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Lowtax

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RIP Lowtax

Good night, sweet prince

Lose an iPod?

This page contains an hero.

Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka (May 11, 1976 - November 9, 2021) was the toe-sucking foot-fetish retard in charge of Something Awful. With the help of his goon henchmen and former Asian mail-order bride, Lowtax spent the past ten years in his parent's basement, and leeched off his gullible, pseudo-intellectual hivemind, eventually leading Paypal to freeze his account for fraudulent activity.

Lowtax truly was a comedy mastermind.
What Lowtax considered more important than food and water.
Lowtax doing what he loves best.
Lowtax relaxing at home - a rare photo from the early days of SA
Lowtax pwning PeppermintPatti on YouTube.
His last appearance before the patsies got to him. See his last words here
Richard "Kyanka" Lowtax--businessman and paragon of mental stability, unless fruit juice is involved
Lowtax got his ass kicked by Uwe Boll.

Lowtax was prone to meltdowns, and couldn't hold a professional relationship with any company he worked with. SomethingAwful has had problems with advertisers, Google, and almost anything that requires Lowtax to deal on a professional level with another human being. Typically, Lowtax will create a service to cut out the need for a middle man (Awful Video, Awful Wear, etc.), but ironically enough most users report hardships with receiving merchandise and will get banned for their troubles. Since Lowtax was truly the premier businessman of the 21st century, it's only natural this success has led to an eventful personal life.

Lowtax an heroed himself on November 9, 2021.

Lowtax claimed responsibility for the following:

Lowtax was an avowed enemy of the following:

Lowtax was considered paranoid and dangerous due to excessive self-importance. Avoid at all costs. He also really fucking hated Google because Google pwned Something Awful hard. Really.

Mangosteens

Lowtax was a major supporter of mangosteens, a type of repulsively shitty fruit that he claimed to have beneficial nutritive properties. In the past, he tried to scam goons into buying mangosteen products and mortgage backed securities, to little effect. After being repeatedly trolled by his own forum users, Lowtax had a meltdown:

 
“ 		 
SO DONT FUCKING BUY IT, DONT FUCKING DRINK IT, DONT FUCKING CLICK MY LINKS.

I mean Christ, all I did was make this thread to support a product which actually pleasantly surprised me, and folks are voting this thread "crap" and suggesting I'm scamming them. I've said repeatedly that this was just my experience and in no way should indicate how everybody else will feel. I've said the links to Amazon were referrals, so I'm not trying to hide anything. I've-

ahh fuck it, I'm closing this thread, fuck you and fuck GBS, I can never post a single goddamn thread in here without you faggots making GBS threads it up in some way or another. I should've learned my lesson long ago and never left the intelligent, rational forum where I don't have to deal with clueless idiots and morons like you people. I'm going back to FYAD and staying there, since it has a microscopic fraction of the retards and trolls populating GBS.

I guess that should strike me as being ironic, but it's more sad to me than anything. Thanks for running me out of my own goddamn forum.
 

„
 

— A very e-angry Lowtax

A mangosteen grenade is the logo for SASS.

 
A bitter Lowtax looks on in disgust as no other energy drink gives him the same rush as his beloved mangosteens.

Lowtax vs. PeppermintPatti

Lowtax was very traumatized by PeppermintPatti. Culexor, Vipor231, and Pixelbee joined forces in "The Final Solution to the Problem of Lowtax" and attempted to kill him by snipping his brakelines, poisoning his apple juice, and posting video blogs. [1] Although the attacks from the youtuber's eventually stopped, Kyanka lives in fear of their reprisal to this day.

El fin

 
An artist depiction of Lowtax's ultimate fate.

As of February 12, 2008, Lowtax is no longer the titular master and commander of his forums, due to the fact that goons actually started talking back to him after he reacted badly to yet another totally avoidable massive security breach. Speculation runs rampant among the ranks: will Lowtax actually give up power and focus on making the front page funny again, or will he continue to micromanage and shit up the forums through their newly-appointed Grand Poobah (who just so happens to live in Lowtax's basement)? MOAR AS IT DEVELOPS

Gallery of a mangosteen foot fetishist

  •  
    An infant Lowtax and his mother
  •  
    Lowtax, back in the days when he got off his ass and did something worthwhile with his life.
  •  
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    Lowtax hard at work, channeling his inner beaner. (Note the pills and wine lol)
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Death of Lowtax

Last Thursady, Fragmaster revealed to the SomethingAwful Forums that he had received news from the Kyanka family that Lowtax had passed away, likely via Drug Overdose by killing himself rather than pay child support, like the complete cunt he is.

Fragmaster's video eulogy.
 
“ 		 
I guess I should preface this by saying this isn't a joke especially since I'm posting for like the first time in 10 years or something, but I got the bad news today directly from Rich's family.

Lowtax has passed away.

I didn't ask for details. I don't know details. I don't know what the current opinion of Rich here is. Not here to answer questions, I'm sharing the news. I really hate to share this news. But there you go.
 

„
 

— Fragmaster

External Links

Search for Kyanka here


See Also

 
Lowtax
is part of a series on Web 1.0

    [BACK TO THE FUTUREANCIENT HISTORY] 

Old Memes  • Celebs, h4x0rz, and Phreaks  • Technologies  • Fun and Games  • Events  • Death of Web1.0
Click topics to expand

Lowtax is part of a series on Dying Alone

[DeadCry yourself to sleep]

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Lowtax
is part of The Best Series in the Universe ★ ★ ★

    [SE THE KEYWORD IS THAT THE PERSON BEING CUCKOLDED ENJOYS WATCHING OTHER PEOPLE HAVE SEXTHERE'S NOTHING REALLY INHERENTLY WRONG WITH BEING A CUCKOLD BECAU] 

Essential Characters • Madcast Media Network ★ ★ ★ • See You Next Tuesday Network • Maddox Followers • Key Concepts
Click topics to expand

Angry Joe • Armoured Skeptic • Billy The Fridge • King Critic • H3H3 Productions • iDubbbz • I Hate Everything • Lil B • OneyNG

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