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Ramadan Van Man
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of the Prophet (ﷺ)? We are here to help! Please click here! |
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|---|---|
| Darren Osborne | |
| Nationality | Nazi Britfag 
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| Born | Sometime in 1969 (aged 55-55) |
| Highscore | 1 killed, 11 injured |
| Top 25? | No |
| Style | Single player, Carmageddon |
| An Hero? | No, was protected by Allah and promptly v& |
| Motive | Counterterrorism |
It's 2017 in the United Kingdom, not even half way through the year and the Muslims have already been up to no good with already 3 terrorist attacks against the innocent non-Muslim tea chuggers. However, not all hope is lost, enter… The Ramadan Van Man (Powerword: Darren Osborne), a sheep-fucker who decided to save Britain and join in the festive frolics of the Muslims by livening up their dreary and boring annual ritual of Ramadan by showing them some real revenge-motivated action. Since 2017's Ramadan fell in June, the month in which the sun comes up at 4am and doesn't set till 10.30pm, during a summer in which London temperatures were higher than those in Florida - our light-hearted prankster figured that the Muslims of London could do with some comic relief. So he set off from Cardiff, Wales in a rental van and drove it into a crowd outside of a mosque.
Background
The sleepy nation of the UK had seen alot of horrors into the year, 3 Islamic terrorist attacks and it wasn’t even May yet. These 3 attacks were the Westminster attack, Manchester Arena bombing and the London Bridge attack.
This is where the 47-year-old unemployable comes in, you see 2 out of 3 of the previous attacks were comitted by using vehicles, meaning Darren was made to feel inferior by the prowess and skill demonstrated by the number of motorised Muslims who had recently wowed crowds. It is believed that some immigrant rape gangs and messages from Tommy Robinson riled up Darren, however the recent London Bridge spectacular really took the cake and had made Darren envious of the nationwide acclaim afforded to the stars of the show. He knew a pure white and European Brit could do anything a towelhead could do, and what's more, he could do it better. He'd show them! He girded his loins, gathered his pluck, and set out to show the world his spunk.
Preparing
Since it would not be possible for anyone to tell if a location in Cardiff had been devastated by a terrorist attack, he felt like maybe he needed a more prominent performance space to exhibit his talents. He therefore wasted quite a bit of money on hiring a van, filling it with fuel, and driving all the way to London (a few hundred kilometers) in order to seek his fortune, in the time-honored style of a latter-day Dick Whittington, except with a kitchen knife for company instead of a cat.
Our boy originally intended to use his van to run over and assassinate Sadiq Khan and Jeremy Corbyn, as in Darren's eyes they were the key people in the government who were allowing terrorists into the country on their rubber dingies, meaning they were just as responsible for these attacks as the actual perpetrators. Darren expected that Sadiq and Jeremy were going to attend an al-Quds day march, meaning he could frag them, how ever they never showed up. Not willing to accept defeat, Darren chose to instead attack those who were genuinely responsible, the Muzzies themselves.
Finsbury Park Mosque
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Finsbury Park Mosque -
Abu Hamza al-Masri waves to his adoring fans -
A Finsbury Park graduate -
and another!
The mosque that Darren chose for his attack was none other than the Finsbury Park Mosque in Finsbury Park, London. a towering monument to evil and violence that violates the sacred earth of London's east end. What once was a church, the building became home to ovar 9000 jabbering Pakis who were born within the sound of clamorous wailing believed to be some kind of 'call to prayer', broadcast seventeen times a day via loudspeakers positioned atop the minarets of menace.
Finsbury Park Mosque is renowned for the great diversity of theological and philosophical talent that it attracts. Big names have included the half-a-dozen young Qu'ranic scholars who set out to test whether it was possible to reach paradise from the underworld in July 2005, and evil hook-handed cleric Abu Hamza al-Masri, who was so clearly not a terrorist that his eye fell out and both his hands dropped off while he was feeding abandoned ducklings. (He was chucked in jail in the US a couple years ago, but his beaming visage is still a cause of fond reminiscence throughout the land, second only to Our Queen of Hearts, whose name will never be forgotten).
Darren's Ramadan Ding-Dong
On July 19, 2017, Darren arrived at Finsbury Park Mosque and drove his vehicle of vengeance right into a crowd of smelly Mudslimes who were gangraping a 78-year-old white woman in the name of Allah, squishing a Muslim to death and damaging the suicide-belts of 11 others.
He was taken out of the van by the remaining terrorists and they starting beating the shit out of him until the escaped Abu Hamza al-Masri in disguise advised them to stop, Darren was swiftly v&.
Aftermath
Darren was put on trial in the Sharia Court of Sharia Law and was immediately executed for even daring to fight back against the terrorists plead guilty to 1 charge of murder and 11 charges of attempted murder. He was sentenced to life imprisonment and was forgotten by the world after 2 seconds. But wait! Darren's efforts didn’t stop there, he beat the shit out of a Muslim pedophile whilst shouting "Fucking Allah Akbar". The most recent news about Darren comes from 2021 after he was stabbed in the forehead by another inmate.
Upon hearing of the news, the Islamist-controlled media of the UK jumped in delight upon hearing that the tables had turned and that a British person decided to kill some Muslims. The reason for their delight was that they could finally try and rise sympathy for Muslims and make white people look bad, thankfully, nothing happened since nobody really cared about the attack anyway.
Graded Score
| Kill count: | 1/20 1 less terrorist in the world. |
|---|---|
| Accuracy: | 20/20 Drove directly in the crowd. |
| Style: | 20/20 GTA |
| Butthurt: | 15/20 "ZOMG ISLAMOPHOBIA" |
| Bonus: | 15/20 Third white terrorist in the UK, beat up a pedo in prison |
Videos
Previous Video | Next Video |
See Also
- Breitscheidplatz
- Death to Traitors, Freedom for Britain - Undisputed Champion
- Islam
- Jeremy Corbyn - Darren planned to rub him out with the Van of Vengeance
- Khalid Masood's Westminster motor massacre
- London
- London Bridge Attack 2017
- Nathaniel Veltman - Did a better job at removing kebabs with a vehicle in a shittier London
- Nice truck bro
- Stockholm Truck Attack 2017
- Terrorism
- United Kingdom
- White People
External Links
Wikipedia article- Suspect Named In Van Attack On Worshippers Leaving London Mosque
- Finsbury Park mosque attack: suspect named as Darren Osborne, 47-year-old who lives in Cardiff
- ‘Potential terrorist attack’: Van mows down pedestrians near Muslim center & mosque in London
- Finsbury Park attack: Theresa May condemns 'sickening' terror attack
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Ramadan Van Man
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| Featured article June 25 & 26, 2017 | ||
| Preceded by Renee Bracey Sherman |
Ramadan Van Man | Succeeded by Anita Sarkeesian |