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Midget
—Midget hater |
Midget is the preferred nomenclature of the vertically retarded. For whatever bizzare reason, they prefer to be reffered to as "dwarves", but why in the fuck would you ever want to be called that? Dwarves are mythological creatures of short height; that sounds way more offensive than calling them "midgets", because it sounds like it's meant to imply that these midgets are mythological creatures that shouldn't exist, implying further that they're abominations; apparently Midgets are masochistic. A more lulzy nickname for these folks is "kickables".
Culture
Midgets don't tend to have a culture. They spend their time making really bad internets porn that is sent to you via email resulting in Anti-lulz. The "midget's" main occupations consist of being on TV or pushing trolleys around your local shopping center. Or you can buy them as pets over the black market/eBay. Some famous midgets include Jason "Wee Man" Acuna, that weird little Irish guy on WWE and Jackass. The Ewoks in Star Wars were played by midgets, as was R2-D2. It is also known that a midget did the voice of the gay car of Knight Rider. Sadly he passed away when the key broke in the lock and being a midget, no one really gave a shit (more Anti-lulz for midgets). And don't forget the really gross one in Big Brother, Australia who they leach off the government by saying they have a black person. They also get a TV show complaining about people paying out on them. A rare occurrence is an Azn midget which are rarely seen.
Midget culture is almost entirely made up of costume parties, alcoholism, drug addiction, and depression. No one hates themselves more than a midget does. They prefer only to come out at night, scurrying beneath the mundane's feet throughout the day as they make their way from porn studio to porn studio. Every midget knows at least three famous midgets: if you meet a midget, a good way to break the ice is to ask which famous midgets he or she has met at midget conventions. Midgets have many interesting career options. They can wrestle, be a bowling ball, be an actor or actress, be Wee Man, or collect a black person.
Video shorts
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History
Midgets have played an important role in American cinematography, serving as the butt of all jokes and ensuring adequate box office revenues for otherwise shitty movies. The Great Midget Uprising of '57 was put down by Dwight "Ike" Eisenhower with the famous line, "I'll stop laughing at midgets when midgets stop being so damned funny."
Midgets were also used in the Vietnam war to find mines, and to infiltrate the gook lines, due to their similar height and filthiness. This ceased only when butthurt liberal commies BAAAAAAAAAWED about them being used as semen receptacles when the Saigon whores pussies got too worn out and loose to do more than slosh noisily as they were stirred by mighty 'Merican cock.
The porn industry owes at least 75 percent of its yearly revenue to the hard work and dedication of the midget community. It is also believed famous midget, "Wee-man", saved MTV from almost certain bankruptcy after appearing on Jackass and allowing himself to be shot out of various cannons and slings. Construction of a memorial to his sacrifices is currently underway in Washington, D.C.
Biology
Midgets suffer from a physical condition called "cancer", as their hands are often bigger than their faces. Their torsos are hilariously longer than their legs, which provides comedy gold in running sequences as they can kick themselves in the head. They always smell of cabbage and have large penises, especially the females.
They also have a mental retardation called "pygmy" (aka: walking blow-job) which makes them aggressive towards tall people. There are many examples of short people in history who are aggressive because they are "walking blow-jobs". These people include:
Famous midgets
- Napoleon Bonaparte
- Brakeu
- Darth Vader
- Adolf Hitler
- La Pequeña
- Oompa Loompas
- Asians
- Eric the Midget
- Dr. Evil
- Urist McDwarf
- John Howard
- Steve Irwin
- Son of Art
- Lionel Messi
- Frank Iero
- The Midget who fucked Bridget and hid in the cabinet
- David Miscavige
- Tyrion Lannister
- Seth Green
- An'janea Pointer
- Vern
- These cuffs
- Edward Elric
- Verne Troyer
- Weev
See also
External Links
- The Dwarf Tossing Ban Act, 2003 - Canada's fault
- Midgets convening on srs matters. srsly
- Sex with a midget.
- Mini Britney Spears - Now with 90% less crazy and NyQuil than the original.
