Desperate: Difference between revisions

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Do you feel lonely?

Are you in need of companionship, and willing to go to extraordinary lengths to find it? If so, you are desperate!

What causes people to be desperate?

Daxflame is desperate because of his Asperger's Syndrome.

Desperate women always end up being "easy".

Cause	Effect
Asperger's Syndrome	Aspies are very desperate because nobody wants to talk to them, despite the fact that they make amusing lulzcows because of their awkwardness. As far as being able to find a sex partner, aspies normally have to rely on date rape drugs in order to get any with something other than their hand.
Emo	Emos are desperate because they think no one understands them. Most resort to emosexuality. Thankfully, most do not reproduce because they become an heroes when an emo "female" finds out she's pregnant.
Being fat	Fat people are fugly. The only people who are attracted to these whales are sick fucks who like queening, and FFAs. Thus, fatties are desperate and prey on unsuspecting drunks.
Homosexuality	Homosexuals are in the middle of a struggle for their "rights" to spread AIDS and destroy the world with their faggotry. They claim there is cultural oppression against them, and thus most are either still in the closet or are out but avoid the demonic breeders that are taking over the world. This makes them very desperate, and willing to fuck anything that looks even remotely male for less than three dollars. At least 100 percent of homosexuals fap to Goatse and Lemonparty on a daily basis.

How to Cure Desperation

If you are desperate, this is the final solution to your problem.

1: If you are a sick fuck who likes bestiality, buy a dog.

2: Move out of your Mom's basement.

3: Take off that narutard head band.

4: ????

5: PROFIT!

Desperate MySpace Celebrities

Brandon Hilton. This faggot friendwhore is so desperate he posts bulletins asking for buttsecks from random shemales over 9000 times a day. He has yet to get any because he is fugly and pro-ana. This is unfortunate because buttsecks causes AIDS, which causes death.

Gay God. Another faggot friendwhore, except this one is emo and is a known cutter. He has had numerous buttsecks partners before, but he wants moar. However, he's a vegan and he likes to dance around in his underwear on the Jew Tubes, which repels future mates. It is a mystery why Gay God has yet to die from AIDS to face the actual God and find out that God hates fags. Thus, Gay God will continue polluting the internets with his desperation.

Tila Tequila. She had a whole reality show dedicated to finding love. She didn't find it. Now she's back for moar. She's obviously desperate because she is a slut, but even then, she can't seem to get what she wants.

What Desperate People Do

Desperate people are known to lurk IRL and stalk the objects of their affection. Since desperate people are unable to have sex IRL, they resort to alternative methods, such as ejaculating on printouts of womens' MySpace pictures and auto-erotic asphyxiation. In order to fully express the agony that results from being single, all desperate people make tl;dw vlogs on YouTube and also write tl;dr bullshit on LiveJournal. When they realize they've written a bunch of shit nobody cares about, they often leave LiveJournal, or leave the internets entirely.

However, nobody has ever been as desperate as Lisa Nowak, who drove over 9000 miles in a diaper to try to reach somebody else's man. She was arrested for attempted murder, since she brought a gun with her.