Lowtax: Difference between revisions
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{{achtung|[https://old.sage.moe/b/thread/12441889/ RIP Lowtax] | {{achtung|[https://old.sage.moe/b/thread/12441889/ RIP Lowtax] | ||
[[Good night, sweet prince]]}} | [[Good night, sweet prince]]}} | ||
{{an hero}} | {{an hero}} | ||
{{Nevar}} | |||
{{Quote|The Internet makes you stupid.|Lowtax self reflecting.}} | |||
[[File:LowtaxFrog.jpg|right|thumb|180px|Lowtax truly was a comedy mastermind.]] | [[File:LowtaxFrog.jpg|right|thumb|180px|Lowtax truly was a comedy mastermind.]] | ||
[[File:Tentax.jpg|right|thumb|180|[[Jewgolds|What Lowtax considered more important than food and water.]]]] | [[File:Tentax.jpg|right|thumb|180|[[Jewgolds|What Lowtax considered more important than food and water.]]]] | ||
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[[Image:lowtaxemo.jpg|thumb|Richard "Kyanka" Lowtax--businessman and paragon of mental stability, unless fruit juice is involved]] | [[Image:lowtaxemo.jpg|thumb|Richard "Kyanka" Lowtax--businessman and paragon of mental stability, unless fruit juice is involved]] | ||
[[Image:Lowtax_Fight.JPG|thumb|Lowtax got his ass kicked by [[Uwe Boll]].]] | [[Image:Lowtax_Fight.JPG|thumb|Lowtax got his ass kicked by [[Uwe Boll]].]] | ||
__TOC__ | |||
'''Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka''' ([[Shit nobody cares about|May 11, 1976]] - [[Last thursday|November 9, 2021]]) was the [http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/title-goes-here.php toe-sucking foot-fetish retard] in charge of [[Something Awful]]. With the help of his [[goon]] henchmen and former Asian [[ebay|mail-order bride]], Lowtax spent the past ten years [[Basement dweller|in his parent's basement]], and leeched off his gullible, pseudo-intellectual hivemind, eventually [http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/paypal-fiasco-summary.php leading Paypal to freeze his account for fraudulent activity.] | '''Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka''' ([[Shit nobody cares about|May 11, 1976]] - [[Last thursday|November 9, 2021]]) was the [http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/title-goes-here.php toe-sucking foot-fetish retard] in charge of [[Something Awful]]. With the help of his [[goon]] henchmen and former Asian [[ebay|mail-order bride]], Lowtax spent the past ten years [[Basement dweller|in his parent's basement]], and leeched off his gullible, pseudo-intellectual hivemind, eventually [http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/paypal-fiasco-summary.php leading Paypal to freeze his account for fraudulent activity.] | ||
Lowtax was prone to meltdowns, and couldn't hold a professional relationship with any company he worked with. SomethingAwful has | Lowtax was prone to meltdowns, and couldn't hold a professional relationship with any company he worked with, nor a personal one. SomethingAwful has problems with advertisers, Google, and almost anything that requires Lowtax to deal on a professional level with another human being. Typically, Lowtax will create a service to cut out the need for a middle man (Awful Video, Awful Wear, etc.), but ironically enough most users report hardships with receiving merchandise and will get banned for their troubles. Since Lowtax was truly the premier businessman of the 21st century, it's only natural this [[failure|success]] has led to an [[pregnancy|eventful]] [[divorce|personal life]]. | ||
After he had gotten over his [[yellow fever]], Lowtax had been in a relationship with a woman named Ashley, who he had a child with. This marriage would end after Lowtax cheated and stalked her. Megan (his former chink wife) helped Ashley in her case against Lowtax, saying she was beaten by him during their relationship. | |||
Lowtax [[an hero]]ed himself on [https://www.vice.com/en/article/v7dmqb/richard-lowtax-kyanka-founder-of-something-awful-is-dead-at-45 November 9, 2021.] | Due to mounting child-support and realizing nobody liked him anymore, Lowtax [[an hero]]ed himself on [https://www.vice.com/en/article/v7dmqb/richard-lowtax-kyanka-founder-of-something-awful-is-dead-at-45 November 9, 2021.] | ||
Lowtax claimed responsibility for the following: | Lowtax claimed responsibility for the following: | ||
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A mangosteen grenade is the logo for [[SASS]]. | A mangosteen grenade is the logo for [[SASS]]. | ||
==Uwe Boll== | |||
[[Uwe Boll]] was a movie director and the original [[Internet tough guy]]. Seeing how easy he was to [[troll]], Lowtax made a thread on [[Something Awful]] calling Uwe [[gay]]. Uwe then challenged Lowtax to a boxing match. Long story short, Uwe won. | |||
<center><youtube>B3M_wGfYewo</youtube></center> | |||
[[File:Lowtax_Energy.jpg|thumb|A [[BAWW|bitter]] Lowtax looks on in disgust as no other energy drink gives him the same [[I came|rush]] as his [[Shit|beloved mangosteens]].]] | [[File:Lowtax_Energy.jpg|thumb|A [[BAWW|bitter]] Lowtax looks on in disgust as no other energy drink gives him the same [[I came|rush]] as his [[Shit|beloved mangosteens]].]] | ||
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File:Lowtax after his lobotomy.JPG | File:Lowtax after his lobotomy.JPG | ||
File:Mail Order Bride Lowtax.jpg | File:Mail Order Bride Lowtax.jpg | ||
File:Entertainer OTY.gif | File:Entertainer OTY.gif|[[Goons]] were able to get him entertainer of the year. | ||
File:Cultoflowtax.png | File:Cultoflowtax.png | ||
File:Lowtaxsuckingweenie.png | |||
File:lowtaxskrillex.png|With [[Skrillex]]. | |||
File:lowtaxpfp.png|His profile pic. [[fatass|A Pig]]. | |||
File:LowtaxHammer.png | |||
File:LowtaxFurry.png | |||
File:LowtaxShotgun.png|Showing what he would later go on to do. | |||
File:Lowtaxhappeh.png|: D | |||
</gallery> | </gallery> | ||
</center> | </center> | ||
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==External Links== | ==External Links== | ||
*{{kfuser|lowtax.10927|KiwiFarms Account}} | |||
*{{yt|cu|lowtaxico|Lowtax's Youtube}} | *{{yt|cu|lowtaxico|Lowtax's Youtube}} | ||
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*[http://www.somethingawful.com/index.php?a=4120 Lowtax went and got the crap beat out of him by Uwe Boll.] | *[http://www.somethingawful.com/index.php?a=4120 Lowtax went and got the crap beat out of him by Uwe Boll.] | ||
[https://www.courts.mo.gov/casenet/cases/searchCases.do Search for Kyanka here]''' | [https://www.courts.mo.gov/casenet/cases/searchCases.do Search for Kyanka here]''' | ||
==See Also== | ==See Also== | ||
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*[[Kansas City]] | *[[Kansas City]] | ||
*[[Lowtax/YouTube]] | *[[Lowtax/YouTube]] | ||
*[[Unwarranted Self-Importance]] | |||
*[[Uwe Boll]] | |||
*[[Shmorky]] | |||
{{Trolls}} | |||
{{anheroes}} | {{anheroes}} | ||
{{Oldweb}} | {{Oldweb}} | ||
Latest revision as of 23:16, 31 March 2026
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RIP Lowtax |
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This user was willing to die for the lulz... and did. |
—Lowtax self reflecting. | ||
See his last words here
Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka (May 11, 1976 - November 9, 2021) was the toe-sucking foot-fetish retard in charge of Something Awful. With the help of his goon henchmen and former Asian mail-order bride, Lowtax spent the past ten years in his parent's basement, and leeched off his gullible, pseudo-intellectual hivemind, eventually leading Paypal to freeze his account for fraudulent activity.
Lowtax was prone to meltdowns, and couldn't hold a professional relationship with any company he worked with, nor a personal one. SomethingAwful has problems with advertisers, Google, and almost anything that requires Lowtax to deal on a professional level with another human being. Typically, Lowtax will create a service to cut out the need for a middle man (Awful Video, Awful Wear, etc.), but ironically enough most users report hardships with receiving merchandise and will get banned for their troubles. Since Lowtax was truly the premier businessman of the 21st century, it's only natural this success has led to an eventful personal life.
After he had gotten over his yellow fever, Lowtax had been in a relationship with a woman named Ashley, who he had a child with. This marriage would end after Lowtax cheated and stalked her. Megan (his former chink wife) helped Ashley in her case against Lowtax, saying she was beaten by him during their relationship.
Due to mounting child-support and realizing nobody liked him anymore, Lowtax an heroed himself on November 9, 2021.
Lowtax claimed responsibility for the following:
Lowtax was an avowed enemy of the following:
- Maddox
- Buttes
- Freedom
- Metalheads
- Pedophiles
- Uwe Boll
- Furries (despite the fact that Lowtax himself was obsessed with pigs and even had a closet furry working with the site)
- Scientologists
- ebaum, who he punched in the face before banging his mom
- Juggalos
- Dan Lirette
- Marriage
Lowtax was considered paranoid and dangerous due to excessive self-importance. Avoid at all costs. He also really fucking hated Google because Google pwned Something Awful hard. Really.
Mangosteens
Lowtax was a major supporter of mangosteens, a type of repulsively shitty fruit that he claimed to have beneficial nutritive properties. In the past, he tried to scam goons into buying mangosteen products and mortgage backed securities, to little effect. After being repeatedly trolled by his own forum users, Lowtax had a meltdown:
— A very e-angry Lowtax |
A mangosteen grenade is the logo for SASS.
Uwe Boll
Uwe Boll was a movie director and the original Internet tough guy. Seeing how easy he was to troll, Lowtax made a thread on Something Awful calling Uwe gay. Uwe then challenged Lowtax to a boxing match. Long story short, Uwe won.
Lowtax vs. PeppermintPatti
Lowtax was very traumatized by PeppermintPatti. Culexor, Vipor231, and Pixelbee joined forces in "The Final Solution to the Problem of Lowtax" and attempted to kill him by snipping his brakelines, poisoning his apple juice, and posting video blogs. [1] Although the attacks from the youtuber's eventually stopped, Kyanka lives in fear of their reprisal to this day.
El fin
As of February 12, 2008, Lowtax is no longer the titular master and commander of his forums, due to the fact that goons actually started talking back to him after he reacted badly to yet another totally avoidable massive security breach. Speculation runs rampant among the ranks: will Lowtax actually give up power and focus on making the front page funny again, or will he continue to micromanage and shit up the forums through their newly-appointed Grand Poobah (who just so happens to live in Lowtax's basement)? MOAR AS IT DEVELOPS
Gallery of a mangosteen foot fetishist
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An infant Lowtax and his mother -
Lowtax, back in the days when he got off his ass and did something worthwhile with his life. -
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Lowtax hard at work, channeling his inner beaner. (Note the pills and wine lol) -
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Goons were able to get him entertainer of the year. -
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With Skrillex. -
His profile pic. A Pig. -
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Showing what he would later go on to do. -
: D
Death of Lowtax
Last Thursady, Fragmaster revealed to the SomethingAwful Forums that he had received news from the Kyanka family that Lowtax had passed away, likely via Drug Overdose by killing himself rather than pay child support, like the complete cunt he is.
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— Fragmaster |
Oddly enough, his suicide note wasn't discovered until some 3.5 years later; it probably got sent to everyone's spam folder. After an attempt to make the reader's feel pity for his own selfish actions and reasons for suicide, he immediately spoils any of it by urging his family to carry out his personal grievances towards others postmortem. And not a single word or "I love you" in his suicide note is dedicated to his daughters.
External Links
- Lowtax is going to get the crap beat out of him by Uwe Boll.
- Lowtax went and got the crap beat out of him by Uwe Boll.
See Also
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Lowtax is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
 Lowtax is part of a series on Web 1.0 |
[ANCIENT HISTORY] Old Memes •
Celebs, h4x0rz, and Phreaks •
Technologies •
Fun and Games •
Events •
Death of Web1.0
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| Lowtax is part of a series on Dying Alone
[]
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 Lowtax is part of The Best Series in the Universe ★ ★ ★ |
[THERE'S NOTHING REALLY INHERENTLY WRONG WITH BEING A CUCKOLD BECAU] Essential Characters •
Madcast Media Network ★ ★ ★ •
See You Next Tuesday Network •
Maddox Followers •
Key Concepts
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