Elvis Presley: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 19:49, 16 April 2015

His wife today. Good thing she thinks he's dead.

Elvis Aryan Presley is was an IRL singer and (fat)ass man most famous for parodying nigger music, as anything which seems commonplace for blacks looks downright ridiculous when performed by white people. He was also a former Army soldier at Fort Hood; his film Harum Scarum would indirectly inspire Nidal Malik Hasan to seek his own celebrity with epic results.

Like all Rock stars, Elvis fucked many women and did lots of drugs. He later tried to have The Beatles banned from the Jewnited States because they were hogging all the good pussy and also because they were bigger than Jesus while he was only as good as Jesus, ranking just behind Fat Larry's Band. After his wife, Priscilla Presley, took half his stuff and converted to Scientology, he accidentally barbiturates and HNNNNNNGGGGGed on the shitter so Priscilla could not take the other half of his stuff.

That's the general consensus anyway.

	“	The great joke was that we were taking [illegal] drugs, and look what happened to him.	„
	—Paul McCartney, on Elvis narking on The Beatles.

	“	The Doctors know what they're doing. If there was any danger, they wouldn't be prescribing them to me.	„
	—Elvis, on doctors and prescription drugs.

Trolling IRL

It is common knowledge that "The King" ODed on the throne and has been grave dust since 1977, yet some believe that he is still alive and occasionally appears at random diners and truck stops, but these are often disproven as just wannabe Elvis impersonators.

Various theories have arisen over the years:

He faked his death so his ex-wife would stop bitchin' at him for all his money and currently lives in an Retiredment home in East Texas, fighting mummies with John F. Kennedy who is disguised as a negro (see below).
He did it for the insurance.
He needed to avoid certain people and make some debt go away.
He got tired of fame on Earth and returned to his home planet.
His spirit remains restless.
You killed him.

	“	Elvis is not dead. He just went home.	„
	—Official CIA report

Previous Video | Next Video

There is literally a shit-ton of videos like these which amount to little more than dumb bitches getting trolled by Elvis look-alikes. Besides, even if Elvis didn't die when everyone said he did, he would have surely dropped dead when his daughter married Michael Jackson.

Elvis Discovered

Don Coscarelli's 2002 film Bubba Ho-Tep was in fact a documentary composed after years of searching a trail of clues and eyewitness accounts, particularly the written testimony of Joe R. Lansdale. DNA evidence has proven that Elvis is indeed living in a retirement home in an undisclosed location in East Texas, along with a black gentleman who is merely under the impression that he is in fact former president Kennedy. Unlike Elvis, however, JFK is without a doubt dead and gone as it is impossible to fake your brain splattering out all over your motorcade.

Due to the film's limited exposure, however, it is still widely assumed that the King is dead.

The King's Gallery

Thank you very much About missing Pics

Elvis liked pie.
He starred in films such as Elvis Goes to Jail.
Scene from Harum Scarum.
King of Karate

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

You ain't never caught a rabbit and you ain't no friend of mine.
He can't walk out.
I See What You Did There.
I never knew Elvis was My Grandfather.
Priscilla left him for Leslie Nielsen.
The Beatles were greater than Jesus, Elvis, and Grilled cheese Elvis put together.
'Nuff said.

Elvis Lives

Previous Video | Next Video

Elvis Dies

So I herd you bitches thought I was dead.

Just because some people claim to have seen him doesn't necessarily mean that he's still alive. With documentaries, compilation albums, and re-releases of his old classics, it's apparent that he is worth more dead than alive. Everyone knows this, even the King.

	“	Hey baby, I ain't askin' much of you No no no no no no no no baby, I ain't askin' much of you Just a big-a big-a hunk o' brain will do Don't be a stingy little mama ...You're 'bout to starve me half to death Well you can spare a lobe or two and Still have plenty left, no no no Baby, I ain't askin' much of you Just a big-a big-a hunk o' brain will do	„

King of the Damned About missing Pics

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Not even his undead fans will leave him the Hell alone.

Elvis Presley is part of a series on Christianity	Blessed by God [-+] Andy Schlafly • Ann Coulter • Anne Rice • Amalea • Al Sharpton • Andrew Quah • Angry Homo Kid • The Army of God • BayHorseCrew • Brad McQuaid • Butch Hartman • Anders Behring Breivik • Bruce Jenner • Jack Chick • Chris-chan • Concerned Women • Crusadercat • George W Bush • CHB • Chuck Norris • Dan Lirette • DBoyWheeler • DLAbaoaqu • Donnie Davies • Duck Dynasty • Gorilla199 • Elias Abuelazam • Elvis Presley • ExaltGod • FCU777 • Hal Turner • ItsAboutJesus • The USA • Juliana Wetmore • Jerichoonly • Jesse Jackson • Jesus Christ • Jerry Falwell • John Bulla • John Hagee • LoneWolf1984 • Lordelthibar • Krensada • Mel Gibson • Neal Horsley • Mike Huckabee • Mark Miner • MarkyVigoroth • Martin Ssempa • Myah Walker • Pastor Steven Anderson • Pewdie-Pinkiepie • PilgrimJohn • The Pope • Peter Popoff • Pat Robertson • Preachingthegospel • Purelily • RejectedDreams • Reverend X • Sarah Palin • Sherry Shriner • Shoko Asahara • Superdemon-Inuyasha • Ted Haggard • Thomas Chanter • Tony48219 • VenomFangX • Vic Mignogna • Virgin Mary • Warren Jeffs • William Lane Craig • Todd W Frederick • Xiao-Feng-Fury •
	Beliefs, Events, Traditions and Other Drama [-+] Anti-Semitism • The Apocalypse • The Bible • Catholicism • Censorship • Christian Identity • Conservapedia • Creationism • Christian Boy Love Forum • Christian Spanking Blogs • Christian forums • Christian Teen Forums • Christian furries • Christmas • The Crusades • Church of Fudge • Easter • EQ2Flames • Ex-Gays • Genocide • God hates fags • GodJesus • Heaven • The Holocaust • Homophobia • Hyldenism • Intelligent Design • JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR! • Jesus is Hitler • Jesus is Savior • Jesus Tortilla • The KKK • Mormonism • Objectiveministries • Purity Ball • Pussy Riot • Pro-life • Quiverfull • Rangerphiles • Raptor Jesus • The Rapture • Republicans • Slavery • Snopes • The Spanish Inquisition • The Ten Commandments • The Thaw • Transphobia • Visions • Xxxchurch
	Pissing Off the Almighty [-+] Abortion • Bestiality • Black metal • Circumcision • Evolution • Homosexuality • Liberalism • Masturbation • Pornography • Satanism • Scientology • Suicide • Transgenderism
	Heathens [-+] Agnostics • Atheists • Fagnostics • Jews • Nghtmrchld26 • Muslims • Pagans • Satan • Wiccans