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McJuggerNuggets: Difference between revisions
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'''Zachary Cornatzer (Corn)''' - Jesse's <s>right-hand man</s> buttslave. It is debated whether or not Jesse is really a friend of Corn's. Jesse usually sees Corn as an enemy when Jeffrey has Corn involved with his manchildish pranks for Jewgold. Despite [[buttsecks|bending around]] for money, Corn is usually pretty [[gay|chill]] and appears to be the least insane of Jesse's friends. Aside from his freakish stoner face. | '''Zachary Cornatzer (Corn)''' - Jesse's <s>right-hand man</s> buttslave. It is debated whether or not Jesse is really a friend of Corn's. Jesse usually sees Corn as an enemy when Jeffrey has Corn involved with his manchildish pranks for Jewgold. Despite [[buttsecks|bending around]] for money, Corn is usually pretty [[gay|chill]] and appears to be the least insane of Jesse's friends. Aside from his freakish stoner face. | ||
'''[[FGAS|Juliette Reilly]]''' - Jesse's <s>sex slave</s> girlfriend. She has a huge ass that visibly jiggles when it is caught on camera. Many believe that Jesse doesn't deserve <s>her big ol' booty</s> her. Only good for anal sex, buttjobs, and like Terry, being in the kitchen. | '''[[FGAS|Juliette Reilly]]''' - Jesse's <s>sex slave</s> "girlfriend". She has a huge ass that visibly jiggles when it is caught on camera. Many believe that Jesse doesn't deserve <s>her big ol' booty</s> her. Only good for anal sex, buttjobs, and like Terry, being in the kitchen. | ||
'''[[Alcoholic|Melissa Stalhberger]]''' - Hands down, the best character in the entire show. Knows how to tear apart Jesse's [[goatse|gaping wide asshole]] while being a [[win|total boss]] about everything. Surprisingly, she's still married and has a son who isn't a gaming slack-tivist. | '''[[Alcoholic|Melissa Stalhberger]]''' - Hands down, the best character in the entire show. Knows how to tear apart Jesse's [[goatse|gaping wide asshole]] while being a [[win|total boss]] about everything. Surprisingly, she's still married and has a son who isn't a gaming slack-tivist. | ||
Revision as of 04:00, 26 May 2016
McJuggerNuggets, real name "Jesse Ridgway", is a wannabe liberal rights gamer and overall spoiled brat who's internet famous on Youtube. He doesn't seem to comprehend the idea of a job, and relies solely on the little jewgold he gains from his YouTube, primarily videos made of him crying and freaking out about his personal life. He is also a weeabrit manlet who smells like rotten spam muffins.
The horse-faced horror doesn't accept the basic reality of having to work in life, rather than sitting around all day playing boring video games streamed on Twitch in hopes of becoming the next Pewdiepie. But to say that's all to Jesse would be like saying Taco Bell is just slightly unhealthy.
The Mindset Of A Manchild
Jesse is the sad result of a mollycoddled generation that was told it could do anything. Vain, liberal, manipulative, and prone to escapism, Jesse refuses to comply with other people and manipulates people into his own bidding. This ranges from roping his friends into helping with stupid pranks to scamming several 14 year old brats out of money for "Youtube support". He sees no problem in shirking off meaningful work in favor of mooching off others. The very second you tell Jesse something he doesn't like, he'll sputter around like a seized Farmall until he blows up in a shirt-stripping rage. He has no respect for others and constantly interrupts when people speak. Jesse also likes to hide behind bullshit excuses such as his limping spleen, his mono (which is bullshit since mono is a minor illness at best), and anything else he can pull out of his ass.
Jesse McShitApples has the tendency to not give a shit about his family's struggle to kick him out. Not once has he understood the negative impact he's had on the entire family, even when it's so blatantly obvious. Like other liberals, he also doesn't seem to understand the concept of property. If your dad buys you something, he is allowed to break it. Also, if you don't get a console you wanted, Don't complain about it and burn a Christmas tree because you should be thankful for what you do have. All this doesn't matter as Jesse will kick and scream and cry and caterwaul until he's the king of everything and everyone. Jesse is also a habitual liar and will go out on his way to hide his ass when he's in the wrong. This alone shows that Jesse is a worthless irredeemable brat who needs to grow the fuck up.
TL;DR Nobody should have any sympathy for Jesse.
Jesse is not the only one in the family obsessed with gadgets. His cousin Tom is crazy over video games on the Wii U. His brother, Jeffrey, is attached to his iPad. Unlike Jesse, these two people manage to lead semi-productive lives and aren't manipulative cunts.
Jesse Fails At Romance
Finally, someone more inept at romance than Tom Preston. Sometime in September 2013, McJuggerPiglet and his girlfriend Juliette met on Tinder (aka the app for ugly ass virgins/lazy asses too lazy to work/both) Juliette being desperate for some dick decided to follow through with being Jesse's girlfriend. Words cannot describe what happened one day when Juliette wanted to hang out with Jesse for a while. The patent rudeness on Jesse's behalf is legendarily cringeworthy. At the end, he hides behind excuses, lashes out at Juliette, tries to manipulate her, and cries like a fucking ballmuncher. It should also be noted that Jesse does not meet up with Juliette very often. This already puts their relationship at risk for breaking down entirely. But alas. In the symphony that is Jesse Ridgeway, every single note is a sour dischord.
However despite the fact they've been together for almost 2 years it's quite captain obvious that they don't share a strong relationship and may as well be friends, given with this evidence. It is hoped that Juliette will cuck Jesse in favor of someone who's kind and caring. Meanwhile, there are several reasons as to why they'll break up:
- They have nothing in common. Most of the time when Jesse is talking about video games she gets embarrassed and pretends she isn't even hearing him.
- When Jesse moves into her dorm, SHE LITERALLY MAKES HIM SLEEP ON A DIFFERENT MATTRESS. Obviously not wanting his faggot ass sleeping in the same bed as her.
- Juliette actually wants to do something with her life after college; unlike Jesse, who literally flushed over 80 grand down the drain, plays video games all day and relies on his crappy Psycho Series videos in order to make a quick buck. Sound familiar?
- They live in different states. Granted, McCockNuggets lives in New Jersey and Juliette lives in Pennsylvania and likely live close to the borders of those states, but it would still be classified as a long distance relationship.
- Jesse manipulated Juliette into a shitty pregnancy prank with his dad. Not only did the prank fail but Juliette's pregnancy is nothing to joke about: no children of Jesse's should ever be welcome into a reasonable world.
The Adventures Of An Asshole
The first video: Jesse playing vidya on a TV he was told not to. Previous Video | Next Video |
Jesse's Enemy List
Jeffrey T. Ridgway Jr. (Psycho Brother) - Steroidal bank dumper who actually filmed the original "Psycho" videos. Received zero credit for this and ended up making his own channel where he occasionally pranks Jesse. Pretty cool guy.
Jeffrey Ridgway (Psycho Dad) - Our latterday hero fighting against the cancer that is his younger son. Typical angry schmuck who's only real redeeming value is trying to bring Jesse into the real world. Runs a landscaping business.
Terry Ridgway (Psycho Mom) - Coked out wife of Jeffrey Ridgeway. Passively white-knighted for Jesse until even she became fed up with his bullshit. Divorced Psycho Dad's sorry square ass. Absolutely useless being only good for being in the kitchen. Kicked the poor turd out of his own house.
Uncle Larry (Psycho Uncle) - Drunkard Redneck that can't think straight without his fucking Corona beer. His beer addiction is likely why he is divorced. Former ally of Jesse until his brain started up one day and began to realize what a cocksucker Jesse really is. Religious cultists of Larry are known as "Coronies", a word not far off from "Crohn's", a type of disease. To be fair, his cooking ain't too bad.
Chris Ridgway - The True Psycho Uncle. Is not above exploiting phobias and making physical advances and threats on Jesse's life to purposely make his life worse for lulz. He's basically Psycho Dad (God Mode).
Please kill him. Seriously, he won't be missed.
Tom Abraham - Larry's son. pretty much a copy pasta of McJuggerNuggets except he's actually productive in the real world and not manipulative.
Zachary Cornatzer (Corn) - Jesse's right-hand man buttslave. It is debated whether or not Jesse is really a friend of Corn's. Jesse usually sees Corn as an enemy when Jeffrey has Corn involved with his manchildish pranks for Jewgold. Despite bending around for money, Corn is usually pretty chill and appears to be the least insane of Jesse's friends. Aside from his freakish stoner face.
Juliette Reilly - Jesse's sex slave "girlfriend". She has a huge ass that visibly jiggles when it is caught on camera. Many believe that Jesse doesn't deserve her big ol' booty her. Only good for anal sex, buttjobs, and like Terry, being in the kitchen.
Melissa Stalhberger - Hands down, the best character in the entire show. Knows how to tear apart Jesse's gaping wide asshole while being a total boss about everything. Surprisingly, she's still married and has a son who isn't a gaming slack-tivist.
George Stalhberger - Basically a fat and lazy version of Uncle Larry.
Georgie Stalhberger - Productive pothead son of Melissa.
But Are The Videos Real?
Like the Angry Grandpa, Wafflepwn, and other titans of freakout terror, it was been hotly debated if Jesse's plights are even real. It is known that Jesse runs several fake Twitter accounts including one posing as his father. Here, he tries to convey more support from his naive fans. It is also questioned since his father appeared in older, less interesting videos as a less psychotic individual who was cool with Jesse's lifestyle and existence. Finally, virtually everything presented by Jesse is hideously cliche at best, such as dressing up for a job interview in the stereotypical suit, he and his gamer friends eating Doritos and drinking Mountain Dew, and the plight of his hardworking Christian conservative father going against his gaming Atheist liberal child. In "Psycho Dad Crashes WoW LAN Party" you can see some of Jesse's friends with nerd glasses, snacking on Doritos and Mountain Dew - typical gamer stereotypes. On at least one occasion his father did conspire a friend dressed in an Amazon.com police costume to "arrest" Jesse to teach him a lesson. Originally, Jesse claimed this event was legit but was later forced to retcon the video as a prank due to people figuring out how fake it was. Even if the videos were confirmed to be staged, Jesse would still be a shitswindler at best: taking in lots of gifts and monetary donation from fans who don't know any better. It is no longer relevant if the videos are real or not since Jesse is a retard either way.
The conclusion is simple. They're without a doubt 110% fake and you should kill yourself if you think otherwise.
Fanbase (ABANDON ALL HOPE)
Jesse has accumulated a fanbase of naive 8 year old children too sheltered to make any rational decision in life. Upon noticing the success of Youtubers gaining supportive simpleton sheep, Jesse tries to do the same. His fanbrats support Jesse's crusade to escape the real world and screw over anyone unlucky enough to come in contact with him. These political peons are known as "Juggies". They are quite possibly the worst fanbase to exist for any Youtuber, only second to Boogie's followers (notice Jesse himself is a Boogie fan).
A lot of juggies tend to visit BigBrudda's channel often just to hate on him, and call him an asshole every video he uploads (pathetic, really.) This should not be acted upon as Jesse's fanbase is every bit as impractical and out of touch with reality as Jesse himself. In odd contrast, none of Jeffrey's followers ("Little Bruddas") ever act quite as immature in the comments board on any video.
Shit's Still Fake, Go Home
While it's already been proven that these videos are phonier than George Lucas' sense of creativity, there's plenty more to the shitfest. Peppered throughout the Psycho videos are blatant giveaways that expose the series' legitimacy. From Psycho Dad holding an unhinged door in place before kicking it down to the ownership of a car, there are several fine details that go over the heads of the average Juggie. Unfortunately this also means that Jesse is lovingly exploiting several children out of money, presents, and other forms of support - however he is lucky to host his crap on Youtube which is passive enough to allow several conniving scam artists to run around and hawk money from video views, no matter how illicit their practices are. Jesse even outlines the Psycho series plan in an early video. Here, it is also confirmed that the series will go for at least 40 episodes before ending. The series finally hit episode 40 to the clamor of Juggies and general dismissal by everyone else. Despite this finale, Juggie-milking is the only thing on Jesse's agenda since he knows the only reason people watch his channel is for the Psycho freak outs. While it is presumed that Jesse will attempt to reel in the Juggies with new lame videos that nobody likes, it is inevitable that the Psycho series will eventually return because Jesse needs his money. Unlike his original success, everyone with a triple digit IQ knows now that the Psycho videos are fake which means no one will give an emotional shit about Jesse's future plights. And that means less Jewgold for Jesse.
Shit's Even More Fake, The Best Proof That These Videos Are Staged
The ex-girlfriend who destroyed Jeffrey's iPad confirmed that one of the psycho videos is fake. In fact, they changed her name just for the videos. And as shown by her Twitter, she seems to be a decent person and could care less about exposing the Psycho scheme. Also shown by her Twitter is the laughable immaturity of Jesse's precious little Juggies as they continue to make baseless threats against her.
Jesse has not directly addressed this revelation, nor has he said anything about the heaps of evidence against the Psycho series' legitimacy. Instead, Jesse simply shirks off people who don't believe in him as if they were heretics. Jesse's mission is to ensure none of his supporters notice how fake the Psycho videos are, so he'll continue to get money and support from all those Juggies. It is lucky for him that the average Juggie is about 14 years old and too fucking stupid to think coherently. Even more lucky is that Jesse has a cast of people who refuse to call him out for going through over 100 videos of outright garbage. To the surprise of nobody, Jesse has decided to push on with the Psycho series. Episode 41 "Psycho Dad Chucks Super Nintendo" premiered on January 31, 2016 to make moar Jewtube monies since his crappy attempts at making different videos haven't proven popular. The sad realization that his entire family and friends will be stuck in the Psycho world is a thought both commiserating and fucking hilarious.
The JuggerNugget Timeline
- A bunch of other shit, who cares.
- Jesse waterboards his brother's motorbike for some reason.
- Jeffrey gets revenge. Jesse gets revenge back by breaking a bottle over his head.
- Psycho Dad destroys more shit. Psycho Mom has enough and divorces his ass.
- Psycho Mom moves in with Melissa, who turns her into a teenager.
- Psycho Dad steals $30K from Jesse, who doesn't call the police or do something rational because it's all fake.
- Jesse gets everyone to fix up a house for him while he records.
- Due to Jesse's autism coupled with crippling loneliness. He starts talking to flies, dry wall and styrofoam heads.
- Psycho Mom Manipulates™ Jesse into giving her the house, leaving him stuck with Psycho Dad.
- Jesse tries several times to get a job and fails spectacularly every time.
- Psycho Dad gets him a job with his redneck nigger-lynching brother.
- Jesse quits.
- Psycho Dad destroys more shit. Jesse has enough and runs away.
- Jesse Manipulates™ Larry into parking his trailer on Melissa's woods to hide it from Psycho Dad.
- Jesse creates "Demma". A styrofoam head duct taped to a face on dry wall duct taped to more styrofoam. He literally still carries around that shit. Talking to it and showing it to everyone.
- Jesse steals food and electricity and calls Melissa petty when she calls him out on it.
- Melissa gets officially done and tips Psycho Dad off to Jesse's location.
- Psycho Dad reks more shit.
- Psycho Dad trolls Jesse by taking away literally everything he has.
- Larry reks shit.
External Links
See also
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McJuggerNuggets is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
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McJuggerNuggets is part of a series on Visit the Faggotry Portal for complete coverage. |
