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Lowtax: Difference between revisions
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{{ | {{achtung|[https://old.sage.moe/b/thread/12441889/ RIP Lowtax] | ||
[[File:LowtaxFrog.jpg|right|thumb|180px|Lowtax truly | [[Good night, sweet prince]]}} | ||
[[ | {{an hero}} | ||
[[File:LowtaxFrog.jpg|right|thumb|180px|Lowtax truly was a comedy mastermind.]] | |||
[[File:Tentax.jpg|right|thumb|180|[[Jewgolds|What Lowtax considered more important than food and water.]]]] | |||
[[Image:Lowtax_yiff.jpg|right|thumb|Lowtax doing [[yiff|what he loves best]].]] | [[Image:Lowtax_yiff.jpg|right|thumb|Lowtax doing [[yiff|what he loves best]].]] | ||
[[Image:Dontevershow-big.jpg|right|thumb|Lowtax [[sick fuck|relaxing at home]] - a rare photo from the early days of [[Something Awful|SA]]]] | [[Image:Dontevershow-big.jpg|right|thumb|Lowtax [[sick fuck|relaxing at home]] - a rare photo from the early days of [[Something Awful|SA]]]] | ||
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[[Image:Lowtax last seen.JPG|thumb|His last appearance before [[PeppermintPatti|the patsies]] got to him. {{youtube|LczGBeXw8WE|See his last words here}}]] | [[Image:Lowtax last seen.JPG|thumb|His last appearance before [[PeppermintPatti|the patsies]] got to him. {{youtube|LczGBeXw8WE|See his last words here}}]] | ||
[[Image:lowtaxemo.jpg|thumb|Richard "Kyanka" Lowtax--businessman and paragon of mental stability, unless fruit juice is involved]] | [[Image:lowtaxemo.jpg|thumb|Richard "Kyanka" Lowtax--businessman and paragon of mental stability, unless fruit juice is involved]] | ||
[[Image:Lowtax_Fight.JPG|thumb|Lowtax | [[Image:Lowtax_Fight.JPG|thumb|Lowtax got his ass kicked by [[Uwe Boll]].]] | ||
'''Richard | '''Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka''' ([[Shit nobody cares about|May 11, 1976]] - [[Last thursday|November 9, 2021]]) was the [http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/title-goes-here.php toe-sucking foot-fetish retard] in charge of [[Something Awful]]. With the help of his [[goon]] henchmen and former Asian [[ebay|mail-order bride]], Lowtax spent the past ten years [[Basement dweller|in his parent's basement]], and leeched off his gullible, pseudo-intellectual hivemind, eventually [http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/paypal-fiasco-summary.php leading Paypal to freeze his account for fraudulent activity.] | ||
Lowtax | Lowtax was prone to meltdowns, and couldn't hold a professional relationship with any company he worked with. SomethingAwful has had problems with advertisers, Google, and almost anything that requires Lowtax to deal on a professional level with another human being. Typically, Lowtax will create a service to cut out the need for a middle man (Awful Video, Awful Wear, etc.), but ironically enough most users report hardships with receiving merchandise and will get banned for their troubles. Since Lowtax was truly the premier businessman of the 21st century, it's only natural this [[failure|success]] has led to an [[pregnancy|eventful]] [[divorce|personal life]]. | ||
Lowtax | Lowtax [[an hero]]ed himself on [https://www.vice.com/en/article/v7dmqb/richard-lowtax-kyanka-founder-of-something-awful-is-dead-at-45 November 9, 2021.] | ||
Lowtax claimed responsibility for the following: | |||
* [[AIDS]] | * [[AIDS]] | ||
* [[9/11]] | * [[9/11]] | ||
| Line 21: | Line 25: | ||
* [[Niggers]] | * [[Niggers]] | ||
* [[Tylor_King|Wiggerfag]] | * [[Tylor_King|Wiggerfag]] | ||
Lowtax | * [[Cancer]] | ||
Lowtax was an avowed enemy of the following: | |||
* [[Maddox]] | * [[Maddox]] | ||
* [[Buttes]] | * [[Buttes]] | ||
| Line 28: | Line 33: | ||
* [[Pedophiles]] | * [[Pedophiles]] | ||
* [[Uwe Boll]] | * [[Uwe Boll]] | ||
* [[Furries]] (despite the fact that Lowtax himself | * [[Furries]] (despite the fact that Lowtax himself was obsessed with [[pig]]s and even had a [[Shmorky|closet furry]] working with the site) | ||
* [[Scientologist]]s | * [[Scientologist]]s | ||
* [[ebaum]], who he punched in the face before banging [[your mom|his mom]] | * [[ebaum]], who he punched in the face before banging [[your mom|his mom]] | ||
| Line 35: | Line 40: | ||
* [[Marriage]] | * [[Marriage]] | ||
Lowtax | Lowtax was considered [[paranoid]] and dangerous due to excessive [[Unwarranted self-importance|self-importance]]. Avoid at all costs. He also really fucking hated Google because Google [[pwned]] [[Something Awful]] hard. Really. | ||
==Mangosteens== | ==Mangosteens== | ||
Lowtax | Lowtax was a [[Internet tough guy|major supporter]] of mangosteens, a type of [[David Miscavige|repulsively shitty fruit]] that he claimed to have [[Bullshit|beneficial nutritive properties]]. [[At least 100 years ago|In the past]], he [[Fail|tried]] to [[Scientology|scam]] [[Goon|goons]] into buying mangosteen products and [[Pwnt|mortgage backed securities]], to little effect. After being repeatedly [[Troll|trolled]] by his own forum users, [[Lol-cow|Lowtax]] had a [[BAWWWW|meltdown]]: | ||
{{squote|SO DONT FUCKING BUY IT, DONT FUCKING DRINK IT, DONT FUCKING CLICK MY LINKS. | {{squote|SO DONT FUCKING BUY IT, DONT FUCKING DRINK IT, DONT FUCKING CLICK MY LINKS. | ||
| Line 50: | Line 55: | ||
A mangosteen grenade is the logo for [[SASS]]. | A mangosteen grenade is the logo for [[SASS]]. | ||
[[File:Lowtax_Energy.jpg|thumb|A [[BAWW|bitter]] Lowtax looks on in disgust as no other energy drink gives him the same [[I came|rush]] as his [[Shit|beloved mangosteens]].]] | |||
==Lowtax vs. [[PeppermintPatti]]== | ==Lowtax vs. [[PeppermintPatti]]== | ||
Lowtax was very traumatized by [[PeppermintPatti]]. [[Culexor]], [[Vipor231]], and [[Pixelbee]] joined forces in "The Final Solution to the Problem of Lowtax" and attempted to kill him by snipping his brakelines, poisoning his apple juice, and posting video blogs. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LczGBeXw8WE] Although the attacks from the [[youtube]]r's eventually stopped, Kyanka lives in fear of their reprisal to this day. | Lowtax was very traumatized by [[PeppermintPatti]]. [[Culexor]], [[Vipor231]], and [[Pixelbee]] joined forces in "The Final Solution to the Problem of Lowtax" and attempted to kill him by snipping his brakelines, poisoning his apple juice, and posting video blogs. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LczGBeXw8WE] Although the attacks from the [[youtube]]r's eventually stopped, Kyanka lives in fear of their reprisal to this day. | ||
==El fin== | ==El fin== | ||
[[File:Lowtax Banned.jpg|right|thumb|An artist depiction of Lowtax's ultimate fate.]] | |||
[http://forum.somethingawful.com/announcement.php?s=&forumid=1 As of February 12, 2008], Lowtax is no longer the titular master and commander of his forums, due to the fact that goons actually started talking back to him after he reacted badly to yet another totally avoidable massive security breach. Speculation runs rampant among the [[Goons|ranks]]: [[Impossible | will Lowtax actually give up power and focus on making the front page funny again]], or will he continue to micromanage and shit up the forums through their newly-appointed Grand Poobah (who just so happens to live in Lowtax's basement)? [[MOAR]] AS IT DEVELOPS | [http://forum.somethingawful.com/announcement.php?s=&forumid=1 As of February 12, 2008], Lowtax is no longer the titular master and commander of his forums, due to the fact that goons actually started talking back to him after he reacted badly to yet another totally avoidable massive security breach. Speculation runs rampant among the [[Goons|ranks]]: [[Impossible | will Lowtax actually give up power and focus on making the front page funny again]], or will he continue to micromanage and shit up the forums through their newly-appointed Grand Poobah (who just so happens to live in Lowtax's basement)? [[MOAR]] AS IT DEVELOPS | ||
==Gallery of a mangosteen foot fetishist== | |||
<center> | |||
<gallery> | |||
File:Lowtax Shirley.jpg|An infant Lowtax and his mother | |||
File:Lowtax vs Furries.jpg|Lowtax, back in the days when he got off his ass and did something worthwhile with his [[Fail|life.]] | |||
File:Lowtax guns.jpg | |||
File:LowtaxHardAtWork.jpg|Lowtax hard at work, channeling his inner [[beaner]]. (Note the pills and wine lol) | |||
File:Lowtax badorange.jpg | |||
File:Claylowtax.gif | |||
File:Lowtax after his lobotomy.JPG | |||
File:Mail Order Bride Lowtax.jpg | |||
File:Entertainer OTY.gif | |||
File:Cultoflowtax.png | |||
</gallery> | |||
</center> | |||
==Death of Lowtax== | |||
[[Last Thursday|Last Thursady]], Fragmaster revealed to the [https://archive.md/qsJZz/ SomethingAwful Forums] that he had received news from the Kyanka family that Lowtax had [[An Hero|passed away]], <s>likely via [[Drugs|Drug Overdose]]</s> by killing himself rather than pay child support, like the complete [[cunt]] he is. | |||
<center>{{frame|<youtube>2UkcZ4LtSE8</youtube> | |||
<center>'''Fragmaster's video eulogy.'''</center>|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center> | |||
{{squote| I guess I should preface this by saying this isn't a joke especially since I'm posting for like the first time in 10 years or something, but I got the bad news today directly from Rich's family. | |||
Lowtax has passed away. | |||
I didn't ask for details. I don't know details. I don't know what the current opinion of Rich here is. Not here to answer questions, I'm sharing the news. I really hate to share this news. But there you go.| Fragmaster}} | |||
==External Links== | ==External Links== | ||
*{{ | *{{yt|cu|lowtaxico|Lowtax's Youtube}} | ||
*[http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?s=5d54ddf7d01c8f12a81d136317419413&threadid=2010440 Lowtax is going to get the crap beat out of him by Uwe Boll.] | *[http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?s=5d54ddf7d01c8f12a81d136317419413&threadid=2010440 Lowtax is going to get the crap beat out of him by Uwe Boll.] | ||
*[http://www.somethingawful.com/index.php?a=4120 Lowtax went and got the crap beat out of him by Uwe Boll.] | *[http://www.somethingawful.com/index.php?a=4120 Lowtax went and got the crap beat out of him by Uwe Boll.] | ||
[https://www.courts.mo.gov/casenet/cases/searchCases.do Search for Kyanka here]''' | [https://www.courts.mo.gov/casenet/cases/searchCases.do Search for Kyanka here]''' | ||
==See Also== | ==See Also== | ||
| Line 71: | Line 106: | ||
*[[Lowtax/YouTube]] | *[[Lowtax/YouTube]] | ||
{{anheroes}} | |||
{{Oldweb}} | |||
{{dyingalone}} | |||
{{Maddox}} | |||
[[Category: People]] | [[Category: People]] | ||
Latest revision as of 08:48, 20 January 2024
|
RIP Lowtax |
|
See his last words here
Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka (May 11, 1976 - November 9, 2021) was the toe-sucking foot-fetish retard in charge of Something Awful. With the help of his goon henchmen and former Asian mail-order bride, Lowtax spent the past ten years in his parent's basement, and leeched off his gullible, pseudo-intellectual hivemind, eventually leading Paypal to freeze his account for fraudulent activity.
Lowtax was prone to meltdowns, and couldn't hold a professional relationship with any company he worked with. SomethingAwful has had problems with advertisers, Google, and almost anything that requires Lowtax to deal on a professional level with another human being. Typically, Lowtax will create a service to cut out the need for a middle man (Awful Video, Awful Wear, etc.), but ironically enough most users report hardships with receiving merchandise and will get banned for their troubles. Since Lowtax was truly the premier businessman of the 21st century, it's only natural this success has led to an eventful personal life.
Lowtax an heroed himself on November 9, 2021.
Lowtax claimed responsibility for the following:
Lowtax was an avowed enemy of the following:
- Maddox
- Buttes
- Freedom
- Metalheads
- Pedophiles
- Uwe Boll
- Furries (despite the fact that Lowtax himself was obsessed with pigs and even had a closet furry working with the site)
- Scientologists
- ebaum, who he punched in the face before banging his mom
- Juggalos
- Dan Lirette
- Marriage
Lowtax was considered paranoid and dangerous due to excessive self-importance. Avoid at all costs. He also really fucking hated Google because Google pwned Something Awful hard. Really.
Mangosteens
Lowtax was a major supporter of mangosteens, a type of repulsively shitty fruit that he claimed to have beneficial nutritive properties. In the past, he tried to scam goons into buying mangosteen products and mortgage backed securities, to little effect. After being repeatedly trolled by his own forum users, Lowtax had a meltdown:
— A very e-angry Lowtax |
A mangosteen grenade is the logo for SASS.
Lowtax vs. PeppermintPatti
Lowtax was very traumatized by PeppermintPatti. Culexor, Vipor231, and Pixelbee joined forces in "The Final Solution to the Problem of Lowtax" and attempted to kill him by snipping his brakelines, poisoning his apple juice, and posting video blogs. [1] Although the attacks from the youtuber's eventually stopped, Kyanka lives in fear of their reprisal to this day.
El fin
As of February 12, 2008, Lowtax is no longer the titular master and commander of his forums, due to the fact that goons actually started talking back to him after he reacted badly to yet another totally avoidable massive security breach. Speculation runs rampant among the ranks: will Lowtax actually give up power and focus on making the front page funny again, or will he continue to micromanage and shit up the forums through their newly-appointed Grand Poobah (who just so happens to live in Lowtax's basement)? MOAR AS IT DEVELOPS
Gallery of a mangosteen foot fetishist
Death of Lowtax
Last Thursady, Fragmaster revealed to the SomethingAwful Forums that he had received news from the Kyanka family that Lowtax had passed away, likely via Drug Overdose by killing himself rather than pay child support, like the complete cunt he is.
— Fragmaster |
External Links
- Lowtax is going to get the crap beat out of him by Uwe Boll.
- Lowtax went and got the crap beat out of him by Uwe Boll.
See Also
 Lowtax is part of a series on Web 1.0 |
[ANCIENT HISTORY] Old Memes •
Celebs, h4x0rz, and Phreaks •
Technologies •
Fun and Games •
Events •
Death of Web1.0
|
|---|
| Lowtax is part of a series on Dying Alone
[]
| |||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
 Lowtax is part of The Best Series in the Universe ★ ★ ★ |
[THERE'S NOTHING REALLY INHERENTLY WRONG WITH BEING A CUCKOLD BECAU] Essential Characters •
Madcast Media Network ★ ★ ★ •
See You Next Tuesday Network •
Maddox Followers •
Key Concepts
|
|---|