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Neckbeard
A Neckbeard (also known as a neard, a portmanteau, or the bloatee) is the strange under-the-chin hair growth only seen on fatties, drug addicts with a messianic complex and UNIX programmers. It is derived from the "Abe Lincoln" (not to be confused with the sex move as the neckbearded have no relation to sex). The purpose of this beard is to delineate the neck from the chin when the two have merged due to obesity, forming a bullfrog neck. Wearers hope it will make them look like a badass from Hackers or The Matrix, yet it merely reminds observers of fucking chin lack.
A neckbeard is to beards as the comb-over is to hair. It is never, ever cool.
"Neckbeard" can be used to refer to both the facial hairstyle and the people who wear it.
All neckbeards are Dungeons & Dragons-obsessed losers, and vice versa. It is not known at this time whether growing a neckbeard causes one to play Dungeons & Dragons or playing Dungeons & Dragons causes one to grow a neckbeard.
Detection
Visual Clues
- Fedora
- Trenchcoat
- Overdressed
- Greasy hair
- Ponytail
- Acne at any age
- Dyed hair
- Shitty beard
- Pedostache
- Wears all black or wears all red
Audio Clues
- Crunching of Cheetohs or crinkling of wrappers.
- Heavy mouth breathing (Up close)
- Nasally voice
- Ranting about shit nobody cares about
- Occasional burp or fart
- Tipping of his/her's Fedora
- Reciting of Richard Dawkins books
Holmesbeard
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Chainsaw Beard
Like the neckbeard, the Holmesbeard is made of hair that does not go very high on the face, but that is where the similarities end. The Holmesbeard is worn by men such as John Holmes, who had a foot-long cock; made millions by fucking over 9000 bitches and teaching them 'bout his dick; had a foot-long cock; was skinny as a rail; and most badass of all, had a foot-long cock. Hence, Holmesbeard wearers are the extreme opposite of neckbeards and should be confused with real neckbeards as often as a neckbeard will get you laid. Anyone who confounds the two is a fucktard.
—The Captain telling you not to mix up the Holmesbeard and the neckbeard | ||
Chinstrap
Unlike the neckbeard, the Chinstrap style beard consists of a thin band (strap) of facial hair that goes from one sideburn, under the chin, and up to the other sideburn, for no apparent reason other than to dish out a cheap round of the LULZ to everyone apart from its owner. No hair is on the cheeks, or the neck. The 'pre-pubescent boys' neckbeard', the Chinstrap exists to make the wearer menacing and/or manly. It never works. Worn by those who cannot grow a full neckbeard, the chinstrap is either closely cropped to the face, or let to grow wild and free, proving the unadulterated manliness of the fag who wears it.
Many photographs of chinstrap-wearing pedophiles, furfags, gamers, wiggers, and other Internet trash are primary examples of Internet disease. The camera angles take advantage of the magical concealing power of the chinstrap to hide the bulbous pouch of fat underneath the chinstrapper's chin, for example.
It is a well known fact that kids with neckbeards get way more pussy than men with real beards.
Although not by much, a Chinstrap is preferable to a neckbeard, like a kick to the balls is more preferable to hitting your cock with a hammer.
Failbeards Gallery
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No, a chinstrap cannot be "ironic"
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Just chillen with a good friend -
Hey ladies! Its the Bloatee Floatee -
Women can have neckbeards too!
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Waiting for his turn to roll the 36-sided die. -
Typical comment made by a neckbeard. -
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Being fat and having a neckbeard, feels good man. -
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Self-loathing autistic and self-styled forever alone, ISLAVERDE29 is growing a neckbeard for himself. -
A Neckbeard filled with cheetoh dust and smegma -
A fat loser in the early stages of the disease. -
Note the disgusting blue veins and fresh stretch marks. -
A wyrmling neckbeard and avid Dungeon Master. -
Is this thing even human? -
Most epic neckbeard -
Rainbow neckbeard. -
Typical basement dweller after growth of neckbeard -
This neckbeard actually believes he's cool. He is mistaken. -
Matriarch Benezia agrees; you can't hide the fact that you're FAT. -
This neckbeard can devour you. -
TOW's fearless leader sporting a fearless neckbeard.prime example of doing it wrong -
Faustian neckbeard -
A pedophile neckbeardALL neckbeards are pedo neckbeards! -
The neckbeard is spreading to old people like a virus -
A Vloggerheads user proudly displaying his neckbeard. -
At first glance it does indeed look like some strange parasite about to feed. And it's wearing glasses. -
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A prime example of chinstrap use: DiGiTiLsOuL -
Double-chin concealment FAIL -
A webcam will do nicely -
Made from pubes. -
Wal-Martian Neckbeard -
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buffin mad swag -
Internet tough guy jerkin' off
See also
- Epic Beard Man
- Basement-dweller
- Weev
- UNIX beard
- Linux
- Playstation Network One of the many gathering places for Neckbeards because JRPGs
- Xbox Live Another gathering place for neckbeard halo fanboys
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Gods & Methodology [+]
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High Priests [+]
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Denominations & Organizations [+]
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Followers [+]
Alenonimo • Angie The Atheist • AngryLittleGiri • CapnOAwesome • Coughlan666 • Devin Patrick Kelley • FakeSagan • George Carlin • Hunter Avallone • Jaclyn Glenn • Mumkey Jones • OneLessGod • Pat Condell • Rebecca Watson • Ricky Gervais • Satanists • Seth MacFarlane • Saturnine Films • Steve Shives • TheAmazingAtheist • The Dickriders • Thunderf00t • Undertakerfreak1127 • Zionists | |
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Sheeple & Heresies [+]
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Accessories & Related Concepts [+]
Fedora • Friend Zone • Mountain Dew • My Little Pony • Neckbeard • Nice Guys • Reddit |
