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GG Allin
Jesus Christ Allin aka GG Allin, was one of the greatest IRL trolls of the 80's and early 90's and was the ORIGINAL /b/tard. One night after a bout of heavy drinking, strung out on crack and PCP; Merle Allin Sr. had a hallucination of a Christ-like figure with the head of a Velociraptor. In the vision he was told that his unborn son would be the new messiah and his sole purpose was to provide lulz until the internets could be created. In a drunken stupor Merle staggered over to his wife. He then proceeded to punch her in the stomach and let her know that their unborn son's name was going to be Jesus Christ, and she should get the fuck back in the kitchen before he let her have it again. The nickname GG comes from GG's older brother's inability to speak fucking English correctly as a child. GG grew up in a dirty log cabin with no electricity or running water in the middle of fucking nowhere in New Hampshire. GG's father insisted that electricity and water was for fucking pussies and he wanted his kids to grow up to be a couple of hardmen. His father would beat the living piss out of him on a daily basis and make him hunt his own food out in the woods, naked, in the middle of winter with a rusty steak knife, to toughen him up.
Life as an IRL Troll
The lulz began with an acid-spiked "munchkin" (a kind of sub-donut intended for homos on mock diets). GG drummed on Delaware's first punk single, a daring slab of moustache boogie about cunts. Then began the GG Allin and the Jabbers. A short stack of ridiculous white trash punkers, influenced by the Dolls (for faggotry) and the Ramones (for Jewish physical ineptitude) followed, all pressed on recycled tires and sleeved in photobooth snaps of GG's micropenis. "Gimme Some Head", "Assface", "One Man Army" and the Mamet-like "Pussy Summit Meeting" are essential anthems for aspiring trolls and their finger-raping ways. Sick Fucks are advised to skip this era and concentrate on later GG.
The Reagan Revolution saw GG's hunger for lulz grew exponentially. While under Carter he was content shitting out punk'n'roll odes to mild decadence, in '80s he became something like the ultimate anti-yuppie (ironic, because his main inspiration Iggy Pop had sold out and become one along with all his past and current fans). Trickle-down economics taught GG the glories of a transient lifestyle driven by meth, rape, prison tats, and sleeping in his own piss. The Jabbers became the Scumfucs, pretty much him and his brother and anyone inured to diarrhea and capable of an E - G - A progression. That Dinosaur Jr. pussfag was one. Another lineup featured three OMG real-life prostitutes (the Cedar Street Sluts) who pioneered the clapped hole in rock music. Scumfucs-era lyrics dug deep into the quandaries and absurdities of his lifestyle, but always acknowledged the chaotic-neutral mystery of life. Yes, GG was gonna rape you, but WHY he was gonna rape you was for Jesus (ie GG) to know. Yes, you were going to eat his ass, and it stinks, but that was all humanity needed to know. Pondering WHY it stinks is better left to the hemorrhoid hitmen of "poetic rock" (Bono, Sting, Michael Stipe) to investigate. (Stipe does it with a glass toilet.)
Being created solely to piss people off, all the Scumfucs stuff is essential. But onstage was where the lulz really took place. A typical GG Allin show consisted of him injuring himself, threatening to become An hero onstage, pissing off the audience by throwing things at them, pissing onstage, and performing in nothing but a jock strap or no clothes at all. No matter what happened onstage it always ended the same way; GG covered in blood and shit. Taking laxatives before shows was a must for GG as shitting on stage, eating it and flinging it at the audience was becoming a common part of his act. His concerts never lasted very long as they were always interrupted somehow. Afterwards he'd relax with by drinking a jar of fermented piss; he'd photograph the pisser and label the jar along with a pair of her panties, either volunteered or brutally denuded. After a few weeks he'd drink it while scrubbing his penis stub with the punkette's ripe panties (punkette panties are kind of born that way, more evidence that punks are just hippies with richer parents).
GG was arrested numerous times for vandalism, revealing his baby penis, assault and battery. He was also very skilled in the fine arts of black person and other common irl trolling techniques. See for yourself, and wonder if you'd ever have the guts to pull off this shit. You know you wanna.
GG trolling the scum for the lulz (Although it might just be ADD)
Music
GG's experimented with a wide variety of music genres including Punk rock, Spoken Word, and Country music.
—GG Allin on how 133t he is |
—Die when you Die |
—GG Allin,teenage twat |
—GG Allin, Expose Yourself to Kids |
As a Professional Rapist
In late 1989, GG was bored so he got really fucked up on heroin and decided to pwn one of his female friends with his massive meat mallet and torture her. After an extensive evaluation by the nation's top psychiatrists, it was determined he was completely sane and just did it simply for the lulz. He claimed that it was completely consensual sex. Fortunately she was batshit insane and couldn't get her story straight. The judge then realized she must have had borderline personality disorder and was a complete attention whore and probably asking for it. GG was charged with a lesser crime but still served some time. In jail he wrote a bunch of manifestos and shit, and took punk one step further and pioneered the sagging pants look niggers claim as their own. Why? Because he's not just a rapist...he THE RAPE-EST!
Death
After trashing the fuck out of the venue at his last show, GG walked the streets of New York City covered in blood and shit until he reached his friend's apartment where he and his adoring fans drank heavily and took copious amounts of drugs. GG died of a heroin overdose, but decided to go out like a real man, quietly without any whining or a MySpace post. Everyone assumed he passed out from all of the drugs and alcohol in his system like he usually did, and continued to Party Hard. His funeral was one big fucking party. As per request he was buried unwashed, covered in shit, bloated from early decomposition, in a leather jacket and his trademark jockstrap with a bottle of Jim Beam. Coincidentally he died in 1993 right around the time Al Gore created the series of tubes we now know as The Internets, where pissing people off has become an artform. He is buried in the middle of fucking nowhere a.k.a Littleton NH.
—GG Allin was molested |
PARTY HARD GG!
Recently after a failed raid on Hal Turner's faggot ass radio show by 7chans /b/ and fail fags g00ns.net, a black person posted a picture of GG, saying he was reporting in to the raid. In the ONLY lulzworthy turn of events in the raid, Hal began reciting memes and mistook the picture as a meme known as PARTY HARD GG. Being that GG Partied like none other during his life, he took his place as claimer of the throne and became an meme.
See Also
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GG Allin is part of a series on Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage. |
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GG Allin is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
