:10] <Faust> I could buy a new ds in the morning
[00:10] <bottombear> dude order it online right now
[00:10] <bottombear> and have it sent to her house
[00:10] <bottombear> engraved
[00:10] <Faust> wat
[00:10] <bottombear> hold up let me see if i can find an engraved ds
[00:10] <bottombear> a love token ds
[00:10] <bottombear> engraved
[00:10] <bottombear> im telling u this will work
[00:11] <Faust> She would not like that
[00:11] <bottombear> dude yeah she would
[00:11] <bottombear> she may seem jaded about ds's on the outside
[00:11] <Faust> She did not even want chocolates
[00:11] <bottombear> but deep down bro she cares
[00:11] <Faust> sent to her
[00:11] <bottombear> women say shit like that
[00:11] <bottombear> but they do want it
[00:11] <bottombear> im telling you
[00:12] <Faust> maybe you are right
[00:12] <bottombear> i know i am, bro
[00:12] <Faust> But I am too drunk to order anything right now
[00:12] <Faust> I can barely type
[00:13] <bottombear> i can help you
[00:13] <bottombear> you got like a paypal login
[00:13] <bottombear> or bank info
[00:13] <bottombear> all i need is that and her address
[00:13] <Faust> you are not getting my bank account number
[00:13] <bottombear> you could just do it through paypal
[00:13] <bottombear> or i could link you to checkout
[00:13] <bottombear> and you can do it yourself
[00:13] <Faust> I can probably log into that
[00:14] <bottombear> nice
[00:14] <Faust> I can only focus for a second or two
[00:14] <bottombear> yeah im looking for a good website
[00:14] <bottombear> a good deal on a custom ds
[00:14] <bottombear> you got an ebay account?
[00:14] <bottombear> you can do buy now on ebay
[00:15] <Faust> why are you helping me?
[00:15] <bottombear> because i can empathize with people?
[00:15] <bottombear> i dunno
[00:15] <bottombear> fuck
[00:15] <bottombear> because im human?
[00:15] <Faust> I thank you
[00:15] <bottombear> because im tired of living in a world where people dont care about each other
[00:15] <Faust> if it woks
[00:15] <bottombear> enough to help them find personalized ds's
[00:16] <bottombear> whats her favorite color?
[00:17] <Faust> orange
[00:17] <bottombear> okay an orange ds with personalization
[00:18] <Faust> At least she will know I care...
[00:18] <bottombear> yes, thats whats important
[00:18] <bottombear> and if you care hard enough
[00:18] <bottombear> love will find a way
[00:18] <bottombear> its like that scene at the end of ghost bro
[00:19] <bottombear> where swayze is dead
[00:19] <bottombear> but molly can see him
[00:19] <bottombear> and shes like yo dont leave
[00:19] <bottombear> and hes like i have to but i still love you
[00:19] <bottombear> and then he peaces
[00:19] <bottombear> but u no he loves her
[00:20] <Faust> ok
[00:20] <Faust> sign up for the least shipping time
[00:20] <bottombear> okay im trying to find a website still, its surprisingly elusive
[00:21] <Faust> I can afford that much...
[00:23] <Faust> I will brb
[00:23] <bottombear> okay i found it
[00:23] <bottombear> its on bestbuys website
[00:24] <bottombear> http://www.bestbuy.ca/en-CA/product/nintendo-ds-nintendo-dsi-xl-bronze-utlsbra/10140423.aspx?path=8ec24556c6a5f96991750f3fdd9a204aen02 [00:24] <bottombear> alright here
[00:24] <bottombear> they ship next day shipping
[00:24] <bottombear> so itll be there super quick
[00:24] <bottombear> cart info is stored in session data so i cant put it in the cart for you
[00:24] <bottombear> but it comes w/ a free game
[00:26] <Faust> What am I buying?
[00:26] <bottombear> the ds
[00:26] <bottombear> you know her address right
[00:27] <Faust> Yes
[00:27] <bottombear> yeah just put in her address
[00:27] <bottombear> its the orange ds, you can add shipping instructions to personalize it
[00:27] <Faust> Can I buy her chocolates?
[00:27] <bottombear> you can do both
[00:27] <bottombear> i dont think you can do that on the best buy website
[00:27] <Faust> What am I doing?
[00:27] <Faust> Speel kt out
[00:28] <Faust> I am really drink
[00:28] <Faust> and I will repay you bottombear
[00:28] <Faust> I swear
[00:28] <Faust> I can do that much
[00:28] <bottombear> you dont need to repay me bro
[00:28] <bottombear> i just want to see love work out
[00:28] <bottombear> for anyone who deserves it
[00:28] <Faust> You are in texas
[00:29] <Faust> I can repay you
[00:29] <Faust> anything under $5000
[00:30] <Faust> So what is it that I am filling out?
[00:31] <bottombear> you are buying that ds
[00:31] <bottombear> and filling out the shipping info and billing info
[00:31] <bottombear> to her house
[00:31] <bottombear> and shit
[00:31] <bottombear> and make sure you put a personlized message on it
[00:31] <Faust> right
[00:32] <Faust> How do I do the personalized stuff?
[00:32] <bottombear> in the shipping notes
[00:33] <Faust> I see
[00:33] <Faust> thank you
[00:33] <Faust> for everything
[00:33] <bottombear> np
[00:33] <Faust> I will repay you
[00:33] <Faust> but ask mr when I am sober
[00:33] <Faust> so I can thank you properly
[00:37] <Faust> wait how do I do the message?
[00:38] <Faust> I am... too drunk
[00:38] <bottombear> it should be in there
[00:38] <bottombear> did you already do all the shipping info?
[00:38] <bottombear> it wont ship till tomorrow anyhow
[00:39] <bottombear> so just call and ask them to modify the order
[00:39] <bottombear> but place it now
[00:39] <Faust> ok
[00:43] <Faust> ugh
[00:43] <Faust> I can't sign in
[00:43] <bottombear> keep trying
[00:43] <Faust> ok
[00:47] <Faust> I am going to need some time to sober up apparently
[00:47] <bottombear> no do it now
[00:49] <Faust> I mean I cant enter the data
[00:49] <Faust> give me 30 minuntes
[00:50] <Faust> ao I can enter it'
[00:50] <Faust> Keep pestering me
[00:50] <bottombear> okay
[00:50] <Faust> I might pass out
[00:51] <bottombear> keep trying bro
[00:51] <bottombear> love is the most important thing
[00:51] <Faust> I agree
[00:51] <Faust> but I need a kittle time
[00:51] <Faust> I dra k too much
[00:57] <bottombear> u ok?
[00:58] <Faust> I still need to sober up enough to enter shit right
[00:58] <bottombear> focus
[00:58] <bottombear> use ur love
[00:59] <Faust> lovei s powerful
[00:59] <Faust> but so is three long islanfs
[00:59] <bottombear> so powerful
[00:59] <Faust> and a bottle of wie
[00:59] <Faust> so pester me for thirty more minutes
[00:59] <bottombear> keep trying
[01:00] <Faust> I am too drunk
[01:00] <bottombear> keep trying
[01:00] <Faust> I need to sober up
[01:00] <Faust> for a few minutes
[01:00] <bottombear> cool you got more wine?
[01:00] <bottombear> finish the wine
[01:00] <Faust> I did
[01:00] <bottombear> be a professional about it at least
[01:00] <Faust> an hour ago
[01:01] <Faust> I can't be too drunk
[01:01] <Faust> but I can;t be too sober...
[01:01] <bottombear> true
[01:01] <bottombear> u need a balance
[01:02] <Faust> well
[01:02] <Faust> i am too drunk now
[01:02] <Faust> so give me a bit
[01:02] <bottombear> okay
[01:02] <bottombear> are you talking to her right now?
[01:02] <bottombear> dont tell her about the present
[01:02] <bottombear> itll ruin it
[01:02] <Faust> I know
[01:03] <Faust> o shit
[01:03] <Faust> nausea
[01:04] <bottombear> shit
[01:04] <bottombear> u ok bro?
[01:04] <Faust> I will be
[01:05] <Faust> give me timr
[01:05] <Faust> I care more about her than anything else in the world
[01:06] <bottombear> and she fuckin lied to u bro
[01:06] <Faust> how so?
[01:06] <bottombear> well u came up there
[01:06] <bottombear> and she was like psych i dont love u
[01:06] <Faust> She made me aware
[01:07] <Faust> before
[01:07] <bottombear> before you came up there?
[01:07] <bottombear> but you had booked flight?
[01:07] <Faust> it was too late to cancek
[01:08] <Faust> she said she'd give me one last chance
[01:08] <bottombear> did you fuck up the relationship?
[01:08] <Faust> I don't know
[01:08] <Faust> maybe
[01:10] <Faust> Ugh I can't focus my eyes
[01:10] <bottombear> its okay
[17:54] <@Faust> Who wants to get wasted?
[17:54] <%truthillusion> meee
[17:54] <@Faust> I am going to see if I can drink three long island iced teas in less than sixty minutes
[17:55] <@Faust> All I have to do is buy them
[17:55] <@ttj> DO IT
[17:55] <@ttj> i believe in you faust
[17:55] <@Faust> Let's put my 120 kg to the test!
[17:55] <@ttj> drink drink drinks
[17:56] <%truthillusion> drink drink drink
[17:56] <@Faust> Hold on, I have to see if roomservice is here on canada gay
[17:57] <%truthillusion> lol
[17:57] <@Faust> Jeez, you fly 2000 miles to tell a girl you love her and she runs off with the prick
[17:58] <%rouge> BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
[17:58] <%Dr_Rice> Who did Pory run away with?
[17:58] <%rouge> <-
[17:59] <%loli> Not Faust
[17:59] <%Dr_Rice> lulz
[17:59] <%loli> That's who.
...
[18:00] <@Faust> Damn I have to wait
[18:01] <@Faust> But the experiment shall commence shortly
[18:01] <@ttj> fausty fausty fausty
[18:01] <@Faust> Yes?
[18:01] <@ttj> get drunky drunky drunky
[18:01] <@Faust> Or are you chanting?
[18:02] <@ttj> forget your troubles
[18:02] <@Faust> Ah
[18:02] <%rouge> chaos just called ED
[18:02] <%rouge> the EDF wiki
[18:02] <%rouge> he is dumb
[18:02] <%rouge> let us all call him dumb
[18:02] <@Thayo> hurrrrr
[18:02] <@Faust> Ah, my troubles are over
[18:02] <@Faust> Now I can PARTAY
[18:02] <@ttj> WOOOO
[18:02] * %Fiskie ([email protected]) Quit (Ping timeout)
[18:03] * Chaos ([email protected]) has joined #forum
[18:03] <@Faust> And I don't need to resort to hallucinogens while I am in Canada
[18:05] <@Faust> Also, since rouge has been a right prick for the ~two months I've know him
[18:05] <%rouge> okay
[18:05] * Faust sets mode: +b *!*rage@*.dsl.bell.ca
[18:05] * rouge was kicked by Faust (Come back in the morning)
[18:05] * Faust sets mode: -o Pory|afk
[18:05] <@Doakes> u mad
[18:05] * ttj sets mode: +o lampshade_
[18:06] <@Faust> Me? Not anymore
[18:06] <@Faust> I feel glad
[18:06] <@manglik> I can help you with your problem, you know, from a man to a man.
[18:06] <@Doakes> Girls - Hellhole Ratrace - dedicated to Faust
[18:06] <@Doakes> <333
[18:06] <@Faust> I should have done rouge in a long while ago
[18:06] <@ttj> i can uhh, can someone fill me in here, i'm not up on forum drama
[18:07] * @Faust getting drunk cause rouge stole pory
[18:07] <Chaos> shit sucks ttj
[18:07] <@ttj> if that's true
[18:07] <@manglik> Wait, what.
[18:07] <@ttj> i'd be ordering a gun and not some drinks if i were you faust
[18:07] <@Faust> Pfft
[18:07] <NegiSpringfield> Pory-tan is cute ^_^
[18:08] <@Faust> Why would I need a gun?
[18:08] <NegiSpringfield> I'd be friendzoned by her and be happy even so
[18:08] <@Faust> I am friendzoned
[18:08] <@ttj> to blow your brains out, or i would need it to blow my brains out
[18:08] <%truthillusion> Pory-tan is hawt
[18:08] <@Faust> ^
[18:08] <%truthillusion> I'd hit it
[18:08] <%truthillusion> numerous times
[18:08] <@Doakes> ehhh
[18:08] <@Doakes> im neutral
[18:08] <%truthillusion> if the possibility ever came
[18:08] <Chaos> ehhh
[18:08] <Chaos> she's canadian
[18:08] <@Faust> I won't be blowing any brains out
[18:08] <%truthillusion> in a few years that is
[18:08] <@ttj> is pory like 15 or something?
[18:08] <@Faust> 17
[18:08] <@Faust> Now I am relieved
[18:09] <@ttj> is that legal where you kids are?
[18:09] <@Faust> In texas it is
[18:09] <@Faust> That's where I'd be prosecuted
[18:09] <@ttj> lolol then fantastic
[18:10] <@Faust> I have just to wait for my drinks
[18:10] <@Faust> And I'll go bar crawling tomorrow
[18:12] <%Dr_Rice> I hope faust gets laid during his bar crawling
[18:12] <@Faust> ttj, what would convince you to gline rouge for 24 hours?
[18:12] <%Dr_Rice> I am cheering for you Faust
[18:12] <@lampshade_> awwwww Faust
[18:12] <@Faust> Yes
[18:13] <@lampshade_> mean Faust
[18:13] <%truthillusion> I hope Faust gets more than laid. I hope this becomes the best night of his life.
[18:13] <@Doakes> hookers galore
[18:13] <@Doakes> fuck the pain away
[18:13] <@lampshade_> why do you want to ban rouge?
[18:14] <@zapjaste> lol omg
[18:15] <@kale_> http://forums.encyclopediadramatica.com/showthread.php?p=277850#post277850 [18:15] <@Faust> Only for a while
[18:15] <@Faust> 22:13 <Faust> I fell in love, came all the way to canada
[18:15] <@Faust> 22:14 <Faust> And she decided I was too clingy
[18:15] <@Faust> 22:14 <Faust> and went for rouge
[18:15] <@Faust> 22:14 <ttj> and rouge wasn't!??!??!?!?!
[18:15] <@Faust> 22:14 <ttj> wtf
[18:15] <@Faust> 22:14 <Faust> who was an asshole
[18:15] <@Faust> 22:14 <Faust> while I grinned and beared it
[18:15] <@Faust> 22:14 <Faust> So now that it's over
[18:15] <@Faust> 22:14 <Faust> a little comeuppance is in store
[18:16] <@zapjaste> wait what
[18:16] <@zapjaste> is this real life
[18:16] <@Faust> Yes
[18:16] <@Faust> I am in Pory's hometown right now
[18:16] <@Faust> Hence alcohol
[18:16] <@Faust> as I am 20
[18:17] <@Thayo> 3. be a fucking man and not some hipster puss
[18:17] <@Thayo> lol
[18:17] <@Faust> And I think this will make us even
[18:17] <@Faust> For now
[18:17] <@Doakes> lolcreepy
[18:17] <@Doakes> lolcreepy
[18:17] <%TrainOfThought> sweet
[18:17] <%TrainOfThought> I'm done with my fcpremix instrumental
[18:17] <@Faust> I wasn't the one who suggested us meet
[18:17] <@Faust> So stow it
...
[18:30] <@Faust> lol
[18:30] <@Faust> I stopped and look at me
[18:30] <PhoneEatingBear> I gotta start drinking again
[18:31] <@Faust> That's one down
[18:31] <@Faust> Time for number two
[18:31] <%truthillusion> you can do it faust
[18:32] <@Faust> This ain't nothing after listerine
[18:32] <%truthillusion> i believe in you
[18:32] <bottombear> lolol
[18:32] <bottombear> you drank listerine?
[18:32] <@Faust> Long time ago
[18:32] <@Faust> and two
[18:32] <bottombear> rofl
[18:32] <bottombear> fuck dude
[18:32] <bottombear> just find a homeless person to buy oyu booze
[18:32] <bottombear> i drank lemon extract a couple times in HS
[18:32] <bottombear> btu never fucking listerine
[18:32] <@Faust> They shoot those varmits in texas
[18:33] <@Faust> It was a boyscout campout
[18:33] <@Faust> long time ago
[18:33] <bottombear> lol
[18:33] <bottombear> this story just gets sadder and sadder
[18:33] <@Faust> I didn't even include the depressing parts
[18:33] <bottombear> besides boyscouts and listerine
[18:33] <bottombear> faust are you staying in a hotel
[18:34] <@Faust> Oh yes
[18:34] <@Faust> Yup
[18:34] <bottombear> or a hootel i guess they call it there
[18:34] <@Faust> 2.5
[18:34] <bottombear> how much a night, bro
[18:34] <@Faust> ~100
[18:34] <Chaos> 2.5 what?
[18:34] <bottombear> fuck
[18:34] <@Faust> long islands
[18:34] <bottombear> thats pricey
[18:34] <@Doakes> 2.5 BA is a high schore
[18:35] <@Faust> I don't have a breathalizer
[18:35] <@Faust> I drank 2.5 1 pt long island iced teas
[18:35] <@Faust> Ah alcohol
[18:36] <@Faust> Almost as good as love
[18:36] <%Dr_Rice> Faust you don't know what love is even like
[18:36] <@Faust> Did I mention I haven't eaten anything today?
[18:36] <@Faust> I do now, fucktard
[18:36] <bottombear> lol faust, really, so your pokegirlfriend dumped you for another pokenerd on the pokenets
[18:36] <@ttj> THIS IS ABOUT E-DATING
[18:36] <bottombear> go back to texas and deal with it
[18:36] <@ttj> lolololololol
[18:36] <@Faust> I will
[18:37] <bottombear> the worst thing you can do right now is embarrass yourself
[18:37] <smokun> because you made her get a pokeabortion
[18:37] <bottombear> lol pokebortion
[18:37] <@Faust> I am taking my vacation
[18:37] <@Faust> regardless of what pory has done
[18:37] <bottombear> Faust what town are you in
[18:37] <@Faust> Saint John
[18:37] <@Faust> NB
[18:37] <bottombear> sounds boring as fuck
[18:37] <@Faust> I can see fireworks
[18:38] <@Faust> Yeah, well
[18:38] <bottombear> isnt today canada day?
[18:38] <bottombear> july 1st
[18:38] <bottombear> or some shit
[18:38] <@Faust> I didn't come for the town
[18:38] <@Faust> Yup
[18:38] <bottombear> or did i just make that up at some point and it became fact in my head
[18:38] <bottombear> oh okay
[18:38] <PhoneEatingBear> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4saNx5jJW0 [18:38] <PhoneEatingBear> Thats for you faust
[18:38] <@zapjaste> yeah its canada day
[18:38] <@Faust> I have an okay view
[18:38] <bottombear> Faust: i know you didnt come for the town
[18:38] <@zapjaste> ive read about it on twitter
[18:38] <@zapjaste> and here
[18:38] <@zapjaste> i didnt know today was canadia day either
[18:38] <@zapjaste> THE MOAR U NO
[18:38] <@Faust> lol
[18:39] <bottombear> yeah Faust just get your fuckcount up and youll feel better
[18:39] <bottombear> sall it takes
[18:39] <@Faust> It wasn't over until after I saw her a few times
[18:39] <@Faust> so it wasn't really all e-dating
[18:39] <bottombear> eh
[18:39] <bottombear> i mean it was fucking edating
[18:39] <bottombear> come on
[18:39] <@Faust> also, lol @ vid
[18:39] <PhoneEatingBear> yeah
[18:39] <bottombear> you call her "pory"
[18:40] <@Doakes> e-dating is lol
[18:40] <@Faust> It was until I showed up
[18:40] <bottombear> if it wasnt edating you wouldnt be referring to your lost love as a fucking pokemon
[18:40] <PhoneEatingBear> Internet relationships never work
[18:40] <@Doakes> ^
[18:40] <@Faust> No, this is a public channel
[18:40] <@Faust> If it was not
[18:40] <@Faust> I would call her name
[18:40] <bottombear> yeah a public channel
[18:40] <bottombear> on the internet
[18:40] <@lampshade_> HAHAHAHA bottombear
[18:40] <@lampshade_> i love you bottombear
[18:40] <bottombear> <3
[18:40] * lampshade_ sets mode: +v bottombear
[18:40] <Chaos> oh, you mean meagan
[18:41] <@Doakes> internet relationships do not work
[18:41] <@lampshade_> loool
[18:41] <@Faust> That's three in ten minutes
[18:41] <@lampshade_> lulzzzzzz
[18:41] <@lampshade_> this is so lulzy
[18:41] * Failget ([email protected]) has joined #forum
[18:41] <@lampshade_> not for you though Faust
[18:41] <@Faust> They don't work
[18:41] <@Faust> I know
[18:41] <Failget> !halfop
[18:41] * dramacrat sets mode: +h Failget
[18:41] <+bottombear> internet relationships prolly have the same failure rate as real relationships
[18:41] <@Faust> that's why I cam
[18:41] <%Failget> !voice
[18:41] * dramacrat sets mode: +v Failget
[18:41] <@Faust> e
[18:41] <@ttj> bottombear, probably
[18:41] <+bottombear> but i really dont think you should date someone until youve fucked them a couple of times
[18:41] <@lampshade_> bottombear: they probably fail more
[18:41] <@lampshade_> yes
[18:41] <@lampshade_> and plus
[18:41] <@zapjaste> i sorta met my husband on the internet but it was mostly over phone and text first. and then we met. then i moved in. then we had a kid and got married and have been together like 5 yrs lol
[18:41] <@lampshade_> you can lie a lot about yourself
[18:42] <@lampshade_> on the internet
[18:42] <+bottombear> true
[18:42] <@zapjaste> but...
[18:42] <@ttj> zapjaste, you and me and lampshade_ are living the dream
[18:42] <@zapjaste> he was like old
[18:42] <@Faust> You can lie
[18:42] <@zapjaste> it wasnt the same
[18:42] <@ttj> and acpizza of course
[18:42] <@lampshade_> hahahahaa ttj
[18:42] <@Faust> bt it is no fun if you do
[18:42] <+bottombear> and they started off as edating
[18:42] <@Faust> *but
[18:42] <@lampshade_> true Faust
[18:42] <@lampshade_> but people are self-conscious
[18:42] <%Failget> :l
[18:42] <@Faust> At least meagan didn't lie to me...
[18:42] <@zapjaste> who is meagan
[18:42] <@ttj> :(
[18:42] <@lampshade_> pory
[18:42] <%TrainOfThought> Pory I think
[18:42] <@zapjaste> oh
[18:42] <@Faust> pory
[18:43] <@zapjaste> i thought he called her pory
[18:43] <Chaos> i thought u weren't gonna use her name?
[18:43] <%Failget> :l
[18:43] <%TrainOfThought> also Christa=Thayo or snaisy
[18:43] <@zapjaste> lol
[18:43] <@Faust> I just drank alot
[18:43] <@ttj> I thought... wait wut
[18:43] <@zapjaste> haha wait
[18:43] <@ttj> keep drinking faust
[18:43] <@Faust> alot
[18:43] <@zapjaste> faust
[18:43] <+bottombear> Faust, whatever you do, make sure you stay online tonight
[18:43] <+bottombear> and type all your feelings
[18:43] <@ttj> YES
[18:43] <+bottombear> into this window
[18:43] <@ttj> all of them
[18:43] <@Faust> haha
[18:43] <@ttj> please
[18:43] <+bottombear> put a post it note on the screen
[18:43] <+bottombear> with an arrow
[18:43] <+bottombear> that says feelings
[18:43] <+bottombear> pointing to the input bar
Jul 03 16:14:24 <Pory-tan> ttj, the reason why I dated Faust and such is because I was on drugs at the time
Jul 03 16:14:28 <Pory-tan> rizatriptan
Jul 03 16:14:32 <Pory-tan> trips you out
Jul 03 16:14:34 <Pory-tan> badly
Jul 03 16:14:35 <Pory-tan> :(
Jul 03 16:20:26 <ttj> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rizatriptan Jul 03 16:21:40 <Pory-tan> ttj, there's a symptom there that's missing
Jul 03 16:21:44 <Pory-tan> that I was havnig
Jul 03 16:21:46 <Pory-tan> having*
Jul 03 16:21:54 <ttj> Pory-tan: madness?
Jul 03 16:22:38 <rouge> neckbeard attraction
Jul 03 16:22:40 <rouge> is the side-effect
Jul 03 16:22:44 <ttj> ^
Jul 03 16:27:16 <Pory-tan> ttj, this side effect: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization
I am not going to be mean-spirited about this. Why don't you call and convince me not to provide your documentation to ED? I am willing to listen to an apology for giving out my personal information, if it is really heartfelt.
Little do they both know that Pory's dox are incredibly easy to find, and so is a pic of her that is semi-fapable. Faust fails to recognise the oh so cliched cliches: "If you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves first," and "revenge is a dish best served cold." If you're a true badass, you'll dose your ex-honey with revenge galore without warning, including telling her neighbours about the amateur strip club contest she was involved in. If you're a pussy, you'll extort.
TL;DR
This is what Faust expected to find when he met Pory IRL:
As Pory looked up with glazed eyes, full of uncertainty and fear, Faust grabbed the back of her head and glared at her with a look of anger. "Swallow it, you little slut" he said with a certain sadistic grin. "Take every inch of my cock and don't stop until you are told". "It's all you are good for, anyway". Pory began to tear up and reluctantly opened her mouth, feeling the warm and pulsating cock quiver on the tip of her tongue.
