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Drew Pritt
Drew Pritt is an Internet celebrity due to his frequent attempts to run for office, which result in vast amounts of hilarity. He has tried to run for office at least as often as Lyndon LaRouche but has been far less successful, garnering just single-digit poll numbers in the two occasions he has actually made it onto the ballot (for a city council position in Warren, AR and a county supervisor position in Bradley County, AR.) This doesn't deter him from announcing for virtually every office he can in multiple states.
Early career
Pritt has attended several colleges in several states, including: Ouachita Baptist University, College of the Ozarks, University of Arkansas at Monticello, Marshall State, and University of Memphis. While at College of the Ozarks he acquired the nickname "Squirrel Boy" after stomping a squirrel to death in a fit of rage.
Pritt got his start as a write-in candidate for the Arkansas Legislature in his first forays into electoral politics, in his early twenties. Pritt claimed that his performance in this election was larger than expected, but that a conspiracy led by the Arkansas Secretary of State deprived him of the acknowledgement needed. He also jerked off to gay pron in the computer labs at the UAM. Because of this, he is banned from the UAM campus, and campus police have standing orders to arrest him. Moreover, the last three rows of the UAM computer lab in Sorrels Hall are closed after business hours because Pritt couldn't keep his hand out of his pants. Additionally, while at UAM, he founded a Presbyterian student organization, the Westminster Fellowship, from which he embezzled large sums of money and was forced by his own father to pay it back over time. Wherever he goes, money seems to disappear.
Neterica, a patient observer to Pritt's shenanigan's at UAM adds these tidbits about boyo's "career" there:
UPDATE: Drew Pritt was living in Alaska until recently. One of the many things he did while in Alaska is organize a fundraiser for Home for our Troops where he STOLE the money raised for a disabled veteran! http://www.adn.com/2011/09/27/2092231/proceeds-from-drag-show-for-wounded.html
When confronted about the money he ran back to Arkansas where he is again mounting a political campaign. When trying to explain why he left Alaska in such a hurry after stealing the money he used the excuse that his father was sick and he had to return home. As you can see in the Anchorage Daily News article his father wants nothing to do with him. This man must be stopped at all costs.
"All the stuff you read here is 110% true. A fucking series of books could be written about the stunts he pulled while on campus at UAM. He would start rumors about his perceived enemies so ludicrous that no one could possibly believe them. He'd hit on female students over chat because he was too chickenshit to approach them face to face. I guess that's part of what drove him to sucking cock since he couldn't get his sucked by ANY girl. He stole money from the Baptist Student Union. He founded the Presbyterian Westminster Fellowship and promptly stole hundreds of dollars from them; well, when I say "stole" I mean that he made purchases with little or no connection to the WF. He bought himself a printer for his piece of shit computer, the soundtrack to Prince of Egypt, underwear for a really fat guy who was driving him around, and steaks for his "friends." He held a dinner for the baseball team at the Wesley Foundation Methodist Student Union (where the Westminster met and where Drew lived for a while) and promised a scholarship to one of the players. The scholarship never materialized, and the player was out to beat Drew's ass over that. Wal-Mart in Monticello, Arkansas, no longer allows organizational charge accounts because Drew so incredibly abused the WF's account with insane purchases. A few of us managed to get a copy of one receipt and slipped it to the professor who advised that group. She went ballistic and brought his whole sorry world crashing down. That was the beginning of the end for him at UAM.
Before the Westminster Fellowship started meeting with the Methodists, they met with the Catholic Student Organization. He had a key to their digs, and used the place for homo hookups late at night. When it was found out that he was abusing the place, the WF was asked to move on somewhere else, and that's how the Pritt Plague descended on the Methodist Student Union.
Boyo was convinced (still is, apparently) that he was a political expert and was just going through the motions of getting a degree. He'd sit in the PoliSci classes and talk to the other students while professors were trying to lecture. This resulted in many drop slips and repeats.
The stuff about the Sorrells Hall computer lab is spot on. He'd always sit on the back row crouched over the screen. A quick glance would reveal that he was typing with one hand. It got to be a joke on campus until IT put a stop to it by restricting backrow access after normal hours. Big inconvenience if the lab was crowded and you desperately needed a computer. Thanks for that, Drew.
People honestly hated to see him coming. It was like suddenly discovering a pus-filled, throbbing canker stumbling toward you. His high-pitched, condescending, know it all speech pattern set nerves on edge. He sounded like a gay, redneck Kermit the Frog. For some reason, there were one or two grotesque, fat fag-hags who would always come to his defense, and one of the PoliSci professors, dying of cancer and usually stoned on pot, would plead with other students not to kill Pritt. And there were opportunities, oh yes...
It was the embezzlement scenario that got him banned from campus, not just jacking off in the computer lab. He tried to come back after a stint at Marshall, but the Dean of Students wouldn't allow him to register. That was about the time he had given up politics and decided to become a minister. He was telling people he was of Jewish descent... that mother fucker was so shegetz he glowed in the dark. I mean, look at his pic, for God's sake...
I know his family. His parents are awesome people. His father is a Presbyterian minister with a D.D. degree and well-loved by hundreds of people, and his mother is a retired nurse. His siblings are great people. If anyone in his family has cut ties with him, it's because his parents have spent almost all the money they had saved to rescue him from one jam after another. I'd be pissed too.
I strongly suspect that one day I'll open the paper and read about Pritt being found hanging in his own basement. The only question will be if it was suicide or if he did a David Carradine."
When these political ventures proved unsuccessful, he went to Washington as an intern for a US Senator from Arkansas. In this position he lasted all of two weeks before getting fired. The legendary history of Pritt's termination is that he had asked for a day off to attend a Democratic political meeting while working for a Republican. Rebuffed, he then called in sick, assuming that the staff of a US Senator just fell off the turnip truck yesterday. When his office sent several fellow interns to the meeting to locate Pritt, they found him coming out. When he saw them, he started limping. He was immediately fired.
Pritt was also noted for starting a "draft Charlotte Pritt" website, in violation of West Virginia electoral expenditure laws.
In 2002, Pritt attempted to return to UAM campus, having given up politics and deciding to become a minister. He amused several students who knew him by claiming to be Jewish. The Vice-Chancellor of Academic Affairs at the time refused Pritt's application due to his past conduct.
Pritt later went on to launch a campaign for the US House in Tennessee's 7th district. He failed because he could not obtain 25 signatures (yes, 25) that he needed to qualify for the ballot. He would later claim that he had been drafted for this race, presumably by the same people who killed OJ's wife and ruined Enron when Ken Lay wasn't looking. Pritt followed this up by returning to Arkansas and running for the Warren City Council, losing by a 79%-21% margin (later Pritt would lie and claim that he won 42% in this election).
In 2004, Pritt ran for the county judge of Bradley County as an openly gay candidate. Not surprisingly, he did not win. In later internet posts, he claimed to have won 14% of the vote in this election. He won 3% and 107 votes.
In early 2005, Drew announced his candidacy for Congress in Wisconsin's 5th district. A month later he dropped out and headed home to Arkansas, having found that he could not even win support in the state that elected Joseph McCarthy to the Senate.
Later that year, he ran for Lt. Governor of Arkansas, spurning a wild web following that regards his campaigns as major lulz. He has the distinction of being the first openly gay candidate for any state position in Arkansas... something that did not endear him to the voters of that state. Added to the humor is the fact that he clearly regards the internet as serious business and will respond to comments about him on message boards, even going so far as to write his own Wikipedia page (which was later deleted.)
In 2006, he ran for Mayor of Little Rock. After a short and unsuccessful campaign, he dropped out of that race.
In 2007, he resorted to running for school board. After polluting the city with signs and even going door-to-door asking for support, he came out with only 8 votes out of the nearly 2000 votes cast. Apparently voters feared for the safety of their children's butthole.
Drew is best known for having spent some time living in his mom's basement, and for having reached 30 and lost most of his hair without ever having had a real job.
Recent News
Pritt established a fraternity at the University of Arkansas, Little Rock. Needless to say, he is very close to his brothers.
Even more Lulzworthy news has come to light. Apparently Drew Prick Pritt, after proving that his drive to fail at elections, and make a mockery out of himself was more important than school, flunked out of his college in the Podunk, backwoods state Arkansas. Afterwards, he made his way to Minnesota to "help" someone with their campaign. Our prayers are with that poor soul that needs Pritts help. At least the Arkansans have one less batshit insane cousin fucker in their state.
After only one week in Minnesota he was kicked out of the campaign. Apparently, the people working in the campaign decided to Google his name. Guess what was at the top of the search results... His ED article! Fearing for the lives of the local squirrels in true liberal fashion, and not wanting to be associated with such a psychotic, self-centered, egotistical, hypocritical fuck-up, they dropped him like a flaming piece of shit.
UPDATE!!! Drew Pritt has now found his calling in life by posting pro-Hillary Clinton diaries on Daily Kos, while ranting against Encyclopedia Dramatica and OurCampaigns. Pritt declared that both sites "are like the Nazis in the fact that they lie about me."
Pritt also tried to get his much more respectable brother David to run for Congress in Arkansas' 3rd district. David Pritt's candidacy was complicated by him fighting in Iraq and not living in Arkansas. So Drew had a voter registration card sent to someone's house who has never met David Pritt nor authorized such a move. The legality of such a move is in question, but when you consider that Drew is batting .000 against the Arkansas legal system, someone is going to get in trouble for that stunt.
Depending on the tides, the David Pritt congressional bid is currently dormant. Drew tried to solicit thousands of dollars from DailyKos to launch his own candidacy for the seat, and he was mocked for failing to acknowledge campaign finance laws. Drew later claimed that floating his own bid was meant to promote his brother's candidacy somehow.
ADDITIONAL UPDATE!!! Feeling butthurt about being a fat laughingstock of a basement dweller, Pritt has since resorted to threatening those who "persecute" and "stalk" him with unsubstantiated claims of legal action via the site HaltAbuse.org. Seeing as how he's poor as shit he has yet to make good on any of these claims, adding another lie to his long and illustrious grand total.
EVEN BIGGER UPDATE!!! Drew Pritt has decided to run for the Little Rock City Council, ensuring several months of online lulz.
Pritt, as Deidra Windsor Walker Wolfchase Windbush Fucktard(his drag persona), will be in his home-state of West Virgina competing for the title of Miss West Virginia US of A At Large (a national drag pageantry system for Plus sized drag queens). He is expected to fail miserably yet again, but at least he will be out of Arkansas for a day or two and we won't have to smell his halitosis breath. We pray he stays gone. Why he is compelled to compete in every drag pageant he can is still a mystery as he has no talent, no style, and looks like a drunk lice-infested homeless half man half wildebeest.
Expunged From Fraternity for Embezzlement? LOLOLOL!
On November 24, a tl;dr journal that appeared to be a precursor to an hero syndrome popped up on Drew's Facebook account. It was full of BAAAWW, AIDS, and ultimately fail; but oddly absent of iPod.
—Drew Pritt on faceBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWk. | ||
Drew's sob story is a touching recount of the travesty that has befallen him. Him being completely free of blame, of course. Noone likes him because hes an aging fag.
In reality, Drew stole $150 from one of his fraternity brothers, who mistakenly gave money to Drew to pay off dues. Drew, however, didn't anticipate the fact that said money would be missed, and conveniently misplaced it into his bank account. After being confronted, he cried like a little bitch then ran bawling to his Facebook for ass pats and hugs since noone loves him IRL.
Additional Speculation
May or may not be Iconoclast.
Not a popularity contest, u guyz!
In early 2009, Drew Pritt, after failing miserably at every conceivable election possible, ran for the Student Government Association at University of Arkansas at Little Rock. His platform included the accessibility of gay porn on school computers and the promise to be a complete fucktard his entire time in office. He even wasted embezzled money on electronic ads all around the student center. Amazingly, he received 14 votes, causing some people placing bets to lose money for thinking he couldn't break 10.
—From Ms. Drew Pritt's Facebook | ||
Love Life
Not content to just sit at home alone and feverishly read his ED profile only to take Facebook bitching and crying like anybody gives a rat's ass, Drew has recently taken time out of his busy schedule of squirrel murder and failing at everything to find love. Drew has been a very busy moron indeed taking to the web in his search for love. This includes multiple profiles on sites like plentyoffish.com and adam4adam.com where he steals pictures of people with halfway decent bodies and puts them on his profile. Anybody who has seen him in person knows that there is no way on the fucking planet that squishy asshat could even have a remotely decent ass or cock shot.
He has the nerve to claim that he is the kind of queer "you would never suspect" though god knows helen fucking keller could see that shit a mile away. His face pics always depict him with a 5 o'clock shadow and ball cap on, as though to insuinate he is in any way masculine, which is in direct contrast with the old jewess persona he tries to play in person. He claims his interests include sports, fishing, and blow jobs. Fucking classy.
But somehow, despite being the least appealing homo ever to grace the scene, and against all odds (and everyone knowing he is a psycho) he has found love at last! Some poor little bastard who clearly has never heard of ED and must be from out of this whole section of the universe has become his most recent victim. The poor boy looks like he has been kidnapped and forced to be photographed with Drew at a meeting of the local NAMBLA chapter. And of course if you think your stomach can handle it, you should go to Drew's pathetic Facebook page and read all his updates regarding his relationship with a boy that is actually in the closet. Discretion is not Deidra's forte. Also, if you should decide you are just too horny for your own good, go have a look at his personals pages, and this should clear up any sexual feelings you may have for at least 4 to 6 months. http://www.plentyoffish.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=2871350 and http://www.adam4adam.com/?section=51&profile_id=677487 and http://www.adam4adam.com/?section=51&profile_id=1022686 and under the names "ualrdkskr" and "ualrdude" on Manhunt.net. Don't say you weren't warned!
BIG HUGE SAD UPDATE!!!
Sadly Drew and his little twink closet case have parted ways. Of course since Drew is a delusional narcissist, he posted minute by minute updates so that we can all bask in his lunacy. He claims that it was the little boy's decision, but really who would have thought otherwise? The boy was recently spotted out and about wearing glasses and it is thought that improved vision greatly contributed to his decision. So for all of you that love fat insane idiots, who can't even win a fat girl drag pageant, please see the links listed above to get hot piece of that action.
Also, please note that Drew has gotten a quasi-legitimate job running a knick knack store in a gay bar. Feel free to go see him any time you need to replace the batteries in your chocolate thunder ass plug.
OH NO Y'ALL!
In an attempt to make his "friends" feel more sorry for him, Drew's most recent note is full of lulz. In this note, he talks about being rapped (was that person blind or just fucking desperate?), and all of his back country, shit eating family who won't talk to him because hes a huge, cock sucking, pillow biting faggot.
You can read the note here, it is too long to post here... and not worth it. Baleeted! Drew, apparently realizing what a twat he's been, went on a rampage of DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING!
The soon-to-be failed Senate Campaign
On October 24, 2009, Pritt announced his candidacy for the United States Senate against incumbent Senator Blanche Lincoln. Amongst the several rotating reasons for his candidacy are Lincoln's lack of support for the Employee Free Choice Act, her stance on gay rights, and her health care position. It is suspected that the reason will rotate based on the audience. Pritt's campaign strategy appears to involve a hope that nobody will google Drew Pritt, along with a hope that liberals exist in Arkansas and that they're really really stupid.
Pritt's history of never holding down a job and not knowing when to shut the hell up are two things he has in common with many Senators. Pritt's core constituency are people who plan to vote for another candidate and accidentally vote for Pritt and the 0.44% of people who'd vote for Pritt after reading this page. Not to mention that Pritt would need to pay a fee of $1000 to make the primary ballot, which means that his check will probably bounce.
The Pritt campaign also has a Twitter with a hilariously disproportionate ratio of following to followers. Currently the Pritt Twitter has 9 7 followers while Pritt's last campaign drew 8 votes.
An anonymous Arkansawyer had this to say about Pritt's aspirations:
—Concernedcitizen1980's essay about why Pritt shouldn't be elected to the US Senate | ||
Pritt also made history in November 2009 by becoming the first political candidate to mention Encyclopedia Dramatica in his campaign, painting the site as part of an anti-homosexual conspiracy:
—Drew Pritt's bio on his website | ||
Such accusations ignore that Pritt's barrier-breaking consisted of a campaign which was ended before the filing deadline. But Pritt was described as "pesky" and able to "certainly at least bloody Lincoln in a primary" in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette. Surprisingly, this analysis was not given by Pritt under an alias, but by a real editorial writer. But it's worth keeping in mind that 90% of political editorial writers are numbskulls and the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette is a fishwrap.
If you want to read some truly hilarious shit, have a glance at this blog that is ripping Drew a new asshole (which he no doubt enjoyed). http://bluearkansas.blogspot.com/2009/11/drew-pritt-still-doesnt-like-bill.html It's worth it to skip to the part where Drew claims to be a member of the NRA but mysteriously leaves out his love of sucking cock. I mean what red-blooded Arkansas voter doesn't like a fat drag queen that wants to grab his ankles for the nearest queer with beer goggles and no standards. It's amazing to see how he still manages to lie about where his campaign $$$$ magically went to (we all know it went to astro-glide, scat porn, and rainbow anal beads.) Stay tuned for more failure updates as the campaign goes on! Maybe drew will put some of the cock pix from his manhunt account on his campaign posters!
Teorrizing Occupy Camps
This fag goes around butt fucking gays at occupy camps and has a cry baby Sissy bitch fit on Facebook pages.
How to Contact Drew
- His personal shrine to the greatness that is him See Lie.
- Another shrine to himself, his Facebook account. Also you can find pictures of him sucking off Optums Prime.
- Yet another shrine to himself, this one in the form of a shitty blog. Don't forget to read his shout out to this article and ED in general and thank him for the free publicity!
- Drew also does mediocre drag as Diedra, a cross between Monica Lewinsky and Toot Braunstein
- - Drew Pritt confronts a street preacher.
- Drew Pritt's OurCampaigns account. He was a member of this political forum, using it as a tool for self-aggrandizements. Some posts are good for major lulz.
- Drew Pritt's troll account as "Monster Duck" on Our Campaigns
- Drew Pritt's account on Daily Kos