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John Assanti: Difference between revisions
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{{quote|'Thank you for paying taxes because without you, I would not have this urinal to pee in. Without you I would not have these cans of food to eat. Without you I would not have pills to take to keep me alive, like percocets, water pills, heart pills, iron pills ... I wouldn't have none of that. So I want to say thank you and you know what? I wouldn't have this laptop I'm on if it wasn't for you goddamn taxpayers and I wouldn't have this camera or this fucking telephone right here if it wasn't for you taxpayers. Thank you very much, I decided to shit on each and everyone of you taxpayers and just say 'ha ha'.|Fatass of the century! Help this poor whale get back to sea!}} | {{quote|'Thank you for paying taxes because without you, I would not have this urinal to pee in. Without you I would not have these cans of food to eat. Without you I would not have pills to take to keep me alive, like percocets, water pills, heart pills, iron pills ... I wouldn't have none of that. So I want to say thank you and you know what? I wouldn't have this laptop I'm on if it wasn't for you goddamn taxpayers and I wouldn't have this camera or this fucking telephone right here if it wasn't for you taxpayers. Thank you very much, I decided to shit on each and everyone of you taxpayers and just say 'ha ha'.|Fatass of the century! Help this poor whale get back to sea!}} | ||
<center>{{fv| | <center>{{fv|John Assanti|background-color: White;|font-weight: bold;| | ||
<youtube>DzSkSewywlc</youtube><br /><center>'''Hope he suffocates in his own lard.'''</center>| | <youtube>DzSkSewywlc</youtube><br /><center>'''Hope he suffocates in his own lard.'''</center>| | ||
<youtube>V5Q0yuwx-zM</youtube><br /><center>'''Nurse should have let him scream like a fat bitch.'''</center>| | <youtube>V5Q0yuwx-zM</youtube><br /><center>'''Nurse should have let him scream like a fat bitch.'''</center>| | ||
Revision as of 00:40, 3 November 2015
Fatboygetdown aka Steven John Assanti aka MAN THE HARPOONS! aka Fatass is a 700 pound fat fucking whale who is known for being able to give GirlVinyl a run for her money at the annual State Fair contests for anything involving food and/or weight.
Fatass started his journey into the depths of the internets when he created his Youtube account Fatboygetdown[1].
After his first video was uploaded, the internet became rampant with disgust. And rightly so.
The video that started it all
Watch, as the hippo moves across the screen with such grace and beauty.
Since this video, Fatass has released multiple HILARIOUS videos in which he lip syncs to multiple popular songs.
Steven's plea for help
On March 18, 2010, Steven uploaded a video to, what we believe to be, his second channel. Apparently, Steven decided it was time to put the fork down and try to lose some of the lard he had acquired from years of being a lazy ass. So, he made a half-assed audition tape to be on The Biggest Loser.
In this video, the whale was fearless as he proclaimed that he was 600 pounds. Only to reveal months later, to the delight of trolls everywhere, that instead of losing weight, he had instead gained almost 100 pounds. This caused many lulz.
Steven blames his weight gain on the loss of his Grandfather, who died in 1996. Oh wait, no 1998. 'Scuse me. Steven goes on to explain how important his Grandfather was to him, even though he couldn't remember the year he fucking died, amiright? This video confirmed that all fatties of the world will blame everybody for their atrocious weight, but themselves. In the end, the video turned out to be a complete and utter fail, as he was rejected to be on Season 10. Rumor has it that the show's producers didn't even respond back to Steven in fear of him eating them as a point of displeasure with their decision. This rumor has yet to be confirmed.
Many things are unclear about Steven's life. Does he live alone? How often does he bathe? When was the last time he saw his penis? The world may never know. But what is certain, is that Steven is absolutely gay, and fat. Steven is most likely going to die within the next year. Assuming of course he isn't already dead from heart attack or stroke. We really don't care which one, as long as he's not stealing anymore candy from the neighborhood children on Halloween.
On Dr. Phil
Exposed for the scam artist he is
On October 9, 2015, news articles came up revealing that the 778-pound motherfucker was kicked out of the hospital he was staying in because he ordered a pizza there. He soon was living in an SUV down by the river. Of course, people would try to help this beached whale overcome his food addiction with a GoFundMe account or an IndieGogo campaign project. Little did people know that there are archived videos of Assanti saying "fuck the taxpayers" and yelling at nurses to come to his aid every five minutes.
—Fatass of the century! Help this poor whale get back to sea! | ||
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