- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
McJuggerNuggets
McJuggerNuggets, real name "Jesse Ridgeway", is a wannabe liberal rights gamer and overall spoiled brat who's internet famous on Youtube. He doesn't seem to comprehend the idea of a job, and relies solely on the little jewgold he gains from his YouTube, primarily videos made of him crying and freaking out about his personal life. He is also a weeabrit manlet who smells like rotten spam muffins. The horse-faced horror doesn't accept the basic reality of having to work in life, rather than sitting around all day playing boring video games streamed on Twitch in hopes of becoming the next Pewdiepie. But to say that's all to Jesse would be like saying Taco Bell is just slightly unhealthy.
The Mindset Of A Manchild
Jesse is the sad result of a mollycoddled generation that was told it could do anything. Vain, liberal, manipulative, and prone to escapism, Jesse refuses to comply with other people and manipulates people into his own bidding. This ranges from roping his friends into helping with stupid pranks to scamming several 14 year old brats out of money for "Youtube support". He sees no problem in shirking off meaningful work in favor of mooching off others. The very second you tell Jesse something he doesn't like, he'll sputter around like a seized Farmall until he blows up in a shirt-stripping rage. He has no respect for others and constantly interrupts when people speak. Jesse also likes to hide behind bullshit excuses such as his limping spleen, his mono (which is bullshit since mono is a minor illness at best), and anything else he can pull out of his ass.
Jesse McShitApples has the tendency to not give a shit about his family's struggle to kick him out. Not once has he understood the negative impact he's had on the entire family, even when it's so blatantly obvious. Like other liberals, he also doesn't seem to understand the concept of property. If your dad buys you something, he is allowed to break it. Also, if you don't get a console you wanted, Don't complain about it and burn a Christmas tree because you should be thankful for what you do have. All this doesn't matter as Jesse will kick and scream and cry and caterwaul until he's the king of everything and everyone. Jesse is also a habitual liar and will go out on his way to hide his ass when he's in the wrong. This alone shows that Jesse is a worthless irredeemable brat who needs to grow the fuck up.
TL;DR Nobody should have any sympathy for Jesse.
Jesse is not the only one in the family obsessed with gadgets. His cousin Tom is crazy over video games on the Wii U. His brother, Jeffrey, is attached to his iPad. Unlike Jesse, these two people manage to lead semi-productive lives and aren't manipulative cunts.
Jesse Fails At Romance
Finally, someone more inept at romance than Tom Preston. Sometime in September 2013, McJuggerPiglet and his girlfriend Juliette met on Tinder (aka the app for ugly ass virgins/lazy asses too lazy to work/both) Juliette being desperate for some dick decided to follow through with being Jesse's girlfriend. Words cannot describe what happened one day when Juliette wanted to hang out with Jesse for a while. The patent rudeness on Jesse's behalf is legendarily cringeworthy. At the end, he hides behind excuses, lashes out at Juliette, tries to manipulate her, and cries like a fucking ballmuncher. It should also be noted that Jesse does not meet up with Juliette very often. This already puts their relationship at risk for breaking down entirely. But alas. In the symphony that is Jesse Ridgeway, every single note is a sour dischord.
However despite the fact they've been together for almost 2 years it's quite captain obvious that they don't share a strong relationship and may as well be friends, given with this evidence. It is hoped that Juliette will cuck Jesse in favor of someone who's kind and caring.
Meanwhile, there are several reasons as to why they'll break up:
- They have nothing in common. Most of the time when Jesse is talking about video games she gets embarrassed and pretends she isn't even hearing him.
- When Jesse moves into her dorm, SHE LITERALLY MAKES HIM SLEEP ON A DIFFERENT MATTRESS. Obviously not wanting his faggot ass sleeping in the same bed as her.
- Juliette actually wants to do something with her life after college; unlike Jesse, who literally flushed over 80 grand down the drain, plays video games all day and relies on his crappy Psycho Series videos in order to make a quick buck. Sound familiar?
- They live in different states. Granted, McCockNuggets lives in New Jersey and Juliette lives in Pennsylvania and likely live close to the borders of those states, but it would still be classified as a long distance relationship.
- Jesse manipulated Juliette into a shitty pregnancy prank with his dad. Not only did the prank fail but Juliette's pregnancy is nothing to joke about: no children of Jesse's should ever be welcome into a reasonable world.
The Adventures Of An Asshole
The first video: Jesse playing vidya on a TV he was told not to. Previous Video | Next Video |
Jesse's Enemy List
Jeffrey T. Ridgeway Jr. - Steroidal bank dumper who actually filmed the original "Psycho" videos. Received zero credit for this and ended up making his own channel (BigBrudda) where he occasionally pranks Jesse. Pretty cool guy.
Jeffrey Ridgeway (Dad) - Our latterday hero fighting against the cancer that is his younger son. Typical angry schmuck who's only real redeeming value is trying to bring Jesse into the real world. Runs a landscaping business.
His Own Mother - Coked out wife of Jeffrey Ridgeway. Passively white-knighted for Jesse until even she became fed up with his bullshit (Even though she would always give in to her husband). Absolutely useless being only good for being in the kitchen.
Uncle Larry - Drunkard Redneck that can't think straight without his fucking Corona beer. His beer addiction is likely why he is divorced. Former ally of Jesse until his brain started up one day and began to realize what a cocksucker Jesse really is. Religious cultists of Larry are known as "Coronies", a word not far off from "Crohn's", a type of disease.
Tom Abraham - Larry's son. pretty much a copy pasta of McJuggerNuggets except he's actually productive in the real world and not manipulative. Still in college.
Kate - Jeffrey's ex-girlfriend who was shitcanned for white-knighting Jesse, the biggest sin any human could ever hope to perform. There is a special spot in Hell for defenders of Jesse.
Zachary Cornatzer (Corn) - It is debated whether or not Jesse is a friend of Corn's. Jesse usually sees Corn as an enemy when Jeffrey has Corn involved with his manchildish pranks for Jewgold. Corn is possibly the best character in the series because outside of Jesse's shitty videos, he seems like the only normal person in the whole series. Outside of his stoner face and voice.
But Are The Videos Real?
Like the Angry Grandpa, Wafflepwn, and other titans of freakout terror, it was been hotly debated if Jesse's plights are even real. It is known that Jesse runs several fake Twitter accounts including one posing as his father. Here, he tries to convey more support from his naive fans. It is also questioned since his father appeared in older, less interesting videos as a less psychotic individual who was cool with Jesse's lifestyle and existence. Finally, virtually everything presented by Jesse is hideously cliche at best, such as dressing up for a job interview in the stereotypical suit, he and his gamer friends eating Doritos and drinking Mountain Dew, and the plight of his hardworking Christian conservative father going against his gaming Atheist liberal child. On at least one occasion his father did conspire a friend dressed in an Amazon.com police costume to "arrest" Jesse to teach him a lesson. This is commonly thought to be a cover-up for how blatantly staged the particular video was. Even if the videos were confirmed to be staged, Jesse would still be a shitswindler at best: taking in lots of gifts and monetary donation from fans who don't know any better. It is no longer relevant if the videos are real or not since Jesse is a retard either way.
The conclusion is simple. They're without a doubt 110% fake and you should kill yourself if you think otherwise.
Fanbase (ABANDON ALL HOPE)
Jesse has accumulated a fanbase of naive 8 year old children too sheltered to make any rational decision in life. Upon noticing the success of Youtubers gaining supportive simpleton sheep, Jesse tries to do the same. His fanbrats support Jesse's crusade to escape the real world and screw over anyone unlucky enough to come in contact with him. These political peons are known as "Juggies". They are quite possibly the worst fanbase to exist for any Youtuber, only second to Boogie's followers (notice Jesse himself is a Boogie fan).
A lot of juggies tend to visit BigBrudda's channel often just to hate on him, and call him an asshole every video he uploads (pathetic, really.) This should not be acted upon as Jesse's fanbase is every bit as impractical and out of touch with reality as Jesse himself. In odd contrast, none of Jeffrey's followers ("Little Bruddas") ever act quite as immature in the comments board on any video.
Shit's Still Fake, Go Home
While it's already been proven that these videos are phonier than George Lucas' sense of creativity, there's plenty more to the shitfest. Peppered throughout the Psycho videos are blatant giveaways that expose the series' legitimacy. From Psycho Dad holding an unhinged door in place before kicking it down to the ownership of a car, there are several fine details that go over the heads of the average Juggie. Unfortunately this also means that Jesse is lovingly exploiting several children out of money, presents, and other forms of support - however he is lucky to host his crap on Youtube which is passive enough to allow several conniving scam artists to run around and hawk money from video views, no matter how illicit their practices are. Jesse even outlines the Psycho series plan in an early video. Here, it is also confirmed that the series will go for at least 40 episodes before ending - right now the series stands at 35 Psycho episodes, which means the end is just around the corner. The series is due to end in early 2016 when Jesse moves out of his parents' house. This will bring the agonized butthurt of over 2 million Juggies and the indifferent sigh of annoyance from anyone with a working brain. If Jesse wants to be a good troll, he will make a video revealing all that there is to the Psycho series workings and that anyone who fell for 40 episodes of garbage is a fucking moron. However it's more likely that he'll try to find a way to keep milking the Juggies for all the precious gold they supply.
External Links
See also
 |
||
|
|
||
