Robert Card

Lose an iPod? This page contains an hero.

This person has Assburgers Syndrome, so you can't say anything bad! :-( Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.

This person is a sick fuck! They should never be trusted by anyone!

Possible side-effects will include at least one of these: HIV/AIDS Bestiality Cuckoldry

Robert Russell Card II
Born	April 4, 1983
Died	October 25, 2023 (aged 40)
Nationality:	Americunt
Highscore	Killed 18, injured 13
Top 50?	37th
Style	FPS, Single player
An Hero?	Yes
Motive	Schizophrenia

2023. Just days after a shitty terrorist attack in Belgium, A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS! On October 25, 2023, Robert Russell Card II, another batshit insane schizo, became the best high scorer of the year by pwning 18 noobs at a bowling alley and a betting bar. He also wounded 13 others before pwning himself near the local river.

Background

Robbie, lived with his fathers in Bowdoin, in Maine. He was a sergeant first class in the MOAR FAKE NEWS, Card was a member of the reserves, enlisted in December 2002 but had no active deployments in United States Army Reserve. Robbie studied at several schools and also studied at the university as engineering career but didn't complete his career. He was a gun instructor at a shooting range before his lulzfest. In July 2023, it was reported that his behavior was strange and that he heard voices telling him to become an hero after shooting up the nearby Saco base for the lulz, and he was interned for not hiding his hero plans. According to NBC News, Robbie's schizophrenia began after he lost his deafness by purchasing hearing aids. He, like 89% of mass shooter Americans, was humiliated for his schizophrenia at work. 2 weeks after his imprisioning in the asylum, he came out and began planning his massacre.

The massacre

Just-In-Time Recreation, the bowling alley

Robert lost his only golden iPod that same day and began his search. Equiped with his trusty rifle and some holsters on his legs, he began his gameplay. His first spot was at the "Just-In-Time Recreation" bowling alley, at 7PM where he began to kill the NPCs that were there, and killed 7. His second spot was at the betting bar "Schemengees Bar & Grille" where he also used his banhammer and pwned 8 (4 of the sacrificed NPCs were deaf). At the end of his lulzfest, he headed into the fucking forest and got lost. It is not known where he headed, probably in the nearby town of Lisbon, but what it is most important is when he an heroed on a nearby dock on the river. His body was found days later since the lazy pigs were on other issues. The rest of the kills died in the hospital.

Schemengees bar & grille, the betting bar

Loadout

Class Setup
Item	Accessories/Bonus
Primary: Ruger SFAR .308 semi-automatic rifle	One of the favourite gun of the mass shooters. Does 25~30 Damage.
Perk 1: Schizo	Batshit insanity that Robbie got after he bought his ear aids Does X2 Moving Speed X2 Shooting speed +10 damage to everyone (even himself)
Perk 2: Autism	Does X2 Moving Speed X2 Shooting speed

Aftermath

After the Massacre, many fags in Maine pussied out of going to school and work. Classes closed for several days and the children were happy and scared at the same time. Shortly after the massacre, many people went to various gun stores to buy pistols and shotguns to kill Robbie. The shelter-in-place warning was extended to Bowdoin (his hometown) on October 26. Eventually police found him dead and everyone forgot about the whole thing except us EDiots who proceeded to make a shitty article on Robbie and libtards who continued bitching about gun control.

	“	Once again, an American community and American families have been devastated by gun violence. In all, at least eighteen souls brutally slain, more injured, some critically, and scores of family and friends praying and experiencing trauma no one ever wants to imagine.	„
	—Old Joe, as usually

Graded Score

Graded Score
Kill count:	18/20 Outscored fellow autist Nikolas Cruz
Accuracy:	14/20 Still not enough for skilled Army marksman
Style:	15/20 Schizo somehow managed to escape twice
Butthurt:	17/20 Led a manhunt but eventually got pwned
Bonus:	20/20 For being on the highscores and being lost about 3 days
Total Score: 84/100 (A-)

Schizo Fried is proud of you! See full ranking

Wanted Level:

Federal Bureau of Investigation

You beat Nik's high score, Well done!!!

Disinformation

On the kills count, people trying to calculate the kills talked about 20 kills or 22 kills, other people, said there were 60 injured, But the most shittied up part was when social media was filled with false information about Robbie, which made the experts more pissed off about it. Another debunked theory says that Rob was arrested in 2016 for possessing and disseminating sexually explicit materials, which even a 13-year-old child has on his Huawei phone.

Gallery

Gallery of the Winnar About missing Pics

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  Gameplay Footage
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  >:(
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  His car, abandoned

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

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  Police sketch
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  Fishin'
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  Another one
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  Now Bald
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  His bathroom was just as clean as his mental health
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  Young Boob Card
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  Pixar's new movie
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See Also

• David Kozák - 2023 school shootin' champion.
• Nikolas Cruz
• Friedrich Leibacher - Swiss schizo who was thrown out of the Top 50 after Card's rampage.
• Tobias Rathjen - another schizo fucktard who went postal.

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