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Breaking Up
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When a relationship isn't going well, some couples choose to end their relationship. Generally, one person will go to the other and tell them they are unhappy. They will then say that they are "breaking up" with them. It is very painful for both people when this happens, but typically, the one who is dumped is even worse off. But don't worry, you will never be broken up with, as you will never have a girlfriend. Enjoy your hand.
IRL Break-ups
Break ups can be a huge source of drama and lulz. 16 year old girls everywhere love writing in their LiveJournals about how heart-broken they are over their ordeal, that's, you know, never happened to anyone anywhere before. In this weakened state of course, these silly bitches are ideal troll-bait. Also, if you are fortunate enough to be the one initiating the break up, you can do it in a number of interesting ways! If you are really good, one could play the rebound game. We all know that will not happen.
LiveJournal And Other Blog Websites BAW
Woe be unto the heartbroken who have been so wrongfully shamed by someone realizing that their relationship wasn't fulfilling their needs and sought to find solace elsewhere. As was mentioned, everyone is a delicate and unique snowflake that has never had a shitty break up or been dumped much like those burritos you had last night. The LJ community Heartbreak Rehab is a fine example of this faggotry and stupidity.
Most of the posters are in fact, 16 year old girls. About 10% of the posters appear to be really feminine men or faggots that have not come out of the closet yet. You be the judge. Either way, it's an entertaining way to kill a couple hours and is also a great source for getting some lulz,if you can stand reading peoples' whining about how no one will ever love them and that one perfect person would be just perfect if they would perfectly love them!
OL Break-ups
Breaking up online does not always mean leaving a relationship between only two people, it often means leaving the community and / or wiki you have come to know and love, but have sadly discovered the feeling isn't mutual. OL break up often involve wikibreaks followed by wikicide followed by a mention on Mydeathspace.
Ways to Prevent the Break Up
- Chain the bitch to the bedrail
- Keep them gagged, tied, and drugged
- Kill them and keep the parts you loved the most in the fridge
- Make them your love zombie, acid and power drill needed
- Tell your partner they knocked your fat ass up
- Takes planning ahead. Cheat on them with an AIDS infected prostitute and/or share needles. 9 months later lie about it and accuse them of giving you AIDS first. Keep them there with you out of guilt.
- Impress her with your profession of undying love for the stupid cunt on youtube in an anniversary video
- Watch this
video for a better understanding.
Ways to Break Up
- Text message - Favorite of teenagers and pussies everywhere!
Just say itYou don't have the balls- email - Satisfied customers since the 1980s
- Domestic Violence
- Tell your partner you have herpes
- Cheat on them with an AIDS infected prostitute and/or share needles.
- Get 14 new girlfriends
- Disconnection - Scientology's genius way of breaking up with anyone in your life -from your family to your wife/husband and kids.
- Ignore your partner until they break up with you. May take longer, but will produce much drama
- Shoot your partner in the fucking face, then dump the body into a lake ala Scott Peterson
- Marry another woman without her knowledge.
- Invite her to your house so that you can talk about it.
Excuses
- I just think we should see other people.
- I just need my space.
- You just don't understand me.
- I don't know who you are any more.
- It's not you, it´s me
- You've changed.
- I've changed.
- "If you really loved me, you would marry me."
- I love the internet moar than you.
- I'm gay.
- You got fat.
- "I don't wanna unmarry my wife yet"
- I've been seeing someone else.
- I deserve more / You don't deserve me.
- I get jealous every time I see your ex fucking you.
- You fucked my best friend when we are in an open relationship.
- I love you as a friend.
- I love you in the way I love Jesus
- You have a TINY COCK
- I have AIDS
- 4Chan's /b/ cares about me more than you
Benefits of Breaking Up
There are many benefits to breaking up. For one thing, you never have to hear the bitch whine and nag you. Not only that, there are many things you can do to her now that you know you can't fuck her. Try jacking it into a mayo jar, making her a sammich and watching her eat it. Bitch wouldn't swallow before, make her do it now! Also, you know that hot friend of hers? You can feel free to tap that now! Also, if you've got any pictures of your ex (especially nudes), post them all over 4chan, along with her cell number and home address. Sit back and laugh.
What to do if You're Broken Up With
When you are the one who is broken up with, you're the one who can really enjoy it! There are many ways to get back at your ex for breaking your heart.
- Write about it in your LiveJournal, FurAffinity, or Deviantart journal
- Post your ex's dox on /b/
- Threaten pseudocide
- Delete Fucking Everything, Blame fucking everyone.
- Change your relationship status to "single" on Facebook.
- Threaten a coworker with rape while pretending to be your pet dog on Twitter
- Murder your ex
- Columbine
- Ask for advice from the largest crew of basement dwellers on the internet.
- Masturbate
- Enjoy the silence
- Make videos of you burning your ex's stuff, and slap it up on youtube
- Call all your old playmates.
- Enjoy the loneliness you are going to experience for the rest of your pathetic life
- Go to a strip club and have a blast.
- Ask the government for a girlfriend
Of course, the best solution is to kill yourself. After you have gotten your revenge, you will soon realize that the reason she broke up with you is because you a a worthless sack of shit, who will never be a suitable enough partner for anyone. But you're probably too much of a pussy to off yourself anyways.
What your girlfriend does after breaking up with you
- Have sex as much as she can
- Have a threesome
- Masturbate to muscular men
- Call exes for confidence boost
- Get a job
- Be the happiest person on earth
- Have a girls night out and talk about which guy would make the best fuckmate
- Tell her new boyfriend it was the best sex she ever had
- Get haircut and new clothes
- Attend to all parties possible
- Tell all the girls you know how small your penis is
- Have more fun than you ever had as a couple
- Offering her new boyfriend a threesome with her hot friend
- Have anal sex and enjoy it
- Swallow
- Switch to injection and give up condoms for more pleasurable sex
- Become a better girlfriend
See Also
- Girlfriend
- Boyfriend
- Divorce
- Gay Drama 2006
- You're Fired
- Done with ED
- Rachel Marsden
- 16 year old girl
- Iron Man Numbers
- hugbox
External Links
- 6 ways to break up
- A guide to text message breaking up
- Link to torrent of Seinfeld episode "The Frogger" Best breakup scene evar.
- LJ Break Up Community
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Breaking Up is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
