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Uri Geller

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Uri Geller at his wedding with Michael Jackson, his third wife.
His son.

Uri Geller ✡ is a has-been "psychic" with unlimited amounts of unwarranted self-importance, whose only current form of amassing Jew golds is through his ridiculous lawsuits. He also is at war with YouTube (and any other form of communication through which people can express disbelief in his OMG REAL PSYCHIC ABILITIES). Based on his track record, it is only a matter of time before he sues Encyclopedia Dramatica for even mentioning him.

In reality, Uri Geller is a failed Israeli nightclub magician who decided to scam the American public with a tiny repertoire of outdated mentalist tricks by claiming he actually has these powers IRL. Like any D-List celebrity, he is addicted to being an attention whore and must constantly boost his own ego by demonstrating these tricks every chance he gets in order to get a hit off your amazement that people are still impressed by poorly executed sleight of hand tricks (except when he knows magicians or skeptics are around in which case he will claim not to be able to do these OMG REAL PSYCHIC ABILITIES on command).

His Powers

Uri Geller's story is that, when he was a wee little Jew in Israel, he encountered a strange glowing orb in his family's garden. After that, all the silverware in the house bent at his touch (once he did a little prep work offstage). Geller also claims to be able to stop time, see through clothes, and divide by zero.

Lawsuits

A horrible Nazi Kadabra raping a poor little Abra furry with his spoon.
Critics attack Geller with lolcats.

Uri Geller has copyrighted psychic powers in general, bending spoons with the mind, bending anything by any means, ordinary spoons, the name Uri Geller, and anything sounding vaguely similar to Uri or Geller in any language. He will sue anyone who violates these copyrights, without hesitation.

Geller tried to sue Nintendo, claiming that the psychic Pokémon Kadabra is based on his likeness. He first become aware of this infringement while visiting Japan. A bunch of kids purportedly mobbed him, asking him to autograph their Pokémon cards (because Japanese kids know this guy on sight and totally want his autograph). Geller questioned some Wapanese Pokéfags about Kadabra, and was shocked to discover its Japanese name, Yungeraa, is pronounced "UriGellerIsEvil." He also freaked out over Kadabra's spoon, and the obviously Nazi S.S. symbol written on Kadabra's pelvis.

   
“ 		 
Nintendo turned me into an evil, occult Pokémon character.
  		„
  		 

—Uri Geller

In addition, Geller has tried to sue IKEA for their Uri line of bent-legged furniture, and Timex, because they make watches advertised as resisting psychic influences (srsly).

Another LOLsuit of Geller's was against James Randi. Randi wrote a book containing spoilers on how his tricks are done, exposing Geller for what he really is. Geller got butthurt and did what any person with supernatural god powers would do: sued him. The lawsuit obviously failed, and Geller ended up paying Randi $150,000! LOL!

YouTube

Uri Geller also has a record of suing people who try to reveal he's not a real psychic. He's even gotten videos pulled from YouTube, despite this being a misuse of DMCA. He merely appears in the videos; the YouTube videos themselves are ripping off unrelated parties. Geller's attempts to remove videos that he does not own are actually copyright violations on his part (lol, irony). It is also an affront to free speech, blah blah blah, other serious business. With this new ammunition against Geller, militant disbelievers will finally succeed in having this fraud drawn and quartered once and for all.


House demonstrating how Uri Geller actually bends spoons



Epic Fail on the Tonight Show


Uri Geller rambling = OMG HE HAS REAL PSYCHIC ABILITIES!!!oneoneoneone111

Reality TV Show

Uri Geller also had his own Israeli reality TV show, "The Successor", which was picked up by NBC and aired in the United States as "Phenomenon." Geller considers the export of this television show to be Israel's greatest contribution to the world, completely discounting AOL Instant Messenger, the cellphone, and Windows NT, which were also invented in Israel.

   
“ 		 
I am very happy, not for Uri Geller, but for the State of Israel which made history.
  		„
  		 

—Uri Geller,talking in the third person like an ass

The aim of the show is not to find someone with psychic powers, but to find someone who has an act. In other words, someone who is just like Uri Geller.

Related Articles

External links

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