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'''Bernhard Hugo Goetz'''{{Jew}} (a.k.a. '''The Death Wish Gunman''' and '''The Subway Vigilante''') is an [[American]] hero, [[Tree hugger|environmentalist]] and professional [[Jew]] who is most well known for his tireless efforts to clean up [[New York]]'s filthy, [[vermin]]-infested subway system in the mid-1980s. In the decades following his [[Mass shooting|humanitarian work]] and [[Second Amendment]] activism, Goetz has taken up numerous hobbies such as selling [[weed]] and harbouring [[Squirrelking|squirrels]] in his apartment, much to the [[Butthurt|chagrin]] of his landlord. Goetz is also notable for losing the 2009 [[Nobel Prize for Racism|Nobel Peace Prize]] to [[Barack Obama]] due to the Nobel committee's [[anti-semitism]].
 
Bernie Goetz first rose to national fame on December 22, 1984, when four [[Nigger|black]] [[Faggots|youths]] decided to surround him and [[Robbery|politely demanded that he give them $5]] so they could afford to buy half of a [[Something Awful]] account from their local [[Zaiger|drug dealer]]. Not willing to be a [[victim]] like every other goddamn [[Jew]] on the planet, Badass Bernie decided to respond to the teenagers' demands by pulling out a .38-caliber revolver and [[Epic Win|shooting every single fucking one of them]].
 
Following the failed mugging, the four entitled [[niglet]]s decided to play the [[race card]] and Bernie Goetz was eventually put on trial for 4 counts of [[Fail|attempted]] [[murder]] – all of which he was [[Getting away with it|acquitted of]]. Goetz was, however, convicted of unlawful possession of a weapon because the fucking [[government]] had previously denied his request for a concealed carry permit despite the fact that he was previously mugged and wanted to exercise his [[Second Amendment]] rights to defend himself.


== Subway's Five Bullet Footlong ==


[[File:Goetz.jpg|thumb|220px|The Jew, The Myth, The Legend.]]
[[File:Goetz.jpg|thumb|220px|The Jew, The Myth, The Legend.]]
[[File:NYSubway1980s.jpg|thumb| 180px |What the [[New York]] subway looked <br />like in the [[1980s]].]]
[[File:S&W Bodyguard.JPG|thumb|150px |A handgun similar to <br />the one used by Goetz.]]
[[File:SubwayVigilante.jpg|thumb|Right|150px|]]
[[File:ScrewdriverHead.jpg|thumb|100px|Gun control nuts think<br /> this isn't a deadly weapon?]]
[[File:GoetzArrestedLarge.jpg|thumb|220px|Arrested for self-defense crimes.]]
[[File:BernieSupporters.jpeg|thumb|220px|It wasn't about [[race]], it was about [[New York]] being a fucking hellhole.]]


'''Bernhard Hugo Goetz'''{{Jew}} (a.k.a. '''The Death Wish Gunman''') is an [[American]] hero, [[Tree hugger|environmentalist]] and professional [[Jew]] who is most well known for his tireless efforts to clean up [[New York]]'s filthy, [[vermin]]-infested subway system in the mid-1980s. Goetz has since moved on to selling [[weed]] and harbouring [[Squirrelking|squirrels]] in his apartment much to the chagrin of his landlord.
On Saturday, December 22, 1984, four young adult [[negro]]es from the Bronx—'''Troy Canty''', '''Barry Allen''', '''Darrell Cabey''' and '''[[Rapist|James Ramseur]]'''—surrounded Bernie Goetz and requested in [[Ebonics|niggerese]] that he give them five dollars.


Bernie Goetz first rose to national fame on December 22, 1984, when four [[Nigger|black]] [[Faggots|youths]] decided to surround him and [[Robbery|politely demanded that he give them $5]] so they could afford to buy half of a [[Something Awful]] account from their local [[Zaiger|drug dealer]]. Not willing to be a [[victim]] like every other goddamn [[Jew]] on the planet, Badass Bernie decided to respond to the teenagers' demands by pulling out a .38-caliber revolver and [[Epic Win|shooting every single fucking one of them]].
After noticing that one of the young men had something in his pocket other than a [[The Great Black Dick Hoax|huge black schlong]], Goetz realized that he was most likely going to get stabbed with a fucking screwdriver if he were to politely decline their "request" for five dollars.
 
{{quote|I knew it wasn't a gun but I could tell they were going to beat the shit out of me.|Bernie notices [[Erection|bulge]]. OwO what's this?}}


Following the failed mugging, the four entitled [[niglet]]s decided to play the [[race card]] and Bernie Goetz was eventually put on trial for 4 counts of [[Fail|attempted]] [[murder]] – all of which he was [[Getting away with it|acquitted of]]. Goetz was, however, convicted of unlawful possession of a weapon because the fucking [[government]] had previously denied his request for a concealed carry permit despite the fact that he was previously mugged and wanted to exercise his [[Second Amendment]] rights to defend himself.
Having no other choice, Goetz whipped out a gun and shot all four of his would-be muggers before exiting the train – but not before firing off a cheesy one-liner worthy of a crappy 1980s action film.




{{quote|You don’t look so bad, here’s another.|Bernie Goetz, Nigger Exterminator}}
{{quote|You don’t look so bad, here’s another.|Bernie Goetz, Nigger Exterminator}}


<center><youtube>GuUe4-Utkno</youtube><br />{{quote|If I had more bullets, I would have shot them again and again. [...] My problem was I ran out of bullets|{{ytlink|PNSLht-OcRo|complete interview}}}}</center>
{{clear}}
== LOL Acquitted ==


[[File:NiggerShootingAward.jpg|thumb|170px|The pride of Goetz’s trophy cabinet.]]
[[File:Eightiesarithmetic.jpg|thumb|220px|“You got your autistic rock star in my subway<br /> vigilante!” “No, you got your subway vigilante in my<br />autistic rock star!” “Mmmm … Two great tastes <br />that taste great together.” ]]


{{quote|I would, without any hesitation, shoot a violent criminal again.|Bernie Goetz {{archive|rJ5FZ}}}}


{{quote|Gimme five dollars.|Troy Canty, before being owned by a dorky Jew}}
{{quote|I know it's disgusting to say, but it was so easy. I can't believe it. God.|Bernie Goetz, on shooting niggers}}


{{clear}}


{{quote|I knew it wasn't a gun but I could tell they were going to beat the shit out of me.|Bernie notices [[Erection|bulge]]. OwO what's this?}}
== LOL Busted ==
Caught in 2013 for slinging' some [[weed|Dope]] to an undercover cop, The case was dropped after the judge ruled a year is [[Spending too long on the internet|Too Long]] to wait to put a [[White devils|White Man]] in jail for 30$ of weed.
He just keeps [[getting away with it]]


== Squirrel Girl ==


[[File:VegetarianBernie.jpg|thumb|220px|30 years later.]]


{{quote|I would, without any hesitation, shoot a violent criminal again.|Bernie Goetz {{archive|rJ5FZ}}}}
<center><youtube>FjF5ccIrP8Q</youtube></center>


{{quote|I know it's disgusting to say, but it was so easy. I can't believe it. God.|Bernie Goetz, on shooting niggers}}
{{clear}}


== High Score ==


{| style="{{roundy|18px}}{{gradlinear|red|orange}}box-shadow:0 3px 6px gray;padding:1em;margin:0 auto 1em auto;" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="2" border="0"
|-
! colspan="2" style="{{roundy|9px}}background-color:red;box-shadow:0 3px 6px orange;" | <big>Graded score</big>
|-
| colspan="2" style="height:9px;overflow:hidden;" |
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Kill count:
| n/a
|-
! style="text-align:right;vertical-align:top;" | Accuracy:
| 20/20 ''5bullets4niggers''
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Style:
| 20/20 ''Entered bullet-time hyperspace and channeled The Matrix.''
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Butthurt:
| 20/20 ''Typical instance of blacks getting butthurt after a kike fought back.''
|-
! style="text-align:right;vertical-align:top;" | Bonus:
| 40/20 ''Perfect pacifist run.''
|-
! colspan="2" style="{{roundy|9px}}background-color:orange;box-shadow:0 3px 6px yellow;" | <big>Total score: 100/100 ('''A+++''')</big>
|}


<center>'''THE PEACEKEEPER'''</center>
<center>'''[[High Score| See full ranking]]'''</center>


== See Also ==
== See Also ==


* [[The Central Park Five]]
* [[Getting away with it]]
* [[Black Lives Matter]]
* [[George Zimmerman]]
* [[George Zimmerman]]
* [[Bernie Sanders]]
* [[Bernie Sanders]]
* [[Goatse|Bernie Goatse]]
* [[Goatse|Bernie Goatse]]


==External Links==
*[https://www.nytimes.com/1996/04/23/nyregion/goetz-s-attorney-sums-up-ruefully.html Goetz's Attorney Sums Up, Ruefully] {{archive|eLqmt}} - Goetz casually suggests the muggers should have been aborted.
*[https://www.nytimes.com/1996/04/24/nyregion/bronx-jury-orders-goetz-to-pay-man-he-paralyzed-43-million.html Mugger awarded $43 million in damages] {{archive|butfF}} - Goetz declared bankruptcy immediately after the ruling.
[[File:BernieLogo.png|center|300px]]


{{Jews}}
{{Jews}}
{{High Scores}}
{{Timeline|Featured article February 7 & 8, [[2019]]|[[Street soldier]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Coolest Monkey in the Jungle]]}}

Latest revision as of 02:28, 3 November 2021

Bernhard Hugo Goetz✡ (a.k.a. The Death Wish Gunman and The Subway Vigilante) is an American hero, environmentalist and professional Jew who is most well known for his tireless efforts to clean up New York's filthy, vermin-infested subway system in the mid-1980s. In the decades following his humanitarian work and Second Amendment activism, Goetz has taken up numerous hobbies such as selling weed and harbouring squirrels in his apartment, much to the chagrin of his landlord. Goetz is also notable for losing the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize to Barack Obama due to the Nobel committee's anti-semitism.

Bernie Goetz first rose to national fame on December 22, 1984, when four black youths decided to surround him and politely demanded that he give them $5 so they could afford to buy half of a Something Awful account from their local drug dealer. Not willing to be a victim like every other goddamn Jew on the planet, Badass Bernie decided to respond to the teenagers' demands by pulling out a .38-caliber revolver and shooting every single fucking one of them.

Following the failed mugging, the four entitled niglets decided to play the race card and Bernie Goetz was eventually put on trial for 4 counts of attempted murder – all of which he was acquitted of. Goetz was, however, convicted of unlawful possession of a weapon because the fucking government had previously denied his request for a concealed carry permit despite the fact that he was previously mugged and wanted to exercise his Second Amendment rights to defend himself.

Subway's Five Bullet Footlong

The Jew, The Myth, The Legend.
What the New York subway looked
like in the 1980s.
A handgun similar to
the one used by Goetz.
Gun control nuts think
this isn't a deadly weapon?
Arrested for self-defense crimes.
It wasn't about race, it was about New York being a fucking hellhole.

On Saturday, December 22, 1984, four young adult negroes from the Bronx—Troy Canty, Barry Allen, Darrell Cabey and James Ramseur—surrounded Bernie Goetz and requested in niggerese that he give them five dollars.

After noticing that one of the young men had something in his pocket other than a huge black schlong, Goetz realized that he was most likely going to get stabbed with a fucking screwdriver if he were to politely decline their "request" for five dollars.

   
“ 		 
I knew it wasn't a gun but I could tell they were going to beat the shit out of me.
  		„
  		 

—Bernie notices bulge. OwO what's this?

Having no other choice, Goetz whipped out a gun and shot all four of his would-be muggers before exiting the train – but not before firing off a cheesy one-liner worthy of a crappy 1980s action film.


   
“ 		 
You don’t look so bad, here’s another.
  		„
  		 

—Bernie Goetz, Nigger Exterminator


   
“ 		 
If I had more bullets, I would have shot them again and again. [...] My problem was I ran out of bullets
  		„
  		 

— complete interview

LOL Acquitted

The pride of Goetz’s trophy cabinet.
“You got your autistic rock star in my subway
vigilante!” “No, you got your subway vigilante in my
autistic rock star!” “Mmmm … Two great tastes
that taste great together.”
   
“ 		 
I would, without any hesitation, shoot a violent criminal again.
  		„
  		 

—Bernie Goetz (archive)

   
“ 		 
I know it's disgusting to say, but it was so easy. I can't believe it. God.
  		„
  		 

—Bernie Goetz, on shooting niggers

LOL Busted

Caught in 2013 for slinging' some Dope to an undercover cop, The case was dropped after the judge ruled a year is Too Long to wait to put a White Man in jail for 30$ of weed. He just keeps getting away with it

Squirrel Girl

30 years later.

High Score

Graded score
Kill count: n/a
Accuracy: 20/20 5bullets4niggers
Style: 20/20 Entered bullet-time hyperspace and channeled The Matrix.
Butthurt: 20/20 Typical instance of blacks getting butthurt after a kike fought back.
Bonus: 40/20 Perfect pacifist run.
Total score: 100/100 (A+++)
THE PEACEKEEPER
See full ranking

See Also

External Links


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Featured article February 7 & 8, 2019
Preceded by
Street soldier 		Bernie Goetz Succeeded by
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