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Prison
Prison is where you will likely be sent following the commission of a crime IRL thus forever ruining your ability to fart. Unlike Internet jail, prison is an IRL friendster, and meeting people mostly involves anal penetration.
On occasion, OTI may result in prison; these offenses include, but are not limited to: slander; kiddy porn; hacking; downloading music; writing emo poetry; being a furry; blanking ED pages; trolling srsly ; and inventing new ways to fly planes into buildings.
Prison has a way of making a gay man out of a straight man and is currently making a lesbian out of Jasmine Richardson.
Fun Times, Exciting People
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In prison you can expect the following services:
- Rape
- Surprise sex
- Mouth rape
- Being almost raped, then later raped
- A special visitor who comes and rapes you
- Rapetime at 7pm every Thursday
- Rape by the guards
- Rape by the warden
- Gangbangs
- Bubba
- AIDS
- Free HBO
- ????
- PROFIT!
Women in Prison
Women go to prison for a wide variety of crimes, including dealing drugs, not staying in the kitchen, embezzlement, being an accomplice to lesbian bed death, refusing to put out, and being a penis-punching feminazi. There's slightly less rape in female prisons historically, although the raw feel of a gristly, unshaven hairy lip against your pussy is a sensation to be avoided, not sought after.
Lady Gaga's music video accurately depicts life in a female prison:
Women in prison often are often party to the dreaded cunt punt.
Niggers in Prison
Those who have chosen to live the black lifestyle often find themselves behind bars for various reasons. Usually, they find themselves on the wrong end of the law just for being themselves. Some people think that there are too many darkies in prison and that racial profiling is to blame. These people are almost always niggers themselves and are usually getting handcuffed for bike theft as they make said statement.
Prison niggers, however, are serious fucking business if you also happen to be in prison. And this is what most all niggers do once caught:
Jews in Prison
The Jews have been going to prison for as long as they can remember, starting with Egyptian prisons, since Russian and German prisons. Being a prisoner is an important part of Jewish culture and religion. Jewish national costumes hence evolved in a prison setting.
The Jews are incidentally also the current world leaders in detention techniques, followed closely by the US Army. The Jews use various methods of prisoner "rehabilitation", like Zyklon-B, which they learned during an intensive training course offered by the German government.
The Jewish state of Israel offers an award-winning service to Palestinians, where they can be detained and rehabilitated, without leaving the comfort of there own homes. You can expect much butthurt from those kind of people. But of course they can't do anything.
Join The Party
Ways to get in include:
- Surprise Sex
- Adoption
- Being a Nigger
- Supporting your beliefs
- School activities
- Doing your job
- Seperate marriage systems
- Recreation and weekend health benefits
- Supporting the Jewish faith
And many, many moar.
How To Be The Most Popular Guy
1: Always show open mindedness when it comes to race. No one in Prison wants to be that guy. If You're white, it's very important to seek out and visit the leaders of all ethnic groups the minute you step through the door. Your ethnic group can wait, in fact - FUCK THEM! Whitey has never helped anyone and this is even more true in Prison.
2: Talk about your crime as much as possible, especially if you're a pedophile. Everyone likes a good sex story, you'll fit right in.
3: Steal. Fuck man, you're in prison. You're all criminals. Nothing says how bad ass you are then stealing from someone. Hell, prison is like the real world. If they didn't want it stole then they would have watched it better.
4: Stare as much as you can at people. Look at them long and hard. It says you want to be friends.
5: The guards are your friends too. In fact, they may be your best friend while in there because helping them can reduce your time. Remember to keep your ears open so you can hook the guards up with the primo intel. Remember, the juicier the tid bit the faster you get out of there.
6: Nothing makes friends like gambling. By gambling, you get to really know people through conversation and might even hear some info now and then. Don't worry if you ain't got no money or run out. They're your friends, they will loan it to you. If someone makes a big deal aabout the money you owe them, you can always turn them over to the guards because gambling isn't allowed in prison and the guards will be grateful to find out who is running the gambling dens.
7: Do all the drugs you can. They're like gambling. Follow number 7 when it comes to drugs.
See Also
- A frequent visitor of prison, as well as ED Admin, Yiri
- Bubba
- Crime
- Dateline NBC
- Don't taze me bro
- Jailhouse Burrito
- Jailhouse Gay
- Party V&
- Police
- Pruno
- Rape
- Theft
- These Cuffs
| Prison is part of a series on serious business |
Serious Concepts
Free Speech • Identity theft • Irony • Internet asshole • Internet Celebrities • Internet disease • Internet drama • Internet humanitarians • Internet Law • Internet lawsuit • Internet lawyer • Internet stalking • Internet tough guy • Internet Vigilante Group • Operation Falcon Punch • Swatting • Vandalism • World Wide Web Consortium People & Organizations
2cash • Alan Turing • Casey Serin • David Hockey • Dear Cis People • Doxbin • Fast Eddie • Grace Saunders • Hallcats Squadron • Jessi Slaughter • Mary Bell • Meek Mill • Kittens • Maja Schmidt • Missy • Niggest Crook Force • Psychopath • Vloggerheads • WEB SHERIFF |
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