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America's Third Party
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Nobody has heard of this person, but whoever they are, vandalizing this article only makes us want to learn more... |
America's Third Party is the manifestation of the midlife crisis of the racist, closeted-homosexual, chronically-unemployed, narcissistic David Jon Sponheim.
After David realized what a pointless life of failure he's lived in his parent's van eating out of the trash, he now desires to redeem himself by running for the office of president of the United States, with his unshaven lover Sarah L. Hart as his vice-presidential candidate. Spending 100 years of running a presidential campaign on internet camsites with a poor copy of Alex Jones, their party still consists of only these two members and the occasional moral support of a few literal retards.
A True Founding Father
During a certain period in America parents were encouraged to tell their worthless children that they could grow up to be whatever they wanted, regardless of actual skill and aptitude.
Children during this time were raised as though they were a special snowflake, and carried that mentality into adulthood, and whether win or lose they'd still be someone important.
What could possibly go wrong?
After spending his entire life not studying politics, David Jon Sponheim put together a political party that speaks to the people - all 54 of them on facebook. The party started with the awful name "cool rock party," to appeal to the kiddies. Originally the party was to be a joint effort of both David and Sarah, with Sarah being the only one to actually run for Washington State Senate; but Sarah had to step aside to Dave's greatness. You can find David rocking the vote with black facepaint reminding everyone that all of America's problems are to blame on the president being a nigger. As your standard yuppie generation faggot, David is acutely aware of niggers being inferior, but as a fellow inferior with a lust for popularity to sooth his fragile ego, has a constant need to hide this fact when you aren't stealing all his narcissistic supply like evil Obama.
The Campaign
David Jon Sponheim spends all of his time in his dead parents' house, extracting rent from his substitute teacher girlfriend, the house's breadwinner. Instead of getting a job or doing any actual campaign work, he spends his time watching Alex Jones and believing in every stupid conspiracy theory he can get his hands on, to blame society for his lack of self confidence. His online show, er "campaign", consists of him playing the same seven conspiracy videos, patronizing mentally retarded faggots who will tell him he is awesome, doing shitty impressions of presidents and other famous people, or raging and banning anybody who has any disagreement with him whatsoever.
BROKE OBOMBUS
Gallery
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See Also
External Links
- ATP on Vaughnlive
- http://www.americasthirdparty.com/
- http://www.davidsponheim.com/
davidjonsponheim
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America's Third Party is part of a series on Visit the Truth Portal for complete coverage. |
| America's Third Party is part of a series on Dying Alone
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| Featured article March 2nd & 3rd, 2014 | ||
| Preceded by The Fine Bros |
America's Third Party | Succeeded by TBA |