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MMORPG
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Almost every MMORPG released after 2004 is absolute shit, with very few exceptions... and even then, they're still MMORPGs. |
MMORPG is an acronym for Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Life Consuming Game. This can also be referred to as Massive Mega Online Raping Pokemanz Gurofest or in more accurate terms: Many Males Online Role Playing as Girls. An MMORPG is an unpaid, expensive, hard, boring, tiring and drama-generating job. The whole sense of MMORPG is that you pay to become fat and to keep your virginity. MMORPG's are also unique in that they are the only known method of living your own life vicariously. Which is pathetic. And more than a little bit sad. Actually, it's very, very, very sad. Sadder than Richard Simmons, even.
MMORPGs are a sinister Communist plot. They enthrall people to the point where they don't bother to shower, shave, sleep, eat, drink, get up to go to the bathroom, or take care of their children. This must be communist magick because the gameplay of every MMORPG goes as follows: Do something. Do the same thing again. Keep doing it 9 hours a day every day for the rest of your life. MMORPGs are like having a job except you pay for it instead of making money. EverQuest, for example, is called "EverCrack" in an unfunny attempt at fanboy humor, but few know that the game is actually in fact laced with crack.
People actually fucking sell magic items from MMORPGs on eBay, thus unintentionally making a brilliant satire of capitalism. MMORPGs also have their own mafias, the members of which are obviously all azns Japanophiles who don't know all MMORPG's are made in Korea.
Fortunately for Encyclopedia Dramatica, however, MMORPGs can generate massive lulz and drama if successfully trolled.
Massively Multiplayer Online Transgender Simulation
A lot of male humans IRL seem to enjoy playing a female character on MMORPGs. To most people this would be a sign of being queer or something similar, but when confronting a player who does this, they'll usually counter with something along the lines of; "I don't wanna sit around watching a guys ass move all day" or "I just want sum eyecandy". Is this really a desire for some softcore porn? Or is it a cry for a sex change? Do you ever hear of girls playing as guys on MMORPGs? As a matter of fact, have you ever heard of a girl playing as any kind of character on a MMORPG? Only the morbidly obese, and underage emos.
The alternative is that the player has a god complex -- usually evident to the player -- which causes them to create characters that act as a controlled underling rather than a digital version of the player. This likely comes from failing at real life, so someone will pay, even if that person is their own creation within someone else's creation.
The ONE Good Thing About Them IRL
MMORPG's are total motherfucking shit. EVERYONE knows THAT. However, one theory states that "the moar you win at an MMORPG, the moar you fail at life."
So, this basically means that all those fat-ass basement-dwellers living with their parents will spend thousands of consecutive hours on their comps, eventually resulting in their death. This happens all the time in China, where the only difference between an American MMORPG player and a Chinese one, is that the Chinese one actually gets out of the house and goes to die at a cybercafe. This has happened many a time. The azn sits himself down at a comp and STAYS THERE for DAYS until he dies of many a cause: dehydration, starvation, doesn't take a shit/piss, exhaustion, or the very fun ALL OF THE ABOVE.
Some of them make it though. They have a heart attack or faint or something and get rushed to a hospital. If they were really hardcore, then they'd commit an hero and screw everyone over at the cafe.
The less funny opposite to the theory is of course: "the moar you fail in an MMORPG, the moar normal you are IRL."
Terms & Acronyms
- Aggro - Sex appeal to enemies. The MMORPGs are all about whomever has the prettiest and sexiest armor, so tell the whole undead-dragon castle about it with your friends and group members. Or it can refer to the picture to the right.
- Buff - Viagra doses for people's characters.
- Crit - When the game decides to shit with you by randomly doing more damage than you usually do making you think that you actually achieved something in the game
- DPS - Dick Punishing Speed, this is the fastest way to steal money from medieval hookers.
- Epic - Usually a UBER RARE item that people in China will kill you for IRL.
- Farmer - A Korean or Chinese person working in a sweatshop in some god-forsaken shit city somewhere in south Korea. They are well known for pissing you off in-game by forcing you to buy massive amounts of gold for like two fucking dollars. Their Gold:Hourly Wage ratio is about 100:15 cents.
- G.I.R.L. - Guy in real life, where 99% of the female characters that are either 13 year old confused boy or 40 year old virgin man (see No girls on the internet).
- Grind - This is 90% of a MMORPG, the other 10% are wacky novelty items like Christmas hats.
- Guild - A group of players, banded together with a crummy tag or logo. This is where a lot of drama comes into MMORPGs. See also circlejerk.
- LFG/MP - Looking for Genitalia/My Penis. A condition where players become too Fat IRL and are no longer able to locate their sex organs. LFG can also refer to a meth-using Christfag on a certain site.
- Loot - The reason why anybody plays an MMORPG. It ranges from a criminal's rectal hair (quest item) to a gigantic AssFuck-Mace. Without loot, an MMORPG will cease to exist.
- Lvl - Short for "level," a rough measure of how much time and money you've spent on the game. Used mainly to determine whether you're about to get raped by the guy you just picked a fight with.
- Ninja - Normal person who realizes waiting 6 months for their turn to loot is absurd. Also see troll.
- Party - Huge bonanza with girls and beer... Just kidding, all MMO players are Asexual fags
- PK - Player Killer, a true internet tough guy with an epenis length of at least 100.
- Pug - Prostitutes n'Underage Group. This term is where unskilled players (Usually 10 year old players who play as Gnomes) find cheap whores off the city streets to hopefully do a dungeon with because they don't have any real friends that'll help them get the lootz. May also refer to the type of dog that the player is interested in screwing (see Furry.)
- PvE - Player vs Environment, the type of gameplay where pussy-players must sign a fine-printed contract to battle each other.
- PvP - Player vs Player, this is where epenis comes into MMORPGs. Usually involves slamming your face into the keyboard while masturbating.
- Raid - What hardcore gamers have to spray under their giant guts to keep the roaches away.
- RMT - Real money trader, yes, people actually spend their IRL money on in game cashmonies.
- Tank - A physically strong player that weaker classes will use as a shield. Can easily be played by the retarded, or even Azns.
- Toon - The gayest way to refer to a character ever. Don't use it, unless you are a thirty year-old woman.
- WTB/S - Want to buy/sell. Players usually sell "magic ass dust" or overpriced-shit-quality-weaponry they recently pulled out of a bear's penis after slaying it and taking VIAGRA.
Drama Links
- An example of MMORPG drama.
- A World of Warcraft clan raids an online funeral. (Epic lulz!)
- EQ2Flames, drama-infested EQ2 MMO site. And the article!
- Loyola professor trolls City of Heroes/Villains for science! Wins valuable results, hatred of and by gamers - double-win.
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/A21wxZKiao8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
MMORPGs
Most of these games are EQ clones and are hardcore grinds after level 20. They all suck.
- Age of Conan - Oblivion graphics with titties, but bugged to shit and no endgame content.
- AQ Worlds - 2D and laggy as shit.
- Aion - Ever wonder what a MMO designed by Amuria would look like? This is it! @w@ It's a Koreaboo's paradise, you fly 10% of the time, and it's an unholy Chink grind after level 22.
- Alganon - DEREK SMART
- Allods Online - More or less well-drawned 3D russian(!) MMORPG. Contains Soviet Russia faction along with Slavyan one.
- Anarchy Online - Ancient sci-fi MMORPG by the fags who made AOC later.
- Asheron's Call - Ancient EQ clone.
Asheron's Call 2- Game over, man.- Champions Online - Another superhero game by Cryptic, and this round, they fuck up the patchers.
- ArchLord - Fantasy MMORPG that contains loli chicks , half naked chicks and some other crap, the game is basicly all bugs and crap.
- Atlantica Online - Oddly enough this is more like Final Fantasy than its actual MMO - still is a shitty Korean cash shop game!
- City of Heroes - Predominantly homosexual.
- City of Villains - Same as above.
- Conquer Online - An attempt to copy Diablo II, lulz.
- CrimeCraft - It went free-to-play less than two months after release. Also, nice name, fuckwads.
- Dark and Light - Like
VanguardAge of Conan, but even worse. Considered to be the worst MMORPG of all time. - Dark Age of Camelot - Ancient PVP-based MMORPG with that fuckin' cloudsong. You stole it.
- DC Universe Online - Some up-and-coming SOE MMORPG that lets you be Robin's bitch!
- Darkfall - Been in development for 8 years, and shortly after release, received 2/10 for a rating. Now a 4/10.
- Dofus - One part Final Fantasy Tactics, seven parts yiff, two parts Flash, one part paid subscription, 110% fun!
- Dungeons and Dragons Online - Guild Wars in the West, by Turbine.
- DUST 514 - Console MMORPG in the works by the same faggots that made EVE. Think of Halo with boring spaceships.
- Earth Eternal - 100% pure furfaggotry; in beta testing.
- EVE Online - Space screensaver MMO by some basement guy in Iceland. Libertarians enjoy this game a lot.
- EverQuest - Ancient. Responsible for spawning almost everything else. Shawn Woolley killed himself over this shitty game. EQ also involves a lot of jumjum and COGS.
- EverQuest II - More like WoW than the first EQ game, and used to have a pizza-ordering system. In this game you can be a pink frog with angel wings that defeats a belly-dancing lich goddess of undeath. More COGS.
- Evony - Like Civilization 4, online, and with malware, and chinese goldfarming.
- Fallen Earth - Sandbox game with Second Life-esque characters. It's EVE on land after the apocalypse.
- Fiesta - MMO filled with childlike characters, perfect for pedophiles, complete with in-game marriages.
- Final Fantasy XI - Predominantly homosexual, weeaboo, and furry, and contains bosses that take 18 consecutive hours to kill. It has a grind that rivals EQ1, and half the classes are broken.
- Florensia - It's like that anime One Piece but much more serious.
- FlyFF - "WoW for girls", epic animu graphics and moar flying.
- Free Realms - Another MMORPG made for the kids, by SOE. Watch out for pedophiles!
- Fusion Fall - You know that one e-famous artist on dA? Take his shit and make a MMO out of it.
- Hero Online - Typically shitty Korean MMO.
- Helbreath - Old MMO with PVP and knights.
- Kingory - Same shit as Evony, but in China.
Hellgate London- Now offline. Created by some of the people who made Diablo II, and shocked the world when the game sucked.- La Tale - Maple Story, but with EXTREME LAG.
- Last Chaos - A very addictive MMO, with yet another case of EXTREME LAG.
- League of Legends - The most competitive and intense MOBA of all games, even better than DotA. Produced by Riot Games, the worst game developers of all time.
- Lineage 2 - Predominantly homosexual and weeaboo. Put wings on it and you've got Aion.
- Lord of the Rings Online - Yet another casual MMO, made by a bunch of fucks in Massachusetts. Somehow, the PVP's even more of an afterthought than EQ2's.
- LUNA Online - Yet another shitty korean grindfest.
- Mabinogi - Another shit-tacular game from the guys who published Maple Story. Basically a "F2P" version of Ragnarok Online with nicer graphics. Despite being F2P, you can't actually get anywhere without spending money, so it is predominately played by spoiled rich kids who whine about everything.
- Maple Story - The best place to go if you are planning to an hero.
- Marvel Universe Online - In development by some nobody company called Gazillion or some shit after Marvel told Cryptic off (which caused Champions to start development.)
The Matrix Online- ALERT! ALERT! HOLY SHIT SOE SHUTS DOWN A MMORPG!- Metin2 A shitty Korean MMO filled with pathetic n00bz that's "free" to play, but if you really want to get ahead in the game, you'll give up IRL Jew golds for shitty items that have an expiry date.
- Miss Bimbo - An Internet game for girls.
- MMORPG in Sherwood - Now you too can be like Robin Hood and his merry men. But not really. It's World of Warcraft, only web-based MMORPG. And worse.
- Nodiatis - A great, high quality, game to spend your IRL monies and BE A WINRAR! Seriously, troll this game for massive lulz.
- Perfect World International - Another goddamn shitty Korean F2P with a cash shop. You need to pay to PVP in this game, and every character is either an azn, a fairy, or a furry. Faggotry all around.
- Pirates of the Burning Sea - Yar har fiddle dee dee!
- Pirates of the Caribbean Online - Being a pirate is alright to be!
- PlaneShift - A roleplay-focused MMORPG. Need I say more?
- Planetside - Basically Counter-Strike with lazerz.
- Planetside 2 - Basically a free-to-pay Battlefield 3 with lazerz and spaceships.
- Priston Tale- A Korean MMO where the grind is so horrible you basically have to spend 10 years to get the highest level, the PVP is way worse than Runescape, and people are all bunch of carebears, also the graphics are a complete piece of crap not to the mention a big Diablo II ripoff.
- Puzzle Pirates - its like if you were a pirate, arr!, just instead of fighting other pirates with real swords and cutting their guts out, you're forced to play a puzzle. But you still get booty m8!
- Ragnarok Online - Predominantly animu fags. Basically, Diablo with Precious Moments characters.
- Rappelz - Moar like Rapeplz, amirite?
RF Online- Offline.- Rift - A "clone" of Warcraft. Usually, though, clones are inferior to the original, not the other way around.
- Risk Your Life Series - More repetitive than a MMORPG could ever get!
- Runes of Magic - Fucking cash shop shit, still the best way to waste your life without wasting irl moneys. EQ, WOW, and FFXI blended into this small-world of a game.
- Runescape - Predominantly homosexual, 100% 12 year-olds.
- Sakra - Lame gangster shit.
- Shakes and Fidget - Remember that one World of Warcraft webcomic from Germany? They made a web browser game out of it. Yeah. I know.
- Silkroad Online - More like Botroad Online, the only way to own in this pissy shit oriental game is to bot, and pay some shitty e-ticket to bypass their overcrowded servers.
Star Wars Galaxies- More Star Wars IP rape. Contains Chewbacca Jedis. John Smedley actually admitted that the NGE was a bad move. Now even he doesn't care about it. Due to this, itprobably will bewas replaced with the following...- Star Wars: The Old Republic - BioWare's turn at a Star Wars MMO.
Tabula Rasa- Was shut down shortly after its creator, Richard Garriott, had his DNA sent to space.- The Fourth Coming -Ancient MMORPG no one plays with a mothly subscription, you spend your experience beating the shit out of 100s monsters for hours just for 1 level then you'll start begging basement-dwelling veterans for free stuff and gold. After the month is over, the admin will PM you at a random time to give you 3 seconds to renew your account that you already payed $10 for.
- Trickster Online - Same thing as Ragnarok Online, only it caters to the furry community.
- Toontown - An MMORPG spawned by Disney. You play as a furry who fights robots.
- Ultima Online - Ancient; this and EQ seemed to be the catalyst to all this shit.
- Warhammer: Age of Reckoning - DAoC with Warhammer shit. That's it.
- Whamadoodle Online- The only MMO worth playing!
- Wiki Online: Age of Buttsex - Try to get to the endgame and you win the Internet!
- Wizard101 - Harry Potter the MMO! Also for kids.
- World of Warcraft - Current cause of 56~% of waste of life. Considered the "mack daddy" of all MMORPG's ever.
- World War Two Online - Computer virus designed to lure in closet Nazis and pedophiles.
- Vanguard: Saga of Heroes - Originally flopped but somehow was fixed up. This is because a druggie called Brad McQuaid originally designed the game.
Kind-of MMORPGs
- Endless Online - Game with a poor economy.
- eBay - Grind to get items quicker than anyone else!
- Dungeon Fighter Online - Streets of Rage the MMORPG!
- Fantasy Earth Zero - A piece of shit MMORPG that focuses on warring. Did I mention it has a shitacular community of elitists and azn trash? It's also made by Square-Enix
- Furcadia - Okay, not really MMORPG, but it is the closest furries have to a yiff MMO. The main gameplay is finding a 12 year old boy to cyber with, which thus increases your reputation power.
- Gaia Online - Now has its own shitty flash-based lagfest of a MMO.
- Graal - Basically Zelda made into a MMO, but it's really bad.
- Guild Wars - Predominantly homosexual, 100% 12-year-olds.
- Gunz - Typical free Korean MMO that requires IRL $$$ for good items.
- Habbo Hotel - Raid mobs include pools, nigras, pools, and AIDS.
- Illutia - 2D animu shit.
- Kingdom of Loathing - Browser-based game with stick figures.
- Pangya - Golf for XP!
- Progress Quest - Plays the game for you, just like a real MMORPG!
- Subspace/Continuum - Asteroids, the MMO.
- Tibia - German Ultima IX rip-off.
- Whirled - Like Gaia Online, only shittier.
- Wikipedia - Probably the first textbased MMORPG
- New 1000 AD- A free multiplayer turn based strategy war game based on civilizations around the year 1000 AD.
- World of Tanks - Tank game that play's like an FPS in slow motion. Certain types of ammo cost real money.
Calling any of the above a "MMORPG" will bring forth rage from the diehard MMO players.
Developers
- Aventurine - The Norwegian/Greek developers of Duke Nukem Forever- I mean, Darkfall. They promised beta signups and release dates year after year... and somehow, they actually released the game.
- Blizzard Entertainment - With WoW being the current most-played MMORPG, Blizzard is able to build toilets made out of gold and shower in water imported from pristine uncharted tropical islands. Rumor has it that the WoW servers are adorned with diamonds.
- CCP - Icelandic jerks who cheat in their own game and display awesome pictures for their audiences to see!
- Cryptic - Who?
- FunCom - A bunch of Norwegians who always break shit repeatedly and keep wrecking Age of Conan over and over. They also litter Anarchy Online with ads for Faygo or something.
- Jagex - The faggots behind RuneScape. Enough said, right?
- NCSoft - Korean-based developers that will DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING once one of their games' subscriber numbers drop below 100,000. See Tabula Rasa. and City of Heroes
- NPCube - Some French fucks that got in trouble over Dark and Light. Non non rien n'a changé. They were dismissed and convicted by French court.
- Sigil - Founded and ditched by Brad McQuaid. Their flagship MMORPG, Vanguard, originally failed because the lead designed spent about 15 minutes working on the game, and the rest to do opium. Now absorbed by SOE.
- Sony Online Entertainment - Trolls the MMORPG community repeatedly and does an A Plus job at this. If they dare even breathe on one of their games, the players shit themselves. Somehow they fixed Vanguard after they fucked up SWG. They really like Rick Astley and use this meme over and over and over and over-
- Turbine - Will ban the shit outta you for the lulz and claim you're a gold miner or making RPers cry.
- Square-Enix - In the MMORPG world, they are mostly known for the Pandemonium Warden in FFXI - a monster that took over 18 consecutive hours to beat. Grats to them for trolling FFXIfags! They are probably the most patient humans to ever exist, ever.
- Acclaim - Game company porting nothing but Korean crap to english versions.
See Also
External Links
- VirginWorlds, a MMORPG site. Some name!
- MMORPG.com, full of EVE, LOTRO, and Darkfall fanboys.
- Onrpg, a whole collection of those shitty free Korean MMOs.
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MMORPG is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
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MMORPG is part of a series on MMORPGs. | [Ding!] |
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| MMORPG is part of a series on Dying Alone
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