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Ian David Long: Difference between revisions
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'''Corporal Ian David Long''' | '''Corporal Ian David Long''' was an IRL [[Call of Duty]] veteran, [[Pretty cool guy]] and a 2018 contender in the US Mass Shooting High Score Championship. He is also <s>living</s> proof that even being in the [[United States Marine Corps|US Marines]] is no cure for being a [[manlet]]. After returning to the US from life in [[Afghanistan]], David Long witnessed the horror of what an utter steaming heap of shit 'Murica had become in his absence. Being unable to vent his frustrations by [[Robert Bales|killing Afghan farmers]] and raeping their goats, Long went into a [[post traumatic stress disorder|deep depression]]. | ||
On November 7, 2018, David Long had finally had enough of [[California]]'s culture of [[faggotry]] and [[race-mixing]]. Instead of doing the "normal" thing (moving to Mississippi, becoming a cop, and spending the rest of your life shooting [[niggers]]), Long decided to go to the shittiest bar he could find and pwn every cunt he could. After wiping 12 worthless shits from the face of the Earth, David Long realized he only had a pistol and was therefore never going to achieve the US high score. Infuriated, David Long decided that his work on Earth was complete and [[an hero|gave himself unto the Lord]]. He is now in heaven, shooting [[sandniggers]] with a machine gun. | On November 7, 2018, David Long had finally had enough of [[California]]'s culture of [[faggotry]] and [[race-mixing]]. Instead of doing the "normal" thing (moving to Mississippi, becoming a cop, and spending the rest of your life shooting [[niggers]]), Long decided to go to the shittiest bar he could find and pwn every cunt he could. After wiping 12 worthless shits from the face of the Earth, David Long realized he only had a pistol and was therefore never going to achieve the US high score. Infuriated, David Long decided that his work on Earth was complete and [[an hero|gave himself unto the Lord]]. He is now in heaven, shooting [[sandniggers]] with a machine gun. | ||
Latest revision as of 01:27, 8 December 2024
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| Ian David Long | |
| Born | March 27, 1990 |
| Died | November 7, 2018 (aged 28) |
| Nationality: | Americunt 
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| Highscore | 12 killed, 11 injured (1 by gunfire) |
| Top 50? | No |
| Style | FPS, Single player |
| An Hero? | Yes |
| Motive | PTSD, general boredom |
Corporal Ian David Long was an IRL Call of Duty veteran, Pretty cool guy and a 2018 contender in the US Mass Shooting High Score Championship. He is also living proof that even being in the US Marines is no cure for being a manlet. After returning to the US from life in Afghanistan, David Long witnessed the horror of what an utter steaming heap of shit 'Murica had become in his absence. Being unable to vent his frustrations by killing Afghan farmers and raeping their goats, Long went into a deep depression.
On November 7, 2018, David Long had finally had enough of California's culture of faggotry and race-mixing. Instead of doing the "normal" thing (moving to Mississippi, becoming a cop, and spending the rest of your life shooting niggers), Long decided to go to the shittiest bar he could find and pwn every cunt he could. After wiping 12 worthless shits from the face of the Earth, David Long realized he only had a pistol and was therefore never going to achieve the US high score. Infuriated, David Long decided that his work on Earth was complete and gave himself unto the Lord. He is now in heaven, shooting sandniggers with a machine gun.
Military Career
Long was rare among shooters in that he had lengthy previous experience in pwning n00bs overseas before attempting to score high back in his own country. Long was in the US Marines, and was involved in their extensive sandnigger-hunting campaign in Afghanistan. Although Long never shot Osama bin Laden, he did kill many hundreds of random people with a machine gun, so many that he received medals for his 1337 machine gunning skills. Why this retard didn't choose the machine gun as his weapon of choice during his bid for the high score is anyone's guess, but theories suggest he was too poor to buy a machine gun, and so a cliché-as-fuck Glock was the cunt's only option.
During his time as a Marine, either prior to or during his tour of Afghanistan, David Long was called ghey by a kid on Call of Duty: World at War. His response became rather well-known:
Return to America
After a multi-year spray and pray campaign in Afghanistan, David Long was discharged from the Marines. He then went to live in the best possible place for a patriotic, God-fearing, Bible-raping American veteran: Thousand Oaks, California. The degeneracy he witnessed here, combined with the fact that he couldn't get any woman because he was a cryptofag, led him to carry out the mass shooting. Like most sensible people, Long despised country music, and was forced to suffer as his favorite bar was turned into a venue for this revolting redneck garbage. In 2017, our hero witnessed the legendary Las Vegas shooting by Stephen Paddock, who solved his problem with country music by taking down a total of 60 mealy-mouthed, insipid, shit-kicking degenerates with multiple assault rifles. This inspired Long, who dreamed of becoming a legendary mass shooter himself one day.
The Shooting
On November 7, 2018, Ian bought a Glock 21 and some extended mags. He then went to the country music-playing bar and blew off 12 heads, including a pig's, within about a minute. When he realized he was running out of ammo, Long became an hero. Goodnight, sweet prince.
Loadout
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| Item | Accessories/Bonus |
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Graded Score
| Kill count: | 12/20 (11 injured) Deadliest by military personnel since Nidal Hasan. |
|---|---|
| Accuracy: | 8/20 According to accurate news, he fired 30 rounds and killed 12 people, not including himself. That is a 40% (8/20) accuracy rate. Pretty shit for a US Marine. |
| Style: | 12/20 Points for using handgun-only mode and targeting a country music bar, thus turning Stephen Paddock's legacy into a tradition |
| Butthurt: | 15/20 Points lost for not targeting a specific racial demographic or fags. Points gained for doing it in a shitlib state. |
| Bonus: | 16/20 An hero, cop wasted. |
Wanted Level:
Federal Bureau of Investigation
See Also
- Nikolas Cruz - The first double digit US mass shooter of 2018.
- Dimitrios Pagourtzis - The second double digit US mass shooter of 2018.
- Robert Gregory Bowers - The third double digit US mass shooter of 2018.
- Stephen Paddock - Also hated country music.
- Gavin Eugene Long & Robert Aaron Long - Other shooters that are also surnamed Long.
- Fort Hood
- Omar Mateen
- Cho Seung-Hui
- Mass Shooting
- Gun Control
| Locus in quo: |
Abilene Alleyway Shooting 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting 🔫 Chris Dorner 🔫 Christchurch mosque attacks 🔫 Colorado Theatre Shooting 🔫 David Long 🔫 Dayton shooting 🔫 El Paso Walmart Shooting 🔫 Elliot Rodger 🔫 Gilroy Garlic Festival Shooting 🔫 Jacksonville Shooting 🔫 Kyle Rittenhouse 🔫 Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting 🔫 Pulse Nightclub Massacre 🔫 Randy Stair 🔫 San Bernardino shooting 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre 🔫 Santa Fe High School Shooting 🔫 Shoahdown at the Synagogue of Doom 🔫 Las Vegas shooting 🔫 Texas church shooting 🔫 Umpqua Community College Shooting 🔫 Virginia Beach Shooting 🔫 Washington Navy Yard shooting 🔫 Youtube shooting 🔫 |
|---|---|
| Supporters |
Barack Obama 🔫 Christians 🔫 Concerned Mothers 🔫 Democrats 🔫 Dianne Feinstein 🔫 Government 🔫 The Kennedys 🔫 Kurt Eichenwald 🔫 Faggots 🔫 Liberals 🔫 Michael Bloomberg 🔫 Jews 🔫 SJWs 🔫 Sensitive people 🔫 Tara Strong 🔫 Trayvon Martin 🔫 Quinton Reviews |
| Main ideas: |
Assault Rifle 🔫 Gun 🔫 Gun Control 🔫 Murder 🔫 Arson 🔫 Bombs 🔫 Mass Shooting 🔫 School Shooting 🔫 |
| Haters gonna hate: | |
| Acts of revenge: |
Boston Marathon Bombing 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Ariana Grande Massacre 🔫 London Bridge Attack 2017 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting |
| Objectors: |
Charlton Heston 🔫 James Holmes 🔫 NRA 🔫 Osama Bin Laden 🔫 Republicans 🔫 People planning a massacre 🔫 |
| Pre-2012 Gun Massacres |
Columbine 🔫 École Polytechnique 🔫 Dawson College 🔫 Virginia Tech Massacre 🔫 Austin, Texas 🔫 NIU Valentine's Day Massacre 🔫 Hungerford Massacre 🔫 Anders Breivik |
| Featured article November 24 & 25, 2018 | ||
| Preceded by JoeyPknowsalotaboutthat |
Ian David Long | Succeeded by ThotAudit |