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Hover hand: Difference between revisions
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File:Hover Hand - Timmer.jpg|Even [[Extreme]] [[Asperger's syndrome|Storm Chaser]] Reed Timmer does it. | File:Hover Hand - Timmer.jpg|Even [[Extreme]] [[Asperger's syndrome|Storm Chaser]] Reed Timmer does it. | ||
File:Hoverhand toddlers.jpg|Like you ever wanted to touch your brother. [[Incest|Actually...]] | File:Hoverhand toddlers.jpg|Like you ever wanted to touch your brother. [[Incest|Actually...]] | ||
File:Jonashover.jpg|Sometimes even the famous [[Indie|indiefucks]] hover. | |||
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Revision as of 21:23, 25 September 2011
Hot wimmenz are typically repulsed by kissless virgins such as yourself. The Hover hand, a coping mechanism developed by pitiful nerds in response to this fact, is an awkward attempt at trying to interact with a society that despises and oppresses them. The motivation behind the hover hand can vary and may include anything from a stigma of breaching perceived social boundaries to a fear of violating friend zone protocols. However what's most likely going on is that they realize that their overweight bodies, socially awkward mannerisms, deep psychological issues, strong body odor, obvious virginity, greasy neckbeards and failures in life are about as appealing to a woman as having sex with a nigger. Regardless of the justifications behind it, the fact of the matter is, if you touch them they're going to call the fucking cops.
The moral: Women think you're creepy so just stay in your god damn basement alright.
Reach Out & Don't Touch Someone
While the condition on its own isn't life threatening it sure as hell is humorous. What did you virgins think those women did after you posed with them for your gay little pictures? Go out and exercise, maybe write a new entry in their journal about the "shy" new guy they just met? Hell no, they went onto facebook and twitter and told everyone they possibly could what a gigantic pussy you are. We all saw, they shared the pictures with fucking everyone. Remember that girl from your school dance? The one you posed with just outside the building before the prom started. Well she sent us pictures too. She even titled them funny things like: Little dick and the hovering hand, or Mr. Never-Get-Laid and his bad acne strike again.
The thing that most sufferers of hover hand fail to realize is that women are stupid and their opinions don't matter. Whether or not they do or don't appreciate you touching them is of little consequence. All that matters is what YOU want. After all YOU are the man so start acting like it. The sooner you realize that women enjoy being touched against their will the happier you will be. Every time a woman says no what she really means is, "Oh yes you strong big burly man please fuck my stink hole and slap me real hard just like daddy used to." The only place your hand actually needs to be hovering over is the end of the leash you tied the bitch up on. For realz.
TL;DR - Woman enjoy being molested. The police understand this and are totally fine with it. Trust us.
Hover Hand Hughes
Perhaps one of the most famous cases of hover hand within recent history is the story of Howard Hughes. Mr. Hughes was, at one time, a well respected business man who had built up an industrial empire by selling goods and services to the US military. His most famous exploit, the Spruce Goose, was a gigantic clusterfuck of a plane that could barely haul its megaton ass off of the lake it was built on let alone do anything useful. Nonetheless Hughes was adored by the American people and was heralded as a self made man and entrepreneur.
His fame and success should have ensured that Mr. Hughes would be rolling in the pussy and yet he wasn't. As it turns out he suffered from Forever Alone Syndrome which made it impossible for him to touch anyone let alone a woman. His inability to even lay one hand upon another person eventually drove him insane until he reached the point where he was sitting in a room naked with Kleenex boxes on his feet for shoes and shitting into an adult diaper.
How to break free
How to stay enslaved
- Playing Dwarf Fortress
- Playing WOW
- Playing Minecraft
- Chronic Masturbation - For the love of God, let the hand hover.
- Drawing Sonichu Comics
- Posting on /b/
- Editing or contributing on this site
Examples
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That's you in the middle.
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Hands hate Summer Glau -
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Apparently, the power of Christ doesn't compel you. -
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Hands hate Summer Glau. Wait a second. I see a trend. -
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HOVER HAND FAT LESBIAN EDITION -
HOVER HAND BOOB EDITION -
HOVERHAND LESBIAN EDITION -
Failure to Hover Hand can have immediate repercussions. -
HOVER HAND RON WEASLEY EDITION -
HOVER HAND MAVERICK EDITION -
Your friends all want to hover hand your mom -
German Edition -
Even Extreme Storm Chaser Reed Timmer does it. -
Like you ever wanted to touch your brother. Actually... -
Sometimes even the famous indiefucks hover.
See Also
