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Saddam Hussein: Difference between revisions
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Revision as of 12:22, 23 May 2015
Saddam Hussein Abd al-Majid al-Tikriti was perhaps one of the most batshit insane Arabs since Mohammad and was installed in 1963 by John F. Kennedy as teh new pimp of the Iraqi oil fields. A once favored CIA asset serving Jewnited states interests but after getting rid of the Kennedy's and after the first Gulf invasion the CIA attempted to uninstall Hussein and his Ba'ath Party several times.
A strong supporter of all things politically correct, Saddam Hussein was devoutly liberal in many of his views, save those that deal with rape, murder, blackmail, extortion, torture, genocide, cannibalism, gardening, intolerance and more rape. He was specially notable for the massacre of the Kurds, which he quite rightly justified as having committed "for the lulz".
Saddam mainly listens to music by bands such as Jenkem and The Power 5, and thus was widely respected in Emo subculture. His moustache was, in fact, modelled on that of his hero, the lead singer of Queen. Despite the fact he was an Emo, he was loved by everyone, even Jews and Mecha-Hitler.
Saddam's greatest weapon had always been known to be one of two things: his very, very deep, highly platonic and appropriate love for all living things, and his oil.
Furthermore, from his extraterrestrial sources Saddam knew about, both invasions of Iraq and that Russia, the Jewnited States and Israel will invade Iran all in good preparation for the epic World War with China.
All good faith edits in the context of the overpopulation problems that harm Jew.
Silken Secret a.k.a. Lube a.k.a. Oil
At least 100 years ago, W and Tony Blair decided it might be fun if they played 'Find the Nuke' with Saddam, a very popular game at the time.
The rules were very simple; David Kelly, a weapons inspector for the United Nations, was to wander around Saddam's favorite palace, the Taj Mahal trying to find any Weapons of Mass Destruction that were lying around. The resulting adventure was recorded in Disney's Aladdin.
After 12 levels and 6 bosses, David still had not found Saddam Hussein's nuclear dildo: all he had found was a few thousand barrels of highly flammable, volatile, and valuable oil, which he wasn't allowed to keep. Very upset, he went home to the United Nations.
To this day, his capture is protested by Muslims and suicidal pilots all over the world. For his lolocausting of the Kurdish mountain apes, he is revered by many peoples such as the other Arabs and Assyrians, also Turks.
Hanging with Saddam
On 5th November 2006, Saddam was invited to a game of IRL hangaroo at which he lulzily lost the game, and can now go and hang with his Brothers in the great terrorist camp in the sky. He was not invited due to his alleged crimes against humanity but they decided to invite him for the Lulz. Here's the official cellphone-video footage. Saddam's game caused a minor stir in the old media, but as the grainy video was near unwatchable on a flashy new 73-inch 1080p, it held viewers interest only momentarily. It has, however, solved all of Iraq's problems. <video type="liveleak" id="863ce7d4a3" width="400" height="320" desc="What a swinger" frame="true" position="center"/>
Hep Kitten's Fresh Saddam of Bel Air
Now this is a story all about how Saddam got hung turned upside down Id like to take a minute chill here with me, Ill tell you how Saddam became the fake prince of WMDs IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN western Iraq born and raised Killin Kurds was how he spent most of his days Chillin the palace, relaxin all cool Raping some virgins outside by the pool When a couple of Bushes who were up to no good Started dropping bombs on his neighborhood He made one little movie and Cheney got all scared And said FIND HIM AND PUT HIM ON TV BEING DRAGGED OUT OF HIS LAIR He whistled for his trial but when it came near The judge was UN and obviously a queer If anything you could say that this man was fucked So I thought awe forget it and smoked a fat blunt I came on irc around six or seven Heard he was dead raping virgins in Heaven Looked at my Kingdom, said goodbye to Saddam To sit on my Throne the Fresh Prince of your mom
World Reaction
As the sands of time did that thing they do when time is running out (even though if you turn the egg-timer upside down you can start again...unlike Saddam) world leaders and proles alike weighed in on the weighty issue. One of the first was Tony Benn, former Labour MP and a leading figure in the British opposition to the Iraq war. He travelled to Baghdad and met and interviewed Saddam Hussein on February of 2003.
He also met with Saddam Hussein on the eve of the Gulf War. He helped to secure the release of Britons being used as human shields after Iraq's invasion of Kuwait.
Appearing on the Jew show as Saddam had his last meal of Shit balls on a stick, Benn was asked if it was true that he opposed the execution. What follows is his response and subsequent conversation with King.
BENN: Well, I'm against the death penalty. But 665,000 (now 3 million+!!1!) Iraqis have died since the United States and Britain invaded Iraq. One more death will probably be presented as a triumph for democracy.
But the real verdict on Iraq came in the midterm elections. The American voters realized, like Vietnam, it was an victorious-less war. That is the real background.
Of course, Saddam was a close ally of the United States. When I met him in 1990, just before Kuwait, he said, "I feel utterly betrayed by the United States. They armed me. They sent me into Iraq -- Iran" and so on.
So there's a history to it that hasn't come out so far in the discussion.
KING: You are not saying, Tony, that he is not a tyrant, are you?
BENN: Oh no. After Pinochet in Chile was put there by the CIA killed a lot of his opponents. But the Americans were told he was linked to 9/11. He was not. Americans were told and so we had weapons of mass destruction. He didn't. I mean, I think most people in the world know why the invasion occurred. The president wanted the oil. And the consequences of this execution may make the present crisis worse, but it certainly won't solve it.
KING: What should his punishment be?
BENN: What will his what?
KING: What should his punishment be?
BENN: Well, I mean, giving my personal opinion. I remember the Nuremberg trials after the war, and I was in favor. But I think pinning it all on one person and hanging them is not as good as Desmond Tutu, Archbishop Tutu, who talks about truth and reconciliation.
If in South Africa, Nelson Mandela had hanged all the white leaders of the Apartheid regime, there would have been endless vengeance and bitterness and killing. He didn't. He said bring out the truth and make that the basis. And I think that is a better way of doing it than executing people. That's my conviction now."
Death Conspiracies
Saddam didn't actually die. His death was faked by the Illuminati. Saddam is currently chilling with Tupac, Elvis, Sasquatch, and Osama bin Laden in India's basement. A perfect plan, as no one will suspect that they are living in there.
April Fool's Jokes
Saddam Hussein and his sons may have been ruthless and power-hungry dictators, but that didn't stop them from trying to give the people of Iraq a good chuckle every April Fool's Day. On April 1, 1998 a newspaper, owned by Hussein's son Uday, informed its readers that President Clinton had decided to lift sanctions against Iraq, only to admit later that it was just joking. One can imagine the knee-slapping lulz when readers realized how they'd been taken for a ride. The lulz continued in 1999 when Uday mischeviously announced that the monthly food rations would be supplemented to include Pepsi, and chocolate. Again, just a joke. At this point, the Husseins appear to have run out of material, because in 2000 they recycled the sanction-lifting gag, and in 2001 trotted out the ration-supplement crowd-pleaser once again. The merciless quality with which the same joke was repeated year after year had an almost surreal quality to it.
On April 1, 2003, as thousands of American troops stormed across Iraq, the Iraqi ambassador to Russia, Abbas Khalaf Kunfuth, held a press conference. Many were expecting him to announce that Iraq admitted defeat. Instead he chose this moment to hold a gag press conference. Holding up a piece of paper that he identified as a news flash from Reuters, he read aloud from it: "The Americans have accidentally fired a nuclear missile into British forces, killing seven." Immediately the room full of reporters went silent with shock. Then Kunfuth grinned and shouted 'April Fools!' Only a few days after this unexpected moment of lulz, the Iraqi government completely self-destructed.
Gallery
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The good old days. -
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Oh snap! -
Who's dead now fuckface? -
Allah couldn't be reached for comment. -
Once for every Kurd he gassed. -
fgsfds -
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Saddam's last words. -
Eggsecuted. -
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See Also
- Lynching
- France
- Iran
- Iraq
- Oil
- GHWB
- W
- Barack Hussein Obama
- John Kerry
- Stalin
- Weapons of Mass Destruction
- Queen
Links
- Complete video of his execution-by-hanging - For translation, see Pussyhawks
- WMV file in which Saddam dies
- LJ Icons (wtf_inc)
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| Featured article April 28, 2007 | ||
| Preceded by KurtBatz |
Saddam Hussein | Succeeded by Philippines |