YouTube Commentaries

This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT YOUTUBE COMMENTARIES ARE NEVAR FUNNY!!!!!!!1111!!!1

Commentaries are a new and original concept, in which a person gives their opinions or thoughts on a video while it plays. On YouTube, this is considered to be a new fad, and bandwagon headed for YouTube stardom. Nowadays, a majority of commentaries are made by newfags and those who fail to be funny, talking over shitty game reviews and Sonic recolor slideshows. However, when done right, commentaries can generate massive drama and lulz for all.

Origins

Moar info: Let's play with YouTube.

YouTube commentaries in their popular form did not get their start on YouTube: The scene's origins can be traced back to Something Awful, and the "Let's Play" genre. At least 100 years ago, a nerd of epic proportions named Slowbeef posted the very first Let’s Play on Something Awful. Eventually, the idea of talking over video games became extremely popular, and every fucking goon on the website got in on the action. This then was passed on to YouTube, and from that point forward, LPs were ridden with bad video quality quality, horrible gaming skills, and squeaky prepubescent voices. However, since only GameFAQs users did this, the rest of the YouTube cool kids did not care much for them.

Slowbeef, disgusted by what had become of his creation, plotted his revenge. And on that day, Retsupurae was born. As the self-proclaimed father of LPs (And eventually YouTube commentary itself), Slowbeef believes he has a god-given right to stick the middle finger at other LPers. The formula was simple: Find awful LP videos on YouTube, get some goons to commentate with him and then proceed to lay witty commentary over said LP videos.

“	When it comes to Lets Play, you can find just about every color of the rainbow if you know where to look. You got your funny Let's Plays, your informative Let's Plays, and your narrative Let's Plays that make up all the colors found in Skittles. Unfortunately, if you look in the wrong places, you can find the shit-browns and vomit-greens of camcorder Let's Plays, self-proclaimed game reviewer Let's Plays, and singalong Let's Plays. ... If quality Let's Plays are what you're looking for, you're in the wrong place, because today... Retsupurae!	„

Despite the fact that many in the LP community were butthurt over their videos being talked over, others in the YouTube community adored them. Because their videos received so much praise, comments, notoriety and good ratings, many decided to imitate them in a desperate attempt to become e-famous. And so, history repeated itself once again, and Slowbeef had spawned another gay fad completely unintentionally.

The Current State of Commentaries

As with every other unfunny bandwagon and fad, commentaries have spread throughout YouTube like a fucking cancer. What started with a couple of goons recording mildly amusing commentaries, now has wannabe e-celebrities recycling old memes and jokes in their desperate attempts to appeal to 4chan.

There are two schools of thought behind YouTube commentaries: Doing it for the lulz, and doing it because it's popular. Seeing as this is YouTube we're talking about here, it should come as no surprise to anyone that the majority of commentators subscribe to the latter theory. As such, you will usually find their criticisms to be half-hearted and their jokes to be quite weak, whereas commentaries by trolls typically focus on fat jokes and other lines intended to get a reaction out of the victim.

~~What’s sad about this manifestation of commentaries~~ Count your fucking blessings children, because most of the YT commentators have yet to notice that Retsupurae has done more outside of Let’s Plays. None of the bandwagoners have gone to comment on anything new but, would rather stick to the same thing and just hope for good feedback, thus stifling any chance of them actually becoming as popular as their idol. Retsupurae has commented on game reviews, fan fiction, videos calling them out and even flashes from Newgrounds.

The few that have branched out and commented on non-LPs have generated drama comparable (or even beyond that generated) to the original Retsupurae. This is due in part to the fact that RP's involvement ends with their commentaries. Smaller groups, which can afford to walk the fine line between riffing and blatant trolling, will sometimes continue to harass their targets after their original commentary is said and done, until they quit the Internet forever or until they themselves are banned.

Notable Commentators

Commentators may be considered "Notable" for a number of reasons. These include (But are not limited to) being legitimately amusing, consistently generating drama, or being overrated garbage that does a better job of demonstrating how fucking retarded the population of YouTube is rather than demonstrating the positive qualities of commentaries. In other words, these commentary channels can be classified as being members of "The Good" (Channels which seek to and succeed to amuse), "The Bad" (Channels which exist solely for their own greed), or "The Ugly" (Channels that exist only to piss people off).

Armake21 / TheFailSessions

Armake21 (aka NicotineAlien, theFAILSessions, and BoxedEntertainment21) (Real name: Marcus Sparacio) is a vastly overrated, slap headed, hypocritical, egocentric 25-year-old video game reviewer whom originated from JewTube. He is instantly recognizable by his irritating Winnie the Pooh voice, and his bizarre ability to grow hair on the wrong side of his head. Armake21 originally decided to board the video game reviewing bandwagon, after seeing how popular and rich the Angry Video Game Nerd had become. Being the money grabbing Jew that he is, he also wanted a slice of the pie, but he never managed to catch on despite tossing the word "Fail" around a thousand times per video (Which is usually enough to hook children and newfags).

Then, having noticed the emerging popularity of Retsupurae and wishing to "get in good" with goons (Who had previously mocked him), Marcus opened a commentary channel titled TheFailSessions, with which he released commentaries over videos by other rival video game reviewers in a desperate attempt to cover up his own inadequacies as a reviewer. Targets have included the likes of PissedOffVideoGamer and Navgtr, which should be enough to tell you that he deliberately picks popular targets for the purpose of inflating his view count. Luckily, there have been no new commentaries for over a year, and we can only hope that it continues to remain that way.

Armake recently (Earlier this year) announced the return of TheFailSessions on the channel's "Recent Activity" box, but has yet to release any new commentaries to mark this comeback. He continues to update his personal channel, which is also host to several FailSession episodes and other miscellaneous unfunny commentaries, in addition to his regularly scheduled program of unfunny video game reviews of awful old games nobody cares about.

Marcus serves as a prime example of everything that commentaries should not be: His self-serving, populist, half-hearted rants over footage of other people talking over video games are a disservice to the commentary genre. His commentaries are bad, and he should feel bad.

Like watching a horse being beaten to death.

"HEY GUYS DO YOU WATCH THE SIMPSONS I LOVE THE SIMPSONS PLZ COMMENT RATE SUBSCRIBE"

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JewTube Channels and Stuffs

His full ED article, complete with dox and well-documented drama.
His Personal YouTube Channel
His Commentary YouTube Channel

A-Log

A-Log (powerword: Anthony LoGatto), is an overweight Jewish furfag from Staten Island, New York with autism who has absolutely no sense of humor, even unintentionally.

He tends to make commentary videos attacking easy targets like Chris-chan, Sailormoonred1, nine year olds and so on, essentially trying to prove he's less retarded than they are, but often failing miserably. Taking his cues from the likes of TGWTG, he is known to wear ridiculous hats and trenchcoats while making his videos, even when indoors. He also has his own radio show on a shitty student radio station where he plays Weird Al Yankovic and other novelty comedy tracks. Nobody ever listens to the show, but it is regularly trolled during call-ins.

He is an also an aspiring voice actor for animes and at one point claimed quite seriously that he believed 4kids and their subpar dubs were going to cause another attack like 9/11 on New York. He was angered at Funimation for buying the rights to One Piece because he believed since 4kids is based in New York, he had a shot of becoming a voice actor for them. He further stated Funimation shouldn't get said contract because "They're from the South, where racists come from."

A-Log is also a total pervert and has a MILF fetish, which some speculate my be Oedipal. He's also written numerous disgusting fapfics in which he's having sex with whichever porn star or cartoon character he finds attractive, where they gush about how amazing his "six inch monster" is. Seriously.

JewTube Channels

Boomstick545

Boomstick545 is a Pokémon fanboy and furfag who submits unfunny commentaries for the sole purpose of having his name posted on ED. He seems to have an unnatural obsession with Pikachu, as he inserts pictures of him into all of his commentaries, abruptly stopping the video so he can BAWWW about what has already occurred. Sitting through his commentaries is painful, as his method actually doubles the length of the videos he is commenting on.

He preaches to his fans that ANYONE can do YouTube commentaries, so long as you have a working copy of Windows Movie Maker and laymen's knowledge of popular 4chan memes. He is known for flaunting the fact that he is ~~bisexual~~ a flaming fucking faggot to draw attention to himself (The same reason he does commentaries, coincidentally enough).

His targets consist of hasbeen faggots that nobody fucking cares about anymore. These include (But are not limited to) Alexander4488, Chris-Chan, and Spax3. This is just further proof that he joined the movement to become e-famous, as he deliberately picks "popular" targets with ED articles in the vain hope that his videos will be reposted here in a positive light. So, to deliberately annoy him, here are a few of his videos with nasty comments under them reminding you how shit they really are. Scratch that: They've all disappeared along with his horrid channel. Good fucking riddance.

Sources within Boomstick's circle of e-friends allege that the reason for Boomstick's shutting down his channel is due to him being "Sick"; not in the "tired of doing commentaries" sense, but in the "legitimately ill" sense. Though he apparently did not disclose his specific ailment, there is a srsly good chance that he has contracted AIDS, due his numerous encounters with unprotected cock.

Social Medias and Shit

~~(Current) YouTube Channel~~ (Baleeted)
Newgrounds Profile
His mancrush

ChipCheezumSA

~~Chip Cheezum is smart enough to not post his face on the internet. Go figure.~~ Disregard that I suck cocks

ChipCheezumSA is the name of a commentary channel run by goons Chip Cheezum and General Ironicus (Guess who wears the pants in this relationship?). They hold the dubious "honors" of having had Slowbeef guest commentate with them in the past, and being moderators of the Something Awful LP subforum (Where this whole fad got started). Being goons themselves, they are frequently compared to the original Retsupurae, and are even mistakenly considered to be the origin of the movement itself by stupid newbies. Their commentaries are actually amusing every now and again, or at the very least, leaps and bounds ahead of those not produced by proper goons.

They follow closely in Retsupurae's footsteps, wherever they may lead, like an abandoned puppy follows a boy on his way home from school in a cheesy 50's series. When RP began commenting on non-LP videos, ChipCheezumSA followed suit. When their role models began commenting over flash animations, they did the same. It is expected that when Slowbeef dies, they too shall release themselves from this mortal coil. Until then, they shall continue to spark mild drama with their commentaries.

A LPer cannot defeat Iceman.

Commentary over an LP that has next to no commentary of it's own.

Sensory fucking overload.

Draculur's Castle.

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Social Medias and Stuffs

(Current) YouTube Channel
Their website, dedicated to their own LPs.

METOKUR

Moar info: SSP.

RandomDCE/JetDroidMonkey2007

This gentleman's lifestyle is paid for by decent, honest, hard-working, salt o' the earth British taxpayers like you.

Thanks a lot, Broken Britain.

With teeth like that, you really don't need the Union Jack behind him to tell you he's British.

RandomDCE (powerword: James Thompsett? moar liek ThomSHIT, amirite?) is a fat, virginal, unemployed embarrassment to his parents from the inbred little island of Britbongland who spends his days being popular on the Internet.

DCE (which stands for 'Dick Craving Englishman') became a member of the YouTube Hall of Fame by posting boring rant videos about shit nobody cares about, and by incorporating his own amateurish sprite ~~animations~~ still pictures used again and again and again into his videos in a desperate attempt to win over his fans with lazy pop culture references and the rampant usage of ~~tired~~ knackered out old memes (which he pronounces as 'memms' because he's a newfag).

RandomDCE's miniscule success on YouTube is primarily due to his obnoxiously affected persona, that of the stereotypical sarcastic, cynical British gentleman which fools brainless Anglophile Amerilards into thinking that he's some witty, John Cleese-esque comedy genius, when all he does is spout basic, entry-level, obvious nerd opinions that have been regurgitated a million times before by other spergs on the Internet in a futile attempt at pretending to be against the status quo when in actuality he is simply perpetuating it - Justin Bieber's a fag, Twilight sucks, Anita Sarkeesian is a feminazi bitch, jocks are dumb (despite the fact that the 'jock' stereotype is very much an American thing and not something that DCE, being British, would ever have actually encountered in his secondary school/college, btw), Hollywood are soooo unoriginal with their remakes, chavs are scum, blah, blah, blah, you've heard it all be-fucking-fore, but this time it comes with sprite art, Sonic recolors and a Britfag accent to make you feel smart. It's a self-validating vacuum of crap.

Needless to say, these videos are as about as funny as being diagnosed with cancer of the colon, and his fans (who would like nothing more than to find him in real life and suck his little limey furfag cock) are legitimately mentally defective.

Video game-related videos are DouChE's favorite fodder for commentary, since he knows perfectly well that these videos (as overplayed as commentaries over them are) will provide him with the only thing he cares about on YouTube; subscribers. A notorious bandwagoner, he is known to make half-assed lazy videos parroting whatever opinions are popular amongst friendless faggots on the Internet everywhere because he's terrified of voicing an opinion that doesn't mesh with the sperg-hivemind and suddenly losing his nerd cred.

He was also partly responsible for the Sonic recolor fad, despite later creating anti-Sonic recolor groups. He also claims that, as a sprite 'artist', he abhors any form of recoloring. Ironic that he does the same shit as recolors, as anyone with eyes can see they all his characters share the same body depending if they are fat, furry, female or short. Not to mention that all of his characters are based off other YouTube users or are obviously based off already pre-existing characters, such as the image on the right where his fursona is obviously based off of Dot from Animaniacs. RandomDCE's fursona pops up in almost all of his videos, dangled in front of his mongoloid audience like jangling car keys in front of the gurgling faces of newborns. In addition, following in the footsteps of a certain other fat, friendless autists on the Internet, RandomDCE has also invented a cliched evil twin version of himself called Reverse, who is the opposite of him in every way. RandomDCE uses Reverse as a mouthpiece with which to make commentaries on things he secretly enjoys but daren't tell anyone about because he is a huge pussy.

Every now and then, RandomDCE will be deluded enough to think that his unfortunate face is attractive enough to be seen by human eyes and so will grace his adoring public by showing his bloated fizog on camera. These videos usually see our hero sat on the floor of a dingy room, in front of a grotty sofa that looks like it smells of farts and takeaway curry, with a cum-stained Union Jack that likely doubles as Random's wank-rag thrown over the back of it to remind his audience that he's a proud, patriotic Britisher, but having the unfortunate effect of making him look like a porky EDL dullard.

He is also responsible for leading another commentary group by the name of JetDroidMonkey2007, which features commentaries just as bad as those on his personal channel. The difference between them and his own is that JetDroid Monkey commentaries usually feature over four other unfunny commentators talking over the video (not to mention, each other) at the same time, resulting in consistent clusterfucks as each and every one of these mirth-free, attention-whoring motherfuckers try to one-up eachother and failing miserably. You shouldn't wish the Hell of watching these awful commentaries upon your worst enemies.

DCE has no life, living with his dad doing nothing but making YouTube videos and playing video games. The stuff he makes fun of people for doing. His dad even buys his video games for him.

Social Medias

ConfusedMatthew

Another so-called commentator of the "angry" variety whom defecates contrarian commentaries and reviews on virtually anything that's popular. This means he has probably spoken out against eating food, masturbating to girls, and shitting in toilets. Typical aspie using mommy's computer as access, "Confused" Matthew relishes in bashing movies and animu nearly everybody likes and gets confused about them. He also masturbates to obscure comic book characters covered in spandex. Notably caused multiple shitstorms upon bashing animu classics such as "Spirited Away" and "Akira". Despite lulzingly trolling weeaboos with such commentaries, he is a disgusting pile of filth whom wields no more entertainment than watching a kitten being eaten alive by a python. Nowadays considered old-hat outside of his fanbase of prepubescent 12 year olds as angry reviewers have largely been ousted in favor of much less offensive fare.

Basically Matthew's "commentaries" in a nutshell.

Pikachu0Z

This faggot's lifestyle is paid for by taxpayers like you

Thank You, America.

/vp/ incarnate, Pikachu0Z (formerly known as Lugia0), is almost thirty years old and is obsessed with Pokémon.

Like Chris-chan, Pikachu0Z is a native of Virginia and a welfare leech, claiming disability benefit because of his autism instead of working for his money even though he is obviously capable of doing so. Most of his commentaries focus on - surprise, surprise - easy targets such as Sailormoonred1, Justin Bieber and Jonas Brothers fangirls and, of course, Christian Weston Chandler.

It is interesting to note that though much of Pikachu0Z's material comes from ripping on those who take their interests too seriously, when one insults his fandom of choice, Pokémon, he immediately turns into a raging volcano of nerd rage.

Bitching at trolls and Pokémon haters.

Pikachu0Z rants at a mentally retarded man for playing with dolls.
This from a man who, himself, is obsessed with as Pokémon, Transformers and Sonic.

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A mysterious figure, Pikachu0Z never shows his face on camera, choosing instead to hide behind the visage of his namesake, lovable Pokémon mascot Pikachu, most likely as an attempt to endear himself to and gain the trust of impressionable children.

Social Medias

Professor Kuhtoons

Moar info: Professor Kuhtoons.

Undoubtedly the most arrogant nigger to ever grace the internet since BlackBusterCritic and the most pathetic excuse for a troll since Mariotehplumber. Ranting about shit like high school, TheMysteriousMrEnter, SuperMarioLogan, The Commentary Community, and other stupid-ass shit nobody cares about. A drama whore that loves to start shit with other users, and expressing his great hatred for the U.S. Military. Unsurprisingly, this fag was also a part of the commentary community before growing half a pea-sized brain and ragequitting like the pansy that he is.

Social Medias

Professor Kuhtoons - Main account Vacant due to the false flags
Professor Kuhtoonster - Alt account He still posts on there
An archive channel from his MegaDoopTV days
~~OccasionalYTer~~ - BALEETED
professorkuhtoons
Same as above - Made by a fan and it's got WAY more vids
Yet ANOTHER fan-made archive channel
MegaDoopTV ^{(See removed posts: 1, 2)} - May be abandoned

Notable Targets

We at ED do not support commentating on the following peoples' videos. Srsly: Just because 13-year-old boys love to pick easy targets for their "commentaries" doesn't mean that you have to do it, too.

Moar info: Video Game Reviewers.

Alexander4488

The look on Alexander's face when he successfully takes down a commentary.

Alexander4488 is a smug Canadian “film student” who – You guessed it - reviews video games. Alexander is yet another one of the many angry nerds, a terrorist and also claims to attend the Vancouver Film School. Like the rest of the herd of vidy gaem addicts, Alexander does an incredibly bad job at reviewing. Following along the cliché angry nerd act, Alexander screams at minor, if not unnoticeable, problems. He also desperately fishes for possible sex jokes, usually involving the penis, as a poor attempt to make his crowd of virgins laugh.

As a smug video game reviewer, he thinks that his videos are the best on YouTube, and even thinks that he is better than the Angry Nintendo Nerd. He believes that everyone should five-star his videos, believing that is what they actually deserve. However, if there he finds any form of negativity – whether in comment or video form, he will track the person down and personally BAWWW to them.

Although METOKUR began initial trolling with their commentary over his review of Barbie for the NES, they abandoned ship once other commentators decided to cash in, and basica blew the whole operation. Commentary channels continue to produce unwatchable videos to this day, all of which Alexander inevitably responds to himself. In fact, after one of Boomstick's commentaries over Alexander’s atrocious Mario Kart review was discovered by Alexander, he replied to every single comment on the video, rebutting their views.

JewTube Channel and Stuff

His full ED article, which covers the history of commentaries over his videos.
(Current) YouTube channel.

BigAl2k6

BigAl2k6 (powerword: Alan D. Reddig), is a fat VLogger nerd and general self-esteem booster for those around him. Proclaiming himself to be the "rant master", he often uploads boring rant videos concerning topics people stopped caring about Last Thursday, like PETA, FF7, Tourneyfags, and other bullshit. When he isn't busy complaining about shit nobody cares about, he also posts videos of himself dancing for his webcam, AMVs, video game reviews, and kissing animu girls (Srsly).

As such, he has become somewhat popular commentary fodder, including a commentary by the original Retsupurae over a video of him demonstrating the moves he would have if he were to star in a fighting game, and a commentary by METOKUR over a video of him dancing to a J-Pop song from a video game for furries. In a desperate attempt to dissuade commentators from producing more videos, he hopped on the bandwagon himself, nearly crushing it with his massive girth. They contain the same needless swearing from his rant videos, but with the added benefit of not having to look at him while he talks. They're still as unfunny as ever, though.

JewTube Channel and Stuff

(Current) YouTube Channel (Active)
His section on the "YouTube Nobodies" article.

Irate Gamer

You better heed these warnings, dear commentators.

Chris Bores, also known as The Irate Gamer, is a lulzless YouTube user, pretending to be a gamer, who thought there weren't enough Angry Video Game Nerd ripoffs on the internets. On April 28th, 2007, Irate Gamer put up a review of Back to the Future for the NES that was AVGN's exact review with his voice dubbed over, making the same exact points on Marty's vest, his skateboard, the game's enemies and mimicking James' exact body movements with his controller by using a pirated copy Sony Vegas on a computer that he traded cocaine to some black person for. Since then, he has been the subject of many a YouTube video, including several commentaries over his reviews.

Unfortunately, the bulk of these commentaries (As well as most videos to use his likeness in any form) have been taken down due to copyright claims filed by Bores himself. Among these "Casualties of Bore" includes a video by Retsupurae themselves, which shocked their subscribers and anti-Bore fanatics by not being a commentary over one of his game reviews. Instead, they talked over a video of him blatantly ripping off Ghost Hunters. Soon after this commentary was taken down, a remake of the commentary was released on Something Awful, where it is safe from Bore's touch of death.

JewTube Channel and Stuff

The PissedOffVideoGamer

Rip-off of the Angry Video Game Nerd, a Russian immigrant, Uncle Fester look-a-like whose unbelievably fat and pokes at things with a little stick. Also mistakes multiple things for food. Closed down his account due to many YouTubers manning the harpoons and bracing themselves for impact. An account named PissedOffAngryGamer still has his Nintendo Gamecube review up for public view. Oh, and did I mention that he is also fat? [1].

Navgtr / Gaming in the Clinton Years

Also known as, "The Argument Against YouTube Commentaries".

Jack Thompson's attempt in the 1990's to become a legitimate video game critic. In these "reviews," Jack discusses his brilliant video game ideas, such as giving Lara Croft breast cancer, driving the speed limit while taking a woman to the labor ward, and playing as a batshit insane lawyer who must defend himself for mailing gay porn to a judge. At some point in 2006, these videos were seen by the National Academy of Video Game Testers and Reviewers, and were reposted on YouTube, where they remained obscure and unseen.

That is, until Retsupurae stumbled upon it, and released a series of commentaries over the antiquated episodes. Believing the series to be recent, these commentaries consisted mostly of them discussing how dumb it was for a channel to be reviewing decade-old games as if they were recent. Unfortunately, RP's fans never so much as questioned this gross inaccuracy, believing them to be infallible. Worse yet, many began to produce their own "Navgtr commentaries", recycling the same tired jokes from the original RP commentaries.

As a result, if you watch any of these awful commentaries, any humor you might find in the ineptitude of the original show will be ruined for you. So, do yourself a favor, and don't watch any of them (The commentaries, that is), for they are the prime example of how YouTube commentaries can fucking drain the lulz dry.

JewTube Channel and Stuff

Jfreedan

Jfreedan (powerword: Carey Ray Martell) is a YouTube partner that has a Jupiter-sized ego, but it's as fragile a snowflake, and can't take any form of criticism or even a simple opinion and will call it "harassment" or "hate speech" and will also straw man out of any argument. That's why doing commentaries on his shitastic The RPG Fanatic show is well worth it, bonus points if he takes down the commentary for copyright or hate speech since the faggot doesn't know anything about fair use.

JewTube Channels and Stuff

Jfreedan's "Is the Term JRPG Racist" video - For lulz, flag it for hate speech and/or call him a racist (or Running Faggot).
Jfreedan's 2nd "Is JRPG Racist" video
Jfreedan's youtube channel.

External Links

CommentaryAlliance - Their treehouse.
Project A.F.T.E.R. - A website dedicated to text commentary on incredibly bad fanfiction.

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Contents

Origins

The Current State of Commentaries