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Fat Man
—Fat Man, after receiving his welfare check |
FAT MAN (aka The Night Owl aka Teddy Bear) born September 30, 1951 is a FAT FETISHIST, SPORTS HATING, TRACING, JEW, who has caused much butthurt to /sp/artans and sportsfags alike. While many believe he may be in fact a troll, this would make him one of the most successful sleeper trolls in history having been on the interwebs since at least 1996.
While some look up to him for his ability to cause so much RAAAAAAGE others wish this fat fuck would stop living off a "measly $650 a month" of Guvment Monies (which he has stated is SSI and Disability) and go exercise and play some sports. He also is a master of MS Paint & Web Design which he displays all over the web.
About Fat Man
My name is Gerald, I'm 55 years old, 5 ft 6 in and I presently weigh about 400 pounds. Yeah, I'm a fat person, but I'm perfectly happy and contented being a fat person. I live in El Paso Texas. I love working with computers and I have even built my own computer. I also enjoy doing oil paintings, listening to classical music, and rock, and I plan to get back to building radio controlled model planes again as I had done years ago. I'm in the process of converting to Judaism, and I go to Temple Mount Sinai, a Reform Synagogue, every Saturday on Shabbot for Torah Studies and Religious Services. Although I'm the fattest person in my congregation, everybody there accepts me just as I am. I don't know how to speak Hebrew yet, but I'm able to sing the songs in Hebrew during the Religious Services. I've been told that I an excellent singing voice, that I sound like a fat little Opera singer. As a fat person, I'm into the Size Acceptance movement, and I subscribe to the NAAFA Newsletter for the National Association for Fat Acceptance, and also many other Size Acceptance web sites on the Internet.
When he came to the attention of the chans
One day the /sp/artans at 4chan discovered a website entirely devoted to discussing why sports are responsible for everything that is wrong in society; www.sportssuck.org. They proceeded to infiltrate their forums and troll for great justice. One member in Particular really rubbed the /sp/artans the wrong way, that man was FAT MAN at first the trolls thought he might be the greatest troll of all time but they quickly realized he was not. They proceeded to get doc's, and much win and lulz were had.
QUOTES
Previous Quote | Next Quote | |||||
SportsSuck Reading material
Fat man getting trolled repeatedly:
- Entire forum including Fat Guy trolled by simple copypasta Shit Was So Cash
- Fat Man realizing the forum is being invaded by trolls
- Fat Man falling hook line and sinker for a good troll
- Fat Man making fun of fat football players?
- Fat Man trolled by fake black man
- Fat Man trolled by fake psychologist
- Fat Man trolls himself about ED
In conclusion, you can troll Fat Man just by posting, and he will write essays in response. Registration is open, thus it's open season on SportsSuck. RAID THAT SHIT MOTHER FUCKERS
— i_like_1981 being a faggot as usual |
Copy Pasta
As you have noticed by my photo at the top of the page, I'm a fat man, hence the name of my web site, The Fat Man's Emporium, I'm into the Size Acceptance movement for civil rights for us larger people. I'm perfectly contented being a large person. I actually like being a much larger person. So, please, no E-mails telling me to lose weight. OK? The photo above was taken back in April 2007 when I weighed about 370 pounds. I'm now almost 400 pounds, and I'm only 5 feet 6 inches in height.
One of my favorite rock singers is Meat Loaf, another large guy. I remember watching him on TV when he came out on stage singing Like A Bat Out Of Hell. He looked truly awesome, like a big fat Opera singer.
I want to be so massive obese that when I'm out walking, I need a couple of people following close behind me with folding chairs, so after taking about 20 to 30 steps, I have to have them slide the chairs under me so I can sit down for a few minutes to catch my breath.
To me, that is the most pleasant sensation ever. I love being soft, flabby, and weak, and feeling like my knees are going to buckle under my massive weight pressing down on my legs. I love feeling really heavy on my knees and my feet.
And I love, being such a fat-ass that I need to use a pair of tongs as a tissue paper holder in order to wipe my own butt, and I love having my lower belly hanging down over my shrunken penis making it physically impossible for me to have an erection or to engage in sex, and I love the sensation of my tiny shrunken penis and shrunken testicles being crushed under the weight of my massive belly. I love being impotent and unable to preform sexually, because to me, sex sounds too much like strenuous exercise, and I prefer to eat and sleep instead.
Also, I would love to become so big and fat that I have to struggle to squeeze my way through doorways in public buildings. Imagine the thrill and the pure joy as I struggle to squeeze my way through the front doorway of an All You Can Eat Buffet, and everyone there staring at me, and some people laughing at me, and some hollering, "Hey! What's the matter fat boy??? Can't get through the door!!!" and huffing and puffing, and breaking out in a sweat as I struggle to get through the door, and then, I make it, and I waddle toward a table to sit down with three chairs under my big fat ass, and I sit there smiling contentedly, patting myself on my huge soft round belly as the waitress take my order and brings my food and setting about 10 plates of food in front of me, and people staring and some looking on with disgust as I proceed to indulge myself to the maximum. If anybody were to make some unkind or insulting remarks, I would simply say that I love to eat, and being too fat to get through doorways doesn't bother me in the least, that I'm just naturally a big over-sized person, and that I am proud of my size.
Fan Fiction
Rex Ryan climbed into Gerald's room and immediately punched him in the face, knocking him out cold. Upon awakening Gerald found his fat body bound and gagged to a chair. The obese Jet's coach was naked, standing in front of him with a big gang green boner and a jar of mayonnaise. "I'm gonna rub you up with this mayo and fuck your ass harder than when you got raped as a kid!" And at that, Rex leaped forward and grabbed Geralds large man-breast. He grabbed with all his might, and rubbed the mayo all over Gerald's skin and began licking it off. Gerald's muffled screams fell flat, and no one came to his help. The mayonnaise aroused Rex more than he'd ever been aroused. It reminded him of how he would masturbate by rubbing ice cream on his nipples and shoving pepperonis up his asshole. He couldn't wait, Rex used the mayonnaise and rubbed it on his dick to lube himself up so he could plunge into Gerald's partially wiped ass. After his cock was all lubed up, Rex plunged in. He thrust in and out in complete ecstasy. The amount of food in the air put Gerald into a trance and he moaned loadly. Rex came almost immediately, but he was by no means done. He pulled out of Gerald's ass, his PENIS dripping mayonnaise and semen. Rex cleaned his dick off with Gerald's tongue. Rex took out a few of the ribs he had ordered from Chili's and shoved them up his ass to stimulate his enormous prostate. Rex then undid Gerald's shirt and began rubbing bacon on Gerald's nipples. After mixing it with some barbecue sauce, he decided he wanted a better look at Gerald. Rex shoved his hand up Gerald's ass. He thrust it in as far as he could and grabbed on to the first organ he could, and then pulled out. He ripped out Gerald's entire small intestine and part of his large. Rex started to giggle and began gobbling it down with some ranch.
Hi my name is Gerald St. Germaine, I'm 55 years old, 5 ft 6 in and I presently weigh about 400 pounds (that’s how I got my nick name Fat Man!) Yeah, I'm a fat person, but I'm perfectly happy and contented being a fat person! A lot of people tell me I look like Meat Loaf (AN: if u don’t know who he is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Michael Moore but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking fat bitch like me! I’m a fat bitch but my health is just fine and better than most skinny skeletons. I have pale white skin. I’m also an anti-sports enthusiast, and I sit around and school myself reading amazing books by people called Steven Hawking and Michael Moore). I’m a geek (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly gray shirts and blue shorts because that's all I can fit into. I love KFC and I buy all my food from there. For example today I was eating a Double Down sandwich with extra bacon on it and a 8 piece meal, a large side of mashed potatoes and some macaroni. I was gobbling it down with some gravy, honey mustard sauce, and a special mixture of mayonnaise and mustard I call "special sauce". I was walking outside KFC. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about, because the sun makes me sweat. A lot of jocks stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
“Hey Gerald!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Rex Ryan!
“What’s up Rex?” I asked.
“Nothing.” he said shyly.
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.
The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my refrigerator and drank some Coke from a bottle I had. My refrigerator was full of food and inside it was a big tub full of Hot Pockets and King Kobra. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant gray t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a different gray shirt, a blue hat, blue shorts and took a to-go bag of Hot Pockets. I then remembered I had to go to the bathroom so I quickly went. It was difficult for myself to wipe that morning so I didn't complete the job, but I don't mind since I kind of like the smell of partially wiped butt!
My friend, 1981 (AN: I_like_1981 dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. He flipped his long waist-length 1980's hair metal band hair with pink streaks and opened his forest-green eyes. He put on his White Snake t-shirt with black short shorts, fishnets and pointy boots. As he was putting on his make-up I ate a frozen pizza.
“OMFG, I saw you talking to Rex Ryan yesterday!” he said excitedly.
“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing.
“Do you like Rex?” he asked as we went out of my house and towards the Taco Bell.
“No I so fucking don’t!” I shouted.
“Yeah right!” he exclaimed. Just then, Rex walked up to me.
“Hi.” he said.
“Hi.” I replied flirtily.
“Guess what.” he said.
“What?” I asked.
“Well, they are opening a Long John Silver'sdown the street.” he told me.
“Oh. My. Fucking. God!” I screamed. I love LJS. It's my favorite fast food, besides KFC.
“Well…. do you want to go with me on the grand opening?” he asked.
I gasped.
LOL DOX
(Subject may change.)
FAT MAN Gallery
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How to draw Fat Man -
He even has his own personally designed computer! -
His personal transportation method -
Die soon due to obesity!
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There are many types of fatness -
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Don't mind fatguy, just ripping off other people's work -
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more stealing of artwork -
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fat man making fun of his own health risks -
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The Youtubes
/sp/ Civil War and Collapse... then Relapse
Though the majority of /sp/artans found trolling sportssucks to be full of lulz, some began to feel the focused personal attacks on Fat Man were going too far. Some were disgusted by the amount of Fat Man threads and left, while others stuck around to complain and sage (saging on /sp/, lol). Though Fat Man raid threads were already responsible for a large amount of /sp/'s content, cries of "GTFO /b/TARDS YOU'RE RUINING /sp/" continued to flood the board, effectively derailing /sp/, making it almost impossible to discuss anything but Fat Man.
The board was split on whether or not these so called "/b/ tactics" were appropriate when dealing with a sad old man. Moralfags claimed that he didn't deserve this treatment just because he dislikes sports, while the trolls argued that anyone so easily trolled must be further pursued. You have to admit, this is pretty fucking funny. Issues about his overt racism, ignorance and intolerance were also brought up as reasons for the raid, suggesting that he wasn't such an innocent old man after all.
It originally appeared that the Super Bowl rid /sp/ of Fat Man forever, but it proved to be only a momentary distraction, and the trolling continues.
— Commissioner Red, solidifying /sp/'s current shit tier status with his presence. |
YOU DECIDE: Tin_Heart_Warriors has set up a poll to see how divided /sp/ really is.
Concerned Moralfag Attempts to Smooth Things Over, Hilarity Ensues
The lollercoaster continues! One moralfag decided that Fat Man had dealt with enough abuse, so he tried to make amends by sending an email:
— Moralfag, deciding to do the right thing |
Fatman almost accepted the apology, until he noticed that mention was made of his plans to stay with a friend to hide out from anon. Unaware that he revealed this information to an anon spy on facebook, this brought Fat Man to a startling conclusion:
—Fat Man, already a contender for sleeper troll of the decade |
So, for once in his life, Fat Man bites the hand trying to feed him, and has potentially destroyed any sympathy anon might of had for him.
Overreaction of the century: Fat Man flees for his life
Though anon (apparently) thought he had the upper hand, Fat Man performed an evasive maneuver and got out off dodge.
Fat Man is an interesting specimen, in that he generates massive amounts of lulz in response to very little action taken by anon. His delusions that his life may be in danger or safety in jeopardy are completely unfounded, unless you count ancient copypasta and DMX prank phone calls as death threats.
— Fat Man, in fear for his life |
Fat Man continues to demonstrate his complete lack of comprehension when it comes to his dealings with anonymous. Either Fat Man is a god tier master troll, or perhaps the most clueless person on the Internet.
— Fat Man, continuing to labor under the delusion that Girlvinyl is responsible for this article |
YOU DECIDE: Have we seen the last of Fat Man? Apparently not, lol.
NEW POLL: Fat Man, god tier master troll, or most clueless person on the internet?
Fat Man Discovers ED and BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW's
Now my life may be in danger!
Last night I got an E-mail (my second one so far) from Ray, or someone claiming to be Ray because the second E-mail address is different from the first.
Anyway, he sent me a link he said that I should check out.
OK, I'm not going to post the link here, but it's sufficient to say the web site is named Encyclopedia Dramatica.
When I went there and was shocked to find that they posted contact information, my E-mail address, my phone number, AND my home address, where I live.
Now, I'm afraid to go out!
Here is what is says about me . . .
READ THIS WIKI PAGE
There's more, but I'm not going to post it here because it contains contact information as to where I live.
You can plainly see the length these low-life gutter-thugs will go to in order to harass anybody who doesn't support our sports obsessed culture.
The web site Encyclopedia Dramatica uses the same format as the legitimate web site Wikipedia but it is the most hate filled web site I have ever seen, and people have even lost their lives because of the shit they post along with the phone numbers and home addresses of the people they attack. I have even heard that some people have committed suicide after there harassing attacks on them.
This is how the sports enforcers operate now in the good ol' USA and around the world.
In the future, it's going to get so bad, people are going to be too damned afraid to merely say they're not interested in sports, and college students might be intimidated to change their majors from science to something that is sports related in order to stay alive.
But they are so moronic that they don't even realize that it is science and technology that makes computers and the Internet possible in the first place, the very tools that they enjoy using to destroy people's lives.
They must think that all of these technological marvels were created by Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy or some stupid shit.
We're in the midst of a New Inquisition.
This is going to mean the total collapse of civilization.
Troll's Response:
What Fat Man doesn't realize is that this bullying comes not from just jocks or athletes but Anon, people who look for lolcows and win. The sad thing about this man, is he is so self-absorbed with his dim view on life and athletic competition; is that behind all those welfare paid Jack In the Box wrappers and empty cans of Bud Light, is a sad pitiful little man who despite his size and retarded view of the world, is a little boy who never grew up to see other people's interest's as something that makes this world great. You are what's wrong FAT MAN, with your judging and stupidity. You may be well read, and can recite information for the masses to enjoy. But you chose to not provide anything to the world other then hate and disdain for you fellow man while black person from his pocket book. We are Anonymous while some of us won't invade you irl privacy, your online persona is readily available for us to destroy. Anonymous works as one, because none of us are as cruel as all of us.
This is followed by cries of;
— sincerely /sp/ |
A Wild Fat Man Appears
A few weeks had passed and most /sp/artans had moved on from Fat Man when a delicious little treat was found on SportsSucks:
Fat Man clearly had used a malicious program and/or used his Credit/Debit card online where he shouldn't have. But he is so paranoid he is convinced 4channers must have been behind it. This pleased /SP/ARTA as the /sp/artans had been trolling each other over the Winter Olympics, a sporting event no one really gives a shit about as most of /sp/ was filled with Anime from /a/ raids, woman's curling threads and DAT ASS threads.
A few more weeks passed, and after leeching all the sympathy out of Sports Suck, Fat Man posted he had moved on to an anti-bulling forum:
"Tonight, I found an anti-bullying forum at: http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/bullying-forum/
So I registered as a new member. My user name there is Fat Man 1951"
Raid that shit, /sp/ortsfags!
External Links
http://www.myspace.com/fat_nerds_and_geeks FAT MAN on myspaceBAWWWLETED- http://the-biggest-fattest-blog.blogspot.com His Blog
- http://fat-man1951.livejournal.com/profile LiveJournal
- http://www.conceptart.org/forums/showthread.php?t=127508 banned for fatness fetish
- http://fat-man.angelfire.com/ Fail Site
- http://www.angelfire.com/tx/broadspectrum/ His Main Page that branches into his other pages
- http://www.angelfire.com/tx/broadspectrum/index.HOME.html More Fail Site
- http://www.angelfire.com/tx/broadspectrum/index.socialism.html His Socialist Website
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1529957457 his facebookHAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS- See all posts by Teddy_Bear
See Also
- Fat Acceptance Movement
- /sp/
- Rape
- Epic fat guy
- Fat Whore
- Internet Humanitarianism
- Not to be confused with fatman27183141
- DO NOT WANT
|
Fat Man is part of a series on Visit the Chans Portal for complete coverage. |
