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{{DISPLAYTITLE:Sadcucks}}
{{DISPLAYTITLE:Sadcucks}}
{{Lolcow2}}
{{milkedcow}}
[[Image:Maddox irl.jpg|thumb|right|auto|Maddox, indoctrinating his [[neckbeard]] fanbase into becoming cucks.]]
{{achtung|'''Maddox lost lololololololololololololololololololololololololol!'''}}
[[Image:Maddox-links.png|thumb|Being a writer, Maddox appreciates [[CTRL_ALT_Delete|good humor]].]]
{{spoilers|THE RETARD FUCKING LOST HIS LOLSUIT WITH [[Dick Masterson]]! PRESS "S" TO SPIT!!!}}
[[Image:Irlmaddox.jpg|thumb|right|Maddox IRL. Photoshop and post video editing help a lot.]]
{{Infobox person
|powerword = George Ouzounian
|image = Maddox irl.jpg
|nationality = [[American]]
|occupation = Blogger, author, podcaster
|years active = 1997-present
|gender = [[Sissy]] male
|website = [http://maddox.xmission.com Manchildcave]<br>[https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_c1gdsojLxBGkgzS0NsvUw JewTube channel]}}
[[File:Nobodylovesmaddox.jpg|thumb|Maddox's trip to Thailand really inspired him to [[tranny|transition]]]]
[[Image:Maddox-links.png|thumb|Maddox is a [[fake|true]] connoisseur of [[CTRL_ALT_Delete|humor]].]]
 
{{quote|No girl thinks I'm cute. I'm repulsive. I'm hideous.|The only truthful thing he has ever said.}}
{{quote|No girl thinks I'm cute. I'm repulsive. I'm hideous.|The only truthful thing he has ever said.}}
<b>[[powerword|George Ouzounian]]</b>, known by his pen name '''Maddox''', is a pioneer of [[troll]]ing, [[flame|flaming]], and [[unwarranted self importance]] on the Internet. At least he was this person <s>four</s> <s>eight</s> '''''TWENTY (20)''''' years ago. But despite his shtick being so yesterday, his influence on lulz is nothing short of notable. [[Noobs]] should read his earlier articles to learn how to properly flame, but nothing post-2005. That’s when he started to [[The Internet is serious business|get serious]] and his writing really went to shit.  
'''Maddox''' ([[Powerword]]: '''George Ouzounian''') is a pioneer of [[troll]]ing, [[flame|flaming]], and [[unwarranted self importance]] on the Internet. At least he was this person <s>four</s> <s>eight</s> '''''20''''' years ago, and when his stupid evil asshole personality was still believed to have been an 'in-character gag'. Although like most web "comedians", it turned out Maddox's act wasn't an act at all, and he genuinely was being [[retarded]] for attention. Despite his shtick being so yesterday, his influence on early lulz is nothing short of notable. [[Noobs]] should read his earlier articles to learn how to properly flame, but nothing post-2005. That’s when he started to [[The Internet is serious business|get serious]] and his writing really went to shit.
 
Most non-[[retards]] will notice that much of Maddox's content today is incredibly [[unfunny]], pointing out [[obvious]] [[shit nobody cares about|things]] that [[internets]] users already comprehend. He's also a [[faggot|pirate]], something he makes very clear... to the point that he'll try to deceive you into thinking he's a '''''straight''''' pirate by shoving his dick in your face, fooling no one. His crap pirate persona, coupled with a trend of antagonizing his own fans and barely updating his website with anything worthy of note have worn pretty thin. His inability to come across as a [[badass]] is best demonstrated by simply looking at him - he's nothing more than a [[neckbeard|neckbearded]], [[basement_dweller|basement dwelling]], [[angry|rage-filled]], sexually repressed [[NEET]]. So, why hasn't this dumbass made a fucking [[fursona]] yet? And that's when you realise something: there's virtually nothing separating him from [[2 gryphon|2 The Ranting Gryphon]] in terms of comedy writing.
 
Maddox is also an author, with one disavowed New York Times Best Seller [[snca|and two more novels that nobody cares about]]. He has also enjoyed a second wind of success with a comedy podcast, ''The Biggest Problem In The Universe'', with former business partner [[Dick Masterson]]. This fell apart after 107 episodes, when Maddox became an [[SJW]] and threw an autistic tantrum over Dick fucking his ex-girlfriend from over three years ago (all while he was dating someone else already). The actions taken by Maddox after May 31st, 2016 made him go from innovator, to unfunny, to bonafide [[lol-cow]] right up there with Hall of Famers like [[DarksydePhil]] and [[Tom Preston]].


Most non-[[retard]]s will notice much of Maddox's writing is incredibly [[unfunny]], in that it points out [[obvious]] [[shit nobody cares about|things]] [[internets]] users already know.  He’s also a [[faggot|pirate]].  He makes that very clear. [[TMI|A little too clear]]. His pirate persona, coupled with a trend of <s>no longer</s> [http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=not_your_dude barely] updating his site, have worn pretty thin. He's also an author, with one disavowed New York Times Best Selling book and two other books no one bought.
<center>''Welcome to the Maddox article, faggots!<br>just like Maddox's life, it will never get any better!''</center>
<br>


Maddox will try to convince you that he’s a '''''straight ''''' pirate by shoving how great his dick is in your face. This act he does fools absolutely no one. His failure to come off as a [[badass]] is best revealed by just looking at him. He's nothing more than a neckbeard, basement dwelling, rage-filled, sexually repressed [[NEET]].  
== TL;DR ==
[[TL;DR|Maddox's long list of failure and faggotry will take forever to read through, since it's been growing exponentially for years]]. Luckily, some EDiot made a video highlighting the most important stuff. Now you don't have to dig through years of Maddox's shitty life. You're welcome.


Maddox had a second wind of success with a comedy podcast, <i>The Biggest Problem In The Universe</i>, with former business partner [[Dick Masterson]]. This fell apart after 107 episodes, as Maddox became an [[SJW]] and threw an autistic tantrum over Dick fucking his ex-girlfriend from over three years ago (all while he was [[nigger| dating someone else already]]). The actions taken by Maddox after May 31st, 2016 made him go from innovator, to unfunny, to bonafide lol-cow up there with the likes of [[DarksydePhil]] and [[Tom Preston]].
<center>{{frame|<youtube>nP1gkCTvR4Y</youtube>
<center><b>1+ hour long TL;DR of 40% of the Maddox/Dick Masterson drama</b></center>|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center>


==How George became Maddox==
==How George became Maddox==
===Early life===
===Early life===
[[Image:People111.jpg|thumb|left|200px|Young Maddox vacationing with his parents in [[England]].]]
[[Image:maddox_trying_to_recoup_his_losses.jpg|thumb|left|auto|Maddox selling oranges in the war-torn slums of Armenia]]
[[File:Maddoxwithgirl.jpg|thumb|right|300px|[[Tom Green]]-era Maddox with some bitch. This was back when he had hair.]]
[[File:Maddoxwithgirl.jpg|thumb|right|300px|[[Tom Green]]-era Maddox with some bitch. This was back when he had hair.]]
Maddox grew up in poverty, raised in mud huts like the ones in [[Nigeria]]. It was during these years Maddox became the [[nu-male|manly man]] he is today. It didn't matter [[Daddy issues|his father was a ballsy jackass he never knew]]. It didn't matter that his mother hates him (and still does to this day). George transformed, but [[Tranny|not in the way you'd expect]]. He found his love for [[homosexuality|manliness]], [[cock|beef jerky]], [[semen|vinegar]], and [[bear|lumberjacks]]. Moreover, he realized his hatred for everything else. [[Emos]], [[McDonald's]], [[Apple|iPhones]], Cameron Diaz, the works. [[buttsecks|He had a big stick up his ass, and he wants you to know it]]. Of course, hating things alone doesn't make you that manly. That's not important. His penis raged with [[unwarranted self-importance]].
Maddox grew up in poverty, raised in mud huts of [[Armenia]]. It was during these years Maddox became the [[nu-male|manly man]] he is today. It didn't matter [[Daddy issues|his father was a ballsy jackass he never knew]]. It didn't matter that his mother hates him (and still does to this day). George transformed, but [[Tranny|not in the way you'd expect]]. He found his love for [[homosexuality|manliness]], [[cock|beef jerky]], [[semen|vinegar]], and [[bear|lumberjacks]]. Moreover, he realized his hatred for everything else. [[Emos]], [[McDonald's]], [[Apple|iPhones]], Cameron Diaz, the works. [[buttsecks|He had a big stick up his ass, and he wants you to know it]]. Of course, hating things alone doesn't make you that manly. That's not important. His penis raged with [[unwarranted self-importance]]. At some point he dropped out of college like he dropped out of his mother's snatch, on the head. Please give him sympathy, he only failed his undergrad maths exam three times (lol).


==="Adult" life and creation of The Best Page in the Universe===
==="Adult" life and creation of The Best Page in the Universe===
[[File:Maddoxkindagay.jpg|right|220px|thumb|Maddox at his telemarketing job, massaging his jaw after sucking [[black dick|Tyrone's dick]].]]
[[File:Maddoxkindagay.jpg|right|220px|thumb|Maddox at his telemarketing job, massaging his jaw after sucking [[black dick|Tyrone's dick]].]]
As of April 2018, Maddox has had only one real job. That job was in [[telemarketing]], the easiest job to both get and manage. He spent his early-to-mid 20s [http://www.dictionary.com/browse/keysmash?s=t keysmashing], trying to programming whatever those guys program. Though his experience as a [[1337]] [[haxxor]] is one of many Maddox's bragging points, he's not as tech savvy as he'd like you to think. All he can do, programming-wise, is enable no-clip on <i>[[Team Fortress 2]]</i>. All his coding skills date back to the 1990s, when everyone was a [[noob]] when it came to the Internet. How fucking manly.  
Maddox had only one real job as of April 2018: [[telemarketing]], the easiest job to both get and manage. He spent his early to mid-twenties [http://www.dictionary.com/browse/keysmash?s=t keysmashing] and attempting to code whatever it is those guys code. Though his experience as a [[1337]] [[haxxor|h@xz0rz]] is one of Maddox's many bragging points, he's not as technologically sophisticated as he'd like you to believe. These days all he can do in terms of programming is enable no-clip on [[Team Fortress 2]]. His coding abilities stretch back to the late 90s when the Internet was new to everyone, yet he still boasts about how awesome of a coder he is today by programming an HTML document from scratch in Notepad when most people were using Dreamweaver. How fucking manly.


By 2004, Maddox quit his job, dropped out of college (even though he was one test away from getting a math degree), and stopped going to the gay bar in his homestate of [[mormon|Utah]]. Why? He wanted to become a comedy writer. Disregard the fact Maddox is not funny, this seems like a good idea. And so, he put 100% of his focus to some website he made in high school, dubbed [[lie|The Best Page in the Universe]]. The rest was history.  
By 2004, Maddox quit his job, dropped out of college (even though he was one test away from getting a math degree), and stopped going to the gay bar in his homestate of [[mormon|Utah]]. Why? He wanted to be a comedy writer. Despite the fact that [[unfunny|he wasn't funny]], this must have seemed like a good idea at the time. And as a result, he devoted his full focus to a website he created in high school, entitled [[lie|'The Best Page in the Universe.']] The rest, as they say, was history.


Because Maddox's [[autism|exceptionality]] makes him prioritize petty shit, The Best Page in the Universe has no ads. If you bring it up, he'll talk all day about the cash he burned from implementing [[AdBlock]] on his own fucking website. The user experience matters to him. He can't be much of a [[moralfag]] nowadays, though. Maddox has to [[shill]] for [[BeCandid|anyone and anything]] that'll loan a few bucks. He rarely gets paid from sponsors (for reasons explained below), but still won't put ads on his site. Imagine feeling prideful for being [[poor]]. [[le sigh|Good fucking grief]].
Because Maddox's [[autism|exceptionality]] made him prioritise petty shit, The Best Page in the Universe has no ads. If you ever bring it up, he'll talk all day bragging about how much money he wasted by implementing [[AdBlock]] on his own fucking website, because the user experience really matters that much to him. But he can't be much of a moralfag these days, Maddox is forced to [[shill]] for [[BeCandid|anybody and anything]] that will offer him a few bucks. He rarely receives payment from sponsors (for reasons discussed below), but he still refuses to place ads on his gay website. Imagine feeling prideful for being [[poor]]. [[le sigh|Good fucking grief]].


==The Best Formula For [[unfunny|Funny]] [[blog|Article]] Writing in the Universe™==
==The Best Formula For [[unfunny|Funny]] [[blog|Article]] Writing in the Universe™==
# When thinking of topics, there's one rule of thumb: the more petty, the more funny. Write an article about  [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=pepperoni how much you hate pizza toppings], or [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=idaho_blows how you hate Idaho], or [http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=lovin_it how you hate fast food ad campaigns]. The more pointless your topics are, the more funny your writing will be.  
# When thinking of topics, there's one rule of thumb: the more petty, the more funny. Write an article about  [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=pepperoni how much you hate pizza toppings], or [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=idaho_blows how you hate Idaho], or [http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=lovin_it how you hate fast food ad campaigns]. The more pointless your topics are, the more funny your writing will be.  
# Type a billion paragraphs about this topic. No normal person would write [http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=garfield_sucks this much about Garfield], right? That's the funny part! It's so petty that it’s funny! But in the 1% chance what you're writing isn't funny, add a [[over 9000|shit ton]] of insults and swear words (shitheads, dipshits, fucking idiots, etc.), and target them at the topic. Fuck shitty ass dip dip idiot fucker! Also, add terms for male and female genitalia. You need to sound like you're better than what you’re writing about, so [[gay|saying “penis” once per sentence]] will make you sound mature.
# Type a billion paragraphs about this topic. No normal person would write [http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=garfield_sucks this much about Garfield], right? That's the funny part! It's so petty that it’s funny! But in the 1% chance what you're writing isn't funny, add a [[over 9000|shit ton]] of insults and swear words (shitheads, dipshits, fucking idiots, etc.), and target them at the topic. Fuck shitty ass dip dip idiot fucker! You need to sound like you're better than what you’re writing about, so add terms for male and female genitalia. [[gay|Saying “penis” once per sentence]] makes you sound mature.
# Draw some pictures with [[MS Paint]] ([http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=faq no, seriously]) that further illustrate the points in your hilarious rant people are totally still reading.
# Draw some pictures with [[MS Paint]] ([http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=faq no, seriously]) that further illustrate the points in your hilarious rant people are totally still reading.
# Put in some sentences [[Unwarranted Self-Importance|reaffirming how right you are and how badass you are for being right]]. Everything you’re writing is God’s gift to the [[sheeple|herd of sheep that's humanity]]. You're basically [[Moses]] for [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=iphone ranting about cell phones]!
# Put in some sentences [[Unwarranted Self-Importance|reaffirming how right you are and how badass you are for being right]]. Everything you’re writing is God’s gift to the [[sheeple|herd of sheep that's humanity]]. That's right! You're basically [[Moses]] for [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=iphone ranting about cell phones]!
# If you really want to put some extra effort in, definitely make a .gif animation! Things that move on a page composed mostly of text makes it funny and interesting! [[At least 100 years ago|(twenty years ago)]]
# Add a view counter at the bottom of each page. [[nobody|People]] still care about how many views a website gets, trust me.
# Add a view counter at the bottom of each page. [[nobody|People]] still care about how many views a website gets, trust me.
# [[???]]
# [[???]]
# [[PROFIT!]]  
# [[PROFIT!]]  
# To continue the overflow of [[jew gold|traffic nickels]], make sure to set up your apartment like a pigsty. It'll boost up productivity, especially for a <s>stupid fucking [[basement dweller]]</s> awesome genius like you! Look below for an example, provided by (no joke) the real Maddox!
# To continue the overflow of [[jew gold|traffic nickels]], make sure to set up your apartment like a pigsty. It'll boost up productivity, especially for an awesome genius like you! Look below for an example, provided by (no joke) the real Maddox!


{|style="margin: auto;"
{|style="margin: auto;"
|{{frame|{{Template:scrollpic|Messymaddoxhouse.jpg|400|300}}|border=black|background=#ff8000|margin=auto|thumb|STEP 8:}}
|{{frame|{{Template:scrollpic|Messymaddoxhouse.jpg|400|300}}|border=black|background=#ff8000|margin=auto|thumb|STEP 8:}}
|}
|}
<br>
===BONUS ROUND: Dealing With Criticism===
[[File:DamnThatsEdgy - reaction-reply pic.png|thumb|right|Literally the kind of people who would like Maddox's old cringer content]]
The same rules for funny article writing apply, but this time you're not focusing on some big-shot like [[Bill O Reilly]], you're likely responding to a normal person with a [http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=real_estate normal job], or even a poor youth with [http://www.maddox.xmission.com/moron.html learning difficulties]. Most people would simply not bother, discard it and move on with their day, but why throw away hate mail? It's effectively free material to roast in that special way that makes your readership come back for more. Therefore, you'll want to keep the following in mind when writing your published response to someone criticising you for (just as an example) [http://thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=elizabeth_smart your callous attitude towards a kidnapping victim:]
* Make any snicky remark you can about the message to undermine its context. Misspellings, false assertions, SHOUTING IN CAPS LOCK, obviously retarded statements that would be very easy to roast, stuff like that. This is the backbone upon which you'll formulate your reply.
* [[Strawman]] your opponents arguments to make it easier to attack. what works for politicians can work for you too!
* If the person brings up a good point, such as [[no life|you have no life]], [[baby|you're incredibly childish]], and [[hypocrite|you're clearly not the badass you purport to be]], you're better off glossing over that and lauding your status as in [[USI|internet famous]] blogger.
** [http://maddox.xmission.com/hatemail.cgi?p=1#IMPRESS If you're feeling particularly vengeful, you could reveal the email address of the very person who said that because he sent the e-mail from his workplace. Then invite thousands of your followers to harass him en masse.]
* Add a disclaimer to the bottom of your webpage which cannot be taken seriously at all by anyone ever.
*If you're responding on a forum, or a social media platform, then all bets are off so go fucking nuts with it! Kick and ban with reckless abandon on any of these platforms that allow you to do this.
One of Maddox's most enduring characteristics is his intense hostility against everyone, including and especially his own fans, because being an insufferable cunt to people actually interested in your work is the best way to further your career. You might be forgiven for thinking this is him acting in character a la [[AVGN]], but no. He flames, belittles and begrudges his own fanbase at every opportunity he gets, and that's ever more apparent since his exposure to social networking. This has understandably resulted in his appearances at cons or public events being met with overwhelming apathy, and that's if they still remember who this balding pasty [[basement-dweller]] even is. He will spend hours deleting comments on any site that will allow him to do this, and waste even more time blocking the people who leave them.
So to summarize the story so far: you have the very incarnation of an [[internet tough guy]] riding on his fifteen minutes of fame, and he's bragging about how amazing he is while simultaneously antagonizing anybody who interacts with him, whether positively or negatively.
Hopefully, he lives up to the lofty expectations of the kind of badass he portrays himself to be, because if he doesn't, he might look fucking ridiculous. <big>'''OH WAIT...'''</big>


==Maddox gets trolled by Penn Jillette==
==Maddox gets trolled by Penn Jillette==
<!--[[File:Maddox.png|thumb|right|250px|Part elitist. Part fag. 100% [[manboy]].]]-->
{{clear}}
{{quote|The Best Page in the Universe is a website on which Maddox, [[fact|who is no spring chicken]], spouts his predictable, angry middle-aged man rants on just about everything. He says his site has gotten more than 270,000 hits. So, what's his biggest whiny ass complaint about senior citizens?|Penn Jillette}}
[[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|left]][[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|right]]
[[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|left]][[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|right]]
[[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|left]][[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|right]]
[[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|left]][[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|right]]
[[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|left]][[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|right]]
[[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|left]][[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|right]]
[[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|left]][[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|right]]
{{quote|The Best Page in the Universe is a website on which Maddox, [[fact|who is no spring chicken]], spouts his predictable, angry middle-aged man rants on just about everything. He says his site has gotten more than 270,000 hits. So, what's his biggest whiny ass complaint about senior citizens?|Penn Jillette|Penn & Teller: Bullshit! S8E8}}


[[File:Penn stfu.gif|thumb|right|Penn's response.]]


July 29th, [[2010]]: Maddox made it. Oh boy, did he make it.
July 29th, [[2010]]: Maddox made it. Oh boy, did he make it.


[https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonic_the_Hedgehog_Watch_%26_Win_Sweepstakes Much like another infamous lol-cow], Maddox was on the tubes for one whole minute. He was on a show called <i>[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penn_%26_Teller:_Bullshit! Penn & Teller: Bullshit!]</i> by [[Penn and Teller|Penn Jillette and some other faggot]]. He went on the show to whine about old people and how stinky they are. Watch the clip below or [http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/5726255/Penn.and.Teller.Bullshit.S08E08.HDTV.XviD-SYS go torrent it].
[https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonic_the_Hedgehog_Watch_%26_Win_Sweepstakes Much like another infamous lol-cow], Maddox was on the tubes for one whole minute. He was on a show called ''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penn_%26_Teller:_Bullshit! Penn & Teller: Bullshit!]'' by [[Penn and Teller|Penn Jillette and some other faggot]]. He went on the show to whine about old people and how stinky they are. Watch the clip below or [http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/5726255/Penn.and.Teller.Bullshit.S08E08.HDTV.XviD-SYS go torrent it].


Here's how this happened: the show's research team were busy smearing their assholes on the printer. While they were doing that, some retard came up with a genius idea: round up bloggers that don't know anything about what they're talking about, have Penn and Teller troll them for an episode. This would make Penn and Teller look e-savvy to [[normies]]. It just so happened Maddox fit the criteria of what they were looking for, so he made it on the show.
The show's research team was busy smearing their assholes on the printer when some [[retard]] had a brilliant idea. Why not round up bloggers who have no idea what they're talking about and having Penn and Teller troll them for an episode to make them appear e-savvy to [[normies]]. It just so happened Maddox fit this criteria, and so he made it on the show. Behold! [[Internet_Tough_Guy|The first ever appearance of the world-renowned badass heavyweight intellectual when he isn't hiding behind a keyboard!]]


<center>{{frame|<youtube>LL_j6E1uV5U</youtube>|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center>
<center>{{frame|<youtube>LL_j6E1uV5U</youtube>
<center>'''Maddox you look like you haven't had a shower or seen sunlight since 2003 stfu'''</center>|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center>


Maddox's eagerness to get [[unrealistic expectations|infinite blowjobs]] from Penn and Teller's fanboys ended up being a [[footbullet|shot to his foot]]. Penn, realizing both the obvious (Maddox is as old as the people he calls gross) and the incredibly obvious (Maddox is too up his own ass to see the irony of him insulting old people), blew him the fuck out and told him to [[GTFO]].  
Maddox's eagerness to get [[unrealistic expectations|infinite blowjobs]] from Penn and Teller's fanboys ended up being a [[footbullet]]. Penn, realizing both the obvious (Maddox is as old as the people he calls gross) and the incredibly obvious (Maddox is too up his own ass to see the irony of him insulting old people), blew him the fuck out and told him to [[GTFO]]. Five years later, Maddox would make a [https://youtu.be/8_KNAoWXv0g belated video response] to their arguments. On his blog [http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=penn_teller_bullshit post] he said the reason he waited so long was [[lies|to prevent Penn's show getting further publicity]]. Because if there's one thing a well-known Las Vegas magician duo that's been performing since the 1970s needs, it's the 'publicity' you get from your shitty internet-famous blog. Right, dumbass?


This could've caused Maddox to realize he can only properly play his persona through text and that he should never be in front of a camera. This did not happen.
This could've caused Maddox to realize he can only properly play his persona through text and that he should '''never''' be in front of a camera.


== TL;Don't wanna keep reading? ==
This did not happen.


[[TL;DR| Maddox's long list of failure & faggotry takes forever to read through because it has been growing exponentially for years]]. Luckily, some EDiot made a video highlighting the most important stuff. Now you don't have to dig through years of Maddox's shit. You're welcome.
==Shows==


<center>{{frame|<youtube>nP1gkCTvR4Y</youtube>
===The Best Show in the Universe===
<center><b>1+ hour long TL;DR of 40% of the Maddox/Dick Masterson drama</b></center>|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center>
 
==“Shows”==
 
===<i>The Best Show in the Universe</i>===


December 9th, [[2008]]: Maddox announced all the time he spent not updating his site wasn't just spent on <s>jacking off to hentai</s> writing his book and <s>being a basement-dwelling loser</s> other productive stuff he's been working on. He was developing a show, uncreatively called ''The Best Show in the Universe''. If you've been paying attention, you'd know that this wasn't a television show. It was a YouTube show! News of this came via [http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=best_show an update on his website], where he simultaneously criticizes YouTube for being shit while advertising his YouTube show. He's not just three years late on making a YouTube series, but he's also a [[hypocrite]]. Great job, Maddox.
December 9th, [[2008]]: Maddox announced all the time he spent not updating his site wasn't just spent on [[Coomer|jacking off]] to [[hentai]]. He had been working on a show, uncreatively called ''The Best Show in the Universe''. If you've been paying attention, you'd know that this wasn't a television show, but a YouTube show! News of this came via [http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=best_show an update on his website], where he simultaneously criticizes YouTube for being shit while advertising his YouTube show. He's not just three years late on making a YouTube series, but he's also a [[hypocrite]]. Great job, Maddox.


Two years after he posted this update, Maddox did what [[retards]], [[faggots]], and [[Chris-chan]] did in a matter of mere hours: post a poorly-made video on YouTube.  
Two years after he posted this update, Maddox did what [[retards]], [[faggots]], and [[Chris-chan]] did in a matter of mere hours: post a poorly-made video on YouTube.  
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<center>{{frame|<youtube>JBiQE4hjOsk</youtube>|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center>
<center>{{frame|<youtube>JBiQE4hjOsk</youtube>|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center>


Unsuprisingly, Maddox plagiarises himself in this video. He took the concept of making fun of children's artwork (a dead horse concept in Maddox lore) and rehashed it almost beat by beat. But it's different though. This time, he's making of children singing videos, not drawings. It's not the same idea, but it resembles the concept enough that the results stay the same.  
Unsuprisingly, Maddox plagiarises himself in this video. He took the concept of making fun of children's artwork (a dead horse concept in Maddox lore) and rehashed it almost beat by beat. But it's different though. This time, he's making of children singing videos, not drawings. It's not the same idea, but it resembles the concept enough that the results stay the same.


If you watch this video, you'll notice something: Maddox's [[Internet Tough Guy|tough, jimmy rustling]] shtick is significantly less funny when you can see what he looks like. Maddox never understood the difference between video and text and how much a format change can affect the perception of your audience. You'd near feel bad if it weren't for the fact Maddox doesn't deserve to have the talent or self-awareness to make good content.
{{rainbowsmall|HILARIOUS AND ORIGINAL}}


===<i>The Biggest Problem in the Universe</i>===
You'll notice something when you watch this video: Maddox's [[internet_tough_guy|tough guy]] act is significantly less impactful and funny when you can see what he looks like, and even less funny when combined with his nasally, whiny-bitch voice. Maddox never understood the difference between video and text, or how much a change in media may influence an audience's perception. You'd almost feel bad if Maddox's lack of self-awareness if he was capable of making somewhat half-decent content, but he doesn't.


May 20th, 2014: Maddox gets a second chance through <i>The Biggest Problem in the Universe</i>. It was a podcast with [[Dick Masterson]], an infamous IRL troll he met through their mutual book publisher, Simon and Shill-ster. The structure of this podcast was so simple, even someone with [[Down syndrome]] could understand this: Maddox and Dick would bring in things they deem as problems, debate whether or not it was a real problem, and leave it up to fans to vote which was the bigger problem on some website. Voting would compile a list of the so-called biggest problems in the universe, listed below.
He'd go on to make more of these, sometimes accompanying each new uploaded video with an article on his blog, which may or may not have addendums or [[Shit_Nobody_Cares_About|bonus content]]. It doesn't improve the viewing experience, just trust us.


===The Biggest Problem in the Universe===
[[File:Maddoxonfb.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Satirist doesn't understand satire.]]
[[File:Maddoxonfb.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Satirist doesn't understand satire.]]
[[File:Maddoxonfb2.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Maddox, realizing that [[Dick Masterson]] was a rape apologist, did what any socially conscious person would do: choose to work with him for over ten years and <i>then</i> point fingers at him once he starts banging your ex.]]
[[File:Maddoxonfb2.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Maddox, realizing that [[Dick Masterson]] was a [[Sick_Fuck|'rape apologist']], did what any socially conscious person would do: choose to work with him for over ten years and ''then'' point fingers at him once he starts banging your ex.]]
May 20th, 2014: Maddox gets a second chance through ''The Biggest Problem in the Universe'' podcast with [[Dick Masterson]], an infamous [[IRL troll]] he met through their mutual book publisher, Simon and [[Shill]]-ster. The premise of this podcast was so simple, even someone with [[Down syndrome]] could understand it: Maddox and Dick would bring in problems, dispute whether or not they were actual problems, and then leave it up to fans to vote on which was the bigger problem on some website. Voting would result in a list of the universe's "biggest problems." The problems are detailed below.


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The show was [[awwright]] in the beginning. Dick played the heel of Maddox’s [[moralfag|moral faggotry]] and [[unwarranted self-importance]]. As the show went on for 100+ episodes, the voting shifted towards Dick's problems, making Maddox [[butthurt]] of Dick's rise in popularity over him. Combine that with the fact Maddox and Dick didn’t like each other that much (Dick even claimed the only reason he still did the podcast was for fans and money), and you have a lot of unbridled tension building up. The tension peaked when Maddox found out Dick fucked his ex-gf from three years ago. [[Fact|This was the moment that defined the rest of Maddox's career]].
The show was [[awwright]] in the beginning. Dick played to his strengths and would often use Maddox's [[moralfag|moralfaggotry]] and hubris as punchlines at his expense until time ran out. As the show progressed to over 100+ episodes, the vote moved more towards Dick's problems, causing Maddox to get [[butthurt|salty]] over Dick's surge in popularity over him. Combine that with Maddox and Dick's obviously strained relationship (Dick even claimed that the only reason he continued to do the podcast was for the fans and money), and you have a lot of insecurity building up.  The tension reached its peak when Maddox discovered Dick had fucked his ex-girlfriend three years ago. [[Fact|This was the moment that defined the rest of Maddox's career]]


After that, he canceled the show. On the last episode, Dick wasn’t there. His absence said more than Maddox will ever admit.  
After that, he cancelled the show. On the last episode, Dick wasn’t there. His absence said more than Maddox will ever admit.  


Three months later, Dick and Maddox made separate podcasts. Dick has <i>The Dick Show</i>, an awwright show where Dick, his audio engineer Sean, and various goons and guests shoot the shit for two hours. Maddox has <i>The Best Debate In The Universe</i>, a shitty debate show. <i>The Dick Show</i> makes over $20,000 per month through [[Patreon]] donations. <i>The Best Debate in the Universe</i>, along with Maddox’s "[[bullshit|other projects and priorities]]", makes roughly $200 per month. Any [[retard]] will tell you Dick is way better off than Maddox. This made Maddox very, very butthurt. So, he
Three months later, Dick and Maddox made separate podcasts. Dick had ''The Dick Show'', a really good show where Dick, his audio engineer Sean, goons, and guests shoot the shit for two hours. Maddox has ''The Best Debate In The Universe'', an embarrassingly shit debate show that is a shadow of what came before it. ''The Dick Show'' makes over $20,000 per month through [[Patreon]] donations, while ''The Best Debate in the Universe'', along with Maddox's "[[bullshit|other projects and priorities]]", makes roughly $200 per month. The fact that Dick's popularity overshadowed and undermined Maddox made him very, very [[butthurt|jealous]]. So, over the next several years he would engage in a laundry list of tomfuckery:
* Maddox redirected the [[RSS]] feed of the old show to his new, awful show.
* All the bonus episodes (that you had to pay to listen to) were uploaded and released for free without Dick's permission.
* Maddox made a video hit piece against Dick, accusing him of some supremely retarded shit.
* Maddox a video on his private Facebook account with all of Dick and Maddox's mutual [[SJW]] comedian friends, causing Dick's reputation to be ruined in this circle.
* He had his girlfriend, Metal Jess ([[powerword|Jessica Blum]]), call and complain to his ex-girlfriend's school to make her lose her teaching job.
* He filed a lawsuit against Dick Masterson, Joshua Kaufman, Asterios, [[Patreon]], Foundation Digital LLC among others for '''$20,000,000.'''


* Redirected the [[RSS]] feed of the old show to his new, awful show.
<big>'''ALL BECAUSE DICK FUCKED HIS EX'''</big>
* Released all the bonus episodes (that you had to pay to listen to) for free without consulting Dick.
* Made a video hit piece against Dick, accusing him of super retarded shit.
* Posted this video on his private Facebook account with all of Dick and Maddox's mutual [[SJW]] comedian friends, causing Dick's reputation to be ruined in this circle.
* Had his girlfriend, <s>Metal</s> Mental Jess ([[powerword]]: Jessica Blum), call and complain to his ex-girlfriend's school to make her lose her teaching job.
* Sued Dick for $20,000,000.00 all because he cucked him.


On <i>The Dick Show</i>, Maddox's schemes and Dick's reactions to them were established as the show's main narrative, with every guest mentioning Maddox at least in passing. The videos below are great clips that resulted from the drama.
On ''The Dick Show'', Maddox's schemes and Dick's reactions to them would often become the main narrative of ''The Dick Show'', with every guest mentioning Maddox at least in passing. The clips in the videos below are some of the best that came out of the drama.
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{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|font-weight: bold;|  
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</center>
===<s><i>The Biggest Problem In The 2niverse: The Quest For More Money And Less Dick</i></s> <i>The Best Debate in the Universe</i>===
 
Did you not like the old show? Do you like unfunny, unwitty banter? Do you like listening to debates about topics everyone and their mother has already talked about? Do you need something to drown out the sound of [[girlfriend|your significant other]] [[cuckoldry|having sex with]] [[nigger|another person]]? Look no further than <i>The Best Debate in the Universe</i>!  
===The Best <s>Show</s> Debate in the Universe===
Did you not like the old show? Do you like unfunny, unwitty banter? Do you like listening to debates about topics everyone and their mother has already talked about? Do you need something to drown out the sound of [[girlfriend|your significant other]] [[cuckoldry|having sex with]] [[nigger|another person]]? Look no further than ''The Best Debate in the Universe''!


Listen to Maddox, edgelord and parody musician [[Rucka Rucka Ali]], e-celeb guests, and [[shit no one cares about|people no one gives a shit about]] as they debate on stuff only [[9gag]] users would find funny and controversial! Spend an entire hour listening to Maddox do what he's best at: being annoying!
Listen to Maddox, edgelord and parody musician [[Rucka Rucka Ali]], e-celeb guests, and [[shit no one cares about|people no one gives a shit about]] as they debate on stuff only [[9gag]] users would find funny and controversial! Spend an entire hour listening to Maddox do what he's best at: being annoying!
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==Books==
==Books==


=== <i>The Alphabet of Manliness</i> ===
=== The Alphabet of Manliness ===
[[File:Alphabet.png|200px|thumb|left|The new special edition cover of Maddox's only successful book]]
[[File:Alphabet.png|200px|thumb|left|The new special edition cover of Maddox's only successful book]]
[[File:Cisfor.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Remember, sexual assault is incompatible with the values of New York Times Best Selling author George “Maddox” Ouzounian if he’s not teaching you how to do it.]]  
[[File:Cisfor.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Remember, sexual assault is incompatible with the values of New York Times Best Selling author George “Maddox” Ouzounian if he’s not teaching you how to do it.]]  
[[File:Maddoxarmpit.gif|200px|thumb|Maddox with his <i>Alphabet of Manliness</i> chain. Gross.]]
[[File:Maddoxarmpit.gif|200px|thumb|Maddox with his ''Alphabet of Manliness'' chain. Gross.]]
[[File:George-Feminismassailt.jpg|200px|thumb|left|Remember kids, Maddox is a proud [[feminist]].]]  
[[File:George-Feminismassailt.jpg|200px|thumb|left|Remember kids, Maddox is a proud [[feminist]].]]  
[[File:Disavow.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Maddox was right to disavow Alphabet of Manliness. No one who cries about online bullying should have the word “man” associated with their name.]] 
{{quote|Why should people buy anything I sell? I don't know why anyone should buy anything.|Maddox on how [[capitalism]] works.}}
{{quote|Why should people buy anything I sell? I don't know why anyone should buy anything.|Maddox on how [[capitalism]] works.}}


[[666|June 6, 2006]]: Maddox released his first book, <i>The Alphabet of Manliness</i>, in an effort to pay for the huge amount of Nair needed to remove his disgusting back hair. The book skyrocketed on [[The New York Times]] Best Sellers List, reaching #2 on the “Advice, How-To, and [[shit nobody cares about|Miscellaneous]]” category. If there’s anyone [[libtards]] consider an authority on manliness, it’s a balding, haggard, middle aged basement dwelling blogger. [[Paul Joseph Watson|Imagine our shock]].
[[666|June 6, 2006]]: Maddox released his first book, ''The Alphabet of Manliness'', in an effort to pay for the huge amount of Nair needed to remove his disgusting back hair. The book skyrocketed on [[The New York Times]] Best Sellers List, reaching #2 on the “Advice, How-To, and [[shit nobody cares about|Miscellaneous]]” category. If there’s anyone [[libtards]] consider an authority on manliness, it’s a balding, haggard, middle aged basement dwelling blogger. [[Paul Joseph Watson|Imagine our shock]].


<i>The Alphabet of Manliness</i> serves as an encyclopedia for men. The book covers many hypermasculine topics from [[gay|how shitty women are]] to [[faggot|how great men are]]. There’s even a chapter in which Maddox teaches you how to cook [[meth]], like he’s the [[Breaking Bad|Heisenberg]] of cucks. <i>The Alphabet of Manliness</i> is the quintessence of everything you thought was funny a couple years ago, like [[doge]] images or [[Chuck Norris]] memes, the latter of which having a chapter dedicated to. Maddox’s comedic prowess matches him with that of a [[Hot Topic]] shirt.
''The Alphabet of Manliness'' serves as an encyclopedia for men, [[Encyclopedia_dramatica|which we naturally consider to be a grotesque affront to our very existence]]. The book covers many hyper-masculine topics from [[gay|how shitty women are]] to [[faggot|how great men are]]. There’s even a chapter in which Maddox teaches you how to cook [[meth]], like he’s the [[Breaking Bad|Heisenberg]] of cucks. It is the quintessence of everything you thought was funny a couple years ago, like [[doge]] images or [[Chuck Norris]] memes, the latter of which having a chapter dedicated to. Maddox’s comedic prowess matches him with that of a [[Hot Topic]] shirt.


<s>Despite this book being to satire what [[Zoe Quinn]] is to game development, it sold very well. This was an unexpected victory for someone like Maddox. This is something he can be proud of look back on in pride. He went beyond trivial blogging and made a career for himself on his own terms. Anyone can think anything about Maddox, but this can be at least respected. Maddox can have everything else in his life taken away from him, but no one can touch the memory of his taste of genuine success.</s>
<s>Despite this book being to satire what [[Zoe Quinn]] or [[Brianna Wu|Literally Who]] is to game development, it sold very well. This was an unexpected victory for someone like Maddox. This is something he can be proud of look back on in pride. He went beyond trivial blogging and made a career for himself on his own terms. Anyone can think anything about Maddox, but this can be at least respected. Maddox can have everything else in his life taken away from him, but no one can touch the memory of his taste of genuine success.</s>


<big><u><b>[[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS]]!! MADDOX DISAVOWED HIS ONLY SUCCESSFUL BOOK!!!!</b></u></big>  
<big><u><b>[[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS]]!! MADDOX DISAVOWED HIS ONLY SUCCESSFUL BOOK!!!!</b></u></big>  


When Maddox moved to Los Angeles, he slowly but surely became an SJW cuck. During the drama with Dick Masterson over him being [[Carl the Cuck|a fucking white male]], he accused him of being a [[rape]] apologist in some shitty expose video. He played a cut, out of context clip of the podcast in which Dick said that if a whore falls asleep at a club, she should expect to get assaulted because people are inherently shitty. Apperantly, he cut that out because it didn’t align with his “values”. This video was eviscerated by all his fans. They specifically cited this book to point out Maddox’s hypocrisy, showing a chapter called “C Is For Copping A Feel” in which he gives tips on how to sexually assault women without getting caught. After that, Maddox posted a Facebook status officially disavowing his only notable claim to fame. It goes to show how much libtards like Maddox will give up just for the moral high ground.  
In a facebook post [[at least 100 years ago]] [[last thursday]], Maddox made the following post on his facebook account:
 
{{quote|Alright guys, a few things:
1. I've been dealing with a persistent harassment campaign for 4 months, which has come to head recently, I want to put this out as a warning to friends: for the next few days, please do not add anyone you don't know, I've hidden my friends list and they are grasping at straws, Please do not engage with any trolls trying to harass you or the UCB community. [[Hypocrisy|Trolls thrive on attention. Starve them of it. They're bored people who hate themselves.]]
 
2. We need to taik about "The Alphabet of Manliness." I'm not particularly proud of that book. Not because of the content matter (though a lot of that sucks too), but because it just wasn't very well-written. It was my first book and in it, I wrote a lame chapter based largely on the "Stop Short" episode of Seinfeld called "Copping a feel." I looked back on it today and cringed. I wrote it over 11 years ago and don't stand behind much of it today. I've never even read it from start to finish. The only two chapters I'm proud of are "B fo "B for Boners" and "Urinal Etiquette" which are masterpieces and should be studied in master's literature classes.
 
3. '''REDACTED''' has been [[dox|doxxed]]. We're going to the police. We encourage anyone receiving threats to go to the police as well.
 
Today has been a rough day, My sincere thanks to my friends and family for their support|Maddox|Facebook Post}}
 
Maybe Maddox was right to disavow Alphabet of Manliness, since no one who cries about online bullying should have the word “man” associated with their name.
 
During the drama with Dick Masterson, he accused him of being a [[rape]] apologist in his shitty expose video by playing a cut, out of context clip of the podcast. In this clip. Dick said that if a whore falls asleep at a club, she should expect to get assaulted because it is an expected outcome given the circumstance. Apparently, he cut that out because it didn’t align with his “values”. This video was eviscerated by all his fans who specifically cited this book to point out Maddox’s hypocrisy, showing a chapter called “C Is For Copping A Feel” in which he gives tips on how to sexually assault women without getting caught. After that, Maddox posted a Facebook status officially disavowing his only notable claim to fame. It goes to show how much libtards like Maddox will give up just for the moral high ground.


[http://archive.is/6U8s6 Since Maddox is a pirate, he has no problem with you pirating his book]. [https://thepiratebay.org/torrent/3497068/Maddox+-+The+Alphabet+of+Manliness Get your copy here].
[http://archive.is/6U8s6 Since Maddox is a pirate, he has no problem with you pirating his book]. [https://thepiratebay.org/torrent/3497068/Maddox+-+The+Alphabet+of+Manliness Get your copy here].
<center>{{frame|<youtube>OeW4m76E7S0</youtube>
<center>'''Like a <s>woman</s> <i><b>MANLY MAN</b></i>, Maddox feigns outrage for attention and “moral justice”'''.</center>|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center>


=== <i><s>I Am Better Than Your Kids</s> Crappy Children's Art</i> ===
<big>'''[https://web.archive.org/web/20161102004143/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OeW4m76E7S0 ARCHIVED LINK BECAUSE THE STINKY ARMENIAN FAGGOT SET IT TO PRIVATE LOL]'''</big>
 
=== <s>I Am Better Than Your Kids</s> Crappy Children's Art ===


[[Fact|No one gives a shit about this book]]. All he does is repeat the "I Am Better Than Your Kids" concept he put out free ten years ago. [[RiceGum]] does everything in this book better and for no monetary loss of your own.
[[Fact|No one gives a shit about this book]]. All he does is repeat the "I Am Better Than Your Kids" concept he put out free ten years ago. [[RiceGum]] does everything in this book better and for no monetary loss of your own.


[[File:Tumbleweed.gif|center]][[File:Tumbleweed.gif|center]]
[[File:Tumbleweed.gif|center]]


<center><big><b>↑↑↑↑</b></big> <u><big><b><i>These are all the people that bought this book. Zero readers. Not the best step forward for a [[New York Times]] Best Selling author.</i></b></big></u> <big><b>↑↑↑↑</b></big></center>
<center><big>'''↑↑↑↑'''</big> '''''These are all the people that bought this book. Zero readers. Not the best step forward for a [[New York Times]] Best Selling author.'''''</center>


<center>{{frame|<youtube>L30Sp8nLZ5I</youtube>
<center>{{frame|<youtube>L30Sp8nLZ5I</youtube>
<center>'''In this interview with some lawyer, Dick reveals this book may have some [[bullshit|unreputable]] art featured.'''</center>|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center>
<center>'''In this interview with some lawyer, Dick reveals this book may have some [[bullshit|unreputable]] art featured.'''</center>|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center>


=== <i><s>The Best Book in the Universe</s> F*ck Whales</i> ===
=== <s>The Best Book in the Universe</s> F*ck Whales ===
[[Image:Cuckwhales.jpeg|200px|thumb|left|This book took ''four fucking years'' to write.]]  
[[Image:Cuckwhales.jpeg|200px|thumb|left|This book took ''four fucking years'' to write, and it was dead on arrival.]]
After his second book failed, Maddox's “fame” was dependent on this book doing well. For a while, it seemed like he had somewhat of a shot. He was riding the wave of his semi-profitable podcast (more on that below), so he banked on said podcast to build him a customer base. [[HAHAHA, OH WOW|It took him 4 years, 10 months, and 28 days to write this book]]. All that time was spent on doing more important things, like playing video games, building up hype for the book on other podcasts (including one by fellow baldfag [[Anthony Fantano]]), and eating [[shit]].  
[[Image:Fucksales.jpg|thumb|right|Fixed]]
After his second book failed, Maddox's internet-fame was dependent on this next book doing well. For a while, it seemed like he had somewhat of a shot. He was riding the wave of his semi-profitable podcast (more on that below), so he banked on said podcast to build him a customer base. [[HAHAHA, OH WOW|It took him 4 years, 10 months, and 28 days to write this book]]. All that time was spent on doing more important things, like playing video games, building up hype for the book on other podcasts (including one by fellow baldfag [[Anthony Fantano]]), and eating [[shit]].  


The chance Maddox had for this book being successful, however, looked a bit faded once all his self-inflicted drama with Dick Masterson (discussed below) came back to bite his flat ass. The book still did well, right?
The chance Maddox had for this book being successful, however, looked a bit faded once all his self-inflicted drama with Dick Masterson (discussed below) came back to bite his flat ass. The book still did well, right?
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[[File:Original book.jpg|200px|thumb|left| At first, my book was all like...]]  
[[File:Original book.jpg|200px|thumb|left| At first, my book was all like...]]  
[[File:Fuckwhales.jpeg|200px|thumb|right| But then, my book was like...]]
[[File:Fuckwhales.jpeg|200px|thumb|right| But then, my book was like...]]
<i>F*ck Whales</i> was a financial nightmare for everyone involved, including Simon & Schuster, the publishers dumb enough to invest in a burnt out shill like Maddox. [https://www.reddit.com/r/TheDickShow/comments/78i16m/circlejerk_about_how_terrible_fck_whales_is_doing/ The book peaked at #8,998 on Amazon]. Compared to his <s>beloved</s> '''DISAVOWED''' #2 ranking on [[The New York Times]] Best Sellers list, this is a major setback. [https://www.reddit.com/r/TheDickShow/comments/77kjsp/if_these_tracking_sites_are_reliable_frick_whales/ Hell, the book may’ve not even sold 100 copies on it’s release date]! One thing is for certain: with the way <i>F*ck Whales</i> is selling, it’ll take longer for Maddox to write his [[taxes]] than it took to write this book.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/TheDickShow/comments/78i16m/circlejerk_about_how_terrible_fck_whales_is_doing/ The book peaked at #8,998 on Amazon].
''F*ck Whales'' was a financial nightmare for everyone involved, including Simon & Schuster, the publishers dumb enough to invest in a burnt out shill like Maddox.  Compared to his '''DISAVOWED''' #2 ranking on [[The New York Times]] Best Sellers list, this was a major setback. [https://www.reddit.com/r/TheDickShow/comments/77kjsp/if_these_tracking_sites_are_reliable_frick_whales/ Hell, the book may’ve not even sold 100 copies on it’s release date]! One thing is for certain: with the way ''F*ck Whales'' is selling, it’ll take longer for Maddox to write his [[taxes]] than it took to write this book.


There would be a summary of the book here, but no one read it. Based on [https://books.google.com/books/about/F_ck_Whales.html?id=XgfPCgAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&source=kp_read_button the 25 page-long preview from Google Books], it’s rehashed material from his site. The one funny thing about <i>F*ck Whales</i> is that Maddox is so creatively bankrupt that he himself subconsciously admits it.
There would be a summary of the book here, but no one read it. Based on [https://books.google.com/books/about/F_ck_Whales.html?id=XgfPCgAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&source=kp_read_button the 25 page-long preview from Google Books], it’s rehashed material from his site. The one funny thing about this book is that Maddox is so creatively bankrupt that he himself subconsciously admits it.  
 
The book was going to be called ''The Best Book In The Universe'', but some dickhead bought the domain name. So, it was renamed to the equally as creative ''F*ck Whales''. Nice asterisk, retard.


The book was going to be called <i>The Best Book In The Universe</i>, but some dickhead bought the domain name. So, it was renamed to the equally as creative <i>F*ck Whales</i>. Nice asterisk, retard.
<center>{{frame|<youtube>MLiOD_y8CQw</youtube>
<center>{{frame|<youtube>MLiOD_y8CQw</youtube>
<center><b>Nice book title you have there, Maddox. ''Shame if someone took it from you''.</B></center>|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</CENTER>
<center>Nice book title you have there, Maddox. ''Shame if someone took it from you''.</center>|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center>


==Other notable literary works==
==Other notable literary works==
Like any other writer, Maddox has [[over 9000]] other projects that are unpublished, incomplete, or were released in a limited capacity only a few lucky fans could get their hands on. Such works, that have since circulated, include (but are not limited to):
Like any other writer, Maddox has [[over 9000]] other projects that are unpublished, incomplete, or were released in a limited capacity only a few lucky fans could get their hands on. Such works, that have since circulated, include (but are not limited to):


=== <i>A Message To 80’s Girl</i> ===
===A Message To 80’s Girl===
 
One day, Maddox's ex-girlfriend and Dick's current girlfriend 80's Girl was going through her bullshit. Packed with all the big, black [[dildos]], perfume, and whatever else girls like, she found an envelope. In this envelope was a very lovely letter written by Maddox. Read it for yourself:
One day, Maddox's ex-girlfriend and Dick's current girlfriend 80's Girl was going through her bullshit. Packed with all the big, black [[dildos]], perfume, and whatever else girls like, she found an envelope. In this envelope was a very lovely letter written by Maddox. Read it for yourself:


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|{{frame|{{Template:scrollpic|80SGIRLILY.png|700|200}}|border=black|background=#ff8000|margin=auto}}
|{{frame|{{Template:scrollpic|80SGIRLILY.png|700|200}}|border=black|background=#ff8000|margin=auto}}
|}
|}


{{clear}}
{{clear}}
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=== #WAUT3RGATE ===
=== #WAUT3RGATE ===
After <i>The Biggest Problem in the Universe</i> ended, some guy that made music for the show went on a venture to get Maddox and Dick to bury the hatchet. [https://web.archive.org/web/20170519030355/http://makeragenotwar.com:80/ He made a website advocating for them to apologize for all the bullshit they both did.] Part of this effort went into him messaging Maddox and trying to get his side of the story. Little did he know, he'd have to go through a ton of Maddox's delusional rants about [[shit no one cares about]]. After a while, the guy leaked them on [[IRC]] for everyone to laugh at. But, after Dick confronted him and told him they're never coming back together, he [[DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING|DELETED FUCKING EVERYTHING]] out of respect. That didn't stop Maddox from threatening the poor guy to dox him, though. What a class fucking act.  
 
[[File:Madcuckflapping_s.gif|thumb|250px|Individuals with severe [[autism]] are known for making unusual, sudden movements, such as the flapping of the hands.]]
[[File:Maddox-2buttons.jpg|thumb|right|That readers is what we call an "[[Intellectual Checkmate]]".]]
After ''The Biggest Problem in the Universe'' ended, some guy that made music for the show went on a venture to get Maddox and Dick to bury the hatchet. [https://web.archive.org/web/20170519030355/http://makeragenotwar.com:80/ He made a website advocating for them to apologize for all the bullshit they both did.] Part of this effort went into him messaging Maddox and trying to get his side of the story. Little did he know, he'd have to go through a ton of Maddox's delusional rants about [[shit no one cares about]]. After a while, the guy leaked them on [[IRC]] for everyone to laugh at. But, after Dick confronted him and told him they're never coming back together, he [[DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING|DELETED FUCKING EVERYTHING]] out of respect. That didn't stop Maddox from threatening the poor guy to dox him, though. What a class fucking act.  


Things revealed in these chats include, but aren't limited to:
Things revealed in these chats include, but aren't limited to:


* Maddox feels nothing but contempt towards his fans. This is a strange statement because it implies that Maddox has fans. He feels this way because, in his bald, dumb head, he thinks his fans owe him their gratitude for bringing them shitty content that's not funny.
* Maddox feels nothing but contempt towards his fans, like we mentioned before. He feels this way because, in his bald, dumb head, he thinks his fans owe him their gratitude for bringing them shitty content that's not funny.
* Dick has a girlfriend, a house, and a successful podcast because of Maddox. You can see this is [[bullshit]] if you were even half as retarded as Maddox is.
* Dick has a girlfriend, a house, and a successful podcast because of Maddox. You can see this is [[bullshit]] if you were even half as retarded as Maddox is.
* Maddox says Asterios doxxed his girlfriend, while also saying that he accused his girlfriend of doxing him.
* Maddox says Asterios doxxed his girlfriend, while also saying that he accused his girlfriend of doxing him.
* Maddox is very sad and angry over [[Kiwi Farms|a forum of people harassing him and slandering him and calling him a cuck and faggot every fucking day]].
* Maddox is very sad and angry over [[Kiwi Farms|a forum of people harassing him and slandering him and calling him a cuck and faggot every fucking day]].
* Maddox is very hypocritical about how wrong harassment and meddling in the lives of others exactly is.  
* Maddox is very hypocritical about how wrong harassment and meddling in the lives of others exactly is.
* Maddox claims that his ex is both obsessed with him and was abusive to him while they were in a relationship together. Yes, he is saying that he was abused by a woman. What a tough guy.
* Maddox claims that his ex is both obsessed with him and was abusive to him while they were in a relationship together. Yes, he is saying that he was abused by a woman. What a tough guy.
* Maddox, above all else, says he wouldn't escalate the tension between him and Dick any further. [[Irony]].
* Maddox, above all else, says he wouldn't escalate the tension between him and Dick any further. [[Irony]].
<b><big>You can read all the chats [https://web.archive.org/web/20170606053313/http://files.ilj.io/files/what_i_owe.txt here], [https://web.archive.org/web/20170805193345/http://files.ilj.io/files/the_disgusting_thing_asterios_did.txt here], [https://web.archive.org/web/20170805193359/http://files.ilj.io/files/make_rage_not_war.txt here], [http://files.ilj.io/files/logs/maddox_is_abused.md here], and [http://files.ilj.io/files/logs/tbpitu_downfall.md here], all either archived or somehow not deleted.</big></b>
''<big>You can read all the chats [https://web.archive.org/web/20170606053313/http://files.ilj.io/files/what_i_owe.txt here], [https://web.archive.org/web/20170805193345/http://files.ilj.io/files/the_disgusting_thing_asterios_did.txt here], [https://web.archive.org/web/20170805193359/http://files.ilj.io/files/make_rage_not_war.txt here], [http://files.ilj.io/files/logs/maddox_is_abused.md here], and [http://files.ilj.io/files/logs/tbpitu_downfall.md here], all either archived or somehow not deleted.</big>''


<center>{{frame|<youtube>ZrRr1BjY17g</youtube><center>'''Dramatic re-enactment with Madcucks, a parody of Maddox that's way more likable than the real thing.'''</center>|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center>
<center>{{frame|<youtube>ZrRr1BjY17g</youtube><center>'''Dramatic re-enactment with Madcucks, a parody of Maddox that's way more likable than the real thing.'''</center>|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center>
 
{{clear}}
=== Maddox's list of words that trigger him ===
=== Maddox's list of words that trigger him ===
{{clear}}


<center>{{frame|<youtube>yPLPCxOdhk8</youtube><center>'''[https://images.encyclopediadramatica.rs/e/ed/Maddoxbannedwords.mp4 Archived copy here.] We won't Maddox delete his bullcrap.'''</center>|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center>
<center>{{frame|<youtube>yPLPCxOdhk8</youtube><center>'''[https://images.encyclopediadramatica.rs/e/ed/Maddoxbannedwords.mp4 Archived copy here.] We won't Maddox delete his bullcrap.'''</center>|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center>


Maddox may not have a lot going for him. But <s>he leeches off of</s> he's "friends" with [[over 9000]] e-celebrities. If you watch any "meme" YouTuber from [[Reddit|/r/videos]] or anyone from the "YouTube skeptic community", it's more than likely they're friends with Maddox. One of them, [[The Amazing Atheist|TJ Kirk (a.k.a: The Amazing Fruit Fucker)]], let Maddox guest on his podcast, Drunken Peasants. But Maddox couldn't ''just'' guest on a ''live-streamed show'' where ''anyone can comment anything''. Maddox forced TJ to [[censor|filter]] the pay chat, in which audience members, for a bit of money, can write a comment TJ and his co-hosts will read on air. This led to '''''NO ONE'S COMMENT GETTING READ'''''. Only two were read that episode, both being subtle shots at Maddox that flew over everyone else's head. This caused such a [[autistic screeching|shitstorm]], TJ was forced to refund everyone who didn't get their comment featured because all his fans were threatened to pull their support from his [[Patreon]].  
Maddox may not have a lot going for him, but he leeches off of "friends of friends" with [[over 9000]] e-celebrities. If you watch any "meme" YouTuber from [[Reddit|/r/videos]] or anyone from "le YouTube skeptic community", it's more than likely they're friends with Maddox. One of them, [[The Amazing Atheist|TJ Kirk (a.k.a: The Amazing Fruit Fucker)]], let Maddox guest on his podcast, Drunken Peasants. But Maddox couldn't ''just'' guest on a ''live-streamed show'' where ''anyone can comment anything''. Maddox forced TJ to [[censor|filter]] the pay chat, in which audience members, for a bit of money, can write a comment TJ and his co-hosts will read on air. This led to '''''NO ONE'S COMMENT GETTING READ'''''. Only two were read that episode, both being subtle shots at Maddox that flew over everyone else's head. This caused such a [[autistic screeching|shitstorm]], TJ was forced to refund everyone who didn't get their comment featured because all his fans were threatened to pull their support from his [[Patreon]].  


Dick not only offered to reimburse any losses, but got one of TJ's co-hosts to guest to a live show. On that live show, he read the original memo Maddox sent TJ. This was met with plenty of [[lulz]].
Dick not only offered to reimburse any losses, but got one of TJ's co-hosts to guest to a live show. On that live show, he read the original memo Maddox sent TJ. This was met with plenty of [[lulz]].
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| [[Cuck]] || Maddox is a cuck.
| [[Cuck]] || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
|-
| [[Da fuq|Sycamore]] || Maddox is a cuck.
| [[Dox|Sycamore]] || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
|-
| [[Nigger]] || Maddox is a cuck.
| [[Nigger]] || Maddox is a cuck.
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| Job lynch mob || Maddox is a cuck.
| Job lynch mob || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
|-
| [[Da fuq|819]] || Maddox is a cuck.
| [[Dox|819]] || Maddox is a cuck.
|}
|}


=== <i>The Biggest Lolsuit in the Universe (AKA: George Ouzounian et al - v. - Dax Herrera et al)</i> ===
=== The Biggest Lolsuit in the Universe (AKA: George Ouzounian et al - v. - Dax Herrera et al) ===
{{clear}}


{{clear}}
[[File:Patreonjurisdiction.png|300px|thumb|left|Decides to sue everyone in NY, even though everyone involved in the lawsuit lives in LA... wut?]]
[[File:44 crappy childrens work.png|300px|thumb|right|Old Maddox reviews new Maddox's lawsuit]]
[[File:YOUDIDITTOYOURSELFMADDOX.png|300px|thumb|left|This was easily preventable, Maddox.]]
[[Image:Maddilox6.jpg|thumb|right|''PICTURED: REAL LIFE NO JOKE JOURNALIST HEATHER S. LOOKING <s>HOT AS FUCK</s> VERY STRONG AND INDEPENDENT GETTING READY TO WRITE "HER" NEXT BOOK, THE ALPHABET OF IRL FEMININE, WOMYX-CURATED JOURNALISM BY THE BEACH. THERE WOULD A JOKE ABOUT [[fat|WHALES]] AT THE BEACH BUT THAT WOULD BE [[social justice|FATPHOBIC]].'']]
[[File:Maddox-cuck.jpg|thumb|left|Visual representation of Maddox's 'PTSD']]
[[File:Maddoxisacreep.png|200px|thumb|right|Just a normal picture Maddox hides in his website next to the login info of other people.]]
[[File:Lolsuit-cuck.png|thumb|left|Asterios intended to prove to the court that Maddox is a fucking cuck holy shit rofl]]
On November 6th, 2017: Maddox's bloodthirst peaks and with the help of a dog bite lawyer and "recovering" alcoholic Kevin Landau, he filed a $20 million USD civil suit against [[Dick Masterson|Dax Herrera]], Foundation Digital, Llc, Greg Boser, Loren Baker, Cmgrp, Inc. (D/B/A Weber Shandwick), Joshua Kaufman, [[libtard|Asterios]] [[Greek|Kokkinos]], Madcucks aka Trevor Birt, [[Patreon|Patreon, Inc.]], and Jordan Cope.


<center>
<center>{{frame|
{{frame|{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|font-weight: bold;|
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|font-weight: bold;|  
|<youtube>11WUsAJ3T_w</youtube> The [[TL;DR]] by [[Mister Metokur]]
|<youtube>DN4JCo4bjnM</youtube> A lawyer who knows his shit
|<youtube>DN4JCo4bjnM</youtube> A lawyer who knows his shit
|<youtube>0eYLR6CbR78</youtube> IRL lawyer reminding people the law doesn't end where Maddox's feelings begin
|<youtube>0eYLR6CbR78</youtube> IRL lawyer reminding people the law doesn't end where Maddox's feelings begin
|<youtube>7B5by1QHe38</youtube> The conclusion to IRL lawyer going through the lolsuit
|<youtube>7B5by1QHe38</youtube> The conclusion to IRL lawyer going through the lolsuit
|<youtube>Hkg-hbLZF-8</youtube> Don't worry Maddox, Mundane Fat likes you! Surely, that’s worth as much as having a winning case!
|<youtube>Hkg-hbLZF-8</youtube> Don't worry Maddox, Mundane Fat likes you! Surely, that’s worth as much as having a winning case!
|<youtube>11WUsAJ3T_w</youtube> The [[TL;DR]] by [[Mister Metokur]]
|}}|border=black|background=#ff8000}}
|}}|border=black|background=#ff8000}}
</center>
</center>


[[File:Patreonjurisdiction.png|200px|thumb|left|GOOD LUCK SUING PATREON IN NEW YORK, CUCK!]]
For those thinking a [[lolsuit]] is the same as a frivolous lawsuit, you're objectively wrong. 99% of any threatened legal action in a frivolous suit either never makes it to court, or gets dismissed with prejudice, which is judge-speak for 'I don't need to think about this dumb shit any more, here's the verdict'. This is that 1% of those frivolous cases, in which the case and the litigant are so neurotic and [[batshit insane]] that they defy the bounds of any logic or reason. In this suit, Maddox primary claim is that Dick [[sex|pumped]], [[friend zone|dumped]], and annihilated his reputation with his [[trolling]] and importing/exporting of [[lulz]]. Apparently, a balding, middle-aged man who feels nothing but contempt for his fans is totally deserving of 20,000,000 dollars. While it's true Dick (rightfully) spanked his flat ass, he's far from responsible for any of Maddox's monetary shortcomings and failures. Any motherfucker with common sense realizes this.
[[File:MaddoxhasPTSD.png|200px|thumb|right|Maddox being triggered is legally documented.]]
[[File:YOUDIDITTOYOURSELFMADDOX.png|200px|thumb|left|This was easily preventable, Maddox.]]
[[File:Maddoxisacreep.png|200px|thumb|right|Just a normal picture Maddox hides in his website next to the login info of other people.]]
[[File:Idcuckme.jpg|150px|thumb|left| <b>PICTURED: ACTUAL IRL JOURNALIST HEATHER S. READY TO CHECK "HER" E-MAIL TO DISTRACT "HERSELF" FROM THE SOUND OF [[nigger|TYRONE]] FUCKING "HER" GIRLFRIEND.</b>]]
[[Image:Maddilox6.jpg|thumb| <b>PICTURED: REAL LIFE NO JOKE JOURNALIST HEATHER S. LOOKING <s>HOT AS FUCK</s> VERY STRONG AND INDEPENDENT GETTING READY TO WRITE "HER" NEXT BOOK, <i>THE ALPHABET OF IRL FEMININE, WOMYX-CURATED JOURNALISM</i> BY THE BEACH. THERE WOULD A JOKE ABOUT [[fat|WHALES]] AT THE BEACH BUT THAT WOULD BE [[social justice|FATPHOBIC]].</b>]]
 
November 6th, 2017: Maddox's bloodthirst peaks. Him, with dog bite lawyer and "recovering" alcoholic Kevin Landau, filed a $20,000,000 USD civil suit against <s>some people</s> <b>[[Dick Masterson|Dax Herrera]], Foundation Digital, Llc, Greg Boser, Loren Baker, Cmgrp, Inc. (D/B/A Weber Shandwick), Joshua Kaufman, [[libtard|Asterios]] [[Greek|Kokkinos]], <s>Madcucks</s> Trevor Birt, [[Patreon|Patreon, Inc.]], and Jordan Cope</b>.
 
Anyone who knows what a [[lol-cow]] is knows what a [[lolsuit]] is. 99% of any threatened legal action by a lol-cow is never taken, mostly because they're either [[broke]] or [[retarded]]. This is that 1%. In this suit, Maddox claims that Dick [[sex|pumped]], [[friend zone|dumped]], and annihilated his reputation with his [[trolling]] and importing/exporting of [[lulz]]. Apparently, a balding, middle-aged man who feels nothing but contempt for his fans is totally deserving of 20,000,000 dollars. While it's true Dick (rightfully) spanked his flat ass, he's far from responsible for any of Maddox's monetary shortcomings and failures. Any motherfucker with common sense realizes this. <u>'''Things Maddox has legally admitted to in this lawsuit include</u>:'''


<u>'''Things Maddox has legally admitted to in this lawsuit include</u>:'''
* Maddox has [[PTSD|Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder]] from being called a cuck.
* Maddox has [[PTSD|Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder]] from being called a cuck.
* Maddox has tried to get people fired from their jobs.
* Maddox has wanted to and has attempted to get people fired from their jobs.
* Maddox has coordinated, tried to get Dick's Patreon banned for no reason.  
* Maddox has coordinated, tried to get Dick's Patreon banned for no reason.  
* Maddox says <i>The Biggest Problem In The Universe</i> was a joint venture between him and Dick.
* Maddox says ''The Biggest Problem In The Universe'' was a joint venture between him and Dick.
* Maddox admits <i>F*ck Whales</i> was a financial bomb.
* Maddox admits ''F*ck Whales'' was a financial bomb.
* Maddox's girlfriend also has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder because of Dick.
* Maddox's girlfriend also has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder because of Dick.
* Maddox admits everyone involved (including himself) don't live in New York, despite the lawsuit being filed in New York.  
* Maddox admits everyone involved (including himself) don't live in New York, despite the lawsuit being filed in New York.  
* Maddox admits his career, his "business", is completely destroyed.
* Maddox admits his career and his "business", is completely destroyed.
* Maddox states he wanted to fraudulently fire people.


<u>'''More recent lolsuit updates include</u>:'''
<u>'''More recent lolsuit updates include</u>:'''
* Landau, through possible shitty wording, claims Maddox's girlfriend may actually have [[herpes]]. [[Srsly]].
* Landau, through possible shitty wording, claims Maddox's girlfriend may actually have [[herpes]]. [[Srsly]].
* Maddox, legally, by his own definition of the word, is a [[cuck]].
* Maddox, legally, by his own definition of the word, is a [[cuck]].
* That, through Landau's shitty wording, Dick and Asterios may/may not be the fathers of Madcucks, making Madcucks the first butt baby.  
* That, through Landau's shitty wording, Dick and Asterios may/may not be the fathers of Madcucks, making Madcucks the first butt baby.  
* Maddox and his girlfriend <s>want a restraining order against Dick</s> [https://youtu.be/tDovnKy0HBU DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS].
* Maddox and his girlfriend <s>want a restraining order against Dick</s> [https://youtu.be/tDovnKy0HBU DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS].
* Dick apparently hacked Maddox's web server. It consisted of unlisted, unlinked URLs, which as it turned out [https://www.reddit.com/r/TheDickShow/comments/7r4q6p/exploring_maddoffs_website/dsubjtb/ Maddox had the login information of some of Dick's clients. He wasn't supposed to have those.] Chances are, he did some autistic, illegal shit with those. Some stuff that was also found include [https://www.reddit.com/r/TheDickShow/comments/7ovx3n/facebook_gentlemen_discovers_weird_picture_on/ a creepy photo of a random hot chick that looked as if it was taken without her knowing], pictures of Maddox with hair, and other [[shit no one cares about]].
* Dick apparently hacked Maddox's web server. It consisted of unlisted, unlinked URLs, which as it turned out [https://www.reddit.com/r/TheDickShow/comments/7r4q6p/exploring_maddoffs_website/dsubjtb/ Maddox had the login information of some of Dick's clients that he wasn't supposed to have.] Chances are, he did some autistic, illegal shit. Some stuff that was also found include [https://www.reddit.com/r/TheDickShow/comments/7ovx3n/facebook_gentlemen_discovers_weird_picture_on/ a creepy photo of a random hot chick that looked as if it was taken without her knowing], pictures of Maddox with hair, and other [[shit no one cares about]].
* Maddox, either purposely or through Landau being unable to write coherently, admits to impersonating a [[liberal media]] journalist named Heather. Above all else, this marks the moment Maddox comes out as an [[trans|Armeni-tran]].
* Maddox, either purposely or through Landau being unable to write coherently, admits to impersonating a [[liberal media]] journalist named Heather. Above all else, this marks the moment Maddox comes out as an [[trans|Armeni-tran]].


<big><b>YOU CAN READ THE ENTIRE LOLSUIT ON:</b></big>
<BIG><U>'''So how did such an amazing lawsuit end?'''</U></BIG>  


<center><youtube>n7oqJJ1ijs8</youtube></center> <center>'''Here is the TL;DR teaser trailer that spoils the ending of the lolsuit'''</center>
<big>''YOU CAN READ THE ENTIRE LOLSUIT, AS WELL AS FOLLOW UP LEGAL ACTIONS ON:''</big>


{{Rainbow|LOLSUIT.COM}}
{{Rainbow|LOLSUIT.COM}}
{{clear}}
And what did Maddox do after losing? Perhaps some self reflection as the thick skulled retard realize he's thousands upon thousands of dollars in the hole and the ass end of countless jokes on the internet? ''Why, double down and file ''[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/george-ouzounian-v-asterios-kokkinos-2018.47158/ another] lawsuit, twice as assmad as before!''


==Ballsack Media Network==
==Ballsack Media Network==


[[File:DICK AND BALLSACK.png|900px|thumb|center|Maddox ''sure is'' doing better than Dick!]]
[[File:DICK AND BALLSACK.png|900px|thumb|center|Maddox ''sure is'' doing better than Dick!]]
[[File:Maddoxloss.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Reminder: if Maddox never invited Jesse, he'd be making sponsorship money right now.]]


Immediately after ''The Biggest Problem In The Universe'' ended, Maddox had to think of how to capitalize on a canceled show. His solution? Start a shitty podcast network. With ''zero planning whatsoever''. If the lolsuit goes the way everyone expects it to go, this'll be Maddox's final failure.
Immediately after ''The Biggest Problem In The Universe'' ended, Maddox had to think of how to capitalize on a cancelled show. His solution? Start a shitty podcast network. With ''zero planning whatsoever''.
[[File:Maddoxloss.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Reminder: if Maddox never invited Jesse, he'd be making sponsorship money right now.]]


On this network he paid $30,000.00 to get a website for, you can listen to numerous high-quality podcasts, such as:
On this network he paid $30,000.00 to get a website for, you can listen to numerous high-quality podcasts, such as:
Line 373: Line 430:
* '''The Best Debate in the Universe'''- Outlined above. [[TL;DR]]: you’d be better off listening to BPITU. It’s not only funnier, but you’re not supporting a shill factory of man purses and [[meme]] [[clickbait]] bullshit.
* '''The Best Debate in the Universe'''- Outlined above. [[TL;DR]]: you’d be better off listening to BPITU. It’s not only funnier, but you’re not supporting a shill factory of man purses and [[meme]] [[clickbait]] bullshit.


* '''Pod Awful'''- Question: what would happen if the combined power of Rucka Rucka Ali and Maddox was even less funny? You'd get <i>Pod Awful</i>, the worst possible way to kill two hours. This show is only funny if your sense of humor is overblown edgy shit with zero self-awareness. The wittiest thing to come out of host Jesse P-S's mouth is Maddox's micropenis. <i>Pod Awful</i> is the most notable show on the network outside of Biggest Temper Tantrum in the Universe. Why? Not because it's funny, that's for sure. [https://images.encyclopediadramatica.rs/8/84/MadcastSaysNigger.mp4 Jesse fucked over Maddox and threw all their sponsorship deals away because he called a mutual friend of Maddox and Dick a nigger] for starting his own podcast, not doing it with Madcast Media, and giving Maddox a cut of his revenue (it's fine though because Maddox's [[tranny|girlfriend]] said [https://twitter.com/M3tal_Jess/status/817283987869552640 she likes when people call her a nigger]). Maddox can't fire him for this, however. Jesse is his personal slave and [[cumslut]]. He does all his dirty work for him, moderating his bullshit and white knighting him under several sockpuppet accounts. And to make things <s>worse</s> ''better'', he makes zero money from neither his show nor his chivalrous deeds of saving Princess Maddox when he gets in a jam. Oh yeah, Jesse also spends his time [https://encyclopediadramatica.rs/index.php?title=Maddox&diff=prev&oldid=1011975 editing this page, because Maddox won't give him his juicy, Armenian, vein-covered dick if he doesn't white knight for every single one of his fuck-ups.]
* '''Pod Awful'''- Question: what would happen if the combined power of Rucka Rucka Ali and Maddox was even less funny? You'd get ''Pod Awful'', the worst possible way to kill two hours. This show is only funny if your sense of humor is overblown edgy shit with zero self-awareness. The wittiest thing to come out of host Jesse's mouth is Maddox's [[micropenis]]. ''Pod Awful'' is the most notable show on the network outside of Biggest Temper Tantrum in the Universe. Why? Not because it's funny, that's for sure. [https://images.encyclopediadramatica.rs/8/84/MadcastSaysNigger.mp4 Jesse fucked over Maddox and threw all their sponsorship deals away because he called a mutual friend of Maddox and Dick a nigger] for starting his own podcast, not doing it with Madcast Media, and giving Maddox a cut of his revenue (it's fine though because Maddox's [[tranny|girlfriend]] said [https://twitter.com/M3tal_Jess/status/817283987869552640 she likes when people call her a nigger]). Jesse is his personal slave and [[cumslut]] doing all the dirty work for Maddox, moderating his bullshit and white knighting him under several [[sockpuppet]] accounts. And to make things <s>worse</s> ''better'', [[he_does_it_for_free|he makes zero money]] from neither his show nor his chivalrous deeds of saving Princess Maddox when he gets in a jam. Oh yeah, Jesse also spends his time [https://encyclopediadramatica.rs/index.php?title=Maddox&diff=prev&oldid=1011975 editing this page, because Maddox won't give him his juicy, Armenian, vein-covered dick if he doesn't white knight for every single one of his fuck-ups.]


* '''[[ALL CAPS|'''CRINGE VS. CRINGE!!1!111!!!]]'''- After months and months of e-mails, YouTube comments, [[Reddit]] posts, and [https://men.com Men.com] comments (only the manliest of websites can stream content from Maddox), they finally did it. You spoke, they listened. Maddox gave Jesse P-S, the guy who's responsible for their podcasts not making money, '''''[[SRSLY|ANOTHER FUCKING SHOW]]'''''!! In all seriousness, <i>[[kamikaze|CRINGE VS. CRINGE]]</i> may as well be called <i>Pod Aw-[[Spanish|dos]]: [[Electric Boogaloo]]</i>. The only noteworthy thing about this show is that Asterios Kokkinos, established Dick goon, was a guest for one episode. You would think there'd be some questioning by Dick's fans, but CVC is so trivial in the grand scheme of things that no one noticed in the first place. Just goes to show how little people care about anything Jesse makes.
* '''[[ALL CAPS|'''CRINGE VS. CRINGE!!1!111!!!]]'''- After months and months of e-mails, YouTube comments, [[Reddit]] posts, and [https://men.com Men.com] comments (only the manliest of websites can stream content from Maddox), they finally did it. You spoke, they listened. Maddox gave Jesse P-S, the guy who's responsible for their podcasts not making money, '''''[[SRSLY|ANOTHER FUCKING SHOW]]'''''!! In all seriousness, <i>[[kamikaze|CRINGE VS. CRINGE]]</i> may as well be called <i>Pod Aw-[[Spanish|dos]]: [[Electric Boogaloo]]</i>. The only noteworthy thing about this show is that Asterios Kokkinos, established Dick goon, was a guest for one episode. You would think there'd be some questioning by Dick's fans, but CVC is so trivial in the grand scheme of things that no one noticed in the first place. Just goes to show how little people care about anything Jesse makes.


* '''Game Fart'''- <s>A podcast hosted by some [[unfunny]] [[Britbong]] gamer [[fags]] [[nobody gives a shit]] about. [https://encyclopediadramatica.rs/index.php?title=Maddox&diff=prev&oldid=1011976 It's not just us thinking that, though. It appears Jesse from <i>Pod Awful</i> actually agrees with us.]</s> [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS]]. <i>Game Fart</i> died because no one cared it existed. There are some semi-interesting reasons why this show was greenlit in the first place, however: [https://www.reddit.com/r/TheDickShow/comments/7a1u8c/madcast_media_death_pool_update_game_fart_ended/ Lord Matthew, the head honcho of a team with no other members, '''''was the guy that created the shitty Madcast Media website (the one that Maddox blew 30k on)'''''].
* '''Game Fart'''- <s>A podcast hosted by some [[unfunny]] [[Britbong]] gamer [[fags]] [[nobody gives a shit]] about. [https://encyclopediadramatica.rs/index.php?title=Maddox&diff=prev&oldid=1011976 It's not just us thinking that, though. It appears Jesse from ''Pod Awful'' actually agrees with us.]</s> [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS]]. <i>Game Fart</i> died because no one cared it existed. There are some semi-interesting reasons why this show was greenlit in the first place, however: [https://www.reddit.com/r/TheDickShow/comments/7a1u8c/madcast_media_death_pool_update_game_fart_ended/ Lord Matthew, the head honcho of a team with no other members, '''''was the guy that created the shitty Madcast Media website (the one that Maddox blew 30k on)'''''].
 
== MADDOX GETS CUCKED OUT OF HIS OWN SHOW ON ITUNES AND GIRLFRIEND ==
 
After losing his lolsuit, his [[herpes|beautiful]] [[nigger|Afican]] American girlfriend left him. While her official reason for leaving Maddox was because he tried (not succedeed, tried) to cheat on her with an annoying cat girl that got thrown out of all Dick Show communities because she was a hideous annoying slag of a hambeast, who he's now let be a moderator for his twitch. Some speculate that it was really due to Maddox's crying while watching other men fuck her was so loud and annoying it was starting to scare away the bulls she's bring over.
 
What more can Maddox lose? He's lost his [[girlfriend|pet moneky]], his ex gf he is still in love with, 99% of his SadCast media employees, all his money, [[suicide|his sister]], his book sales, any future book deals, and all respect any one had for him. Well Dick decided to take another thing from Maddox... [[lulz|HIS OWN ITUNES FEED FOR HIS PODCAST]].
 
Dick wasn't ready for the fun of laughing at Maddox to end and all Maddox wanted to do now was cry in his cuck shed alone and pretend he never was such a retard. So to spice things up after Maddox released his nuclear option that blew up in his own face, Dick decided on Episode 113 of <s>Biggest Problem in the 2niverse: The search for more money and less Dick</s> Best Debate in Universe to give Maddox, just the Tip of what is looking to be [[lulzy]] future series of dickings Maddox's anus was never prepared for:
 
<big>[https://soundcloud.com/user-663667932/113-should-certain-animals-be-extinct-ali-spagnola-ron-babcock-taylor-nikolai-maddox-crows '''DICK HAS HAD SOLE OWNERSHIP OF THE ORIGINAL STOLEN BIGGEST PROBLEM IN THE UNIVERSE ITUNES FEED THIS WHOLE TIME AND WAS ALLOWING MADDOX TO USE IT. HE DECIDED TO INFORM MADDOX OF THIS FACT BY SPLICING IN AN AD FOR HIS SHOW AT THE BEGINNING OF EPISODE 113 AS WELL AS A QUICK RUNDOWN OF WHAT HAPPENED FOR ALL THE BIGGEST PROBLEM FANS WHO WONDERED WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED AND WHY IS THIS GAY FAGGY PODCAST SHOWING UP INSTEAD'''].</big>
 
<center>{{frame|<youtube>pTSsP5CM2mc</youtube>
<center>'''Skip to 4:02 to hear the message and the explanation from the fucking madlad himself'''</center>|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center>
 
To further [[troll|help]] Maddox, Dick decided to send his listeners to Maddox's $30,000 website and use his voting system to vote on what new podcast would be allowed on the C.U.N.T network. This caused Maddox to go into a full on autistic rage as he takes voting on his websites super seriously. First attempting to cry to apple to get his iTunes feed that actually has subscribers back. Then getting butthurt and tampering with his own voting to fuck with Dick. To going into such a delusional world of denial he is refusing to address the sickest burn that could possibly happen to Maddox, he is trying to [https://archive.fo/11TbX pass off the increase bump in web traffic as legit traffic to his shit shows website].
 
However, internet Lawsplainer Nick Rekieta explained what the funniest part of all this is (beyond just the lulz of Dick fucking with the feed and using it to shit on Maddox), because Dick was the owner and allowed Maddox to pull his bullshit for over 2 year, Dick can legally and rightfully bill Maddox for all the time he allowed Maddox to use his iTunes feed to upload a shitty podcast.
 
<center><youtube>utTVGln1Uws</youtube></center> <center>'''A full TL;DR break down of how Maddox got cucked out of his own iTunes feed'''</center>
 
Dick still owns the iTunes feed because Apple is not going to disregard property law to appease a crying bald faggot who talked shit about them for years, and has said when it comes to his ways to fuck with Maddox, this isn't even his final form.
 
== Slimegate ==
[[File:Maddoxbed.jpg|thumb|right|[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUHj3piO0yM Smile]]]
As mentioned before, Maddox lives in a pigsty of an apartment, and it's quite a stretch to imagine he'd ever get laid. It turns out that a certain more recent image of his actual bedroom made its way onto the internet, either through Maddox himself or from a foreclosure property website (for some reason). Naturally, the first thing you notice is the slime from the Monster Hunter series as a bedspread. Then you realise (to your horror) that Maddox fucked 80's girl in this room.
 
Try to unpack that for a moment reader: George Cuckman HAD SEX with at least one other human being '''ON THIS BED!'''
 
But yeah, for whatever reason his apartment was listed on [some foreclosure website http://www.themls.com]. There were other pictures that made it onto the listing in particular that confirmed that this was indeed the cuck lair.
 
<center><gallery>
File:Cuckshed1.jpg
File:Cuckshed2.jpg
File:Cuckshed3.jpg
</gallery></center>
 
This caused quite a lot of [[lulz]] among Maddox's hatebase, and we have a small collection memes to share with you.
 
<center>{{frame|{{cg|The Best Slime In The Universe™ ٭ ٭ ٭|crazies|center|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Madslime1.jpg|Don't scream
File:Maddox has a new twitch character.jpg|Maddox's new [[twitch]] emote
File:Madslime2.jpg|Smile, now with bulge!
File:Madslime3.jpg|[[Minecraft|You can't sleep, monsters are nearby]]
File:Madslimespooky.jpg|What she sees in Maddox's bedroom
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Madslime4.jpg
File:Madslime5.jpg|Fuck it, we doin it on da metal slime bed tonite.
File:Madslime6.jpg|Anon asks for dating advice
File:Madslimeohgodno.png
</gallery>|}}|border=black|background=#3399ff}}</center>


== You and Maddox’s future ==
== You and Maddox’s future ==
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A couple days ago, Maddox cried in Twitch debater and incest lover [[Destiny]]’s shoulder like the [[victim]] he is. [https://twitter.com/wauterboi/status/868528505322995712 Of course, he <s>fails</s> “forgets” to mention how much of a crybully he is]. Maddox’s bar for what passes as harassment is so low, even [[Anita Sarkeesian]] would tell him to grow some balls.
A couple days ago, Maddox cried in Twitch debater and incest lover [[Destiny]]’s shoulder like the [[victim]] he is. [https://twitter.com/wauterboi/status/868528505322995712 Of course, he <s>fails</s> “forgets” to mention how much of a crybully he is]. Maddox’s bar for what passes as harassment is so low, even [[Anita Sarkeesian]] would tell him to grow some balls.


So, with that and everything else in this article in mind, what does all of it mean? Maddox is [[an hero]] waiting to happen. But he can’t build up the [[balls|courage]] to kill himself alone. He needs your help. How can [[you]], an e-urchin, help our dear friend Maddox become an hero? '''Here are some essential tips and tricks:'''
So, with that and everything else in this article in mind, what does all of it mean? Maddox is [[an hero]] waiting to happen. But he can’t build up the [[balls|courage]] to kill himself alone, [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=manly_suicide even though he should have taken his own advice from a long time ago]. He needs your help. How can [[you]], an e-urchin, help our dear friend Maddox become an hero? '''Here are some essential tips and tricks:'''


[[File:How The Fuck Is Cyber Bullying Real.png|Right|thumb|Maddox should heed [[OFWGKTA|Tyler, The Creator]]’s words of everlasting wisdom.]]
[[File:How The Fuck Is Cyber Bullying Real.png|Right|thumb|Maddox should heed [[OFWGKTA|Tyler, The Creator]]’s words of everlasting wisdom.]]
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*Tell him that you work a minimum wage job and still make more money than him.  
*Tell him that you work a minimum wage job and still make more money than him.  
*[http://files.ilj.io/files/what_i_owe.txt Quote] [http://files.ilj.io/files/the_disgusting_thing_asterios_did.txt anything] from the [http://files.ilj.io/files/make_rage_not_war.txt #WAUT3RGATE leaks].
*[http://files.ilj.io/files/what_i_owe.txt Quote] [http://files.ilj.io/files/the_disgusting_thing_asterios_did.txt anything] from the [http://files.ilj.io/files/make_rage_not_war.txt #WAUT3RGATE leaks].
==The Shill-est Leech in the Universe==
Maddox doesn't have a lot going for him. His career is a failure that's spiraling into a bigger failure. He compensates for this by networking with e-celebrities that were fans of him back in the day. He wants you to know he has friends that are more popular than him. He'll follow them on social media, he'll guest them on his podcast, he'll take them out to dinner, all that. His leeching is obvious to everyone except these friends.
Don't believe Maddox is a shill for the cool kids? Look at this chart of all Maddox's e-celeb friends, comparing their follow counts to his. It says the exact opposite of what you're thinking.
{| style="border: 2px solid black; width: 80%; padding: 1px, center"
|- style="background-color: #ff8000"
! style="width:100px;" | Name!! style="width:100px;" | The Best Selfie in the Universe !! style="width:150px;" | Description !! style="width:150px;" | Stats (followers, subscribers, etc.)
|-
! Maddox
| [[File:CuckMad.jpg|100px]] ||
[[Cuck]]. You already know who he is. This is only here so you can compare their stats.
||
* {{twitter|maddoxrules|31.7k followers}}
* {{ytuser|UC_c1gdsojLxBGkgzS0NsvUw|288,767 subscribers}}
* {{Patreon|realmaddox|$217 per month, 51 patrons}}
----
|-
! [[Sargon of Akkad]]
| [[File:SargMad.jpg|100px]] ||
[[JewTube]] skeptic and tryhard ideologue.
||
* {{ytuser|UC-yewGHQbNFpDrGM0diZOLA|785,340 subscribers}}
* {{Patreon|sargon|$7,751 per month, 3,291 patrons}}
----
|-
! [[Blaire White]]
| [[File:BlaireMad.jpg|100px]] ||
Tranny whore that thinks she's smart and edgy and politically incorrect. Badass.
||
* {{twitter|msblairewhite|168k followers}}
* {{ytuser|UCDmCBKaKOtOrEqgsL4-3C8Q|390,779 subscribers}}
* {{Patreon|blairewhite|$1,943 per month, 519 patrons}}
----
|-
! [[Anthony Fantano]]
| [[File:FantanoMad.jpg|100px]] ||
Pretentious YouTube music critic and god of [[/mu/]]. Baldfag.
||
* {{twitter|theneedledrop|363k followers}}
* {{ytuser|theneedledrop|1,366,854 subscribers}}
----
|-
! [[Rucka Rucka Ali]]
| [[File:Mad cuck with Rucuck Rucuck Ali.jpeg|100px]] ||
Poor soul.
||
* {{twitter|iamRucka|50.6k followers}}
* {{ytuser|itsRucka|934,089 subscribers}}
----
|-
! Chris Ray Gun
| [[File:ChrisMad.jpg|100px]] ||
YouTube skeptic that wants to be a comedian, but is hopelessly unfunny.
||
* {{twitter|ChrisRGun|133k followers}}
* {{ytuser|MindfreakCM|736,355 subscribers}}
* {{Patreon|ChrisRay|$1,867 per video, 558 patrons}}
----
|-
! [[YourMovieSucksDOTorg]]
| [[File:YMSMad.jpg|100px]] ||
YouTube movie critic and furfag.
||
* {{twitter|2gay2lift|127k followers}}
* {{ytuser|YourMovieSucksDOTorg|736,355 subscribers}}
* {{Patreon|YMS|$3,645 per month, 1,453 patrons}}
----
|-
! Joey Salads
| [[File:JoeMad.jpg|100px]] ||
Social experiment scientist.
||
* {{twitter|JoeySalads|79.7k followers}}
* {{ytuser|JoeySalads|1,984,823 subscribers}}
----
|-
! psychicpebbles
| [[File:PeebMad.jpg|100px]] ||
Nasally, obnoxious animator.
||
* {{twitter|psychicpebble|183k followers}}
* {{ytuser|psychicpebbles|1,110,785 subscribers}}
* {{Patreon|psychicpebbles|$1,799 per month, 313 patrons}}
----
|-
! [[nigger|SomeBlackGuy]]
| [[File:SomeBlackMad.jpg|100px]] ||
Some black guy.
||
* {{twitter|Some_BlackGuy|65.8k followers}}
* {{ytuser|UC7e57qWIEAZTQAaFwHpKdlw|292,524 subscribers}}
* {{Patreon|someblackguy|$827 per month, 248 patrons}}
----
|-
! [[Lyle McDouchebag]]
| [[File:LyleMad.jpg|100px]] ||
Voice guy? Maybe? No one knows what he does.
||
* {{twitter|LyleRath|70.3k followers}}
* {{ytuser|Guitarmasterx7|271,218 subscribers}}
* {{Patreon|wrathclub|$1,299 per month, 203 patrons}}
|}
Pretty sad, right? This doesn't even touch on the e-celebs that only associate with Maddox through Twitter. Those include (but are not limited to):
* [[I Hate Everything]] [https://doesfollow.com/IHE_OFFICIAL/maddoxrules]
* [[iDubbbz]] [https://doesfollow.com/idubbbz/maddoxrules]
* H3H3 Productions [https://doesfollow.com/h3h3productions/maddoxrules]
* [[Egoraptor]] [https://doesfollow.com/egoraptor/maddoxrules]
* Mundane Matt [https://doesfollow.com/mundanematt/maddoxrules]
* [[Tom Fulp]] [https://doesfollow.com/tomfulp/maddoxrules]
* OneyNG [https://doesfollow.com/tomfulp/maddoxrules]
* Billy The Fridge [https://doesfollow.com/billythefridge/maddoxrules]
* [[Armoured Skeptic]] [https://doesfollow.com/armouredskeptic/maddoxrules]
* [[Ian Miles Cheong]] [https://doesfollow.com/stillgray/maddoxrules]
* [[Angry Joe]] [https://doesfollow.com/angryjoeshow/maddoxrules]
Just goes to show even if you're a shitty person with no living, shitty people with livings can still have your name near theirs.


==Maddox doesn’t like this article==
==Maddox doesn’t like this article==


Maddox, even though his first one was cucked by Asterios, decided made a second bonus album. The concept of this album is a spicy one: Maddox reacts to ''this article'' by having Rucka and Jesse read it to him verbatim. This could’ve been funny, but then again, this is Maddox we’re talking about. We at [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] refuse to support Maddox in any way, so all we can do is go off from people okay with giving the cuck money. Here’s the scoop:  
Maddox, even though his first one was cucked by Asterios, decided to make a second bonus album. The concept of this album is a spicy one: Maddox reacts to ''this article'' by having Rucka and Jesse read it to him verbatim. This could’ve been funny, but then again, this is Maddox we’re talking about. We at [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] refuse to support Maddox in any way, so all we can do is go off from people okay with giving the cuck money. Here’s the scoop:  


*Maddox responds to everything in this article by yelling [[bullshit|profanities]].  
*Maddox responds to everything in this article by yelling [[bullshit|profanities]].  
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Unlike Maddox’s first album, he wasn't able to pull off his “chop up my podcast into tracks and pretend they’re bits and that this is a comedy album and not leftover garbage” bullshit. As it turns out, no one buys comedy albums.  
Unlike Maddox’s first album, he wasn't able to pull off his “chop up my podcast into tracks and pretend they’re bits and that this is a comedy album and not leftover garbage” bullshit. As it turns out, no one buys comedy albums.  


This article is also named in the lolsuit as one of the many reasons he’s [[Almost raped|entitled to]] <s>$20 million</s> <s>$380 million</s> every United States treasury note in existence. <b>While the prospect of a ''satirical'' writer suing someone for contributing to a ''satirical'' article seems like a work of ''satire'', this is a legally documented [[fact]].</b>
This article is also named in the lolsuit as one of the many reasons he’s [[Almost raped|entitled to]] <s>$20 million</s> <s>$380 million</s> every United States treasury note in existence. '''While the prospect of a ''satirical'' writer suing someone for contributing to a ''satirical'' article seems like a work of ''satire'', this is a legally documented [[fact]].'''


Madcucks [https://play.google.com/store/music/album/Madcucks_Madcucks_Vs_Existence_2?id=Bykfgs6rysaz6dahxmyx4cn4c3u parodied this album], reading the current version of this article that covers his cuckoldry, the lolsuit, Maddox’s [[failure]] of a podcast network, and more. This hit #1 on both [[iTunes]] and [[Jewgle]] Oy Play’s comedy album charts. Then, Madcucks [https://play.google.com/store/music/album/Madcucks_Madcucks_Vs_Existence_3?id=Bcfown3rfd5zorzcoguho46yj2m released a third bonus album] to make fun of how Maddox <s>never made the third bonus album he promised he would make to all five people who bought his cuckold content currency</s> made a third bonus album (which Sç̱͈͓͔̬̠̞z̴̙̖̥͕̪ḩ̖̣̣̙̱̬̘ṳ͈̈a͎̣̙̟̳̱̞n͇̹, Dick’s audio engineer, has confirmed does exists), but never released it.
Madcucks [https://play.google.com/store/music/album/Madcucks_Madcucks_Vs_Existence_2?id=Bykfgs6rysaz6dahxmyx4cn4c3u parodied this album], reading the current version of this article that covers his cuckoldry, the lolsuit, Maddox’s [[failure]] of a podcast network, and more. This hit #1 on both [[iTunes]] and [[Jewgle]] Oy Play’s comedy album charts. Then, Madcucks [https://play.google.com/store/music/album/Madcucks_Madcucks_Vs_Existence_3?id=Bcfown3rfd5zorzcoguho46yj2m released a third bonus album] to make fun of how Maddox <s>never made the third bonus album he promised he would make to all five people who bought his cuckold content currency</s> made a third bonus album (which Sç̱͈͓͔̬̠̞z̴̙̖̥͕̪ḩ̖̣̣̙̱̬̘ṳ͈̈a͎̣̙̟̳̱̞n͇̹, Dick’s audio engineer, has confirmed does exists), but never released it.


== Gallery of “quality” Maddox puts into everything he does ==
== The Museum of Maddox (MOM) (alternatively titled The Best Museum in the Universe) ==
[[File:Kekistan-flag-maddox-carl-benjamin.jpg|thumb|right|Shadilay Mad Cuckman!]]
[[Last_thursday|One day,]] [http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/avkcv/i_am_maddox_ama Maddox reached out to all the arrogant nerds on Reddit because his fanbase forgot about him].  Redditors [[cum|came]] all over the post, asking him questions he's answered numerous times before. You know, the expected behaviour from [[Reddit]] users. Why is this post important? [https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/avkcv/i_am_maddox_ama/c0jm6wd/ Maddox harps on "quality" as an excuse for not updating his site or shitting out another book] (not that this has ever stopped him before). He also points out that he cares about what his name's tied to, which is why he took a picture right next to the fucking [[Kekistan]] flag not 10 feet away from [[Sargon_of_Akkad|Carl Fucking Benjamin]] of all things.


[http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/avkcv/i_am_maddox_ama One day, Maddox decided to reach out to all the arrogant nerds on Reddit because his fanbase forgot about him].  Redditors [[cum|came]] all over the post, asking him questions that he’s answered numerous times before and pretending to give a shit about [[Hentai|what he’s up to]]. Why’s this post worth giving a shit about? Well, [https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/avkcv/i_am_maddox_ama/c0jm6wd/ Maddox harps on “quality” as an excuse for not updating his site or shitting out another book]. He also points out how he cares about what his name’s tied to, so he won’t just let anyone advertise and control his message. <b>So, keeping that in your head, go through this great photo museum of quality below:</b>
Yes, he cares so much about his name, [[Lies|THAT HE DOES EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO MAKE SURE HIS NAME IS NOT RUN THROUGH THE MUD, THAT PEOPLE REVERE HIM WITH GENUINE PRIDE, AND THAT HE DOESN'T SELL OUT BY PUTTING HIS BRAND ON DOGSHIT PRODUCTS.]]


<center>{{frame|{{cg|OVERFLOWING AMOUNTS OF QUALITY|crazies|center|<gallery perrow="5">
<big>'''SPOILER: HE CARES AS MUCH ABOUT HIS IMAGE AS KRUSTY THE CLOWN FROM THE SIMPSONS!'''</big>
 
To show how much he cares about the legendary Maddox and tHe bEsT WhAtEvEr tHe fUcK In tHe uNiVeRsE™ brand, here's a gallery of high quality Maddox content that has been made over the years! This is content made by fans, by himself, and the content he has his brand and face attached to. Oh, and Georgie-poo? [[Never forget]] [[Anonymous|We're fans too. :)]]
{{clear}}
<center>{{frame|{{cg|OVERFLOWING AMOUNTS OF QUALITY|crazies|center|<gallery perrow="7">
File:MaddoxlossCAD.jpg|Maddox [[CTRL_ALT_Delete#CADbortion_Comic_Shops|Loss]]
File:Predator3cosplay.jpg|Can you guess what he's cosplaying as?  
File:Predator3cosplay.jpg|Can you guess what he's cosplaying as?  
File:MADDOXNailed it.jpg|NAILED IT!!!
File:MADDOXNailed it.jpg|NAILED IT!!!
Line 555: Line 548:
File:Tekkaman comp3.jpg|I can't tell who’s who!
File:Tekkaman comp3.jpg|I can't tell who’s who!
File:Tekkaman comp5.jpg|When <s>autism</s> '''''HIGH QUALITY''''' goes too far.
File:Tekkaman comp5.jpg|When <s>autism</s> '''''HIGH QUALITY''''' goes too far.
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Trigg.png|Awesome shirt!! It's like Maddox took the [https://youtu.be/I--LtuTA7K8 sketch from John Oliver] and made it more <s>autistic</s> <i><b>BADASS, HILARIOUS, AND HIGH QUALITY</b></i>. Peek the yellow highlights for [[lulz]]. 
File:Cuckshirt.jpg|With design quality like that, it's no wonder this shirt is so popular!
File:Cuckshirt.jpg|With design quality like that, it's no wonder this shirt is so popular!
File:Maddox3dmodel.jpg|Watch out, world: Maddox is a master CGI modeler!
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="7">
File:Trigg.png|Awesome shirt!! It's like Maddox took the [https://youtu.be/I--LtuTA7K8 sketch from John Oliver] and made it more <s>autistic</s> <i><b>BADASS, HILARIOUS, AND HIGH QUALITY</b></i>. Peek the yellow highlights for [[lulz]].  File:Maddox3dmodel.jpg|Watch out, world: Maddox is a master CGI modeler!
File:Maddoxredcarpet.png|Look at what a snappy dresser this dapper chap is!
File:Maddoxredcarpet.png|Look at what a snappy dresser this dapper chap is!
File:MaddoxhotTwitter.png|Look at the effort he puts into managing the MADDOX™ brand on his [[Twitter]]!!
File:MaddoxhotTwitter.png|Look at the effort he puts into managing the MADDOX™ brand on his [[Twitter]]!!
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File:Twitterlockout3.png|Don't even give haters the time of day, Maddox! Everyone loves you. You make such high quality content that people who don’t like you are irrelevant!
File:Twitterlockout3.png|Don't even give haters the time of day, Maddox! Everyone loves you. You make such high quality content that people who don’t like you are irrelevant!
File:Newmaterialmaddox.png|Keep on making high quality drawings and writing original and new material, Maddox!
File:Newmaterialmaddox.png|Keep on making high quality drawings and writing original and new material, Maddox!
File:Maddoxatthestreamy.jpg|The cuck found a jacket even smaller than he is!
File::Irlmaddox.jpg|Maddox IRL. Photoshop and post video editing help a lot.
File:Maddoxprocuck.jpg|Vice magazine huh? Hmm, checks out...
File:Maddoxwojak.png|[[Wojak]] meme
File:Maddoxvape.jpg|[[Vaping|Disgusting]]
File:Maddox_mtg.jpg|[[Magic_The_Gathering|Shit card]]
File:Maddoxcon.jpg|Now THAT'S the kind of engagement I'd expect to see from a NYT best selling author going to [[Comic-Con]]
File:Maddoxncfoc.jpg|Coming to a Twitch channel near you...
File:Maddox-deleting-comments.jpg|Oh grow up you fucking crybaby.
File:Maddox-advice.jpg|Even the [[Advice Dog]] meme is funnier than you.
File:Maddoxs-anti-fans.jpg|Maddox's anti-fan-base steals the show every time
File:Maddox-bike.jpg|WHAT'S UP?
File:Maddox-lolcow-milking.png|Dick hard at work on roasting Maddox
File:Idcuckme.jpg|''ACTUAL IRL JOURNALIST HEATHER S. READY TO CHECK "HER" E-MAIL TO DISTRACT "HERSELF" FROM THE SOUND OF [[nigger|TYRONE]] FUCKING "HER" GIRLFRIEND.''
File:Im being impersonated by a gross armenian.jpg|Anon does 4D chess with the cucklet
File:Madcast-hacked.jpg|Madcast Media Network gets an improvement
File:Maddox-comments.jpg|Maddox bitching at his 'fans' when they have the gall to ask for comments sections
File:I am the content.jpg|Maddox is the content
File:Maddox the gamblers motto.png|Why isn't this an official [[Nike]] promo?
File:Maddox fun today.png|Maddox is having fun
File:Maddox trollin.png|Oooooof!
File:Maddox-cucked-gottem.jpg|GOTTEM!
File:Maddox solves all his troubles circa 2018.jpg|Maddox solves all his troubles c.2018 (colorized)
File:Maddox-censorship.png|[[You|We know one person in particular who REALLY LOVES censorship!]]
File:Los angeles not even once.jpg
File:cameron_vs_maddox.jpg
File:Dickvsmaddox-podcaststats.jpg|Yet another comparison of the numbers
File:Merry-christmas-maddox.jpg|Merry Cucksmas!
File:Maddox-wedding-taxi.jpg|More strange Maddox tranny shit
File:Maddox-ironing.png|Oh, the ironing
File:Callingthepolice.jpg
File:Maddox-lawsuit-madlox.jpg
File:Maddox-bagdhad-box.jpg|Maddox's cosplay at Vidcon this year as Bagdhad Bob really nailed it
File:Maddox-change-my-mind.jpg
File:Kiss-me-im-a-writer-maddox.jpg|You're not [[Ireland|Irish]], you're [[Armenia|Armenian]]
File:Maddox-hats.jpg
File:Maddox_perjury.jpg
File:Maddox_harambe.jpg|The only tragic thing about this is [[Harambe|they would only kill the good gorillas who did nothing wrong]]
File:Maddox-got-mad.jpg|The equivilent of an unfunny stand-up comedian removing a heckler who roasted and upstaged him
File:Maddoxgrinch.jpg|Then he got an idea. An awful idea. The cuck got a wonderful, ''awful'' idea!
File:Maddoxconstrategy.jpg|Imagine being so pathetic and unpopular that you have to bribe fans to come to your booth at ComicCon with free food! WHAT?
File:Maddoxcuckcuckcuck.jpg|George clearly doesn't read his own shit
File:Maddoxfart.png|[[Fart|Classy...]]
File:Coolestwebsite.png|How Maddox's site would look if he was only 10% honest
File:Maddox im calling the police.jpg|''I'm calling the police'' is a bit of a big meme on r/TheDickShow btw
File:Maddox-lawsuit-old-maddox.jpg|Old Maddox's response to the lawsuit
File:Madcuckriddler.png|Maddox somehow looks less [[gay]] when posing as The Riddler
File:Cuckhunt.jpg|Use a real gun though
File:Maddox-bike-2.jpg|Maddox's antics against Dick in a nutshell
File:Spaghettitimemaddox.jpg|What a fucking [[incel]]
File:Maddox-endgame.png
File:Maddox-endgame-2.jpg|I don't feel so good anon
File:Imcallingthepolice-maddox.jpg
File:Madlet.png
</gallery>
</gallery>
|}}|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center>
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<center>
<center>
{{frame|{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|font-weight: bold;|
{{frame|{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|font-weight: bold;|
|<youtube>x95YRIV_Q9o</youtube> Look at how delicious Maddox’s hot sauce is. Clearly Maddox won't slap his valuable, consumer-friendly brand on just anything!
|<youtube>Qz7LfPpcRck</youtube> '''''LOOK OUT WORLD: MADDOX IS A GREAT ACTOR TOO! IT'S A WONDER HOW HE DIDN’T GET A T.V. SHOW!'''''
|<youtube>Qz7LfPpcRck</youtube> '''''LOOK OUT WORLD: MADDOX IS A GREAT ACTOR TOO! IT'S A WONDER HOW HE DIDN’T GET A T.V. SHOW!'''''
|<youtube>x95YRIV_Q9o</youtube> Look at how delicious Maddox’s hot sauce is. Clearly Maddox won't slap his valuable, consumer-friendly brand on just anything!
|}}|border=black|background=#ff8000}}
|}}|border=black|background=#ff8000}}
</center>
</center>


==Fun facts==  
==Fun facts==  
[[Image:Maddoxthaitranny.jpg|thumb|250px|[[At least 100 years ago|Hair-era Maddox]] with [[IRL]] [[Thai]] [[trannies|dickgirls]] [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=thailand Here’s the proof].]]
[[Image:Maddoxthaitranny.jpg|thumb|250px|[[At least 100 years ago|Hair-era Maddox]] banged [[IRL]] [[Thai]] [[trannies|dickgirls]] [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=thailand Here’s the proof].]]
*Maddox thinks <i>[[Something Awful]]</i> is a shitty site. No argument there.
[[File:Maddox-the-best-jew-in-the-universe.jpg|202px|frameless|left]]
*Maddox thinks [[Something Awful]] is a shitty site. No argument there.
*Maddox is a [[cuck]]. He argues that he’s [[polyamorous]], that he can rail other [[pussy|snatch]] while his “girlfriends” fuck other men. Who has such low self-esteem to let Maddox fuck them?
*Maddox is a [[cuck]]. He argues that he’s [[polyamorous]], that he can rail other [[pussy|snatch]] while his “girlfriends” fuck other men. Who has such low self-esteem to let Maddox fuck them?
*Maddox's sister became [[an hero]] because she couldn't live being related to Maddox.
*Maddox's sister became [[an hero]] because she couldn't live being related to Maddox.
*[[fact|Maddox has erectile dysfunction]]. "Allegedly".  
*[[fact|Maddox has erectile dysfunction]]. "Allegedly".  
*Maddox, attempting to come out as gay, admitted he likes <i>[[FF7]]</i>. [http://maddox.xmission.com/games.html Here’s the proof.]
*Maddox, attempting to come out as gay, admitted he likes [[FF7]]. [http://maddox.xmission.com/games.html Here’s the proof.]
*Maddox admits to being a fan of teh [[cawk]]. That means he's gay. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dp-5c3rG2JE#t=00m35s Here’s the proof].
*Maddox admits to being a fan of teh [[cawk]]. That means he's gay. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dp-5c3rG2JE#t=00m35s Here’s the proof].
*Maddox likes [[buttsecks]] with [[pedophile|young boys]]. That means he's gay. [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=april_fools04 Here’s the proof].
*Maddox likes [[buttsecks]] with [[pedophile|young boys]]. That means he's gay. [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=april_fools04 Here’s the proof].
*Maddox was interviewed by <i>[[B3ta]]</i>, proving their faggotry.  
*Maddox was interviewed by [[B3ta]], proving their faggotry.  
*Maddox is [[Armenians|Armenian]], making him a [[terrorist]].
*Maddox is [[Armenians|Armenian]], making him a [[terrorist]].
*Maddox not only loves [[Pantera]], but he loves their early history as a [[fag|glam band]].
*Maddox not only loves [[Pantera]], but he loves their early history as a [[fag|glam band]].
*Maddox's frontpage links to <i>[[Ebaumsworld]]</i>, <i>[[College Humor|CollegeHumor]]</i>, and <i>[[CTRL ALT Delete|Ctrl+Alt+Del]]</i>. No further comment needed.
*Maddox's frontpage links to [[Ebaumsworld]], [[College Humor|CollegeHumor]], and [[CTRL ALT Delete|Ctrl+Alt+Del]]. No further comment needed.
*Maddox is not only gay, but he’s also a homosexual, making him a FAG².
*Maddox is not only gay, but he’s also a homosexual, making him a FAG².
*Maddox is probably [[Jewish]]. It would explain a lot.
*Maddox is probably [[Jewish]]. It would explain a lot.


== <center><big><b><u>''[[TL;DR]]''?</u></b></big></center> ==
== In a Nutshell... ==
[[File:Unravel.png|800px|center]]
[[File:Unravel.png|800px|center]]


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*[[Anita Sarkeesian]]
*[[Anita Sarkeesian]]
*[[Digibrony]]
*[[Digibrony]]
*[[King Critic]] - Pedophile fanboy.
*[[Aleksandr Pistoletov]]
*[[Aleksandr Pistoletov]]
*[[David Thorne]]
*[[David Thorne]]
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==External Links==
==External Links==
*[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/maddox-george-ouzounian-george-schnoz.24527/page-1 Kiwi Farms’ thread on Maddox.]
*[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/maddox-george-ouzounian-george-schnoz.24527/page-1 Kiwi Farms’ thread on Maddox.]
*[http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=april_fools04 Maddox's website.]
*[http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net Maddox's website.]
*[http://www.angelfire.com/pro/awesomer/maddox.html The hidden parts of Maddox’s website.]
*[http://www.angelfire.com/pro/awesomer/maddox.html The hidden parts of Maddox’s website.]
*[http://maddoxlovestrannys.ytmnd.com Maddox loves him some dickgirls!]
*[http://maddoxlovestrannys.ytmnd.com Maddox loves him some dickgirls!]
*[http://maddox.xmission.com His shitty, unfunny website]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fgjB2qp7E8 Fashion inspired by Maddox.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fgjB2qp7E8 Fashion inspired by Maddox.]


{{Maddox}}
{{Maddox}}
{{Oldweb}}
{{trolls}}
{{trolls}}
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Trolls]]
{{oldweb}}
{{Dying_Alone}}
{{Dying_Alone}}
{{serious}}
{{serious}}
{{RedditSeries}}
{{8chan}}
{{ytseries}}
{{ytseries}}


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<big><b><u>{{colortext|yellow|[https://encyclopediadramatica.rs Back to how much I rule...]}}</u></b></big>
<big><b>{{cli|Main Page|yellow|Back to how much I rule...}}</b></big>


{{corner|bl|[[File:madducks.gif|180px]]}}
{{corner|bl|[[File:madducks.gif|180px]]}}

Latest revision as of 14:20, 17 July 2023

Maddox is an irrelevant lolcow who had long since been milked by the masses.

You can help by finding someone else to pick on, you meen-spirited cyberboolie!
Maddox lost lololololololololololololololololololololololololol!
Maddox
Powerword: George Ouzounian
Nationality: American
Gender: Sissy male
Occupation: Blogger, author, podcaster
Years active: 1997-present
Website: Manchildcave
JewTube channel
Maddox's trip to Thailand really inspired him to transition
Maddox is a true connoisseur of humor.
   
 
No girl thinks I'm cute. I'm repulsive. I'm hideous.
 

 
 

—The only truthful thing he has ever said.

Maddox (Powerword: George Ouzounian) is a pioneer of trolling, flaming, and unwarranted self importance on the Internet. At least he was this person four eight 20 years ago, and when his stupid evil asshole personality was still believed to have been an 'in-character gag'. Although like most web "comedians", it turned out Maddox's act wasn't an act at all, and he genuinely was being retarded for attention. Despite his shtick being so yesterday, his influence on early lulz is nothing short of notable. Noobs should read his earlier articles to learn how to properly flame, but nothing post-2005. That’s when he started to get serious and his writing really went to shit.

Most non-retards will notice that much of Maddox's content today is incredibly unfunny, pointing out obvious things that internets users already comprehend. He's also a pirate, something he makes very clear... to the point that he'll try to deceive you into thinking he's a straight pirate by shoving his dick in your face, fooling no one. His crap pirate persona, coupled with a trend of antagonizing his own fans and barely updating his website with anything worthy of note have worn pretty thin. His inability to come across as a badass is best demonstrated by simply looking at him - he's nothing more than a neckbearded, basement dwelling, rage-filled, sexually repressed NEET. So, why hasn't this dumbass made a fucking fursona yet? And that's when you realise something: there's virtually nothing separating him from 2 The Ranting Gryphon in terms of comedy writing.

Maddox is also an author, with one disavowed New York Times Best Seller and two more novels that nobody cares about. He has also enjoyed a second wind of success with a comedy podcast, The Biggest Problem In The Universe, with former business partner Dick Masterson. This fell apart after 107 episodes, when Maddox became an SJW and threw an autistic tantrum over Dick fucking his ex-girlfriend from over three years ago (all while he was dating someone else already). The actions taken by Maddox after May 31st, 2016 made him go from innovator, to unfunny, to bonafide lol-cow right up there with Hall of Famers like DarksydePhil and Tom Preston.

Welcome to the Maddox article, faggots!
just like Maddox's life, it will never get any better!


TL;DR

Maddox's long list of failure and faggotry will take forever to read through, since it's been growing exponentially for years. Luckily, some EDiot made a video highlighting the most important stuff. Now you don't have to dig through years of Maddox's shitty life. You're welcome.

1+ hour long TL;DR of 40% of the Maddox/Dick Masterson drama

How George became Maddox

Early life

Maddox selling oranges in the war-torn slums of Armenia
Tom Green-era Maddox with some bitch. This was back when he had hair.

Maddox grew up in poverty, raised in mud huts of Armenia. It was during these years Maddox became the manly man he is today. It didn't matter his father was a ballsy jackass he never knew. It didn't matter that his mother hates him (and still does to this day). George transformed, but not in the way you'd expect. He found his love for manliness, beef jerky, vinegar, and lumberjacks. Moreover, he realized his hatred for everything else. Emos, McDonald's, iPhones, Cameron Diaz, the works. He had a big stick up his ass, and he wants you to know it. Of course, hating things alone doesn't make you that manly. That's not important. His penis raged with unwarranted self-importance. At some point he dropped out of college like he dropped out of his mother's snatch, on the head. Please give him sympathy, he only failed his undergrad maths exam three times (lol).

"Adult" life and creation of The Best Page in the Universe

Maddox at his telemarketing job, massaging his jaw after sucking Tyrone's dick.

Maddox had only one real job as of April 2018: telemarketing, the easiest job to both get and manage. He spent his early to mid-twenties keysmashing and attempting to code whatever it is those guys code. Though his experience as a 1337 h@xz0rz is one of Maddox's many bragging points, he's not as technologically sophisticated as he'd like you to believe. These days all he can do in terms of programming is enable no-clip on Team Fortress 2. His coding abilities stretch back to the late 90s when the Internet was new to everyone, yet he still boasts about how awesome of a coder he is today by programming an HTML document from scratch in Notepad when most people were using Dreamweaver. How fucking manly.

By 2004, Maddox quit his job, dropped out of college (even though he was one test away from getting a math degree), and stopped going to the gay bar in his homestate of Utah. Why? He wanted to be a comedy writer. Despite the fact that he wasn't funny, this must have seemed like a good idea at the time. And as a result, he devoted his full focus to a website he created in high school, entitled 'The Best Page in the Universe.' The rest, as they say, was history.

Because Maddox's exceptionality made him prioritise petty shit, The Best Page in the Universe has no ads. If you ever bring it up, he'll talk all day bragging about how much money he wasted by implementing AdBlock on his own fucking website, because the user experience really matters that much to him. But he can't be much of a moralfag these days, Maddox is forced to shill for anybody and anything that will offer him a few bucks. He rarely receives payment from sponsors (for reasons discussed below), but he still refuses to place ads on his gay website. Imagine feeling prideful for being poor. Good fucking grief.

The Best Formula For Funny Article Writing in the Universe™

  1. When thinking of topics, there's one rule of thumb: the more petty, the more funny. Write an article about how much you hate pizza toppings, or how you hate Idaho, or how you hate fast food ad campaigns. The more pointless your topics are, the more funny your writing will be.
  2. Type a billion paragraphs about this topic. No normal person would write this much about Garfield, right? That's the funny part! It's so petty that it’s funny! But in the 1% chance what you're writing isn't funny, add a shit ton of insults and swear words (shitheads, dipshits, fucking idiots, etc.), and target them at the topic. Fuck shitty ass dip dip idiot fucker! You need to sound like you're better than what you’re writing about, so add terms for male and female genitalia. Saying “penis” once per sentence makes you sound mature.
  3. Draw some pictures with MS Paint (no, seriously) that further illustrate the points in your hilarious rant people are totally still reading.
  4. Put in some sentences reaffirming how right you are and how badass you are for being right. Everything you’re writing is God’s gift to the herd of sheep that's humanity. That's right! You're basically Moses for ranting about cell phones!
  5. If you really want to put some extra effort in, definitely make a .gif animation! Things that move on a page composed mostly of text makes it funny and interesting! (twenty years ago)
  6. Add a view counter at the bottom of each page. People still care about how many views a website gets, trust me.
  7. ???
  8. PROFIT!
  9. To continue the overflow of traffic nickels, make sure to set up your apartment like a pigsty. It'll boost up productivity, especially for an awesome genius like you! Look below for an example, provided by (no joke) the real Maddox!

Use scrollbar to see the full image


BONUS ROUND: Dealing With Criticism

Literally the kind of people who would like Maddox's old cringer content

The same rules for funny article writing apply, but this time you're not focusing on some big-shot like Bill O Reilly, you're likely responding to a normal person with a normal job, or even a poor youth with learning difficulties. Most people would simply not bother, discard it and move on with their day, but why throw away hate mail? It's effectively free material to roast in that special way that makes your readership come back for more. Therefore, you'll want to keep the following in mind when writing your published response to someone criticising you for (just as an example) your callous attitude towards a kidnapping victim:

One of Maddox's most enduring characteristics is his intense hostility against everyone, including and especially his own fans, because being an insufferable cunt to people actually interested in your work is the best way to further your career. You might be forgiven for thinking this is him acting in character a la AVGN, but no. He flames, belittles and begrudges his own fanbase at every opportunity he gets, and that's ever more apparent since his exposure to social networking. This has understandably resulted in his appearances at cons or public events being met with overwhelming apathy, and that's if they still remember who this balding pasty basement-dweller even is. He will spend hours deleting comments on any site that will allow him to do this, and waste even more time blocking the people who leave them.

So to summarize the story so far: you have the very incarnation of an internet tough guy riding on his fifteen minutes of fame, and he's bragging about how amazing he is while simultaneously antagonizing anybody who interacts with him, whether positively or negatively.

Hopefully, he lives up to the lofty expectations of the kind of badass he portrays himself to be, because if he doesn't, he might look fucking ridiculous. OH WAIT...

Maddox gets trolled by Penn Jillette

   
 
The Best Page in the Universe is a website on which Maddox, who is no spring chicken, spouts his predictable, angry middle-aged man rants on just about everything. He says his site has gotten more than 270,000 hits. So, what's his biggest whiny ass complaint about senior citizens?
 

 
 

—Penn Jillette, Penn & Teller: Bullshit! S8E8


July 29th, 2010: Maddox made it. Oh boy, did he make it.

Much like another infamous lol-cow, Maddox was on the tubes for one whole minute. He was on a show called Penn & Teller: Bullshit! by Penn Jillette and some other faggot. He went on the show to whine about old people and how stinky they are. Watch the clip below or go torrent it.

The show's research team was busy smearing their assholes on the printer when some retard had a brilliant idea. Why not round up bloggers who have no idea what they're talking about and having Penn and Teller troll them for an episode to make them appear e-savvy to normies. It just so happened Maddox fit this criteria, and so he made it on the show. Behold! The first ever appearance of the world-renowned badass heavyweight intellectual when he isn't hiding behind a keyboard!

Maddox you look like you haven't had a shower or seen sunlight since 2003 stfu

Maddox's eagerness to get infinite blowjobs from Penn and Teller's fanboys ended up being a footbullet. Penn, realizing both the obvious (Maddox is as old as the people he calls gross) and the incredibly obvious (Maddox is too up his own ass to see the irony of him insulting old people), blew him the fuck out and told him to GTFO. Five years later, Maddox would make a belated video response to their arguments. On his blog post he said the reason he waited so long was to prevent Penn's show getting further publicity. Because if there's one thing a well-known Las Vegas magician duo that's been performing since the 1970s needs, it's the 'publicity' you get from your shitty internet-famous blog. Right, dumbass?

This could've caused Maddox to realize he can only properly play his persona through text and that he should never be in front of a camera.

This did not happen.

Shows

The Best Show in the Universe

December 9th, 2008: Maddox announced all the time he spent not updating his site wasn't just spent on jacking off to hentai. He had been working on a show, uncreatively called The Best Show in the Universe. If you've been paying attention, you'd know that this wasn't a television show, but a YouTube show! News of this came via an update on his website, where he simultaneously criticizes YouTube for being shit while advertising his YouTube show. He's not just three years late on making a YouTube series, but he's also a hypocrite. Great job, Maddox.

Two years after he posted this update, Maddox did what retards, faggots, and Chris-chan did in a matter of mere hours: post a poorly-made video on YouTube.

Unsuprisingly, Maddox plagiarises himself in this video. He took the concept of making fun of children's artwork (a dead horse concept in Maddox lore) and rehashed it almost beat by beat. But it's different though. This time, he's making of children singing videos, not drawings. It's not the same idea, but it resembles the concept enough that the results stay the same.

You'll notice something when you watch this video: Maddox's tough guy act is significantly less impactful and funny when you can see what he looks like, and even less funny when combined with his nasally, whiny-bitch voice. Maddox never understood the difference between video and text, or how much a change in media may influence an audience's perception. You'd almost feel bad if Maddox's lack of self-awareness if he was capable of making somewhat half-decent content, but he doesn't.

He'd go on to make more of these, sometimes accompanying each new uploaded video with an article on his blog, which may or may not have addendums or bonus content. It doesn't improve the viewing experience, just trust us.

The Biggest Problem in the Universe

Satirist doesn't understand satire.
Maddox, realizing that Dick Masterson was a 'rape apologist', did what any socially conscious person would do: choose to work with him for over ten years and then point fingers at him once he starts banging your ex.

May 20th, 2014: Maddox gets a second chance through The Biggest Problem in the Universe podcast with Dick Masterson, an infamous IRL troll he met through their mutual book publisher, Simon and Shill-ster. The premise of this podcast was so simple, even someone with Down syndrome could understand it: Maddox and Dick would bring in problems, dispute whether or not they were actual problems, and then leave it up to fans to vote on which was the bigger problem on some website. Voting would result in a list of the universe's "biggest problems." The problems are detailed below.

Use scrollbar to see the full image

The show was awwright in the beginning. Dick played to his strengths and would often use Maddox's moralfaggotry and hubris as punchlines at his expense until time ran out. As the show progressed to over 100+ episodes, the vote moved more towards Dick's problems, causing Maddox to get salty over Dick's surge in popularity over him. Combine that with Maddox and Dick's obviously strained relationship (Dick even claimed that the only reason he continued to do the podcast was for the fans and money), and you have a lot of insecurity building up.  The tension reached its peak when Maddox discovered Dick had fucked his ex-girlfriend three years ago. This was the moment that defined the rest of Maddox's career

After that, he cancelled the show. On the last episode, Dick wasn’t there. His absence said more than Maddox will ever admit.

Three months later, Dick and Maddox made separate podcasts. Dick had The Dick Show, a really good show where Dick, his audio engineer Sean, goons, and guests shoot the shit for two hours. Maddox has The Best Debate In The Universe, an embarrassingly shit debate show that is a shadow of what came before it. The Dick Show makes over $20,000 per month through Patreon donations, while The Best Debate in the Universe, along with Maddox's "other projects and priorities", makes roughly $200 per month. The fact that Dick's popularity overshadowed and undermined Maddox made him very, very jealous. So, over the next several years he would engage in a laundry list of tomfuckery:

  • Maddox redirected the RSS feed of the old show to his new, awful show.
  • All the bonus episodes (that you had to pay to listen to) were uploaded and released for free without Dick's permission.
  • Maddox made a video hit piece against Dick, accusing him of some supremely retarded shit.
  • Maddox a video on his private Facebook account with all of Dick and Maddox's mutual SJW comedian friends, causing Dick's reputation to be ruined in this circle.
  • He had his girlfriend, Metal Jess (Jessica Blum), call and complain to his ex-girlfriend's school to make her lose her teaching job.
  • He filed a lawsuit against Dick Masterson, Joshua Kaufman, Asterios, Patreon, Foundation Digital LLC among others for $20,000,000.

ALL BECAUSE DICK FUCKED HIS EX

On The Dick Show, Maddox's schemes and Dick's reactions to them would often become the main narrative of The Dick Show, with every guest mentioning Maddox at least in passing. The clips in the videos below are some of the best that came out of the drama.

The Best Show Debate in the Universe

Did you not like the old show? Do you like unfunny, unwitty banter? Do you like listening to debates about topics everyone and their mother has already talked about? Do you need something to drown out the sound of your significant other having sex with another person? Look no further than The Best Debate in the Universe!

Listen to Maddox, edgelord and parody musician Rucka Rucka Ali, e-celeb guests, and people no one gives a shit about as they debate on stuff only 9gag users would find funny and controversial! Spend an entire hour listening to Maddox do what he's best at: being annoying!

This podcast is awful. Don't listen to it, you'd be wasting your time.

Books

The Alphabet of Manliness

The new special edition cover of Maddox's only successful book
Remember, sexual assault is incompatible with the values of New York Times Best Selling author George “Maddox” Ouzounian if he’s not teaching you how to do it.
Maddox with his Alphabet of Manliness chain. Gross.
Remember kids, Maddox is a proud feminist.
   
 
Why should people buy anything I sell? I don't know why anyone should buy anything.
 

 
 

—Maddox on how capitalism works.

June 6, 2006: Maddox released his first book, The Alphabet of Manliness, in an effort to pay for the huge amount of Nair needed to remove his disgusting back hair. The book skyrocketed on The New York Times Best Sellers List, reaching #2 on the “Advice, How-To, and Miscellaneous” category. If there’s anyone libtards consider an authority on manliness, it’s a balding, haggard, middle aged basement dwelling blogger. Imagine our shock.

The Alphabet of Manliness serves as an encyclopedia for men, which we naturally consider to be a grotesque affront to our very existence. The book covers many hyper-masculine topics from how shitty women are to how great men are. There’s even a chapter in which Maddox teaches you how to cook meth, like he’s the Heisenberg of cucks. It is the quintessence of everything you thought was funny a couple years ago, like doge images or Chuck Norris memes, the latter of which having a chapter dedicated to. Maddox’s comedic prowess matches him with that of a Hot Topic shirt.

Despite this book being to satire what Zoe Quinn or Literally Who is to game development, it sold very well. This was an unexpected victory for someone like Maddox. This is something he can be proud of look back on in pride. He went beyond trivial blogging and made a career for himself on his own terms. Anyone can think anything about Maddox, but this can be at least respected. Maddox can have everything else in his life taken away from him, but no one can touch the memory of his taste of genuine success.

HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS!! MADDOX DISAVOWED HIS ONLY SUCCESSFUL BOOK!!!!

In a facebook post at least 100 years ago last thursday, Maddox made the following post on his facebook account:

   
 
Alright guys, a few things:

1. I've been dealing with a persistent harassment campaign for 4 months, which has come to head recently, I want to put this out as a warning to friends: for the next few days, please do not add anyone you don't know, I've hidden my friends list and they are grasping at straws, Please do not engage with any trolls trying to harass you or the UCB community. Trolls thrive on attention. Starve them of it. They're bored people who hate themselves.

2. We need to taik about "The Alphabet of Manliness." I'm not particularly proud of that book. Not because of the content matter (though a lot of that sucks too), but because it just wasn't very well-written. It was my first book and in it, I wrote a lame chapter based largely on the "Stop Short" episode of Seinfeld called "Copping a feel." I looked back on it today and cringed. I wrote it over 11 years ago and don't stand behind much of it today. I've never even read it from start to finish. The only two chapters I'm proud of are "B fo "B for Boners" and "Urinal Etiquette" which are masterpieces and should be studied in master's literature classes.

3. REDACTED has been doxxed. We're going to the police. We encourage anyone receiving threats to go to the police as well.

Today has been a rough day, My sincere thanks to my friends and family for their support
 


 
 

—Maddox, Facebook Post

Maybe Maddox was right to disavow Alphabet of Manliness, since no one who cries about online bullying should have the word “man” associated with their name.

During the drama with Dick Masterson, he accused him of being a rape apologist in his shitty expose video by playing a cut, out of context clip of the podcast. In this clip. Dick said that if a whore falls asleep at a club, she should expect to get assaulted because it is an expected outcome given the circumstance. Apparently, he cut that out because it didn’t align with his “values”. This video was eviscerated by all his fans who specifically cited this book to point out Maddox’s hypocrisy, showing a chapter called “C Is For Copping A Feel” in which he gives tips on how to sexually assault women without getting caught. After that, Maddox posted a Facebook status officially disavowing his only notable claim to fame. It goes to show how much libtards like Maddox will give up just for the moral high ground.

Since Maddox is a pirate, he has no problem with you pirating his book. Get your copy here.

ARCHIVED LINK BECAUSE THE STINKY ARMENIAN FAGGOT SET IT TO PRIVATE LOL

I Am Better Than Your Kids Crappy Children's Art

No one gives a shit about this book. All he does is repeat the "I Am Better Than Your Kids" concept he put out free ten years ago. RiceGum does everything in this book better and for no monetary loss of your own.

↑↑↑↑ These are all the people that bought this book. Zero readers. Not the best step forward for a New York Times Best Selling author.

In this interview with some lawyer, Dick reveals this book may have some unreputable art featured.

The Best Book in the Universe F*ck Whales

This book took four fucking years to write, and it was dead on arrival.
Fixed

After his second book failed, Maddox's internet-fame was dependent on this next book doing well. For a while, it seemed like he had somewhat of a shot. He was riding the wave of his semi-profitable podcast (more on that below), so he banked on said podcast to build him a customer base. It took him 4 years, 10 months, and 28 days to write this book. All that time was spent on doing more important things, like playing video games, building up hype for the book on other podcasts (including one by fellow baldfag Anthony Fantano), and eating shit.

The chance Maddox had for this book being successful, however, looked a bit faded once all his self-inflicted drama with Dick Masterson (discussed below) came back to bite his flat ass. The book still did well, right?

At first, my book was all like...
But then, my book was like...

The book peaked at #8,998 on Amazon. F*ck Whales was a financial nightmare for everyone involved, including Simon & Schuster, the publishers dumb enough to invest in a burnt out shill like Maddox. Compared to his DISAVOWED #2 ranking on The New York Times Best Sellers list, this was a major setback. Hell, the book may’ve not even sold 100 copies on it’s release date! One thing is for certain: with the way F*ck Whales is selling, it’ll take longer for Maddox to write his taxes than it took to write this book.

There would be a summary of the book here, but no one read it. Based on the 25 page-long preview from Google Books, it’s rehashed material from his site. The one funny thing about this book is that Maddox is so creatively bankrupt that he himself subconsciously admits it.

The book was going to be called The Best Book In The Universe, but some dickhead bought the domain name. So, it was renamed to the equally as creative F*ck Whales. Nice asterisk, retard.

Nice book title you have there, Maddox. Shame if someone took it from you.

Other notable literary works

Like any other writer, Maddox has over 9000 other projects that are unpublished, incomplete, or were released in a limited capacity only a few lucky fans could get their hands on. Such works, that have since circulated, include (but are not limited to):

A Message To 80’s Girl

One day, Maddox's ex-girlfriend and Dick's current girlfriend 80's Girl was going through her bullshit. Packed with all the big, black dildos, perfume, and whatever else girls like, she found an envelope. In this envelope was a very lovely letter written by Maddox. Read it for yourself:

Use scrollbar to see the full image

A live reading of this literary masterpiece

Critics review A Message To 80's Girl

#WAUT3RGATE

Individuals with severe autism are known for making unusual, sudden movements, such as the flapping of the hands.
That readers is what we call an "Intellectual Checkmate".

After The Biggest Problem in the Universe ended, some guy that made music for the show went on a venture to get Maddox and Dick to bury the hatchet. He made a website advocating for them to apologize for all the bullshit they both did. Part of this effort went into him messaging Maddox and trying to get his side of the story. Little did he know, he'd have to go through a ton of Maddox's delusional rants about shit no one cares about. After a while, the guy leaked them on IRC for everyone to laugh at. But, after Dick confronted him and told him they're never coming back together, he DELETED FUCKING EVERYTHING out of respect. That didn't stop Maddox from threatening the poor guy to dox him, though. What a class fucking act.

Things revealed in these chats include, but aren't limited to:

  • Maddox feels nothing but contempt towards his fans, like we mentioned before. He feels this way because, in his bald, dumb head, he thinks his fans owe him their gratitude for bringing them shitty content that's not funny.
  • Dick has a girlfriend, a house, and a successful podcast because of Maddox. You can see this is bullshit if you were even half as retarded as Maddox is.
  • Maddox says Asterios doxxed his girlfriend, while also saying that he accused his girlfriend of doxing him.
  • Maddox is very sad and angry over a forum of people harassing him and slandering him and calling him a cuck and faggot every fucking day.
  • Maddox is very hypocritical about how wrong harassment and meddling in the lives of others exactly is.
  • Maddox claims that his ex is both obsessed with him and was abusive to him while they were in a relationship together. Yes, he is saying that he was abused by a woman. What a tough guy.
  • Maddox, above all else, says he wouldn't escalate the tension between him and Dick any further. Irony.

You can read all the chats here, here, here, here, and here, all either archived or somehow not deleted.

Dramatic re-enactment with Madcucks, a parody of Maddox that's way more likable than the real thing.

Maddox's list of words that trigger him

Archived copy here. We won't Maddox delete his bullcrap.

Maddox may not have a lot going for him, but he leeches off of "friends of friends" with over 9000 e-celebrities. If you watch any "meme" YouTuber from /r/videos or anyone from "le YouTube skeptic community", it's more than likely they're friends with Maddox. One of them, TJ Kirk (a.k.a: The Amazing Fruit Fucker), let Maddox guest on his podcast, Drunken Peasants. But Maddox couldn't just guest on a live-streamed show where anyone can comment anything. Maddox forced TJ to filter the pay chat, in which audience members, for a bit of money, can write a comment TJ and his co-hosts will read on air. This led to NO ONE'S COMMENT GETTING READ. Only two were read that episode, both being subtle shots at Maddox that flew over everyone else's head. This caused such a shitstorm, TJ was forced to refund everyone who didn't get their comment featured because all his fans were threatened to pull their support from his Patreon.

Dick not only offered to reimburse any losses, but got one of TJ's co-hosts to guest to a live show. On that live show, he read the original memo Maddox sent TJ. This was met with plenty of lulz.

Banned word Why it was banned
The Dick Show Maddox is a cuck.
thedickshow.com Maddox is a cuck.
Dick Masterson Maddox is a cuck.
Team Dick Maddox is a cuck.
#TeamDick Maddox is a cuck.
Masterson Maddox is a cuck.
Madcucks Maddox is a cuck.
Madcuck Maddox is a cuck.
Madcux Maddox is a cuck.
Rape list Maddox is a cuck.
Rape apologist Maddox is a cuck
8chan Maddox is a cuck.
Dick Masterson Maddox is a cuck.
Cuck Maddox is a cuck.
Sycamore Maddox is a cuck.
Nigger Maddox is a cuck.
8chan.net Maddox is a cuck.
Manpurse Maddox is a cuck.
Asterios Maddox is a cuck.
Dick Team Maddox is a cuck.
Where's Dick? Maddox is a cuck.
Where's Kokkinos? Maddox is a cuck.
Dick Show Maddox is a cuck.
Cuckmas Maddox is a cuck.
Disavowed Maddox is a cuck.
The Best Book In The Universe Maddox is a cuck.
#DickLies Maddox is a cuck.
#DikLies Maddox is a cuck.
30k Maddox is a cuck.
Kendal Maddox is a cuck.
Adam Nash Maddox is a cuck.
Nashville Maddox is a cuck.
D1ck Masterson Maddox is a cuck.
D1ckm4st3rs0n [Many number/letter combos] Maddox is a cuck.
80's girl Maddox is a cuck.
80s girl Maddox is a cuck.
Atease girl Maddox is a cuck.
Dick is the winner Maddox is a cuck
Mental Jess [Many versions of "Mental Jess"] Maddox is a cuck.
Ouzounian Maddox is a cuck.
Peach Maddox is a cuck.
Peach Saliva Maddox is a cuck.
Restraining order Maddox is a cuck.
Job lynch mob Maddox is a cuck.
819 Maddox is a cuck.

The Biggest Lolsuit in the Universe (AKA: George Ouzounian et al - v. - Dax Herrera et al)

Decides to sue everyone in NY, even though everyone involved in the lawsuit lives in LA... wut?
Old Maddox reviews new Maddox's lawsuit
This was easily preventable, Maddox.
PICTURED: REAL LIFE NO JOKE JOURNALIST HEATHER S. LOOKING HOT AS FUCK VERY STRONG AND INDEPENDENT GETTING READY TO WRITE "HER" NEXT BOOK, THE ALPHABET OF IRL FEMININE, WOMYX-CURATED JOURNALISM BY THE BEACH. THERE WOULD A JOKE ABOUT WHALES AT THE BEACH BUT THAT WOULD BE FATPHOBIC.
Visual representation of Maddox's 'PTSD'
Just a normal picture Maddox hides in his website next to the login info of other people.
Asterios intended to prove to the court that Maddox is a fucking cuck holy shit rofl

On November 6th, 2017: Maddox's bloodthirst peaks and with the help of a dog bite lawyer and "recovering" alcoholic Kevin Landau, he filed a $20 million USD civil suit against Dax Herrera, Foundation Digital, Llc, Greg Boser, Loren Baker, Cmgrp, Inc. (D/B/A Weber Shandwick), Joshua Kaufman, Asterios Kokkinos, Madcucks aka Trevor Birt, Patreon, Inc., and Jordan Cope.

A lawyer who knows his shit

IRL lawyer reminding people the law doesn't end where Maddox's feelings begin

The conclusion to IRL lawyer going through the lolsuit

Don't worry Maddox, Mundane Fat likes you! Surely, that’s worth as much as having a winning case!

For those thinking a lolsuit is the same as a frivolous lawsuit, you're objectively wrong. 99% of any threatened legal action in a frivolous suit either never makes it to court, or gets dismissed with prejudice, which is judge-speak for 'I don't need to think about this dumb shit any more, here's the verdict'. This is that 1% of those frivolous cases, in which the case and the litigant are so neurotic and batshit insane that they defy the bounds of any logic or reason. In this suit, Maddox primary claim is that Dick pumped, dumped, and annihilated his reputation with his trolling and importing/exporting of lulz. Apparently, a balding, middle-aged man who feels nothing but contempt for his fans is totally deserving of 20,000,000 dollars. While it's true Dick (rightfully) spanked his flat ass, he's far from responsible for any of Maddox's monetary shortcomings and failures. Any motherfucker with common sense realizes this.

Things Maddox has legally admitted to in this lawsuit include:

  • Maddox has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from being called a cuck.
  • Maddox has wanted to and has attempted to get people fired from their jobs.
  • Maddox has coordinated, tried to get Dick's Patreon banned for no reason.
  • Maddox says The Biggest Problem In The Universe was a joint venture between him and Dick.
  • Maddox admits F*ck Whales was a financial bomb.
  • Maddox's girlfriend also has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder because of Dick.
  • Maddox admits everyone involved (including himself) don't live in New York, despite the lawsuit being filed in New York.
  • Maddox admits his career and his "business", is completely destroyed.

More recent lolsuit updates include:

So how did such an amazing lawsuit end?

Here is the TL;DR teaser trailer that spoils the ending of the lolsuit

YOU CAN READ THE ENTIRE LOLSUIT, AS WELL AS FOLLOW UP LEGAL ACTIONS ON:

And what did Maddox do after losing? Perhaps some self reflection as the thick skulled retard realize he's thousands upon thousands of dollars in the hole and the ass end of countless jokes on the internet? Why, double down and file another lawsuit, twice as assmad as before!

Ballsack Media Network

Maddox sure is doing better than Dick!
Reminder: if Maddox never invited Jesse, he'd be making sponsorship money right now.

Immediately after The Biggest Problem In The Universe ended, Maddox had to think of how to capitalize on a cancelled show. His solution? Start a shitty podcast network. With zero planning whatsoever.

On this network he paid $30,000.00 to get a website for, you can listen to numerous high-quality podcasts, such as:

  • The Best Debate in the Universe- Outlined above. TL;DR: you’d be better off listening to BPITU. It’s not only funnier, but you’re not supporting a shill factory of man purses and meme clickbait bullshit.
  • CRINGE VS. CRINGE!!1!111!!!- After months and months of e-mails, YouTube comments, Reddit posts, and Men.com comments (only the manliest of websites can stream content from Maddox), they finally did it. You spoke, they listened. Maddox gave Jesse P-S, the guy who's responsible for their podcasts not making money, ANOTHER FUCKING SHOW!! In all seriousness, CRINGE VS. CRINGE may as well be called Pod Aw-dos: Electric Boogaloo. The only noteworthy thing about this show is that Asterios Kokkinos, established Dick goon, was a guest for one episode. You would think there'd be some questioning by Dick's fans, but CVC is so trivial in the grand scheme of things that no one noticed in the first place. Just goes to show how little people care about anything Jesse makes.

MADDOX GETS CUCKED OUT OF HIS OWN SHOW ON ITUNES AND GIRLFRIEND

After losing his lolsuit, his beautiful Afican American girlfriend left him. While her official reason for leaving Maddox was because he tried (not succedeed, tried) to cheat on her with an annoying cat girl that got thrown out of all Dick Show communities because she was a hideous annoying slag of a hambeast, who he's now let be a moderator for his twitch. Some speculate that it was really due to Maddox's crying while watching other men fuck her was so loud and annoying it was starting to scare away the bulls she's bring over.

What more can Maddox lose? He's lost his pet moneky, his ex gf he is still in love with, 99% of his SadCast media employees, all his money, his sister, his book sales, any future book deals, and all respect any one had for him. Well Dick decided to take another thing from Maddox... HIS OWN ITUNES FEED FOR HIS PODCAST.

Dick wasn't ready for the fun of laughing at Maddox to end and all Maddox wanted to do now was cry in his cuck shed alone and pretend he never was such a retard. So to spice things up after Maddox released his nuclear option that blew up in his own face, Dick decided on Episode 113 of Biggest Problem in the 2niverse: The search for more money and less Dick Best Debate in Universe to give Maddox, just the Tip of what is looking to be lulzy future series of dickings Maddox's anus was never prepared for:

DICK HAS HAD SOLE OWNERSHIP OF THE ORIGINAL STOLEN BIGGEST PROBLEM IN THE UNIVERSE ITUNES FEED THIS WHOLE TIME AND WAS ALLOWING MADDOX TO USE IT. HE DECIDED TO INFORM MADDOX OF THIS FACT BY SPLICING IN AN AD FOR HIS SHOW AT THE BEGINNING OF EPISODE 113 AS WELL AS A QUICK RUNDOWN OF WHAT HAPPENED FOR ALL THE BIGGEST PROBLEM FANS WHO WONDERED WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED AND WHY IS THIS GAY FAGGY PODCAST SHOWING UP INSTEAD.

Skip to 4:02 to hear the message and the explanation from the fucking madlad himself

To further help Maddox, Dick decided to send his listeners to Maddox's $30,000 website and use his voting system to vote on what new podcast would be allowed on the C.U.N.T network. This caused Maddox to go into a full on autistic rage as he takes voting on his websites super seriously. First attempting to cry to apple to get his iTunes feed that actually has subscribers back. Then getting butthurt and tampering with his own voting to fuck with Dick. To going into such a delusional world of denial he is refusing to address the sickest burn that could possibly happen to Maddox, he is trying to pass off the increase bump in web traffic as legit traffic to his shit shows website.

However, internet Lawsplainer Nick Rekieta explained what the funniest part of all this is (beyond just the lulz of Dick fucking with the feed and using it to shit on Maddox), because Dick was the owner and allowed Maddox to pull his bullshit for over 2 year, Dick can legally and rightfully bill Maddox for all the time he allowed Maddox to use his iTunes feed to upload a shitty podcast.

A full TL;DR break down of how Maddox got cucked out of his own iTunes feed

Dick still owns the iTunes feed because Apple is not going to disregard property law to appease a crying bald faggot who talked shit about them for years, and has said when it comes to his ways to fuck with Maddox, this isn't even his final form.

Slimegate

Smile

As mentioned before, Maddox lives in a pigsty of an apartment, and it's quite a stretch to imagine he'd ever get laid. It turns out that a certain more recent image of his actual bedroom made its way onto the internet, either through Maddox himself or from a foreclosure property website (for some reason). Naturally, the first thing you notice is the slime from the Monster Hunter series as a bedspread. Then you realise (to your horror) that Maddox fucked 80's girl in this room.

Try to unpack that for a moment reader: George Cuckman HAD SEX with at least one other human being ON THIS BED!

But yeah, for whatever reason his apartment was listed on [some foreclosure website http://www.themls.com]. There were other pictures that made it onto the listing in particular that confirmed that this was indeed the cuck lair.

This caused quite a lot of lulz among Maddox's hatebase, and we have a small collection memes to share with you.

The Best Slime In The Universe™ ٭ ٭ ٭ About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

You and Maddox’s future

Maddox's crying session with some midget.

A couple days ago, Maddox cried in Twitch debater and incest lover Destiny’s shoulder like the victim he is. Of course, he fails “forgets” to mention how much of a crybully he is. Maddox’s bar for what passes as harassment is so low, even Anita Sarkeesian would tell him to grow some balls.

So, with that and everything else in this article in mind, what does all of it mean? Maddox is an hero waiting to happen. But he can’t build up the courage to kill himself alone, even though he should have taken his own advice from a long time ago. He needs your help. How can you, an e-urchin, help our dear friend Maddox become an hero? Here are some essential tips and tricks:

Maddox should heed Tyler, The Creator’s words of everlasting wisdom.

Maddox doesn’t like this article

Maddox, even though his first one was cucked by Asterios, decided to make a second bonus album. The concept of this album is a spicy one: Maddox reacts to this article by having Rucka and Jesse read it to him verbatim. This could’ve been funny, but then again, this is Maddox we’re talking about. We at Encyclopedia Dramatica refuse to support Maddox in any way, so all we can do is go off from people okay with giving the cuck money. Here’s the scoop:

  • Maddox responds to everything in this article by yelling profanities.
  • As this episode goes on, Rucka sounds increasingly more frustrated with Maddox and his autism.
  • Eventually, Rucka tells Maddox what Dick’s tried to tell him this whole time: that he used to be one of the top online badasses, but now he’s a total cuck.
  • Maddox pretends to be in on all the jokes saying he should work for NPR.

Unlike Maddox’s first album, he wasn't able to pull off his “chop up my podcast into tracks and pretend they’re bits and that this is a comedy album and not leftover garbage” bullshit. As it turns out, no one buys comedy albums.

This article is also named in the lolsuit as one of the many reasons he’s entitled to $20 million $380 million every United States treasury note in existence. While the prospect of a satirical writer suing someone for contributing to a satirical article seems like a work of satire, this is a legally documented fact.

Madcucks parodied this album, reading the current version of this article that covers his cuckoldry, the lolsuit, Maddox’s failure of a podcast network, and more. This hit #1 on both iTunes and Jewgle Oy Play’s comedy album charts. Then, Madcucks released a third bonus album to make fun of how Maddox never made the third bonus album he promised he would make to all five people who bought his cuckold content currency made a third bonus album (which Sç̱͈͓͔̬̠̞z̴̙̖̥͕̪ḩ̖̣̣̙̱̬̘ṳ͈̈a͎̣̙̟̳̱̞n͇̹, Dick’s audio engineer, has confirmed does exists), but never released it.

The Museum of Maddox (MOM) (alternatively titled The Best Museum in the Universe)

Shadilay Mad Cuckman!

One day, Maddox reached out to all the arrogant nerds on Reddit because his fanbase forgot about him. Redditors came all over the post, asking him questions he's answered numerous times before. You know, the expected behaviour from Reddit users. Why is this post important? Maddox harps on "quality" as an excuse for not updating his site or shitting out another book (not that this has ever stopped him before). He also points out that he cares about what his name's tied to, which is why he took a picture right next to the fucking Kekistan flag not 10 feet away from Carl Fucking Benjamin of all things.

Yes, he cares so much about his name, THAT HE DOES EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO MAKE SURE HIS NAME IS NOT RUN THROUGH THE MUD, THAT PEOPLE REVERE HIM WITH GENUINE PRIDE, AND THAT HE DOESN'T SELL OUT BY PUTTING HIS BRAND ON DOGSHIT PRODUCTS.

SPOILER: HE CARES AS MUCH ABOUT HIS IMAGE AS KRUSTY THE CLOWN FROM THE SIMPSONS!

To show how much he cares about the legendary Maddox and tHe bEsT WhAtEvEr tHe fUcK In tHe uNiVeRsE™ brand, here's a gallery of high quality Maddox content that has been made over the years! This is content made by fans, by himself, and the content he has his brand and face attached to. Oh, and Georgie-poo? Never forget We're fans too. :)

OVERFLOWING AMOUNTS OF QUALITY About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


Look at how delicious Maddox’s hot sauce is. Clearly Maddox won't slap his valuable, consumer-friendly brand on just anything!

LOOK OUT WORLD: MADDOX IS A GREAT ACTOR TOO! IT'S A WONDER HOW HE DIDN’T GET A T.V. SHOW!

Fun facts

Hair-era Maddox banged IRL Thai dickgirls Here’s the proof.

In a Nutshell...

See Also

External Links


Maddox
is part of The Best Series in the Universe ★ ★ ★

    [SE THE KEYWORD IS THAT THE PERSON BEING CUCKOLDED ENJOYS WATCHING OTHER PEOPLE HAVE SEXTHERE'S NOTHING REALLY INHERENTLY WRONG WITH BEING A CUCKOLD BECAU] 

Essential CharactersMadcast Media Network ★ ★ ★See You Next Tuesday NetworkMaddox FollowersKey Concepts
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Maddox is part of a series on Dying Alone

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Those Who Have Died Alone

Aaron AlexisAaron BushnellAaron SwartzAdam LanzaAlexis ArquetteAmanda ToddAmy WinehouseAnal CuntAndy KaufmanAngry GrandpaAnna Nicole SmithAnthony WarnerAsa CoonBrian AdamsBrandon CrispByuuCharmaine DragunCho Seung-HuiChris BenoitChris Harper-MercerChynaCodey PorterDavid BowieDavid CarradineDragoneerEazy-EEdaremElliot RodgerElvis PresleyGeorge SodiniGizgizGleb KorablevHappyCabbieHarambeH.P. LovecraftHeath LedgerJake DavisonJeff WeiseJewWarioJim MorrisonKate SpadeKitty0706Kurt CobainLemonade CoyoteLeelah AlcornLil PeepLiloLoki BlackfangLowtaxMia JaninMegan MeierMichael JacksonMitchell HendersonMySpaceNathan GaleNikita LytkinOtoya YamaguchiPekka-Eric AuvinenPrinceRandy StairRehtaeh ParsonsRicardo LopezRina PalenkovaRipperRobin WilliamsRonnie McNuttRudolph ZurickRyan PalmeterShawn WoolleyShayShuaibySol PaisStephen PaddockSteve StephensThomas Matthew CrooksTony48219TooDamnFilthyTyler DumstorfVester FlanaganWilliam AtchisonXXXTentacionZhao Zewei

Those Dying Alone

03bgood2cash2 gryphon7jackass77Adam SandlerAhuviya HarelAIDS SkrillexAkewsticRockRAlex FordAlison RappAmerica's Third PartyAmy SchumerAndrew AllansonAngry JoeAnimatedJamesAnita SarkeesianAnonymous BorgAnthony 'A-Log' LoGattoAntony AguilarApril DavisAquagirlwhitefoxArgent009Arguecat3Arin HansonArmake21AsalieriAsher2500Austin AlexanderAvantGardePonyBambifan101BarneyfagBasement DwellersBen FordBen MoynihanBenny_the_SnakeBenthelooneyBig RedBikerfoxBill9929Bill GaedeBill GatesBLACKbusterCriticBob RehahnBrandontheMovieGuyBrandon SmithBrian MuellerBrian Richard ZaigerBrianna WuBroniesButLovaByAppointmentToCarl the CuckCartoonjunkieCaseydeckerCatboyKamiCheeyevChloe SagalChris-chanChris CrockerChuck M.Clint of Rise and FallCopperCabCorey MargeraCoughlan666CrazyvideosandrantsCrinklemonCyraxxDaniel BrandtDan CilleyDane CookDani FilthDarius McCollumDarknessthecurseDarksydePhilDave ChapelleDave MustaineDavid HockeyDaxflameDBoyWheelerDeekerDeterminedToDrawUTDev-catscratchDGTrixieDiaper BoyDillon CosseyDiogo MendesDisneyFan01DisneyMasterDJ KEEMSTARDnepropetrovsk maniacsDodgerofZionDogpatch PressDon RobertsDoodletonesDoomer3868Dorian_GayDoug WalkerDrakonDrossRotzankDoomentioDustinEDP445Emer PrevostEmosEpic Fat GuyEpicKitty54Eric AbramovEric RidenourErik RibsskogErtasVideosFilthy FrankFagolescentsFanFic CriticFast EddieFat ManFaust & Pory Five Nights at Freddy's fansFlardoxFluffy teh wolfForeverKailynFriends of A-LogFurriesG-ZayGather Against FateGeorge LopezGeosheaGhostGirlvinylGlobelampGoddessMilleniaGraykatGreg MazujianGwen GaleGwen StefaniHarmful OpinionsHellkiller777I Dislike Cis PeopleI Hate EverythingIan Miles CheongIchverboticze⁴rImma-The-DeerInkBunnyIsabella Loretta JankeJamil The KingJessi SlaughterJessica LeedsJim ProfitJINXDROWNEDJoe Crusher PicklesJoekerJohn BullaJohn FieldJohn KricfalusiJohn Patrick RogersJonathan McIntoshJonmonJonTronJoseph CampJoseph8276Joshua "Null" MoonJuggalosJustinRPGKat DenningsKendall JennerKeegan SalisburyKathleen ToddKenny GlennKevin HavensKeffalsKimmo Johan AlmKingEmpoleonKingMasterReviewKrashedLaci GreenLarry the Cable GuyLauren FaustLeafyIsHereLecarickLeigh AlexanderLeisureSuitGamingLena DunhamLeonard F. Shaner Jr.Leslie JonesLifeInATentLikeicareLinkaraLittleCloudLittleKuribohLogo KidsLordelthibarLow Tier GodLucian HodobocM. ChaosA Man in BlackManchildrenMar9122MarblesMarioMario456MariotehplumberMarjan SiklicmasteroogwgayMatthew DavisMatthew NicholsonMcJuggerNuggetsMDetector5‎MeowbarkMeganSpeaksMichael BattonMichael FitzhywelMichael GimsonMike SandyMoleman9000Monica PunkMonkeyGameGuidesMoviebobMumkey JonesMuZemikeMylarBalloonFanMysteriousMrEnterMysticArkNaokoElric2250NawlinWikiNeckbeardsNeoGAFNick BateNick BravoNikkineko333Noah AntwilerNostalgia ChickNotchNullcherriObjectfagsOFWGKTAOnideus Mad HatterOnyx ForepawPacificoceanasiaPaigeGirlPaul FeigPaulie CalafioreParkourdude91Peter BrightPeter CoffinPhantomStrider8Phil FishPhunWithLogicPinkieponyPit ViperPixyteriPeluchin EntertainmentPMRantsPreachingthegospelQuentin TarantinoRachael MacFarlaneRandi HarperRichard ReidRicki RavenRMG ProductionsRobert StaintonRobert Wayne StilesRockosockoRomeo RoseRootbrianRose3212Ryan RouthSad FrogSammyClassicSonicFanSam PepperSarah ButtsSarahisniftySaturnDOSSceptreSchnookumsSegacampSega KidSeth MacFarlaneSethistoShadmanSimply OkamiSlowbeef & DiabetusSnapesnoggerSonic SaviorSonmanicSony-MaeSophie LabelleSpax3StormySuperlisamcbSusan BoyleTara StrongTheAmazingAtheistTheDOSFagTheSockDetectiveTim BuckleyTJ LaneTodd in the ShadowsTom PrestonToonEGuyTourneyfagsTrey Eric SeslerTrigglypuffTyciolTyler GarmanyUlillilliaThe Unknown AutobotVadeVinceintheBayWade FulpWeatherManKevinWesley!!!WoWfan4lifeWwwareaWeegeeisgoingtokillmXenuriaYandereDevYoshiwii1Youyoungbloodfantasy91Zoe QuinnZone

Their Methods

9gagAdventure TimeAn HeroAIDSAnimuAlt-rightArt SchoolA-Log's Fanfictionask.fmAsperger's SyndromeAssigned MaleBath SaltsThe Big Bang TheoryBattle For Dream IslandBlackLivesMatterBlack metalBody PillowsBonziWORLDBitViewBoozeBullyingBuzzFeedChildren's CartoonsClown WorldComputer Science IIICosplayCumOnPrintedPics.ComCupheadDead FriendDeath metalDeath penaltyDating SimsDeviantARTDiscordDrugsEdginessFamily GuyFanFictionFeminismFedoraFidget spinnerThe Filthy Frank ShowFive Nights at Freddy'sFleshlightFriend ZoneFurAffinityFurry ArtFun Shitposting WikiGarry's ModGenshin ImpactGoAnimate!GooglewhackingGorillazGothsGravity FallsGreen DayGreeny PhatomGrindcoreHackingHappy Madison ProductionsHomestuck‎Hover hand‎HufflepuffHigh ScoreIncelcoreIndie musicInfantilismInsane Clown PosseIntrovertInvisible GirlfriendIRCJenkemKiwi FarmsKotakuLeague of LegendsLegoLibertarianismLiveJournalLonelyLoveShyMai WaifuMass ShootingsMen's rights activismMinecraftMLP ForumsMMORPGsMGTOWMUDsMy Little PonyMy Tiny DickNice GuyismNu metalOculus RiftOh ShiternetOnline datingOnline sex gamesOverwatchPlastic CrapPlenty of Fish/r9k/Rick and MortyRobloxRule 34RuneScapeSchool ShootingsSecond LifeSelf-VictimizationShy Boys IRLSilk Screen Goku ShirtSlayerSlipknotSluthateSmogon UniversitySocial JusticeSource FilmmakerSouth ParkSparkalloonSpeakoniaStar vs. the Forces of EvilSteven UniverseTaking the Internet Too SeriouslyTeam Fortress 2That Guy With The GlassesThe Anytown ShowThe EntersphereThe SimsThey Might Be GiantsTomb RaiderToolTransformersTulpasTumblrTV Tropestwenty one pilotsUnchartedUncle GrandpaUncyclopediaUndertaleUnikittyUTTPVidLiiVirginityVirtual YoutubersVloggerheadsWatchMojo.comWeezerWikimaniaWizardchanWorld of WarcraftYIIK: A Post-Modern RPGYouTube

Maddox
is part of a series on serious business
Serious Concepts

Free SpeechIdentity theftIronyInternet assholeInternet CelebritiesInternet diseaseInternet dramaInternet humanitariansInternet LawInternet lawsuitInternet lawyerInternet stalkingInternet tough guyInternet Vigilante GroupOperation Falcon PunchSwattingVandalismWorld Wide Web Consortium

People & Organizations

2cashAlan TuringCasey SerinDavid HockeyDear Cis PeopleDoxbinFast EddieGrace SaundersHallcats SquadronJessi SlaughterMary BellMeek MillKittensMaja SchmidtMissyNiggest Crook ForcePsychopathVloggerheadsWEB SHERIFF

Maddox is part of a series on Reddit. [DownVoteUpVote]
Important People: Aaron SwartzDick MastersonGame2WinterHanAssholeSoloMaddoxPatrick S. TomlinsonSloth on Methviolentacrez
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Maddox is part of a series on 8chan

Center
People

Alex LealBen KucheraBrenton TarrantBrianna WuByuuCiaraDick MastersonEllen PaoEthan RalphFrank HassleJenny McDermottJim WatkinsJohn EarnestJon SudanoKimmyKraut and TeaLord FoxworthMaddoxMargaret PlessMootNate SpidgewoodNiggest Crook ForceNolongersilencedNullParkourDude91Patrick CrusiusPayton GendronPeter CoffinSam HydeSarah AndersenSarah ButtsSol PaisTakedownmanTimboxTyler MalkaVordrakWyatt MannZoe Quinn

Events

Brianna Wu for CongressGamerGateHe Will Not Divide UsHitler Top Tensm00t's GamerGate SelloutOperation Timebomb v2QAnonSkype Con LeakSteam friend threadThe Great Habbo Raid of July 2015Valentine's Day MassacreYoutubeWakeUp

Sites

/baphomet/Brit/pol//cow/Encyclopedia Dramatica/leftypol/NeoGAF/pol/SalonShrekChan

Memes

BrownpillDUN DUNEbola-chanHitler Top TensJust Fuck My Shit UpKekistanMeme MagicMoon ManZozzle

Maddox is part of a series on YouTube.

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Featured article November 16 & November 17, 2017
Preceded by
It's Okay To Be White
Maddox Succeeded by
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