Elvis Presley

Elvis was BFF with Nixon.

Elvis and Jack Kennedy get ready to kick some ass

His wife today. Good thing she thinks he's dead.

Elvis Aryan Presley is was an IRL singer, former Army soldier, and (fat)ass man. He became famous by enlisting at Fort Hood, which he then used as a platform to start a music career parodying black people. Like all Rock stars, he fucked many women and did lots of drugs. He later tried to have The Beatles banned from the Jewnited States because they were hogging all the good pussy. After his wife, Priscilla Presley, took half his stuff and converted to Scientology, he overdosed on barbiturates and HNNNNNNGGGGGed on the shitter so Priscilla could not take the other half of his stuff.

Or so most have been led to believe...

	“	The great joke was that we were taking [illegal] drugs, and look what happened to him.	„
	—Paul McCartney, on Elvis narking on The Beatles.

Trolling IRL

It is common knowledge that "The King" ODed on the throne and has been grave dust since 1977, yet some believe that he is still alive and occasionally appears at random diners and truck stops, but these are often disproven as just wannabe Elvis impersonators.

Various theories have arisen over the years:

• He faked his death so his ex-wife would stop bitchin' at him for all his money and currently lives in an Retiredment home in East Texas, fighting mummies with John F. Kennedy who is disguised as a negro (see below).
• He did it for the insurance.
• He needed to avoid certain people and make some debt go away.
• He got tired of fame on Earth and returned to his home planet.
• His spirit remains restless.

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Even if he didn't die when everyone said he did, he would have surely dropped dead when his daughter married Michael Jackson.

Elvis Discovered

Don Coscarelli's 2002 film Bubba Ho-Tep was in fact a documentary composed after years of searching a trail of clues and eyewitness accounts, particularly the written testimony of Joe R. Lansdale. DNA evidence has proven that Elvis is indeed living in a retirement home in an undisclosed location in East Texas, along with a black person who is merely under the impression that he is in fact former president Kennedy. Unlike Elvis, however, JFK is without a doubt dead and gone as it is impossible to fake your brain splattering out all over your motorcade.

Due to the film's limited exposure, however, it is still widely assumed that the King is dead.

Elvis in Concert

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Gallery

Thank you very much About missing Pics

• 
  Proof that he is alive and well.
• 
  Elvis sees what you did there.
• 
  He starred in films such as Elvis Goes to Jail.
• 
  Elvis was an Arab.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

• 
  How Harum Scarum would have really happened.
• 
  Elvis was seriously constipated.
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  King of Rock and Roll and Host of The Tonight Show.
• 
  Elvis would Kung Fu-ck your ass up.
• 
  The King of Karate
• 
  His final moments
• 
  You ain't never caught a rabbit and you ain't no friend of mine.
• 
  He can't walk out.
• 
  I never knew Elvis was My Grandfather.
• 
  Priscilla left him for Leslie Nielsen.

See Also

• Conspiracy Theory
• Fat
• Wigger

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