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Elvis Presley: Difference between revisions
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[[Image:PresleyPriscilla.jpg|thumb|right|[[I'd hit it|His wife today]]. Good thing she thinks he's dead.]] | [[Image:PresleyPriscilla.jpg|thumb|right|[[I'd hit it|His wife today]]. Good thing she thinks he's dead.]] | ||
'''Elvis Aryan Presley''' <strike>is</strike> was an [[IRL]] singer and ([[fatass|fat]])[[ass]] man most [[famous]] for parodying [[nigger]] [[music]], as anything which seems commonplace for blacks looks downright [[lulz|ridiculous]] when performed by [[white people]]. He was also a former [[Army]] soldier at [[Fort Hood]]; his film ''[[Jihad|Harum Scarum]]'' would indirectly inspire Nidal Malik Hasan to seek his own [[celebrity]] with [[epic]] results. | '''Elvis Aryan Presley''' <strike>is</strike> was an [[IRL]] singer and ([[fatass|fat]])[[ass]] man most [[famous]] for parodying [[nigger]] [[music]], as anything which seems commonplace for blacks looks downright [[lulz|ridiculous]] when performed by [[white people]]. He was also a former [[Army]] soldier at [[Fort Hood]]; his film ''[[Jihad|Harum Scarum]]'' would indirectly inspire Nidal Malik Hasan to seek his own [[celebrity]] with [[epic]] results. | ||
<strike> Elvis returned from the dead last Tuesday to run crappy artsite [[drawrawr]] </strike> SORRY THE SIDEBURNS CONFUSED US! | |||
Like all [[Rock]] stars, Elvis fucked [[Your Mom|many women]] and did lots of [[drugs]]. He later tried to have [[The Beatles]] banned from the [[Jewnited States]] because they were hogging all the good pussy and also because they were bigger than [[Jesus]] while he was only as good as Jesus, ranking just behind [[Fat Larry's Band]]. After his wife, [[MILF|Priscilla Presley]], took half his [[stuff]] and converted to [[Scientology]], he [[accidentally]] barbiturates and [[HNNNNNNGGGGG]]ed on the [[shitter]] so Priscilla could not take the other half of his stuff. | Like all [[Rock]] stars, Elvis fucked [[Your Mom|many women]] and did lots of [[drugs]]. He later tried to have [[The Beatles]] banned from the [[Jewnited States]] because they were hogging all the good pussy and also because they were bigger than [[Jesus]] while he was only as good as Jesus, ranking just behind [[Fat Larry's Band]]. After his wife, [[MILF|Priscilla Presley]], took half his [[stuff]] and converted to [[Scientology]], he [[accidentally]] barbiturates and [[HNNNNNNGGGGG]]ed on the [[shitter]] so Priscilla could not take the other half of his stuff. | ||
Revision as of 16:54, 16 June 2012
Elvis Aryan Presley is was an IRL singer and (fat)ass man most famous for parodying nigger music, as anything which seems commonplace for blacks looks downright ridiculous when performed by white people. He was also a former Army soldier at Fort Hood; his film Harum Scarum would indirectly inspire Nidal Malik Hasan to seek his own celebrity with epic results.
Elvis returned from the dead last Tuesday to run crappy artsite drawrawr SORRY THE SIDEBURNS CONFUSED US!
Like all Rock stars, Elvis fucked many women and did lots of drugs. He later tried to have The Beatles banned from the Jewnited States because they were hogging all the good pussy and also because they were bigger than Jesus while he was only as good as Jesus, ranking just behind Fat Larry's Band. After his wife, Priscilla Presley, took half his stuff and converted to Scientology, he accidentally barbiturates and HNNNNNNGGGGGed on the shitter so Priscilla could not take the other half of his stuff.
That's the general consensus anyway.
—Paul McCartney, on Elvis narking on The Beatles. | ||
Trolling IRL
It is common knowledge that "The King" ODed on the throne and has been grave dust since 1977, yet some believe that he is still alive and occasionally appears at random diners and truck stops, but these are often disproven as just wannabe Elvis impersonators.
Various theories have arisen over the years:
- He faked his death so his ex-wife would stop bitchin' at him for all his money and currently lives in an Retiredment home in East Texas, fighting mummies with John F. Kennedy who is disguised as a negro (see below).
- He did it for the insurance.
- He needed to avoid certain people and make some debt go away.
- He got tired of fame on Earth and returned to his home planet.
- His spirit remains restless.
—Official CIA report | ||
Previous Video | Next Video
There is literally a shit-ton of videos like these which amount to little more than dumb bitches getting trolled by Elvis look-alikes. Besides, even if Elvis didn't die when everyone said he did, he would have surely dropped dead when his daughter married Michael Jackson.
Elvis Discovered
Don Coscarelli's 2002 film Bubba Ho-Tep was in fact a documentary composed after years of searching a trail of clues and eyewitness accounts, particularly the written testimony of Joe R. Lansdale. DNA evidence has proven that Elvis is indeed living in a retirement home in an undisclosed location in East Texas, along with a black gentleman who is merely under the impression that he is in fact former president Kennedy. Unlike Elvis, however, JFK is without a doubt dead and gone as it is impossible to fake your brain splattering out all over your motorcade.
Due to the film's limited exposure, however, it is still widely assumed that the King is dead.
The King's Gallery
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Elvis liked pie. -
He starred in films such as Elvis Goes to Jail. -
Scene from Harum Scarum. -
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You ain't never caught a rabbit and you ain't no friend of mine. -
He can't walk out. -
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I never knew Elvis was My Grandfather. -
Priscilla left him for Leslie Nielsen. -
The Beatles were greater than Jesus, Elvis, and Grilled cheese Elvis put together. -
'Nuff said.
Elvis Lives
Previous Video | Next Video |
Elvis Dies
Just because some people claim to have seen him doesn't necessarily mean that he's still alive. With documentaries, compilation albums, and re-releases of his old classics, it's apparent that he is worth more dead than alive. Everyone knows this, even the King.
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Not even his undead fans will leave him the Hell alone. -
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See Also
- Conspiracy Theory
- Fat
- Jesus
- Toilet Seat
- White trash
- Wigger
- Our very own sexy EDiot Elvis
- Writing yourself into an article
- Drugs
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Elvis Presley is part of a series on Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage. |
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Elvis Presley is part of a series on Visit the Truth Portal for complete coverage. |