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Bernie Goetz: Difference between revisions
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[[File:Goetz.jpg|thumb|220px|The Jew, The Myth, The Legend.]] | [[File:Goetz.jpg|thumb|220px|The Jew, The Myth, The Legend.]] | ||
'''Bernhard Hugo Goetz'''{{Jew}} (a.k.a. '''The Death Wish Gunman''') is an [[American]] hero, [[Tree hugger|environmentalist]] and professional [[Jew]] who is most well known for his tireless efforts to clean up [[New York]]'s filthy, [[vermin]]-infested subway system in the mid-1980s. In the decades following his [[Mass shooting|humanitarian work]] and [[Second Amendment]] activism, Goetz has taken up numerous hobbies such as selling [[weed]] and harbouring [[Squirrelking|squirrels]] in his apartment, much to the chagrin of his landlord. Goetz also | '''Bernhard Hugo Goetz'''{{Jew}} (a.k.a. '''The Death Wish Gunman''' and '''The Subway Vigilante''') is an [[American]] hero, [[Tree hugger|environmentalist]] and professional [[Jew]] who is most well known for his tireless efforts to clean up [[New York]]'s filthy, [[vermin]]-infested subway system in the mid-1980s. In the decades following his [[Mass shooting|humanitarian work]] and [[Second Amendment]] activism, Goetz has taken up numerous hobbies such as selling [[weed]] and harbouring [[Squirrelking|squirrels]] in his apartment, much to the chagrin of his landlord. Goetz is also notable for losing the 2009 [[Nobel Prize for Racism|Nobel Peace Prize]] to [[Barack Obama]] due to the Nobel committee's [[anti-semitism]]. | ||
Bernie Goetz first rose to national fame on December 22, 1984, when four [[Nigger|black]] [[Faggots|youths]] decided to surround him and [[Robbery|politely demanded that he give them $5]] so they could afford to buy half of a [[Something Awful]] account from their local [[Zaiger|drug dealer]]. Not willing to be a [[victim]] like every other goddamn [[Jew]] on the planet, Badass Bernie decided to respond to the teenagers' demands by pulling out a .38-caliber revolver and [[Epic Win|shooting every single fucking one of them]]. | Bernie Goetz first rose to national fame on December 22, 1984, when four [[Nigger|black]] [[Faggots|youths]] decided to surround him and [[Robbery|politely demanded that he give them $5]] so they could afford to buy half of a [[Something Awful]] account from their local [[Zaiger|drug dealer]]. Not willing to be a [[victim]] like every other goddamn [[Jew]] on the planet, Badass Bernie decided to respond to the teenagers' demands by pulling out a .38-caliber revolver and [[Epic Win|shooting every single fucking one of them]]. | ||
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Following the failed mugging, the four entitled [[niglet]]s decided to play the [[race card]] and Bernie Goetz was eventually put on trial for 4 counts of [[Fail|attempted]] [[murder]] – all of which he was [[Getting away with it|acquitted of]]. Goetz was, however, convicted of unlawful possession of a weapon because the fucking [[government]] had previously denied his request for a concealed carry permit despite the fact that he was previously mugged and wanted to exercise his [[Second Amendment]] rights to defend himself. | Following the failed mugging, the four entitled [[niglet]]s decided to play the [[race card]] and Bernie Goetz was eventually put on trial for 4 counts of [[Fail|attempted]] [[murder]] – all of which he was [[Getting away with it|acquitted of]]. Goetz was, however, convicted of unlawful possession of a weapon because the fucking [[government]] had previously denied his request for a concealed carry permit despite the fact that he was previously mugged and wanted to exercise his [[Second Amendment]] rights to defend himself. | ||
== Subway's Five Dollar Footlong == | |||
[[File:GoetzArrested.jpg|thumb|Arrested for self-defense crimes.]] | |||
{{quote|Gimme five dollars.|Troy Canty, before being owned by a dorky Jew}} | {{quote|Gimme five dollars.|Troy Canty, before being owned by a dorky Jew}} | ||
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{{quote|You don’t look so bad, here’s another.|Bernie Goetz, Nigger Exterminator}} | |||
{{clear}} | |||
== LOL Acquitted == | |||
[[File:NiggerShootingAward.jpg|thumb|Goetz is awarded the [[Nobel Prize for Racism|Nobel Peace Prize]] or some shit.]] | |||
{{quote|I would, without any hesitation, shoot a violent criminal again.|Bernie Goetz {{archive|rJ5FZ}}}} | {{quote|I would, without any hesitation, shoot a violent criminal again.|Bernie Goetz {{archive|rJ5FZ}}}} | ||
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== Squirrel Girl == | |||
[[File:VegetarianBernie.jpg|thumb|220px|30 years later.]] | |||
{{clear}} | |||
== High Score == | == High Score == | ||
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== See Also == | == See Also == | ||
* [[Getting away with it]] | |||
* [[Black Lives Matter]] | |||
* [[George Zimmerman]] | * [[George Zimmerman]] | ||
* [[Bernie Sanders]] | * [[Bernie Sanders]] | ||
Revision as of 23:24, 10 May 2018
Bernhard Hugo Goetz✡ (a.k.a. The Death Wish Gunman and The Subway Vigilante) is an American hero, environmentalist and professional Jew who is most well known for his tireless efforts to clean up New York's filthy, vermin-infested subway system in the mid-1980s. In the decades following his humanitarian work and Second Amendment activism, Goetz has taken up numerous hobbies such as selling weed and harbouring squirrels in his apartment, much to the chagrin of his landlord. Goetz is also notable for losing the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize to Barack Obama due to the Nobel committee's anti-semitism.
Bernie Goetz first rose to national fame on December 22, 1984, when four black youths decided to surround him and politely demanded that he give them $5 so they could afford to buy half of a Something Awful account from their local drug dealer. Not willing to be a victim like every other goddamn Jew on the planet, Badass Bernie decided to respond to the teenagers' demands by pulling out a .38-caliber revolver and shooting every single fucking one of them.
Following the failed mugging, the four entitled niglets decided to play the race card and Bernie Goetz was eventually put on trial for 4 counts of attempted murder – all of which he was acquitted of. Goetz was, however, convicted of unlawful possession of a weapon because the fucking government had previously denied his request for a concealed carry permit despite the fact that he was previously mugged and wanted to exercise his Second Amendment rights to defend himself.
Subway's Five Dollar Footlong
—Troy Canty, before being owned by a dorky Jew | ||
—Bernie notices bulge. OwO what's this? | ||
—Bernie Goetz, Nigger Exterminator | ||
LOL Acquitted
—Bernie Goetz | ||
—Bernie Goetz, on shooting niggers | ||
Squirrel Girl
High Score
| Graded score | |
|---|---|
| Kill count: | n/a |
| Accuracy: | 20/20 5 bullets 4 niggers |
| Style: | 20/20 Entered bullet-time hyperspace and channeled The Matrix. |
| Butthurt: | 20/20 Typical instance of blacks getting butthurt after a kike fought back. |
| Bonus: | 40/20 Perfect pacifist run. |
| Total score: 100/100 (A+++) | |
See Also
